Do people treat you differently after you lost weight? Does it make you happy, or sad, or both?
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It's one thing to now get attention from people who used to know you before. It's entirely another to now be treated like a human being from those before that would not even give you the time of day or even show you a tiny amount of consideration before.
I have noticed that a lot of men tend to treat women that they don't find attractive very badly, like it's our fault we're not f*&kable, and we're not even worthy of common courtesy. And really, there's no excuse to treat another human being this way.
You don't find me attractive? Fine. But you don't have to treat me badly. It's evidence of your very poor character.
I lost the weight and I remember those people. And it's funny when they can't understand why they're no longer allowed in my life.0 -
I have read this thread and realized that I am a shallow horrible person. But I like losing weight because of the fact that I can now turn a few heads when I take my shirt off. And I find thinner women attractive. But since I know that I am shallow and not a real person because I have my own personal preferences, I am OK with that.0
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It's one thing to now get attention from people who used to know you before. It's entirely another to now be treated like a human being from those before that would not even give you the time of day or even show you a tiny amount of consideration before.
I have noticed that a lot of men tend to treat women that they don't find attractive very badly, like it's our fault we're not f*&kable, and we're not even worthy of common courtesy. And really, there's no excuse to treat another human being this way.
You don't find me attractive? Fine. But you don't have to treat me badly. It's evidence of your very poor character.
I lost the weight and I remember those people. And it's funny when they're can't understand why they're no longer allowed in my life.
mhmm basically all of this
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I've lost and gained weight in the past and yes, people do treat you differently. Not just suitors but others as well. Employers, friends, strangers. When you look fit a lot of people see that as something to admire. I'm like that, too. If I see a man or women who clearly works out and is healthy looking, I am impressed. I don't know if they are a horrible person but I am impressed because I know it takes dedication. Conversely, my first impressions of someone who is extremely overweight are not that positive. I admit that. I even felt that way about myself when I gained weight over the last few years. I know I was being weak and lazy and that's why I gained the weight. So I assumed others viewed me that same way. Is that why other extremely overweight people are that way? I dunno. But my first impression says that. When I was fat and talked about how I like working out and that I needed to lose weight, I could see people's eyes rolling like "yeah right". Now that I've lost almost 50lbs and people see the big change, people are coming up to me to ask how I did it. I don't take offense to that at all. If some guy didn't notice me when I was fat and did when I lost weight I wouldn't care. I'm just happy I'm on my way back to being fab! Why get hung up on negativity? Just be happy you are in a good place and just go with it.0
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One more thing. I have noticed some men at work taking a closer look at me. I think it's funny. When I was fat I wasn't wearing nice clothes and just tried to disappear, pretty much. Now that I can fit into some of my old clothes, I am carrying myself much better. I am taking the extra time with the makeup. So again, I think it's funny. I'm like "hmmm, you didn't know that was what was under the fatsuit, eh?". LOL.0
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seltzermint wrote: »When I was much larger I never felt that intimidated by women who lost weight.
I know, right? I mean, we all know how to lose weight, right? If someone else is losing, I am happy for him/her. I would be so annoyed with myself if I was jealous of someone else who got off her rump and changed her life. We all make our own choices. When I was smaller, I definitely got that alienation feeling. But I don't push my stuff on anyone. I workout by myself, ride my bike by myself (usually), etc. I wish I had a workout partner but I don't need one. If someone wants to workout with me or do something active, I am happy. But if not, then I just go it alone. I was born by myself...0 -
I have noticed that a lot of men tend to treat women that they don't find attractive very badly, like it's our fault we're not f*&kable, and we're not even worthy of common courtesy. And really, there's no excuse to treat another human being this way.
Now, I have to agree with this. It's not just a fat thing, though. Whenever a man is being nice to me (outside of work or somebody I've hired to do work on my house, for example) I usually assume it's because they are interested in me. And I can TELL when they aren't. No courtesy at all. You are invisible or less than human. I have a lot of guy friends who have told me that this is true. I know there are no absolutes but a lot of men are pretty transparent in this way. I don't mind, though. It lets me know where I stand.
