How do I get my spouse involved? HELP!
denielle715
Posts: 101 Member
My husband says he is tired of being "fat" and "out of shape". But he doesn't want to eat the "healthy foods" I prepare; he will, but then ends up indulging on carbs and high fat/cal foods afterwards.
I'm also trying to convince him to get a gym membership with me so we can lift/workout together. But he doesn't want to spend the money.
Since I'm a beginner, I figured Planet Fitness would be a good first option. And once we get more into lifting, look into a better gym.
Any advice?
I told him $20 is nothing when it comes to our health and well being.
HELP!
I'm also trying to convince him to get a gym membership with me so we can lift/workout together. But he doesn't want to spend the money.
Since I'm a beginner, I figured Planet Fitness would be a good first option. And once we get more into lifting, look into a better gym.
Any advice?
I told him $20 is nothing when it comes to our health and well being.
HELP!
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Replies
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You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. So I would lead by example. Maybe he will catch on. Best Wishes.0
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Show him that it's possible, that might motivate him to join you0
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Thanks!
I will do my best. I'm ready to leave behind being unhealthy, and since the day after Christmas, I've been trying. Maybe he will want to join in soon.
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There is nothing wrong with high fats or carb foods. I eat plenty all day long.
Advice is to find what interest him and support that decision. If he wants weights...great. He loves swimming...boom. Likes to ride bike....help find him some pedals to spin. If he wants to do something, he will. If he doesn't there is nothing to be done. Support him if you will.0 -
There is nothing wrong with high fats or carb foods. I eat plenty all day long.
Advice is to find what interest him and support that decision. If he wants weights...great. He loves swimming...boom. Likes to ride bike....help find him some pedals to spin. If he wants to do something, he will. If he doesn't there is nothing to be done. Support him if you will.
Thanks! Maybe we can find something he truly enjoys. He was in the army (infantry) for 14 years (out for almost 10 now) so he despises exercise. And I know that high fat/carb/cal foods is ok.
We will find something he enjoys, and of course I will support him. I've alswys been behind him 100% in everything he does.
Thanks again.
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There is nothing wrong with high fats or carb foods. I eat plenty all day long.
Advice is to find what interest him and support that decision. If he wants weights...great. He loves swimming...boom. Likes to ride bike....help find him some pedals to spin. If he wants to do something, he will. If he doesn't there is nothing to be done. Support him if you will.
I agree with this 100%! Every food is good in moderation, and exercise can be a good thing if he finds something he enjoys.
Good luck!0 -
My boyfriend is a skinny twig that eats chips and ice cream everyday. I have a very hourglass shaped body, so I really work hard to keep everything tight. When the weather's nice he'll walk in the park with me, but other than that, I can't find a spatula big enough to pry him off the couch. It's just something he's not in to. So I play my music really loud, turn on my tv and workout for 2 hours while he plays video games.0
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You love your husband I dont doubt and only want whats best for him, but if he's not willing to follow your lead then you must move on and take care of yourself, once he sees how well your doing he will eventually take the step..0
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You and me both lady...I'm in the exact same boat! Lucky lazy skinny boyfriends....kojiro44705 wrote: »My boyfriend is a skinny twig that eats chips and ice cream everyday. I have a very hourglass shaped body, so I really work hard to keep everything tight. When the weather's nice he'll walk in the park with me, but other than that, I can't find a spatula big enough to pry him off the couch. It's just something he's not in to. So I play my music really loud, turn on my tv and workout for 2 hours while he plays video games.
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Get yourself going and when he sees your results and how great you look, he will be motivated to make the change. By the way, nothing wrong with PF and I can't imagine why you would need to go anywhere else later. Enjoy it!0
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Ex military guys seem to struggle with finding something that excites them. does he like to shoot? Talk to his friends. He probably misses team drills. Unfortunately, men sometimes don't want to hear it or get help from their spouse. It's the alpha male complex. Work your way around it by getting his homies to motivate. Ps: don't get caught that will be bad. Good luck!0
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meghannhackney wrote: »Show him that it's possible, that might motivate him to join you
Yep, this finally worked for me. My wife talked my ear off about it for many years. But she finally started working out and getting into shape. She motivated me a lot by getting up at 430 every morning to go workout.
Show him and he'll come around. My wife gets a lot more attention from men now, and I actually notice it. I don't want to be the fat husband (we've been together 20 years) so I want to be in better shape for her as well as me.
One thing I can tell you is that, you will never get him to do it on your own. It HAS to come from him. He might even make it like it was his idea. But, once he decides then you'll be golden.
Patience is the key.
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My advice is STOP! Improve yourself, if he jumps on great if not that is his choice. You are not his Mother.0
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lilmisfit1987 wrote: »
You and me both lady...I'm in the exact same boat! Lucky lazy skinny boyfriends....kojiro44705 wrote: »My boyfriend is a skinny twig that eats chips and ice cream everyday. I have a very hourglass shaped body, so I really work hard to keep everything tight. When the weather's nice he'll walk in the park with me, but other than that, I can't find a spatula big enough to pry him off the couch. It's just something he's not in to. So I play my music really loud, turn on my tv and workout for 2 hours while he plays video games.
sigh....so not fair is it?
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My 6'4" hubby was approaching the 400 lb mark. He's always battled a weight problem but it seems to get harder as we get older ( mid forties). Been eating "clean" for a while ( limited packaged foods) but had portion control issues coupled with work related travel and lack of exercise, sooooo.....After the holidays I announced I was going on a diet. Since I do most of the shopping and cooking he didn't have much of a choice. Three weeks in and last night he thanked me for going the extra mile to plan meals that have been tasty and satisfying. He said he hardly considers it a diet at all! He's dropped about 20 pounds so far.
