what have I done so ashamed

Create a deficit in your diary. MFP will guide you along. What are your stats (height/weight/age)? I would suggest you not go under 1200 calories, and in my opinion, anything fairly close to that is going to make you miserable. Get a food scale and weigh out your portions before you eat them. A lot of times you can grossly overestimate the number of calories your eating. Just log everything you eat and try to stay near your goal. Do not feel like a failure if you fail some days. It's ok. Just try to do the best you can.

It's up to you when you want to start; you can start today or you can forget about today and start over tomorrow. But just do it. Don't be grossed out by yourself. Love yourself. You still have worth just because you're overweight. It doesn't define who you are does it?

I'm only saying these things because I've been there. I've never been overweight, but I have been grossed out by myself before and I just got fed up and did something about it.

Pick up a fun hobby that gets you moving. You like to walk? Do zumba? Swim? Whatever. Do those things.

Be patient. Don't let the scale frustrate you. You can do it. You can start off really small if you want. It may be easier. Take a short walk. Work out for ten minutes until you can work your way up to 30. What works for everyone is different. You just have to create a calorie deficit. And you have to want it bad enough to stick with it.

When I first started to get things together, I meal planned and portioned everything. Have a plan and know exactly what you will be eating and how much. Get the binge foods out of the house - far, far away. As this became a way of life I have been able to not plan as rigorously. You can do this.

Work on one thing at a time.

Start by logging EVERYTHING you eat, the good and the bad. Look for lower calorie foods you can substitute for foods you love. (Fiber One 90 calorie brownie instead of a regular full calorie brownie for example.) Learn how much is actually a serving. When I first started, I made single serving size bags of snacks I liked, so I could grab a single serving instead of the whole thing.

Add more movement into your routine- start parking the car farther away from the door, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. Find an exercise you enjoy and do it- walking, swimming, zumba, whatever. (For me it was bicycling, then I added running later.)

Don't beat yourself up if you have a high calorie day. Log it and move on. Tomorrow is a new day.

Be patient, losing weight slowly will make it easier for you to keep it off.

You can do this!

You will be Ok. "How do I fix it" is not just about eating less, but understanding why you feel depressed. It seems to me that you are talking yourself into hopelessness and helplessness. By focusing on the things you consider bad about yourself and rewarding this negative mood by eating (the negative mantra: I don't like myself, I am depressed, what matters if I eat more, I am just a fat-*kitten* anyway, ah - that tastes good) you create a pattern - a wagon track in your brain that becomes easier to follow with each repeated action (negative thinking =s reward of food =s negative thinking =s reward of food.)

Break. The. Pattern. by changing it.

When you start to think negatively, stop (and I mean, really, stop the negative though as close to mid-sentence as possible) and ask yourself what makes you worse than other people? If you can think of anything, write it down. Ask yourself what is the value of thinking this way? If you can think of anything, write it down. How does it help you? What do you want? What do you need? Does food really make you feel better in a way that helps you?

What I mean is: Question your thinking. Interrogate it. Make it answer you.
And if it doesn't answer you in a ways that satisfies you, get rid of it. Investing in negative emotions offers you no return. If you find you are eating something that tastes bad, do you not stop eating it?

Your finding these answers will help you change the way you think. Don't accept the negative poop at face value, when it doesn't have real value.

After each negative statement you say about yourself and when you start feeling helpless, ask "what law makes it so?" What law tells you that you have to eat to be happy? What law says you can't change for the better? What law says you are a bad person?

And above all, remember, everything is temporary.

I'm in the same boat with my weight. I weighed 170-something last year, made a goal to lose 50, and as of December, I weighed over 200 pounds.

Although I'm not currently doing so, I struggled with binging. I would become so disgusted with myself I would purge (i.e. vomit)the things I binged. This left me with a swollen face, broken blood vessels in my face and eyes, a stomach that was so overly sensitive it developed ulcers (likely from irritated/torn stomach lining that wasn't healing), and weight gain.

First thing you HAVE to do? Girl, cut yourself some slack. I struggle with anxiety over different things, one of which is my weight, and one of the ways I would deal with it is through food. The more I stress, the more I eat. The more I eat, the more weight I put on. The more weight I put on, the more I stressed. The more I was disgusted with myself, my flabby body, and my total lack of ability to put that box of Oreos down, the more anxious and depressed and out of control I felt. Finally, one day after a binge, I just told myself to log the calories and accept what I had done. I chose to eat them. I told myself that I had the power to say no and walk on by. I also totally stopped buying the foods I was prone to binge on. I told myself no, I MADE myself drive past the drive thru. I failed several times. It's been a long time, and I still binge if I'm stressed and let down my guard. However, instead of hating myself, I tell myself it's okay. I take it one day, one meal, one hour, one minute at a time if I have to. I keep myself busy. When I'm anxious, I try to get physical activity to "burn off" some of that nervous energy. I also started really examining the things in my life causing me stress and anxiety. My marriage had totally fallen apart, and my husband wasn't interested in trying anymore. We got divorced. I got a job and started being responsible for my own life instead of letting someone else determine my happiness with my life.

