lost over 100+ lbs ...but still no GF
ThermalYew1
Posts: 64 Member
This has been one thing that has really bothered me... I always thought by now after losing so much weight that I'd finally be able to get a GF.. but still no luck... all the girls I would like to go out with don't like me or they either have BFs. It's even harder cause almost all my friends except one or two are in relationships and on top of it my mom bothers me almost daily about getting a GF... some of my friends know how much it bothers me... they helped me by talking to this one girl and I guess she likes me but unfortunately... I don't feel the same for her... and I hate hate HATE saying that cause I know how it was... still is for me...
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I'm sorry you are having a rough time. My only advice to you is to be patient. Work on being the best person and friend to others that you can be. Use this time to find out who you are and what you really want out of life (beyond just having a girlfriend). I am sure you have heard it before, but the right one will come when you aren't looking!0
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i actually think your quite cute for what it's worth - but are there other things you want from life that maybe you can accomplish first??
for me, i want my confidence back, to feel comfortable in skirts and nice tops - only when i like myself and hve confidence will a guy see that and like me - course, doesnt help that im taller than most people i know - that tends to intimidate guys....
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You seem like a sweet guy, but these things take time. It is not something that happens overnight. I would just say keep putting yourself out there, but just relax a bit. Can you ask your mum to lay off a bit? I'm sure she has the best of intentions, but maybe she doesn't understand the stress you are feeling as a result of her pestering.0
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Oh, and you have lost an awesome amount of weight! Congratulations!0
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Some of those friends of yours who are in relationships aren't happy, either.
It will happen when it is meant to. Don't spend time talking about it or worrying about it. People can smell desperation. No one is going to complete you - that's your job. Your weight loss was more for you than just to get a girl. I understand the feeling of "when I get this, then I'll be happy," but if you aren't already happy, another person won't be able to make you be happy. When you get a girlfriend, there will be problems, and it won't solve them. In fact, you'll be taking on her problems, too.
When you create a full life for yourself, someone will be there, creating a full life for themselves.
Relax:flowerforyou:
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well, the girl youre supposed to be with is on her own journey and if you settle now with someone you dont feel the same for just for the sake of having a GF then youre going to miss out on "her".
i am a HUGE believer in the whole fate thing and i know that there is a girl on a path saying the same exact thing you are saying and her path is going to bump into yours - i dont know when but it will and you'll be happy when that happens because in the meantime you are takin gtime for you, finding out how awesome of a person you are, having fun with your friends, etc.
im sad that your mother is doing that to you cause i think that's wrong. you are freakin' adorable and it's not you, your weight or anything as the reason you dont have a girlfriend...its simply not your time yet and that's not a bad thing at all.
i know, im sorry i couldnt snap my fingers for you and make her appear
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I hope this doesn't sound to harsh, but do they all know that you used to be obese? I think some may have a hard time not seeing you as this person anymore.
Have you tried to branch out and meet new people - people who never knew you were big? On one hand, it is a great accomplishment and you or your friends mag brag about how great you did and how determined you are -- but in reality, it all too often happens that people gain their weight back, so that may be a concern of those girls.
I would try and get out, maybe join a running group if you like to exercise or some other group of interest. Don't tell anyone up front that you used to weigh 300 pounds, you can tell them later. And maybe check yourself, what girls are you interested in? Are they "in your league"? Sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but I have seen it so many times :-)
Good luck!0 -
lots of folks are finding success with the single sites like match or eharmony.
if you keep doing the same thing then results will keep repeating, so do something different.0 -
i always was a shy kid growing up too, and i didn't get as much attention from people i liked as i wanted.
what i've learned is that it's really actually very simple..just put yourself out there! the more you just interject in public, make funny comments or just random comments to strangers (i know, gasp! for the shy person c: ) the more you might get a real conversation going.
i've also learned it's really easy to find a girl on the dance floor just by making eye contact and showing vague interest. being a good dancer helps but really i don't think it's that.
i've kind of learned that it's easier than you think it is just don't think too much and you can find people. it's hard for me still i can be very shy and revert to old tendencies very easily, so i relate to your situation.
don't let your current friends get in the way of you finding someone. you might need to go outside that group..which can be hard..
i know it's cliche but people really do meet interesting people at watering holes. art openings are good ones too 0 -
You are a good looking guy, dont let it get you down. There is a saying that when you STOP looking is when love finds YOU. Girls can tell, just like guys can, when someone is LOOKING for someone to date. Girls may not admit it, but we like to play the game as well. Just concentrate on yourself and stop looking for love. When it is time it will happen.0
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oh andi love the suggestion of joining a running group! any kind of exercise group would be an excellent start, for sure.
i met a longtime girlfriend through a book club!
