Fat Shaming Yourself

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Replies

  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
    One final note, I think self-compassion can be highly bidirectional with taking action in your life, the more I accept myself, the more able I am to be flexible and sustain these changes, and the more that I WANT to fight for the best life I can have, and the more I actually do the work and make healthy choices day by day the more I accept myself. And so on.
  • lthames0810
    lthames0810 Posts: 722 Member
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    lthames0810 wrote: »
    I don't understand how the postivie self talk works. I have some awful ideas in my head about my size and who's to blame for that. Saying to myself that it's okay and I'm still wonderful isn't going to make me believe it. If I tell myself over and over that the sky is green, it won't make me believe it's so.

    So you think that every single person who is overweight is a worthless waste of space? Or just yourself?

    Just myself. I understand that it makes no sense to hate myself for allowing myself to get fat, but I can love others who have done the same. I don't know how to change that.

  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    lthames0810 wrote: »
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    lthames0810 wrote: »
    I don't understand how the postivie self talk works. I have some awful ideas in my head about my size and who's to blame for that. Saying to myself that it's okay and I'm still wonderful isn't going to make me believe it. If I tell myself over and over that the sky is green, it won't make me believe it's so.

    So you think that every single person who is overweight is a worthless waste of space? Or just yourself?

    Just myself. I understand that it makes no sense to hate myself for allowing myself to get fat, but I can love others who have done the same. I don't know how to change that.

    I think recognizing that it's not just you or your friends who caused the weight to be gained might help. Nobody lives in a vacuum. We live in a world that is set up so that if we don't structure our food choices in a very conscious way, the default outcome is overweight and obesity. Think about that! That wasn't always the case. The cause of the gain wasn't just down to you. The answer to it is, though.
  • Russandol
    Russandol Posts: 71 Member
    I'm absolutely vicious when it comes to fat-shaming myself. I know all the weak spots, so there's no mercy. I'll even use the words my bullies taunted me with in school.

    I'd never, ever say the things I say to myself to another person. Oh no. But to myself? Sure. I get to do that, because this is me. Not someone else, someone who gets to be what they are and do what they do. I don't.

    In addition to verbally/mentally beating myself up, I also set impossible goals for myself, so I can twist the knife when I inevitably fail. And did I mention I self-sabotage?

    ... yeah. Not so healthy, I know. But I've been doing it for years and it's a hard habit to break. I honestly feel like I'd be deluding myself if I gave myself a bit of leeway/love.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    I think the pendulum has swung too far for far too many with the self-worth argument

    Sometimes what we do is not OK and we have to accept that or the consequences of what we do

    Yes, I admitted earlier I was body dysmorphic in the positive way, so no I have never felt ashamed of my body or hated myself for it... but I always knew (in my busting out of my UK size 16s ..US size 12s...way) that I was overweight, I just didn't unduly care .. but I always knew it was my own fault because I ate too much and moved too little

    There's a parenting argument this spins into this too .. too many parents, in my view, give meaningless praise all the time to little ones .. oh did you just walk down that step, well done, aren't you amazing .. that doesn't build self-worth .. it's pointless .. praise effort / praise endeavour, empathise with failure but praise the getting back on the horse / getting up and over the obstacle / picking yourself up and brushing yourself off and doing it again .. this extrapolates to self-worth too

    You can love yourself whilst accepting your own faults .. it's what makes us human .. but it's your decision whether you decide to do anything about that .. and tbh this is a closed audience because being here means you're doing something about it .. that's worth praising yourself
  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
    ote="lthames0810;31139396"]
    NoelFigart1 wrote: »
    lthames0810 wrote: »
    I don't understand how the postivie self talk works. I have some awful ideas in my head about my size and who's to blame for that. Saying to myself that it's okay and I'm still wonderful isn't going to make me believe it. If I tell myself over and over that the sky is green, it won't make me believe it's so.

    Do you motivate people around you by saying hateful things? I mean, God knows I don't need pets and strokes all the time, and I don't talk to myself that way, but ya know, when I'm teaching someone, there is a gradient. I can call them an idiot for not knowing something, or we can acknowledge that, nope, they don't know it, so let's get to working on that.

    I'm hardly fluffybunny, but I sure as hell don't think being hateful is productive.

    I'm not sure how you got from my words to the idea that I speak hatefully to others. I don't feel hateful toward other people, either. (Well, maybe one or two.)

    I treat myself harshly in my thoughts. No, it's not at all productive. I wouldn't speak to another person the same way. I do see the illogic in that, but I don't know how to change it.

    [/quote]

    I see. Well that's certainly tough. I hope you learn to treat yourself with the same courtesy you'd treat another. Since you are clearly aware that being unkind doesn't motivate other people I hope that you can stop being unkind to yourself.

