Should I just give up? Tired of this vicious circle...

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Jamaelsh
Jamaelsh Posts: 22 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm feeling so unmotivated and miserable. I've been trying to lose the same 20 pounds for 8 years.

I'm not overweight - just sort of average - 137lbs at 5"6. I'm trying to lose vanity pounds, yes, but I'm not ashamed to admit it. I wish I could just 'stop' wanting to lose weight, and I have tried very hard - but it never works. I always end up admitting that I'm in denial and that yes, I do want to lose weight. It's something that I've come to accept to be honest - I'm never going to be content with the body I'm in. A year ago I (somehow?) managed to get down to 125 and I was so, so happy. Fast forward one holiday followed shortly by christmas and Id regained every pound.

I struggle with binge eating and 'moderation.' I'm not one of these people that can 'just have a few' sweets. Once I have one, I lose control. I've tried to fix this (therapy etc) but it never lasts - I'm much better if I abstain. I enjoy having 'control' and that's what I've always enjoyed about calorie counting. When I count, I feel like I'm in control. I feel super happy. However, this backfires when I go over my limit, or eat something that I don't know the calorific value of. The happiness turns to feelings of failure - I become miserable. Many a wasted evening have been spent dwelling on yet another 'failed' day.

I don't know what I'm trying to get at... I guess I just don't know if I should be coming at this from a different angle. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks in advance!
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Replies

  • Jamaelsh
    Jamaelsh Posts: 22 Member
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    Just a separate note before anyone recommends if... I've tried intuitive eating - I gained a tonne of weight. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't like it as a way of eating, really. If I eat 'intuitively,' I eat 80% junk.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    Stop dieting and make a life change.
  • melly0405
    melly0405 Posts: 215 Member
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    I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to lose a few vanity pounds but maybe your body is meant to be at your current weight. I am addicted to sugar and I too have to abstain as I can not have one cookie as one leads to me eating the entire tray! I say keep counting your calories but take it one day at a time so if you exceed your caloric goal today let it go, feeling bad about it doesn't solve anything tomorrow is a new day and a new chance. Life is about balance. Good luck with your journey and try not to be so hard on yourself.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    137 at 5'6

    Yes stop dieting for vanity if it's making you miserable

    Start lifting weights ..body recomposition through progressive compound lifts ..that's how to hit vanity targets
  • stif9
    stif9 Posts: 33 Member
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    You are stuck inside your head.
    Search how to meditate and join a gym and start lifting.
    Remember you are much more than your *kitten* thoughts, dont live a miserable life.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    You're close enough to your goals that meaningful amounts of exercise will almost certainly need to play a role in achieving your desires. Perhaps its time to stop thinking about weight, and start thinking about fitness. Throw in a small calorie deficit and you'll be golden.
  • loulamb7
    loulamb7 Posts: 801 Member
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    rabbitjb wrote: »
    137 at 5'6

    Yes stop dieting for vanity if it's making you miserable

    Start lifting weights ..body recomposition through progressive compound lifts ..that's how to hit vanity targets

    Winner, winner^^^^This 100%
  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
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    I can relate. My stats are very similar, too. Have you tried getting into a healthier routine? Like preparing your meals with balanced macros for the next few days. That gives you control. And set times to go to the gym certain days per week. Do exercises you enjoy and try new things too. Send me a message if you want to chat more!
  • Jamaelsh
    Jamaelsh Posts: 22 Member
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    melly0405 wrote: »
    I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to lose a few vanity pounds but maybe your body is meant to be at your current weight. I am addicted to sugar and I too have to abstain as I can not have one cookie as one leads to me eating the entire tray! I say keep counting your calories but take it one day at a time so if you exceed your caloric goal today let it go, feeling bad about it doesn't solve anything tomorrow is a new day and a new chance. Life is about balance. Good luck with your journey and try not to be so hard on yourself.

    I just can't ever seem to let it go. I try and look past it but inside I'm just miserable! I hate how much it effects me but I'd be lying if I said it didn't. I'd just like to get to a point where I'm not feeling like I've failed all the time - that would save me all the misery! I'm worried that by continuing to count calories I continue to set myself up for failure. On the other hand, I worry that If I don't count, I'll gain.
  • aubreyjordan
    aubreyjordan Posts: 276 Member
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    I'm 5'6" and would love to see 137 on the scale. I think 117 would be too low for my height, but you may have a naturally thinner frame than I do. As another poster said, try weights for body recomposition. If being your current weight makes you miserable, then I don't think you should give up. If you know you can't stop at just 1, then don't have the 1. You sound like you're able to abstain fairly well. But completely denying yourself of treats that you love will backfire. The most important thing though is to have a positive attitude. You did it before, you can do it again!
  • Amanda4change
    Amanda4change Posts: 620 Member
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    In my humble opinion you should stop what you're doing. Instead of trying to lose the weight I would focus on building fitness and body recomp. Yes still count calories, but at or slightly below maintaince, toss in some cardio and a lifting program.
  • Jamaelsh
    Jamaelsh Posts: 22 Member
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    rabbitjb wrote: »
    137 at 5'6