good luck!0 -
Hey guys gotta get going to work, when I get back i'll go into more detail with some of your posts. But I just wanted to say... my friends from school... I never really had friends... when i was big... granted I don't really have too too many friends now but I have 100x more then I did during school. They all never knew me when i was obease. Their good friends though and my mom.... whens he starts up I just tell her "No body likes me!" and I get really mad but IDK... 0
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You're a cutie, I am sure you will find a girl friend in no time 0
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Hi! Maybe you should stop looking for a girlfriend and let things come naturally. It could be kind of awkward if everyone you meet thinks you're on the hunt, or even worse, if your friends are telling potential girls that are friends all about how you'd love to have a girlfriend because you've never had one before ecc... You can't just go out and 'get' a girlfriend. Go out and meet people without those kind of expectations. Learn to enjoy your friendships first -- especially considering you said you never had many in the past. Eventually, you WILL find someone you really like and who really likes you back but relationships need to be cultivated they don't just pop up. Be patient and be yourself and a huge CONGRATS on your awesome weight loss! 0
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The hard truth is that weight loss can never solve problems that are not connected to weight.
The reason you have struggled to find yourself in a relationship has nothing to do with how much you weigh, or have weighed in the past. I don't know what your core beliefs are that keep you from making connections or forming relationships. That is for you to explore through therapy or deep introspection.
But I can tell you that you are lovable and worthy of love at any size. And the moment you know that--not just say it, but KNOW it--you will find someone to share that love with.
Weight loss is good for our bodies and helps us fit into social norms, but it can never make us feel loved or happier. That is somehting that comes from within.0 -
Come on dude..... dont stress about stuff like that. It will happen, just go with the flow and enjoy your new lifestyle a while. By no means do I mean any disrespect for your mom, but tell her to chill out and when a girl comes along that you want to spend time with, you will!
Use that new found confidence that comes with losing the weight you have and make it work to your advantage. Trust me buddy, there are loads of single ladies out there that would love to meet you and go out with you...... they just dont know it yet. YOU have to show them why you are an awesome dude!
Be confident, but dont be too cocky either. Just be yourself, thats what they want....... am I a right ladies??0 -
Man, don't get caught up in that. If you want a GF, the first thing you have to do is stop looking. No joke. If you're looking and constantly hitting rejection, your confidence is taking hits. If you stop looking, confidence goes up and bam, women will want you.0
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Don't tell your Mom that nobody likes you. First of all, it breaks your Mom's heart to hear that - seriously, no matter how mad you are at her, that is something really sad to say.
Second, it's BS anyway. Have you met everyone? I mean EVERYONE? No? So how the hell can you say nobody likes you? They may be good friends, but they may not be the right friends, or not the right friends right now.
Maybe you need a wing man? If they are all in relationships, they probably do more "relationshippy" stuff and that's not what you need.
I second the motion about match.com - I was surprised to learn that both my nieces met their guys on match.com and they are both good looking, intelligent girls. It just makes sense, because you can cover the basics up front, same interests, same life philosophy, same belief system. There is NOTHING desperate about meeting someone online anymore. Actually, it is smart and you probably meet a lot more quality girls at match.com than in a bar Friday at midnight!
But I am sticking with the running group, or a cycling group - those people also watch what they eat, look after themselves and you know what? You can get your weight loss going again, how is that - a twofer!0 -
WOW, really? I hope this is flattering, but that REALLY shocked me lol. Gotta be honest, you look hot Congrats on your weight loss so far and I hope you find that special lady soon! 0
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yeah i would try one of those dating sites..i've heard good things about plentyoffish.com and i think it might be free too. i feel it's pretty hard to find someone to date just by going with people you know or even going to a bar and trying to meet someone. not everyone whos single wants to be in a relationship, that's why i think you should go on one of those sites because at least you know everyone on there is looking for someone to date also and pretty much has the same intentions. i think you are a good looking guy and i don't think you'd have any trouble finding someone else on one of those sites who also wants to be a in relationship. good luck!
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Searching for a girlfriend is not going to get you one any faster....focus on improving yourself. Girls are attracted to guys who strive to make positive changes in themselves....once you are comfortable and confident with your new self, girls will be banging down your door to go on a date with you!
