Did people calling you fat or negative comments help you lose weight?

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elsinora
elsinora Posts: 398 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Weight gain happens for all sorts of reasons and as all different personalities there maybe reasons for lack of exercise or binge eating etc

Recently with all the Katie Hopkins, Steve Miller et al. being brutal on fat people comments, some people say that it has helped them while some say it's bullying.

Genuinely interested to see what people think? When I was at my biggest and even when I clearly overweight, I have always had friends and family effectively lying and said "oh I am fine", "you're built to be bigger" even at a size 22/24 and I've found it hard to trust people on compliments.

When I got negativity from strangers with no vested interest it made me realise just how much bigger I actually was (I thought I was overweight but not has hideous as I was back then) and actually helped me.
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Replies

  • holyfenix
    holyfenix Posts: 99 Member
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    It really depends on the person. Some people thrive off of what others had said to them in an effort to prove them wrong. To others it actually completely demotivates them. I actually prefer people critique me over complementing me because I think it lulls me in to a false sense of security. One of my friends is the exact opposite, they can't handle critique and will essentially stop trying if you say something negative.
  • Jruzer
    Jruzer Posts: 3,501 Member
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    I've had a few incidents in my life: a kid at the pool who splashed me and told me I was fat, a great uncle who told me I was the fattest member of that family he'd ever seen, a co-worker who joked about it, etc. I think most people who've been heavy have run into this.

    I remember them keenly, but I can't really say they did much to motivate me. I knew I was fat and didn't want to not be fat enough to make a permanent change.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    No. It was totally opposite for me. When anyone commented negatively in any way about my weight, looks, size, etc, it made me NOT want to lose weight or change my habits at all. It made me fear exercising or eating lighter, lest I be criticized even further. It made me want to retreat into "safe" places with people who loved me and didn't criticize, and lots of yummy food, and my own "little happy world" where I felt attractive and healthy and was in denial that I had a serious weight problem for decades (once reaching 307 lb).

    Only self-criticism, perfectionism, and fear (the very real fear of developing serious medical problems due to weight) helped me decide to change. That got me only so far, though.

    My husband is actually what helped me take it another step forward (into being a healthy weight) because knowing that he was 100% into me regardless of weight made me feel stronger and so much more confident and like I was worthy of going for loftier goals re: health and fitness. Without that, I'd never have changed as much. I might have gotten to my previous low weight of 220-something but I don't think I ever would have made it to the 160s where I am now.
  • dougpconnell219
    dougpconnell219 Posts: 566 Member
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    My dad said he was gonna buy me a bra when I was 13. That bothered me.
  • auntchellebelle
    auntchellebelle Posts: 127 Member
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    I had a woman tell me one day "wow you have put on a lot of weight since the last time I saw you"
    My response to her was "Yep, I have a mirror so I know."

    She didn't make me more or less motivated just made me realize to avoid this person at all times.
  • elsinora
    elsinora Posts: 398 Member
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    I suppose it's context but at my biggest, I never had a bad word about my size from anyone really. It was only a few negative from strangers or, well, honest comments that made me actually see how unhealthy and obese I was. I genuinely couldn't see it.

    I just wish people were more honest with me and didn't cart me around as the token fat friend.
  • JourneyToWonderWoman
    JourneyToWonderWoman Posts: 25 Member
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    I don't think I ever got motivated from people telling me I'm fat. It made me angry and just not want to speak to that person. I get motivated by people recognizing my hard work and complimenting me.
  • atiral
    atiral Posts: 43 Member
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    No, I didn't want them to think they were the reason I was trying to lose weight, because people like that are disgusting.
  • sisterlilbunny
    sisterlilbunny Posts: 691 Member
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    auntchellebelle wrote: »
    I had a woman tell me one day "wow you have put on a lot of weight since the last time I saw you"
    My response to her was "Yep, I have a mirror so I know."

    She didn't make me more or less motivated just made me realize to avoid this person at all times.

    ^^This. Right here. Easiest way to lose unwanted weight too. ;)
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    dougpconnell219 wrote: »
    My dad said he was gonna buy me a bra when I was 13. That bothered me.

