Getting my Mom started

ishepelska · February 2015

I am looking for suggestions how I can motivate my mom to start a weight loss journey and a healthier lifestyle.

My mom used to be quite thin in her youth, and it took her no effort to keep a healthy weight almost up till menopause. Now that she is 55, she gained some weight. Needless to say it makes her less healthy, less happy and less confident. She wants to lose weight.
I told her all I knew about a healthy diet, calories, macros, showed her MFP. I forwarded links to various workouts, like Walk at Home and short full-body workouts for people with bad knees (that was her big concern when it comes to exercise), showed her a Couch to 5K app. She tried them once, said she liked them and never pushed "play" again. I would love for her to join a group class, as that is the best way to start when you're so new to exercise. However, I know she will not sign up for it herself, and I cannot afford to do it for her.
She tells me sometimes that she did hula hoop for 5 minutes or 10 squats in the morning or skipped that extra cookie. And she lives the whole week with a sense of accomplishment after that. I know that for her to lose weight, she needs to be involved, motivated, excited.
What can I do to inspire and motivate her to make that first step?

mbam89 · February 2015

Can you do things with her just to get her started? What if you sign up for a class together, or go for a walk together?

aeviescas · February 2015

How far away do you two live? The easiest thing to do is just to do it with her--healthy meals, exercise, etc. That's what I do with my mom and she's about the same age. I even log meals that she can copy.

But other than being an example, there's not much you can do if the problem is motivational.

Ready2Rock206 · February 2015

If she doesn't want to do it there is nothing you can do. She's a grown woman. You can't force her to do anything. When she's ready she will do the work.

AllOutof_Bubblegum · February 2015

There's nothing you can do for her that you haven't done already. Your mom is going to have to find her own motivation.

Something about horses, and water, something something.

ishepelska · February 2015

Thanks, guys.
We live in different parts of the city. I do workout DVDs at home, and can't imagine inviting my mother over for a sweaty T25 session ))). A class together would be nice, maybe I can find a way to make it work.....

I am far from an expert but maybe I should make an exercise schedule and meal plan and do daily check ups )))... Oh, the switching of the roles...

PacificLotus · February 2015

I am far from an expert but maybe I should make an exercise schedule and meal plan and do daily check ups )))... Oh, the switching of the roles...

Do the smiles mean you're kidding? I'm getting close to your mom's age and I'd be pretty insulted if that was done.... You've tried doing the things that you think would help. Have you asked he what SHE thinks would be helpful?

ishepelska · February 2015

Half-joking, yes. I'm just afraid that I dumped too much information on her.
Oh, and her answer usually is that I've already helped.

NikkyT30 · February 2015

Maybe she needs baby steps. Start w more water one week and slowly incorporate other healthy things into her life. Maybe help her set one weekly goal and add a new goal every week. Habits are hard to break. Maybe it's an emotional thing.... I found that it was hard for me to focus on myself when I spend most for my time focused on others ( 2 medically ill parents ) however I realized that I would end up like them if I didn't change my ways. Maybe a heart to heart is in order. However if she doesn't have a heart to heart with herself there is only so much you can do. I read Dr Phils new 20/20 diet. I don't follow the meal plan ( it's too restrictive ) but a lot of the chapters deal with the emotion aspect, goal setting, and the why you over eat. It helped shed some light. Maybe it will help:) good luck to you and your mother

ishepelska · February 2015

I like the "one thing at a time" idea.

snowflake930 · February 2015

My best answer, she has to really want to do it.
If, and when, she is ready, be their for her with suggestions and advice if she asks for it.
It looks like you made good suggestions to her already. That is all you can do.

jazzyjez · February 2015

If you push her it could make her feel worse. Take all of this with an understanding that you know your mom best!:

My mom has had weight problems her entire life. Then I went on a diet several years ago and lost weight. At first she was annoyed because she cooks for my family once a week. But then she got inspired! She lost 30 pounds over a year and has kept it off better than me!

What if being healthy was something you were doing together instead of something you are doing for her? Maybe she doesn't want to reverse roles and it makes her feel worse - not only has she gained weight, but her daughter thinks she's incompetent... Getting old sure sucks! (I'm not saying you are positioning it that way, just that it's possible for someone to feel that way...?) Or position it some other way.

I like the post that asked if you have asked her how you can help. Or maybe just tell her you are worried about her and there for her.

And I agree that your job is to inspire her to get motivated. That she has to want it herself. Prescribing a plan for her - well, unless that's always been your role or she's a person who likes to follow someone else's idea of what's right for her - might be a little heavy handed.

breefoshee · February 2015

You gotta just role with it. My mom is the same way, unless its a weird fad diet that only lasts 2 weeks and involves grapefruit, she's not gonna try it. She want's to lose weight but she want's it to be easy.

I just let her be. Unless she asks me or mentions it... then I'll give my opinion... but she's gonna have to be motivated.

Lounmoun · February 2015

ishepelska wrote: »

She tells me sometimes that she did hula hoop for 5 minutes or 10 squats in the morning or skipped that extra cookie. And she lives the whole week with a sense of accomplishment after that.

For some people small changes like that are accomplishments. Respond positively and encourage her to continue making small healthy steps.
I would back off on telling your mom things to do though or bombarding her with information/plans. That can be overwhelming. If you want to invite her out for a weekly walk you could do that. If you like a recipe then share it with her.

LookAWalrus · February 2015

I'm in this position with my husband. We sat down and talked about my concerns for his health, happiness and longevity. There is nothing that I can do to force him and I wouldn't want to anyway, but he does need to know how his health is affecting our family unit. It has to be something HE (and your mom) wants for themselves. I presented the facts and the solution, and asked him what he small things he thought he could do now to help get on the road to being a healthier version of himself.

That's it. That's all either of us can do besides offering to do exercise related activities with them. You've made it clear what you want her to do. She may not be ready right now to work on herself. Drop it for a while and bring it up in a few months. Your heart is in the right place.

ishepelska · February 2015

Thanks, guys.

jazzyjez wrote: »

My mom has had weight problems her entire life. Then I went on a diet several years ago and lost weight. At first she was annoyed because she cooks for my family once a week. But then she got inspired! She lost 30 pounds over a year and has kept it off better than me

Good for her!
My mom also cooks for her husband, of course, and that food may be too heavy for her.

Now that I think of it, initially she did ask me to share what I know. Therefore, now it seems like she is just being lazy

I'll just leave her alone for now.

jennifershoo · February 2015

You can't change someone who doesn't want to change.

dopeysmelly · February 2015

Best thing you can do IMO is show through doing, but don't mention it at all. She'll see you doing your thing and if she's motivated, will ask.

GiveMeCoffee · February 2015

ishepelska wrote: »

Thanks, guys.

I am far from an expert but maybe I should make an exercise schedule and meal plan and do daily check ups )))... Oh, the switching of the roles...

If I was your mother this would just annoy me.

She's an adult, if she wants your help she'll ask for it. What you can do is continue taking care of yourself and she will see that, it may give her the push she needs to get started. But it is up to her to decide.

Grecoka · February 2015

GiveMeCoffee wrote: »

If I was your mother this would just annoy me.

To take that a step further, if I was your mother, it would make me push back and NOT do it.

Many others have said it before me - she's gotta want to do it herself. If she does, she'll find a way.

ishepelska · February 2015

But isn't it the same thing as delaying visiting a doctor because you're lazy or don't want to deal with what he says? I would probably kidnap my mother and took her to see a doctor if it was important.

Getting my Mom started

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