vent

pjs2780
pjs2780 Posts: 41 Member
edited November 2024 in Motivation and Support
sorry about this, but i just need to put it out there. a co-worker said to me "you need to stop losing weight. you're going to become anorexic. do you eat carbs? [yes] so all that weight loss is just from exercise? [no, it's from eating in moderation and exercising regularly]. well, you must be tired all the time."
w...t...f

has this happened to anyone else? how did you deal with it? because right now i am seething in anger and planning to wear ALL OF MY CLOTHES (chandler-style) so i don't have to hear anything like this again.
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Replies

  • Eire228
    Eire228 Posts: 238 Member
    I'm sorry :\ Don't let people like that get you down. Their comments about anorexia show that they know nothing about it (you need to stop losing weight or you will become anorexic? yeah, ok.) Sounds like this person may be jealous of your weight loss. I've had people make comments like that to me, and usually it's from people that I know would also like to lose weight, but haven't been able to do it. They may have said those things to you to make themselves feel better about their own situation. That for you to lose weight either means you have an eating disorder, or you're tired all the time. Both of which are undesirable states of being, and probably makes your coworker feel better about not getting into such situations.

    As long as you are healthy and not harming yourself, go on with your bad self! And ignore the silly negative comments! :)
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    The best way is to blow it away. Unfortunately there is a lot of ignorance when it comes to weight loss and a lot of assumptions.
    You know that you're doing it properly assumptions nd doing great.. that's what matters!

    All the best,
    Adam
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    You can either deal with it directly by having a word with them so it doesnt repeat or yopu can chill out and push it to one side. What I wouldnt do is get worked up about it as thats such a ridiculous waste of energy.
  • lishie_rebooted
    lishie_rebooted Posts: 2,973 Member
    It was Joey who wore all of Chandler's clothes.
  • AnnimalHse
    AnnimalHse Posts: 1
    Envy, pure and simple! Sounds like women at my office!
  • Unknown
    Unknown
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  • PurpleYFronts
    PurpleYFronts Posts: 344 Member
    Don't be too frustrated by what people say, however don't dismiss them either. While someone may not be that good at conveying what they are trying to say, is there a point to what they are saying? Are you dropping weight too quickly or dropping below a healthy weight for your age/gender etc. If this is not the case, then just let it breeze over you. If it is possibly the case then hopefully you can recognise that.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    I used to get it a lot as I was losing weight. It actually made me more determined to keep it off! Why you are angry, I can't really understand. People commenting....kindly or not...is a sign that your hard work is visibly paying off.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    Well, does she have a point? Are you underweight? You seem to be really upset by her comment.
  • Athos282
    Athos282 Posts: 405 Member
    Just smile and say, "Thanks for noticing the hard work I've put into bettering myself."
  • pjs2780
    pjs2780 Posts: 41 Member
    thanks all for the comments so far :smiley:
    right! joey. :blush: ha -- maybe i need to rewatch the series.
    i'm 35, 5', 132 lbs -- still above normal BMI and i've been at this for a year and a half, so concerns re: too fast, too much don't really apply.
    i'm upset because of the implication that there must be something wrong with me for me to have changed my body in this way -- surely it couldn't just be hard work :neutral_face:
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    pjs2780 wrote: »
    thanks all for the comments so far :smiley:
    right! joey. :blush: ha -- maybe i need to rewatch the series.
    i'm 35, 5', 132 lbs -- still above normal BMI and i've been at this for a year and a half, so concerns re: too fast, too much don't really apply.
    i'm upset because of the implication that there must be something wrong with me for me to have changed my body in this way -- surely it couldn't just be hard work :neutral_face:
    Okay, good to hear that you're not underweight. Sometimes, those comments are accurate and the person losing the weight can't see it.

    In your case, though, it sounds like she's just projecting. That happens a lot -- "of course there's something wrong with YOU, it couldn't just be eating less, because I don't want to face the fact that I could be doing that myself." Next time you see her, just smile to yourself and remember that she's looking for the thing you're doing wrong because she doesn't want to deal with her own issues.

