Who Pays?!

See if you can get people to donate, that way it's win-win, and a final vote on dresses from the people that donated.

I'm in 2 weddings coming up in February and I paid for both of my bridesmaids dresses.

I have always paid for my own bridesmaid dresses...with the exception of one very expensive Vera Wang gown that the bride's family partially subsidized. My bridesmaids all bought their own dresses...although I did help cover the cost of my maid-of-honor's dress as she was going though a rough financial period.

With the exception of the dress I wore to my brother's wedding (my sister-in-law let us choose our own gowns as long as they were long and black) I never wore any bridesmaid dress after the wedding.

Congrats on the engagement! I'm getting married soon, and my girls are paying for their dresses. If you agree to be a bridesmaid, you agree to all the expenses that come along with it. If you want to pay for their dress as their gift, you're more than welcome to, but that's at your discretion. Just make sure you do gift them well, since they are putting out some big bucks to be a part of your wedding.

I am pretty sure the past and current norm is for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. I've read enough "wedding guides" and rants from bridesmaids online (who think the chosen dresses are ugly/overpriced) to realize that ;-)

When I was married in a traditional wedding back in 2002, though, I paid for mine. We were all in our twenties and my girlfriends didn't have a lot of income, most were students or had babies/toddlers at home and were in NO position to drop even $50-100 on a dress they would wear once, much less spend any more than that. I didn't feel right asking them to and I know they appreciated it.

I have been in a lot of weddings as an attendant and as maid/matron of honor, and only once has the bride paid for my dress. Then again a lot of my friends had really nontraditional weddings or just asked the attendants to have a specific color of dress, which I loved and did not mind paying for it myself. In fact I preferred that because I could find the right cut/fit with no embarrassment and bargain shop for the dress.

I realize none of this is the "norm". Just another view!

I was in my best friends wedding in May and bought my own dress. I think that its becoming the norm for the bridesmaids to buy their own.

My wedding, my wife and I paid for both the bridesmaids and grooms attire. I don't know where the rule came from or where it's set in stone, but IMO if a couple is requesting their favorites to be in the entourage and they have selected the attire, the others shouldn't have to be obligated to pay. It's their wedding and if for some reason a bridesmaid or groom can't afford it, then they may opt out of the entourage and some feelings may get hurt.
I feel the same about parents having to pay too. It's not their responsibility, IMO. 2 people want to get married, it's should be their debt, not anyone elses.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Now that I'm thinking about it- Can you split the cost with your bridesmaids? I saw you said your budget it pretty tight.

melschaben wrote: »

I am newly engaged and starting to plan a wedding (holy crap I had NO idea how much work went into it). I was looking for advice on bridesmaids dresses. Who pays for them typically? Our budget is already stretched thin and one of my bridesmaids hinted that she bought the dresses for her wedding party the first time she got married. So I'm thinking she wants me to buy hers... But I was under the impression that they buy their own?

Any advice on who is supposed to pay for what?!

If you can't split the costs do you have someone who can do the alterations for cheap or free? I know alterations cost a lot, so in our family weddings my mom always did the alterations for the bridesmaids and wedding dresses for free since she used to make formal dresses when she stayed at home when we were younger. It saved tons for the brides and bridal parties.

melschaben wrote: »

Thank you all for the responses! I think it's a great idea to split the cost. I think that would be a nice compromise. The dresses I am looking at are only about $50-$75 so that wouldn't be too much of a budget breaker. It's going to be a small wedding so I only have 2 bridesmaids.

I think that is very cool...I have a friend who has complained about spending $300+ on bridesmaid dress and then also having to pay for 2 plane tickets, 3 different gifts, and hundreds for her portion of a bachelorette party and shower. I can't imagine being out a thousand bucks (or more) to be someone's attendant...lol...I would opt out for sure. It sounds like your wedding won't be that sort of thing.

MinnieInMaine wrote: »

Congrats!

I like the idea of brides paying for at least part of the bridesmaid ensemble (because there's more than just the dress - shoes, jewelry, hairdo, etc) and the more picky the bride is, the more she should pay for IMHO. OP, sounds like you found some reasonable dresses. Feel free to pay for part of them or maybe foot the bill for something else like a set of jewelry you'd like them to wear or the matching shoes.

One of my friends bought our jewelry and I think she also paid to have our hair done...can't remember for sure, that was almost 15 years ago.

Agreed. Do you want their dresses, shoes, and jewelry all to match? Do you want their hair/nails to match? Then yeah, you should probably chip in. If it's only the dress and maybe saying (any) black dress shoes and whatever jewelry they want, then I wouldn't stress about splitting the cost. Unless the dress is super expensive, but it doesn't sound like the one you've chosen is.

I've had brides pay for my jewelry as well. Usually it was the 'gift' to the bridesmaids from the bride.

I'm a groomsman in my brothers wedding at the end of March, and I'm paying for my own.

I can't speak for brides, but my sister is getting married next month. When she asked last summer if I could be a part of it, I told her I couldn't commit 100% to being there and didn't want to sign up for something as a result.

In Dec., she sent me a text telling me I need to get measured for a tux and gave me a code that it is under at the place to get measured. My brother got the same thing, and I got from him that apparently he and I are signed up to be ushers. I didn't realize that ushers wear tuxedo's, nor that I was going to be an usher, but ok, I'll do it.

My brother had gone in to get measured and they wanted a deposit at that time ($25 I think) and then said the rest he could pay when he picked it up... and that was going to be close to $300 for the rental. He and I both were not going to pay that to rent a tux to be an usher... we both have suits we can wear. So I talked to my sister, who said they had since gotten that all squared away... they were going to pay for the tuxedo rentals.

Personally, I feel a wedding isn't about the ceremony. It is good enough for me to do the paperwork to enjoy the legal benefits of marriage without the expensive fanfare. But I'm not a woman and I'm not married. I almost was married once, and we were going to do just that - get the paperwork done, but ran into some other legal issues with that. Anyway, I don't expect to be able to understand the desire to have a nice ceremony. From my experience with my sister, though, I urge clear communication regardless.

Why don't brides pick out dresses for their bridesmaids that can actually be worn more than once? It just seems crazy to ask someone to spend money on something that they will most likely only wear once