    A way that is often recommended is to be conscious of self-talk and remind yourself to talk to yourself the same way you'd talk to someone you loved.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    lthames0810 wrote: »
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    lthames0810 wrote: »
    I don't understand how the postivie self talk works. I have some awful ideas in my head about my size and who's to blame for that. Saying to myself that it's okay and I'm still wonderful isn't going to make me believe it. If I tell myself over and over that the sky is green, it won't make me believe it's so.

    So you think that every single person who is overweight is a worthless waste of space? Or just yourself?

    Just myself. I understand that it makes no sense to hate myself for allowing myself to get fat, but I can love others who have done the same. I don't know how to change that.

    Focus on what you're doing to change things and how positive that is. You don't have to make it all sunshine and unicorns but take some time to mark your accomplishments - workouts, meals, everything you do that takes you towards your goals deserves to be noted.
  • Revonue
    Revonue Posts: 135 Member
    I find shaming myself to be counter-productive, because I see becoming fit and healthy a positive thing to do for myself. Why would I do something nice for someone I don't like?

    And I think shaming yourself is not sustainable for a lifetime. It's sad to me that someone finds it necessary to beat themselves into submission for years and years. Learning to love and accept yourself is hard, and it doesn't necessarily mean "I have no need to change, so I am not going to". It means "I appreciate myself enough to make changes for a better future".
  • crosbylee
    crosbylee Posts: 3,455 Member
    I think this is something that I spent so much time doing, in a way, to try and get myself going. As someone who is starting this journey with the mindset that I want to succeed, it will take some time to change that habit, just like changing my old eating and exercise habits. I have never been a person to pat myself on the back and talk myself up, telling myself things are ok the way they are; when they obviously aren't. I appreciate everyone's comments and suggestions. I honestly never thought this thread would take off like this. I guess I am not alone in this boat after all.
  • crazykatlady_
    crazykatlady_ Posts: 46 Member
    Revonue wrote: »
    I find shaming myself to be counter-productive, because I see becoming fit and healthy a positive thing to do for myself. Why would I do something nice for someone I don't like?

    And I think shaming yourself is not sustainable for a lifetime. It's sad to me that someone finds it necessary to beat themselves into submission for years and years. Learning to love and accept yourself is hard, and it doesn't necessarily mean "I have no need to change, so I am not going to". It means "I appreciate myself enough to make changes for a better future".

    This is how I feel too.

  • happygalah
    happygalah Posts: 343 Member
    Since I am Asian, being fat is a cultural shame and family, strangers, and others don't hesitate to tell you when you have gained weight. If you have a secure sense of worth, then shaming is an indication that you have transgressed a social norm.

    Here is an article that explains it.

    http://breadbeforerice.blogspot.com.au/2014/05/the-lighter-side-of-asian-fat-shaming.html
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    Revonue wrote: »
    And I think shaming yourself is not sustainable for a lifetime. It's sad to me that someone finds it necessary to beat themselves into submission for years and years. Learning to love and accept yourself is hard, and it doesn't necessarily mean "I have no need to change, so I am not going to". It means "I appreciate myself enough to make changes for a better future".

    I don't think it's much of conscious thing, tbh.
  • sugarnspice33
    sugarnspice33 Posts: 15 Member
    I don't know if I'm beating myself up or just coming to terms with ny reality....I've lost a total of 135lbs over a six period. I lost the last 50lbs during a six month stint of unemployment during which I exercised daily. Just a little background during this six year time frame I got engaged, had 2 job promotions, moved a acrossed the state, got married and moved across the country w/out a job.
    -
    I now realized how I let myself go. I now recognized the stress of those life changing events but when I see pictures of myself I'm totally embarrassed. I want to o destroy all evidence of that period of my life...I'm angry that my partner, family a d friends never said anything to me about my weight gain. To make matters worse none have them have acknowledged my weight loss either...
    it's like there is a pink elephant n the room( whose now a flamingo, lol)
    -
    Seeing how quickly the last 50lbs came off with regular exercise snd a moderate diet I'm angry at myself for not taking up crossfit sooner. i'm ashamed to say that my heaviest was 265lbs and my current is 127 lbs/ height 5'4"..this is why I haven't posted a pic.
    -
    Trying to forgive myself for neglecting me.
  • crosbylee
    crosbylee Posts: 3,455 Member
    Sugar congrats on the loss and all the hard work you have put in on yourself. Now is the time to acknowledge that you can keep yourself this way and be happy. Be proud and put up that pic!
  • KnM0107
    KnM0107 Posts: 355 Member
    rocknrollfire wrote: »
    it's an actual fact that people perform better from positive reinforcement. shaming yourself does nothing than make you feel awful. rather than focusing on what you dislike about your body, try making a list of everything you do like. i promise you'll come out of it feeling a whole lot better, and a whole lot more motivated.

    Why is it so hard for people to understnd that people are different? Open your mind to the fact that people might not be like you. Anyway, I am already at goal and have been maintaining for over a year with intuitive eating. I responded better to fat shaming myself.
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