My young cousin (she was about 18) told me that she was with her really attractive girlfriends at a hotel and they were checking out. Some guys were interested in her friends and rushed to help them carry their bags. This group of guys carried their bags but let my cousin carry her own. They weren't even chivalrous enough to offer to carry all the bags. I thought that was soooo lame. It actually made me cry because I allowed myself to imagine how that felt. She said he was struggling with the heavy bags and sweating like a pig. Sad.0 -
Sometimes I think that when you lose weight, you may not be yourself at 105 that you were at 120, even though it was only 15 lbs... maybe you are happier that you are healthier and that is what is more attractive, not just the weight. I know with the weight I have lost, my outlook and attitude is MUCH more positive because I am so much happier being active and healthy!
Food for thought... 0 -
Whenever a man is being nice to me (outside of work or somebody I've hired to do work on my house, for example) I usually assume it's because they are interested in me. And I can TELL when they aren't. No courtesy at all. You are invisible or less than human. I have a lot of guy friends who have told me that this is true. I know there are no absolutes but a lot of men are pretty transparent in this way.
I think this is why some guys get so upset with women and accuse us of flirting or 'leading them on' when in reality, we were just being polite because we do that for EVERYONE.
I do think that some people were born and raised in a barn, though. And my own personal manners and courtesy are not contingent upon whether or not I think someone is attractive.
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I know how you feel. But if your trying to date, just make sure the guy you end up with would love you regardless of size. I started dating my boyfriend at my fittest, 5'4" and 140#. I am now up to 160# and when I complained about my weight to him he said he hadn't even noticed. It's easy to attract shallow guys at your fittest but due to life, things change and you want to feel loved no matter what your shape.0
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Whenever a man is being nice to me (outside of work or somebody I've hired to do work on my house, for example) I usually assume it's because they are interested in me. And I can TELL when they aren't. No courtesy at all. You are invisible or less than human. I have a lot of guy friends who have told me that this is true. I know there are no absolutes but a lot of men are pretty transparent in this way.
I think this is why some guys get so upset with women and accuse us of flirting or 'leading them on' when in reality, we were just being polite because we do that for EVERYONE.
I do think that some people were born and raised in a barn, though. And my own personal manners and courtesy are not contingent upon whether or not I think someone is attractive.
Ughh yes! My best friend is super attractive.. Like Jennifer Aniston in her glory days, and she is one of the nicest people you would ever meet-- not being fake at all. And she is really kind to EVERYONE (male, female, young, old) and intelligent, but she's not interested in a relationship right now. Almost once a week, a guy asks her out and then blames her for leading him on, when she's just being nice instead of rude to him.
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I have had a few kind people say very nice things and I have also had to deal with unkind people saying mean things. Funny thing is the only people who have anything negative to say are all overweight so I'm guessing they're just jealous.0
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breefoshee wrote: »
Whenever a man is being nice to me (outside of work or somebody I've hired to do work on my house, for example) I usually assume it's because they are interested in me. And I can TELL when they aren't. No courtesy at all. You are invisible or less than human. I have a lot of guy friends who have told me that this is true. I know there are no absolutes but a lot of men are pretty transparent in this way.
I think this is why some guys get so upset with women and accuse us of flirting or 'leading them on' when in reality, we were just being polite because we do that for EVERYONE.
I do think that some people were born and raised in a barn, though. And my own personal manners and courtesy are not contingent upon whether or not I think someone is attractive.
Ughh yes! My best friend is super attractive.. Like Jennifer Aniston in her glory days, and she is one of the nicest people you would ever meet-- not being fake at all. And she is really kind to EVERYONE (male, female, young, old) and intelligent, but she's not interested in a relationship right now. Almost once a week, a guy asks her out and then blames her for leading him on, when she's just being nice instead of rude to him.
I have seen this a lot too! Totally agree...my nephew for example is kind of the chivalrous "Southern manners" boy, now an ex-Marine in his twenties, and he's very polite & helpful to all women. Because of this he had trouble with some girls when he was a teenager thinking he needed to marry/date them because he was nice to them at church or something...and even now, unwanted attention from women everywhere he goes. Now I am SURE he doesn't mind being found attractive by women in general, but he has an adorable wife and isn't into every woman he speaks to or helps out w/ lifting something heavy. It is definitely a double edged sword, all of this stuff...