When I slip up, I move on. I pat myself on the shoulder and say, "Sarah, old girl, you are still totally awesome. You've done incredible things, and traveled far in your life, and you have millions of adventures to come. One mistake isn't going to tarnish all of that, and the number on the scale isn't going to crush you." Then I think of all the things I like about my body, specifically things I like BECAUSE I'm overweight. Boobs. I have boobs, something I had very little of at lower weights. My butt. My soft face. There are beautiful, beautiful things about you that you just can't see because you are only focusing on the bad.

Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Move on from the mistakes. Never resign yourself to unhappiness.

For many, many years every time I thought about dieting I would go home and indulge. In anticipation. Of months of misery. Really, you deserve to enjoy every day, even when dieting. You're not "good" skinny and "bad" fat. Food is wonderful. It's time for you to enjoy it again (within limits).

Hi I just started mfp today for the second time. When I read your post about losing your job and becoming a housewife. I thought that is just like what I went through. I started eating to fill the void. Don't under estimate how hard what you are going through can be. Its a big adjustment! My advice is don't isolate yourself maybe find a hobby if your mind is busy doing something you like you won't be eating because your bored. Are you alone all day? That may cause emotional eating, maybe think of what else you could do to comfort yourself. Please don't be ashamed of yourself you are very brave to share your feelings. You mentioned your depressed have you seen a doctor or counselor? If you like games maybe you would enjoy Wii exercise or Kinect games that you have to move a lot to play. Don't give up! You can do it!

healthiermeep wrote: »

Ya I'm alone all day weird thing is I only binge at night when my hubby is home. He is a great guy who makes me happy so I know he isn't the issue.

Are you trying to not eat much during the day, and then you are so hungry that you binge at night? If I skip a meal then I tend to go overboard later.

Can't add much to all this good advice except to add a daily "note to self":

I AM BEAUTIFUL AND LOVEABLE (your husband thinks so, why don't you?)
I HAVE THE POWER
and
WHEN I EAT LIKE CRAP...I FEEL LIKE CRAP!

Good Luck, You can do it!

healthiermeep wrote: »

Four months ago I made this to lose so weight. I was 160 lbs a little overweight nothing major. Well now I am already 20 lbs heavier. In 6 months I gained 40 lbs!!! I am up 7 dress sizes and just miserable. I binge eat and feel guilty afterward. It is stupid self destructive behavior and I am so depressed. Yesterday I logged all I ate I started out so well! I need to get this under control now before I ruin my health and my life.

Something very similar happened to me. About 4-5 years ago I went to the doctor and he told me that I needed to eat healthier, exercise, and lose about 10-15 pounds or go on cholesterol meds. (my family has a history of high cholesterol, high blood pressure, stroke before the age of 50, etc.)

I didn't want to go on cholesterol meds so I told him that I would do it myself.

I then proceeded to live in denial and put on 20 pounds.

About a year after this doc appointment, I decided that this was not a good path I was on. I joined MFP and took baby steps.

I didn't plan to overhaul everything all at once.

First I just tried to eat under calorie goal. Because I like to eat, that required me to exercise if I wanted to eat more. I've always been one to actively eat back my exercise calories.

Because I was hungry all the time, I learned that eating more fruits and vegetables allowed me to eat more food then if I were eating french fries and toast.

It wasn't until a couple months in that I started using the scale. It is very helpful. I won't lie. However, if you're the type that gets overwhelmed and then possibly feels defeated, deciding to overhaul your entire diet, exercise, and your habits – like measuring and weighing everything – It may be very difficult to maintain this all the time.

I think you should come up with 1-2 achievable goals first and work with that. If that's drink 10 glasses of water and log every food item for the first week, then so be it. If it's do 10 minutes of exercise every day for two weeks, then do that.

If you try to do everything all at once, it's going to be really hard...unless you're one of those diligent types of people (my husband is like that. I'm the complete opposite. Lol)

Or that's just my perspective. Even though in college I used to work out 5 to 6 days a week for an hour and a half, I didn't start back and do that. I would've failed. I wasn't in the mindset or physical shape to do that, so I started out with 15 minutes of cardio, three days a week...and it was hard....and sorta embarrassing that it was all I could do. But those 15 minutes turned into 30, then 45, then 60. And it became a habit.

That's my two cents...hope that helps.

Tbh its not hard and just a process, but I wouldnt start it full on until you are ready to commit. Log without restriction, but weigh your food. Log your exercise as well.

Because I get the impression your are overwhelmed then take a back seat for a few weeks and read the forums plus make notes. you will see the same old same old time and again. From the answers and looking at other peoples problems you cna then start to grasp whats involved. Its not about starting its about finishing and reaching target in a healthy and sustainable way.

From there make realistic baby steps so you feel your way into executing your plan. Small victories will build confidence. be yur own best friend, dont deminse food and have realustic expectations. As a rule of thumb 60 pounds then set yourself a target of 60 weeks, which might be longer, but you need to spot and identify all the mistakes people make at the beginning and make sure you arent falling into the traps of failed diets.

Good luck and get some friends.

healthiermeep wrote: »

Well in the case of yesterday no but sometimes yes

The great thing about logging is, you can use it to figure out patterns and then you can change them. So, even if you have bad days, log it all anyway. You can look at it and try to figure out why it wasn't good or why it was good. Like..... Did I eat all carbs and ended up feeling unsatisfied all day so I kept eating more? Stuff like that. Try not to look at it as a complete failure when you have bad days, use it to learn and correct things.