    Yes stop dieting for vanity if it's making you miserable

    Start lifting weights ..body recomposition through progressive compound lifts ..that's how to hit vanity targets

    I'm trying to get into strength training... It's just, I'm not really interesting in building a muscular figure. Slim and toned is the aim! I'm afraid that if I don't lose the fat before toning, I'll just look the same - just more muscly! And I already have a lot of natural muscle as it is. Can strength training really 'slim' the body without a definitive calorie deficit? I'm skeptical.
  • Amanda4change
    Amanda4change Posts: 620 Member
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    If you are at maintaince or a deficit you won't gain bulk, it's not possible. Gaining bulk takes a calorie surplus and a hell of a lot of work
  • MickeyCastello
    MickeyCastello Posts: 269
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    I would suggest that you stop beating yourself up, and stop getting completely derailed when you have a bad day. They happen... even in maintenance. Write the day off, and get back on the wagon the next day. When you get up in the morning, tell yourself "I'm gonna follow my plan just today." Yesterday and tomorrow don't exist in this conversation. Then do it again and again. Each "today" will turn into a week, then a month and then a year. And you know what will happen then. Good luck.
  • Athos282
    Athos282 Posts: 405 Member
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    Jademarielizabeth wrote: »
    rabbitjb wrote: »
    137 at 5'6

    Yes stop dieting for vanity if it's making you miserable

    Start lifting weights ..body recomposition through progressive compound lifts ..that's how to hit vanity targets

    I'm trying to get into strength training... It's just, I'm not really interesting in building a muscular figure. Slim and toned is the aim! I'm afraid that if I don't lose the fat before toning, I'll just look the same - just more muscly! And I already have a lot of natural muscle as it is. Can strength training really 'slim' the body without a definitive calorie deficit? I'm skeptical.

    Slim and toned = muscular. You're not going to turn into Mrs. Hulk, but lifting in order to build muscle and reduce fat will give you the look you want.
  • Jamaelsh
    Jamaelsh Posts: 22 Member
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    Mr_Knight wrote: »
    You're close enough to your goals that meaningful amounts of exercise will almost certainly need to play a role in achieving your desires. Perhaps its time to stop thinking about weight, and start thinking about fitness. Throw in a small calorie deficit and you'll be golden.

    This sounds promising... It's just I've always thought that since I'm already at an average rate, I'd need a much lower calorie deficit to lose any weight.

  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
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    You were never very in control if you are tracking your calories AFTER you consumed them.

    It's strange to me that you don't mention exercise or fitness at all. Do you work out?
  • Muppyooh
    Muppyooh Posts: 290 Member
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    This is not about your weight. Or your body. Those are symptoms of the underlying problem. Those are the way the real problem manifests itself. Dig deeper. See a professional and get to the root of the "failure" and "not good enough" feelings.
    Yes, I'm a therapist. Lol.
    Good luck!!!!
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    I lost 30 pounds, could afford to lose another 20 but I'm over the weight loss thing. Instead I lift weights and while the scale hasn't budged, my body looks completely different. Maybe what you need to do is stop thinking you need to lose weight and lift instead. As somebody else said, body recomp through compound lifts.
  • Jamaelsh
    Jamaelsh Posts: 22 Member
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    TiaBia9 wrote: »
    I can relate. My stats are very similar, too. Have you tried getting into a healthier routine? Like preparing your meals with balanced macros for the next few days. That gives you control. And set times to go to the gym certain days per week. Do exercises you enjoy and try new things too. Send me a message if you want to chat more!

    This is going to sound really, really ridiculous - but I've never really enjoyed the 'meal prep' lifestyle. A lot of body builder style diets are composed of preparing a few days worth of meals in little Tupperware containers... I guess I just don't want to become too OCD about it all if that makes any sense? I do like the idea if trying to get into a healthier lifestyle... It's just how to not feel like a failure when I eat something that isn't so healthy. It's funny. 'Planned' treats are always fine - I feel comfortable eating treats/sweets etc when I'm expecting them. It's when I eat them unplanned that everything goes to crap! Thanks for the advice, I'll message you!

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