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You've done amazingly well with your weight loss there & you are definitely looking cute! Like everyone else says, hard though it is to hear, be happy with yourself & what you've done. Do the positive thinking - you've lost loads of weight, you're looking good, you're intelligent & healthy. When the right person turns up, you'll know her & it'll all click into place.0
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I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you will find her. When the time is right, and when you least expect it you'll look up and there she'll be. You've done an awesome thing for yourself in losing this weight. You can now reap many benefits you couldn't before and they are not all centered around having a GF so focus on those and that's the moment she'll come into the picture! My mother always told me that it's when you're not looking for love that it finds you and she was right in my case. I've now been with my husban for 25 years, and by the way we got together after my very first major weight loss! It will happen. You're a nice looking guy and there's no reason for you to worry! You're still young and have plenty of time, enjoy this time on your own, these years won't come back again! Blessings to you!!!0
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I had a friend who was constantly looking for a girlfriend. Really, really nice guy, would have made a wonderful boyfriend in all honesty but he just came across as being really desperate and that was REALLY off putting for anyone female. Last time I heard from him he was still single. Don't worry about it too much, focus on just getting out, meeting people and making friends and you'll find someone. Or they'll find you. Being in a relationship isn't everything, being single can be nice too.
You've done amazingly well with weight loss, congratulations on that.0 -
This may be a little stupid, but I just told my husband about "you". I don't mean any of this in a negative way, I was in the very same position pretty much, so just read it and tak from it what you need.
You know what my husband said - and I believe he is spot on - YOU GOT NO GAME.
Now, look at it from an outside point of view: most guys your age have 6-8 years of experience of"hitting on a girl". They have been hitting on girls for the last 8 years....since they are 16 with varying success. From what I understand, you were kinda big then too, so you probably haven't interacted "sexually" or at least "relationshippy" with a girl...you need to get your training wheels on, don't listen to your friends, check out dating advise or similar advise targeted at 18 years old guys. Does that sound stupid? I am just thinking that an approach to ANYTHING is very different if you have 10 years of experience or ... 0?
I am not trying to put you down, I always thinking it is much better to know your own possible shortcomings and work with them instead of not being aware.
There are a million reasons why you are still flying solo...apply what applies0 -
You know, I have been where you are and have felt just like you say you are feeling. After a while, I just accepted that I was never going to meet anyone and I would be alone for the rest of my life. Then I met Steve. We will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary this year. Believe me. There is someone out there for you. You may not meet her today, or next month, but your life will work out just the way it is supposed to. Chin up. Be happy to be you and realize that everything is truly going to be OK. :flowerforyou:0
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Honestly when it comes to relationships weight comes into play very little. I've been at least 80lbs overweight my whole life and somehow I managed to find some one who is more than height-weight proportional (in fact he's muscular and can carry me around o.O). Now I'm not saying that to brag by any means. What I am trying to say is that when you find the right person you find them. The main reason he started dating me wasn't because I was the physical idea of perfection but because of my confidence. I know I'm overweight, he knows I'm overweight, but I don't carry myself as so. When I am out in public I walk with my head held high and know that regardless of how much (or how little) I weigh I'm still a beautiful person. And I know that sounds stupid to some level but when it comes to finding someone a lot of times it boils down to your own confidence. You even said a girl likes you but you don't like her that way... so IT IS POSSIBLE. YOU JUST NEED TO FIND THE RIGHT ONE. That's going to come when you least expect it! Just be patient, walk with your head held high and love will find you (not the otherway around!)0
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And darn my phone internet it tried to post this twice >.<0
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You're very handsome to begin with take it easy, get yourself out there. Bookstores, running clubs, hey even at the local grocery store on a Thursday night or Friday night. Try local community events. Libraries. I know everyone keeps mentioning dating sites, eh... try the real world, too. Dog parks, hey even if you don't have a dog. GO there and talk and ask about 'their' dogs. Idk? it's a thought.
I belong to a running group. I find out about all the community events, camps, local college races. It's fun. For me, it's not my weight. It's my age. I am running against people 10-20 years younger than me and it doesn't stop me. If anything I am stronger and have more confidence because of it.
You have your youth on your side, embrace it. Have confidence. Women LOVE a man with confidence!!! And way to go with your weight loss. :flowerforyou:0 -
Tell mom to back off haha i mean no offense to her, but I have a friend who's family is focused on dating and marriage to the extreme and he has made his whole life about it. Every girl he sees is a potential future wife. He's become almost obsessive over it. and coming from a married woman we don't look for the most attractive guy always. In fact I looked for the guy with the best personality. he had a nice body, he had a six pack and killed my friends who were religious gym freaks and schooled them and my military friend in weight lifting and work out circuits. I like my guys with a little fluff (quickly fixed that after marriage I'm a great cook haha) anyways even if you do weigh less now do you really want to date the girl that wouldn't look twice at you when you were overweight but now what your in way better shape is all about you? Not the kind of girl you want. and as for the girl that likes you You need to just say "hey this is what I heard and this is how i feel" i don't think I'd keep talking to her about other girls if she is your friend and you know she likes you... its just cruel. i have been "that girl' before. the one thats his best friend and it kills ya to know he doesn't want you but wants the "skank" that could never treat him as good as you, and you could never compete with because she is this that and the other but isn't good for him... don't do that to her. it may make it easier for you, but is it good for her as your fried?0
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