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seltzermint wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »
Whenever a man is being nice to me (outside of work or somebody I've hired to do work on my house, for example) I usually assume it's because they are interested in me. And I can TELL when they aren't. No courtesy at all. You are invisible or less than human. I have a lot of guy friends who have told me that this is true. I know there are no absolutes but a lot of men are pretty transparent in this way.
I think this is why some guys get so upset with women and accuse us of flirting or 'leading them on' when in reality, we were just being polite because we do that for EVERYONE.
I do think that some people were born and raised in a barn, though. And my own personal manners and courtesy are not contingent upon whether or not I think someone is attractive.
Ughh yes! My best friend is super attractive.. Like Jennifer Aniston in her glory days, and she is one of the nicest people you would ever meet-- not being fake at all. And she is really kind to EVERYONE (male, female, young, old) and intelligent, but she's not interested in a relationship right now. Almost once a week, a guy asks her out and then blames her for leading him on, when she's just being nice instead of rude to him.
I have seen this a lot too! Totally agree...my nephew for example is kind of the chivalrous "Southern manners" boy, now an ex-Marine in his twenties, and he's very polite & helpful to all women. Because of this he had trouble with some girls when he was a teenager thinking he needed to marry/date them because he was nice to them at church or something...and even now, unwanted attention from women everywhere he goes. Now I am SURE he doesn't mind being found attractive by women in general, but he has an adorable wife and isn't into every woman he speaks to or helps out w/ lifting something heavy. It is definitely a double edged sword, all of this stuff...
It definitely makes me think twice about assuming a guy is interested just because he's nice to me. Last year, a really sweet thoughtful guy would come over and fix stuff at my house--without me even asking. I totally thought that he was interested buuut after an awkward conversation, I realized that he was just nice. From then on, I just decided to assume guys aren't interested unless they make that move.0 -
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It definitely makes me think twice about assuming a guy is interested just because he's nice to me. Last year, a really sweet thoughtful guy would come over and fix stuff at my house--without me even asking. I totally thought that he was interested buuut after an awkward conversation, I realized that he was just nice. From then on, I just decided to assume guys aren't interested unless they make that move. [/quote]
I don't bother to wonder anymore. Or rather I just don't care. I figure the onus is on the interested party since my every action is going to be either misinterpreted or taken for being rude.
I met a guy two summers ago at a group function. We chatted briefly (as I did with a LOT of people that day), and he asked me out. I told him I wasn't available because I had a steady, and he had the nerve to get upset and tell me that "I led him on" because I never told him I was seeing someone. BUT HE NEVER ASKED if I was seeing someone. And I had other guys tell me the same thing - that basically I should have known. So I guess the takeaway is that if you're a woman and a guy is talking to you, he is interested. Otherwise, they just ignore you.
And guys say WE'RE the ones who accuse them of not reading our minds, lol.
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Most people get treated with respect and they become more social because people want to know how they did it so that they can get on board. Most people just need ideas.0
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Yes I definitely get a lot more attention from women than when I was 320 and fat. Honestly it's both annoying and awesome. But people who knew me before either think it's great for me or are jealous.0
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I actually have the opposite experience I think. I currently weigh 30lbs more than I did when I personally felt more confident/sexy/happy. I'm still confident in my body even though it's not where I want it to be yet, but until very recently I thought I got hit on way more at this weight than I did 30lbs ago. I think I've just been at this weight for over 2 years now and thought this was my new normal, so I owned it and exuded more confidence than I did back then. And apparently guys find confidence attractive...
Yesterday I had a talk with my cousin and she told me, "You're beautiful no matter what weight you are, but back when you weighed 130-140, you really had no idea how many guys stared at you and made comments about your beauty. I'm pretty sure you still don't know that." Just kind of reinforced the statements people have made above that people can admire your successes and "new looks" and not say anything.0 -
Yea it does happy but that's y we try to support one another0
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