  • amgreenwell
    amgreenwell Posts: 1,267 Member
    First, way to go on all of your progress!! You should be congratulated!!
    Okay, now, You could tell your coworker that her/his comments are 1. hurtful 2. none of their business 3. making you uncomfortable. There is no need for you to be harassed at work over your weight loss. When I began my healthy lifestyle I got lots of comments like that too, "your pants are getting too big", "you need to eat a cheeseburger", etc. Funny thing was I would eat cheeseburgers and drink beer when we went out as a group after work, but I guess they thought that was just for show. Being healthy and losing weight is nothing to be ashamed of, or mad about. Keep up what you are doing and maybe share with them all you've done to get there. It took me eating a lot in front of people and talking to them about my lifestyle before MOST of them understood. I still have one lady at work ask me if certain foods are on my "diet"...it drives me batty but I just let it go. Best of luck!
  • CandyMonster160
    CandyMonster160 Posts: 153 Member
    AnnimalHse wrote: »
    Envy, pure and simple! Sounds like women at my office!

    Nailed it. Sadly I have a few of the same people in my life and they try and bring you down to lift themselves up. Keep on doing exactly what you're doing and remember that... those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,753 Member
    amgreenwell wrote: »
    First, way to go on all of your progress!! You should be congratulated!!
    Okay, now, You could tell your coworker that her/his comments are 1. hurtful 2. none of their business 3. making you uncomfortable. There is no need for you to be harassed at work over your weight loss. When I began my healthy lifestyle I got lots of comments like that too, "your pants are getting too big", "you need to eat a cheeseburger", etc. Funny thing was I would eat cheeseburgers and drink beer when we went out as a group after work, but I guess they thought that was just for show. Being healthy and losing weight is nothing to be ashamed of, or mad about. Keep up what you are doing and maybe share with them all you've done to get there. It took me eating a lot in front of people and talking to them about my lifestyle before MOST of them understood. I still have one lady at work ask me if certain foods are on my "diet"...it drives me batty but I just let it go. Best of luck!

    I agree with this. If you see this person regularly and you are going to continue to change and improve your body it would be best to speak with her matter-of-factually and non-emotionally and explain why what she said was inappropriate. No need to be angry. Apparently she is not very informed on this topic. It's about HER, not you.

    Also agree with what AliceDark said.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    pjs2780 wrote: »
    sorry about this, but i just need to put it out there. a co-worker said to me "you need to stop losing weight. you're going to become anorexic. do you eat carbs? [yes] so all that weight loss is just from exercise? [no, it's from eating in moderation and exercising regularly]. well, you must be tired all the time."
    w...t...f

    has this happened to anyone else? how did you deal with it? because right now i am seething in anger and planning to wear ALL OF MY CLOTHES (chandler-style) so i don't have to hear anything like this again.

    It's so funny how different people are - if anyone ever said that to me I would be like THANK YOU OMG REALLY THANK YOU and blush and giggle and then hang out with that person all the time.
  • SteampunkSongbird
    SteampunkSongbird Posts: 826 Member
    These kind of faux-helpful comments often come from jealousy in my experience. I smile and nod and ignore.
  • NewMeSM75
    NewMeSM75 Posts: 971 Member
    ^^ Agreed. Normally jealousy.
  • tibby531
    tibby531 Posts: 717 Member
    haters gonna hate!
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,628 Member
    don't engage in these types of conversations with anyone (other than us LOL)
  • shadowloss
    shadowloss Posts: 293 Member
    I would just tell them I have a terminal illness that has caused me to lose weight, but not to worry it will be over soon. Then let them sit and think about if for the remainder of the day!
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,578 Member
    ROFL Shadowloss I was just going to say to respond with something similar...just to see how awkward it makes them feel. This of course depends on your relationship with the person.
    That's the snarky me. The diplomatic me would probably say something like "What on earth would make you think that's an appropriate question to ask someone? Seriously?"

    I am so sick of rude people, and this is the height of rudeness - unless the person is totally ignorant or naive.
  • booboo8213
    booboo8213 Posts: 15 Member
    Co workers r just going to be rude ....mine think I am losing to much weight too and they keep trying to shove junk down my throat...I think people are just starting to get jealous because your doing so well and they thought you were going to fail but u proved them wrong so don't give up n keep doing what you are doing and just ignore those people
  • AllTheNoms
    AllTheNoms Posts: 135 Member
    Sometimes I think these things depend on the mood you're in when the person makes the comments. I'm not sure how the comments were delivered, but I think I'd revel in it... I'm all "fuh yeah I've lost weight!!"
  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
    shadowloss wrote: »
    I would just tell them I have a terminal illness that has caused me to lose weight, but not to worry it will be over soon. Then let them sit and think about if for the remainder of the day!