    My mom did the same except I was in high school.
  • sheldonz42
    sheldonz42 Posts: 233 Member
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    For me, negative comments are just piling on. I already know I am fat and don't need anyone to tell me - it is just depressing.
  • trazter31
    trazter31 Posts: 51 Member
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    Negative comments just make me sad and want to eat more and AVOID that person! However, I find positive comments are motivating!!!
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
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    Nope. It just made me hate people more than I already did. I'm already an introvert with mild social anxiety.

    If the comment was from someone I was already friends with who knew me personally and intimately, I was more likely to take that comment to heart. But from from random stranger (or a guy), it just made me want to crawl back into my hole and stay there.

    It's funny how things changed once I reached a normal weight and how much nicer these same guys were. But I lost weight; unfortunately, I did not lose my memory.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
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    Like someone else said, it depends on the person. The only people to ever insult me because of my weight were my grandparents on my mother's side. It didn't do anything except tick me off; I didn't find it inspiring. I knew I was fat, anyway. I'm motivated by my own desires. I want to feel better about who I see in the mirror, sure. But I'm also motivated by my desire to be healthier and more fit. What other people think of me along the way--or from where I start--means less than nothing.
  • MarziPanda95
    MarziPanda95 Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Nope. Like people have already said here, it actually demotivated me. I didn't hear many comments, thankfully, but those that I did get just made me want to hide in my bedroom with a tube of pringles and several bars of chocolate. I think it's stupid when those at a healthy BMI say 'oh it's alright to say that because it'll motivate them to lose weight, they need to hear it'. Bull. Overweight and obese people KNOW we need to lose weight, most of us anyway. Encouragement is needed, not nasty comments. Those will only depress us.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    atiral wrote: »
    No, I didn't want them to think they were the reason I was trying to lose weight, because people like that are disgusting.

    Oh yes! I agree. I didn't have a lot of people who (in the past) openly criticized my weight, but there was one RN at my previous job, a very bitter & angry 60-something lady, who made cruel comments that I heard about and one of my friends asked if I was going to facebook friend her just to show her that I lost weight and am now smaller than she is. Heck no...wtf!? She's disgusting to me.

  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    It's never in a person's best interest to be insulted or degraded. Usually the person with the negative comments is the person with the self-image problem.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    elsinora wrote: »
    When I got negativity from strangers with no vested interest it made me realise just how much bigger I actually was (I thought I was overweight but not has hideous as I was back then) and actually helped me.

    I was in a bar in boston, a guy called me fat.

    I have one of his teeth in my jewelry box now.
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 701 Member
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    No. I was bullied regularly as a child for being 'fat'. Looking at pictures of myself back then, I wasn't fat. However, I believe this had a big impact on my self image, and is partially responsibly for me actually becoming overweight as a teenager and remaining so as an adult (self-fulfilling prophesy). Because I had 'always' been fat.

    Nowadays, I prefer people just not comment on my weight either way. I don't get too many comments from strangers because of my default death stare. But if someone made a negative comment on my weight, or anything on my appearance (except wardrobe malfunctions) for that matter, I'd probably just avoid them, as aunchellebelle said. I don't mind positive feedback from friends/family who haven't seen me for awhile, but I'd still prefer a 'you look beautiful' to 'you're so skinny'.
  • crownjewel82
    crownjewel82 Posts: 19 Member
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    The worst for me has always been doctors. All but the one I have now have gone on and on about me being morbidly obese and refusing to really help me with problems because well it'll stop if you lose weight. I had one recommend bariatriac surgery every time I saw him even though at the time I was working out 2-3 hours daily and dropping weight. I had one tell me that I needed to lose weight after I told him I sprained my knee because I fell while exercising. None of it ever helped. It made it really discouraging because some of my medical issues were actually interfering with my ability to lose weight.

    The doctor I have now is way better. He didn't mention my weight my first visit and he talked to me about my blood work instead of being flustered because I'm actually very healthy despite my weight. When he finally did mention it he suggested that I try losing a pound a month before my next physical. That helped. I knew he took me seriously so I know I can trust his advice.

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