It's been a lot of extra planning, creating meals he'll enjoy and helping him to see he can be successful even when he's not at home, but worth every minute to know he feels better about himself. Best of luck to you and your man!
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denielle715 wrote: »My husband says he is tired of being "fat" and "out of shape". But he doesn't want to eat the "healthy foods" I prepare; he will, but then ends up indulging on carbs and high fat/cal foods afterwards.
Based on this text, you could have been my wife writing about me.
I was tired of being fat and out of shape (no quotes necessary). But I didn't do anything about it, and over the years, got more obese and more out of shape, regardless of how much my wife tried to help me. Then, in Dec 2013, I saw a photo of myself (see profile pic), and I was facing potential knee replacement surgery, and suddenly I was motivated. Your husband probably needs a similar spark to get himself going.
In the meantime, cook good meals of reasonable portion sizes, bring home more fruits and veg and fewer cakes and cookies, and get yourself to the gym. Hopefully he'll see your successes, and be motivated to join you.
Whatever you do, don't nag/harass him about it. He's got to come around on his own.
Good luck to you both!
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Thank you all for your responses.
I do all the shopping and meal planning and have changed a lot of what we have been eating.
And perhaps just going by myself will motivate him enough in time.
We will see.0 -
denielle715 wrote: »There is nothing wrong with high fats or carb foods. I eat plenty all day long.
Advice is to find what interest him and support that decision. If he wants weights...great. He loves swimming...boom. Likes to ride bike....help find him some pedals to spin. If he wants to do something, he will. If he doesn't there is nothing to be done. Support him if you will.
Thanks! Maybe we can find something he truly enjoys. He was in the army (infantry) for 14 years (out for almost 10 now) so he despises exercise. And I know that high fat/carb/cal foods is ok.
We will find something he enjoys, and of course I will support him. I've alswys been behind him 100% in everything he does.
Thanks again.
SO, I never really promote CrossFit on here because people freak out but, would he be interested in connecting with others who were in the army? If so, CrossFit is a great community for that. I work out with a lot of retired and active military and they seem to enjoy the fact that they can relate to one another.0 -
if he likes sports, maybe playing in recreational leagues will motivate him not only to exercise but also exercise at the gym so that he maintains a competitive edge within those leagues. best of luck0
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As a guy I find that TV at night is a killer on both my motivation to exercise and my eating habits. I have the same problem as you though in that my GF doesn't want to exercise, so this is what we've agreed to do:
1. Change eating habits
- Remove "bad" carbs, high sugar content foods, etc from the house (I have no will power....if it's there I'll eat it (all of it). Also, I'm a stress and binge eater....if I'm stressed I'll even eat more of it)
- eat more frequent, smaller meals so we don't get Really hungry (I have 10 raw almonds and an apple at both 10am and 3pm everyday).
- our dinner is well balanced, veggies (I buy lots of bags of frozen veg and steam these...no butter, some salt), lean protein (lots of chicken or fish), some starch (I make home fries....no oil).
- Drink tons of water and teas - this will totally help curb appetite, also flushes the system, etc.
- I've also added supplements - Chromium (herbal magic uses this to curb appetite), CLA, Multi Vitamins and Omega-3.
- Also, we're doing "healthy" smoothies in the AM. NOTE -be very careful with adding protein powder, I noted second ingredient on mine from Costco.....Sugar.
2. Add some form of exercise (you don't need to be running marathons on day 1)
- start slow - even just a long walk at night is a good start (just get off the couch)
- workout at night - personally I find this kills two birds with one stone......I'm out exercising, which also means I'm not sitting in front of the TV and snacking.
- or workout anytime that works.
As for getting your man to join you....that's a harder one. Advice someone gave me was to just go and then they will follow.....so far that's worked out okay. The other thing is to join some really basic "fun" co-ed sports (slow pitch softball is a good start.....you have to start somewhere).
It sounds like you've started to work on the eating habits....that will also be key.
Just remember....as long as you burn more calories than you ingest.....you will lost weight.
Anyway, I wish you well and hope this helps.
Cheers,
O
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I work out with former marines. They tend to really like the cross fit / circuit style work outs. The hard stuff. Maybe using a treadmill, a bench press, or squat racks are boring to your husband. Military.com has some really good workouts that he might enjoy0
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He's at a different stage, probably "pre-contemplation" and "contemplation".
If I were you, I wouldn't wait. Do what you need to. He'll either catch up or he won't. My hubby had a burst of interest last January, set up an aggressive schedule, then tapered off to no interest again. On the plus side, he lets me add as much activity to my week as I want.0 -
Like others have said, you can lead the horse to water, but can't make him drink. My dad used to train horses, and said in order to really be able to train them, you had to have a willing participant. He wants to, but isn't willing to participate in a "more healthy" lifestyle just yet.
My husband thought he was being relatively healthy with what he was eating. I started on my "journey", and it was 7 months later and 60 pounds lost before he jumped on board, and then said he didn't realize just how bad the stuff he thought "reasonably" healthy really was!! LOL
You can only lead by example. Do the work. Be positive. Don't begrudge the process. You were able to build yourself up to the point where you were ready to do something, and it'll take him time to do the same.0 -
I didn't know about CrossFit having a large military community. I'll look into that.0
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No matter what you do it is going to be all him on this one. You can encourage all you want but in the end it is HE who has to want to change. I would assume that he is probably too tired to work out at the end of the day so maybe get to bed 45-60min earlier to make him feel not so tired at the end of the day. I just thinking out loud here.0
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You can't.
You gotta "be the change you wanna see in the world."0 -
good luck.a person has to do it on their own. and want to do it.0
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I think he'll catch on. I work with guys that complain about their wives working out and trying to get them too, and they just resent it. They like being fat and just don't plan on changing. Sounds like yours is just looking for a place to start.0
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