    LOL I actually did something like that once. Someone made a stupid comment about losing weight too fast or something and asked what I was doing. I just said, "Well, I havent been feeling well these past few months, and am working with my doctor to figure it out". They felt SO bad and never said anything again (it was a random coworker i dont really talk to ever) :) I wouldnt necessariy ever do that again, and not sure why I did, but it was kind of funny to turn things around a bit.

  • RebelDiamond
    RebelDiamond Posts: 188 Member
    Sometimes people just don't understand weight loss.
    I have a male, naturally very slim co-worker who (even though is a friend and not disrespectful) struggles to understand why I eat the way I do (salad for lunch versus his two cheese and ham croissants and cookies).
    I also have friends who are overweight who seem to think I've magiced the weight off, because weight loss seems impossible to them (yoyo dieters).

    The important thing to remember when you're getting annoyed is that, their attitude/ignorance does not affect you and your journey.

    Finally, you can't catch an eating disorder from being thin just like you can't catch depression from watching sad movies...
  • pjs2780
    pjs2780 Posts: 41 Member
    thanks everyone for the support (and laughs -- definitely keeping the illness reason in my back pocket). after stewing for a few hours, i realize that i was so upset because
    1) this is HOW I LOOK. the heavy and unhealthy me of the past 5-ish years is not what i think of when i think of myself. this is (almost) the weight that i have been for the majority of my adult life. i am feeling awesome about myself and all of a sudden i hear "what you're doing to make yourself feel good is sick/bad/weird." i know it's not. my doctor agrees that it's not. but it threw me. it made me wonder if i should be ashamed. which makes no sense because
    2) i never once, over the past 3 years when my weight gain was most pronounced, heard "are you okay?" or "is something going on that's causing you to eat a 1500 calorie lunch everyday?" or "you haven't talked about the gym in a while and i know that's something you usually enjoy." that's when i needed someone to be concerned! that's when i needed someone to point out that i actually WAS unhealthy. not now. because i'm not. and
    3) why would someone try to make me feel bad about myself just to make themselves feel better?
  • tibby531
    tibby531 Posts: 717 Member
    pjs2780 wrote: »
    why would someone try to make me feel bad about myself just to make themselves feel better?

    I think you answered your own question, there. :/
  • luluinca
    luluinca Posts: 2,899 Member
    Here's a good one. My sister, who makes Christmas cookies every year, told me she wasn't sending us any because I can't eat them anymore. What? First of all, I make and give out Christmas cookies myself every year.................have since I was 20. Second, she has no clue what I do and don't eat. Of course, she's never been on a diet in her life so there's that to contend with. She lives in another state so we don't spend much time together but still..................it's aggravating when people assume they know what you can and can't eat.

    Between that and the "weight lifting will make you bulky" comments................... :\
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,213 Member
    pjs2780 wrote: »
    thanks everyone for the support (and laughs -- definitely keeping the illness reason in my back pocket). after stewing for a few hours, i realize that i was so upset because
    1) this is HOW I LOOK. the heavy and unhealthy me of the past 5-ish years is not what i think of when i think of myself. this is (almost) the weight that i have been for the majority of my adult life. i am feeling awesome about myself and all of a sudden i hear "what you're doing to make yourself feel good is sick/bad/weird." i know it's not. my doctor agrees that it's not. but it threw me. it made me wonder if i should be ashamed. which makes no sense because
    2) i never once, over the past 3 years when my weight gain was most pronounced, heard "are you okay?" or "is something going on that's causing you to eat a 1500 calorie lunch everyday?" or "you haven't talked about the gym in a while and i know that's something you usually enjoy." that's when i needed someone to be concerned! that's when i needed someone to point out that i actually WAS unhealthy. not now. because i'm not. and
    3) why would someone try to make me feel bad about myself just to make themselves feel better?

    There was a woman in my office who lost a bunch of weight (80lbs maybe) and I remember worrying about her health. I think it was because I hadn't seen the slow transition. I LIKED her. In my case it was legitimate concern, no ill will intended. It was a long time ago so I can't recall whether I expressed my concern. Not impossible that I made the same kind of gaffe. It didn't take long till I got used to the new slim version and I stopped worrying.

    I lost 40 lbs at one point and had a coworker come to me and say that my face was prettier before I lost weight. Bugged me. But I know this person cared about me, she was just a little lacking in the social graces department.
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