Should I just give up? Tired of this vicious circle...
Options
Replies
-
denise123177 wrote: »This is not about your weight. Or your body. Those are symptoms of the underlying problem. Those are the way the real problem manifests itself. Dig deeper. See a professional and get to the root of the "failure" and "not good enough" feelings.
Yes, I'm a therapist. Lol.
Good luck!!!!
^^^^This! Your problem is not your weight, but your self image and sense of self worth. If you never take these issues head on, you will never be happy in your own skin. Best of luck.0 -
It sounds an awful lot to me like your issue have a lot more to do with a mental battle you are playing with yourself than anything else.
Since you are sick of this horrible cycle that is making you miserable why not just try the strength training and see how you like the results you get?
It's not like you are going to change your body composition overnight. It surely won't hurt you.
Personally I think you should try to figure out why you seem insistent on making yourself miserable. Are you scared of being happy or self acceptance? You can want to change your body shape and still not be miserable when you don't.
Life's too damn short to be so miserable.
0 -
I'm struggling with similar thoughts. However, quitting is definitely not an option for me, and it sounds like that's not really in your plans either! I too feel better when I count calories, so I don't think stopping that will solve your problem. I agree with what others said above: weight lifting will give you new goals and new achievements to look forward to. It will remind you how amazing your body is, how much you're capable of, what you can do when you set your mind to it! Plus, seeing lifting gains, like more definition or increasing the weights, will definitely be rewarding! It's not all about the number on the scale. That's what I'm trying to remind myself
Hope you find a way to build a better mind set and get to a place where you're happy with yourself!0 -
0 -
If you lose 20 pounds, it puts you at a BMI of 18.8 which is on the low side. I agree perhaps you are wanting to force your body to a point that is hard to sustain.
I'm the same height as you, and I've been between 105 and 145lbs, and I can honestly say I was unhappiest, both as a person and with my body, at 105. I made myself miserable by worrying about what I ate, I avoided going out with friends if it involved food or alcohol, and at the same time I felt weak and flabby despite the fact you could see my ribs and hipbones through tight dresses.
I maintained 115lbs for a while but since I started eating a little more and made an effort to include resistance training, I'm the happiest I've ever been with my body and I'm at 122lbs. My stomach is flat, I still have a nice curvy shape and I've made my pancake butt rounder. I have lots of energy, I enjoy socialising more, I feel confident, and I don't beat myself up about a burger or beer. I certainly don't look 'muscular'.
I don't know what the therapy you've had entailed, but it sounds like you see food as something to battle with, that has the power to defeat you and makes you feel inferior. I kind of think that thinking has to change before you can be successful in feeling better about yourself. How about approaching it more positively, by planning healthy meals that you enjoy, that look attractive, and focusing on how it will benefit your body? It seems at the moment that you're setting yourself up for failure.0 -
azulvioleta6 wrote: »You were never very in control if you are tracking your calories AFTER you consumed them.
It's strange to me that you don't mention exercise or fitness at all. Do you work out?
I've been running 3-4 miles 3-4 times a week for the last year or so. Before that I was at the gym doing HIIT - I've just rejoined. I LOVE exercise but I'm not very strong - I can't do one proper sit-up and lunges just about kill me! I don't understand what you mean about the calories though - doesn't everybody 'track as they go'? xxx
0 -
Jademarielizabeth wrote: »I can relate. My stats are very similar, too. Have you tried getting into a healthier routine? Like preparing your meals with balanced macros for the next few days. That gives you control. And set times to go to the gym certain days per week. Do exercises you enjoy and try new things too. Send me a message if you want to chat more!
This is going to sound really, really ridiculous - but I've never really enjoyed the 'meal prep' lifestyle. A lot of body builder style diets are composed of preparing a few days worth of meals in little Tupperware containers... I guess I just don't want to become too OCD about it all if that makes any sense? I do like the idea if trying to get into a healthier lifestyle... It's just how to not feel like a failure when I eat something that isn't so healthy. It's funny. 'Planned' treats are always fine - I feel comfortable eating treats/sweets etc when I'm expecting them. It's when I eat them unplanned that everything goes to crap! Thanks for the advice, I'll message you!
Yeah, I understand that...I wasn't into it either for the same reasons. But it's been really helping me a lot! I love knowing what I'm going to eat. And it sounds like you might too since you already like the idea of planned treats. You are not a failure; you keep trying just like the rest of us do. I stick to the plan the majority of the time but there are definitely days I don't. And it's really OK, that's life.0 -
aubreyjordan wrote: »I'm 5'6" and would love to see 137 on the scale. I think 117 would be too low for my height, but you may have a naturally thinner frame than I do. As another poster said, try weights for body recomposition. If being your current weight makes you miserable, then I don't think you should give up. If you know you can't stop at just 1, then don't have the 1. You sound like you're able to abstain fairly well. But completely denying yourself of treats that you love will backfire. The most important thing though is to have a positive attitude. You did it before, you can do it again!
I know I'm already at what some would consider a good weight - I'm certainly not a large person - I just feel like I'm covered in a layer of blubber that would be much better off not there! Good point about the treats... Maybe I should just make a personal rule not to have any treats unless I've planned them in advance? Thanks for your advice!
0 -
azulvioleta6 wrote: »You were never very in control if you are tracking your calories AFTER you consumed them.
It's strange to me that you don't mention exercise or fitness at all. Do you work out?
Actually tracking calories before or after eating them is just a preference and one way or the other is not required for weight loss
0 -
aribeiro659 wrote: »If you are at maintaince or a deficit you won't gain bulk, it's not possible. Gaining bulk takes a calorie surplus and a hell of a lot of work
Very good point... Guess I'm just skeptical that lifting will give me the look I want. A whole lot of people are suggesting it though so I'm going to take it on board... Thanks for the advice!0 -
Jademarielizabeth wrote: »azulvioleta6 wrote: »You were never very in control if you are tracking your calories AFTER you consumed them.
It's strange to me that you don't mention exercise or fitness at all. Do you work out?
I've been running 3-4 miles 3-4 times a week for the last year or so. Before that I was at the gym doing HIIT - I've just rejoined. I LOVE exercise but I'm not very strong - I can't do one proper sit-up and lunges just about kill me! I don't understand what you mean about the calories though - doesn't everybody 'track as they go'? xxx
No--the point of tracking is to know ahead of time if your meals are going to fit your daily goals.
Meal prep is not a lifestyle and it is not OCD--cooking is something that normal people do.
I think that you need a lot more therapy and a weight training program.0 -
I 100% relate with you. I've been at 132-133 pounds for 7 months (I'm 5'5"). I want to get to 130 (ideally 125, but that's never gonna happen), but I haven't been able to... I do great for a couple days then I get massive craving and eat 1000 calories of cookies... Or I do great for a couple weeks then PMS hits and I end up undoing all my progress...
I lift (not as much as I should as I hate it) and exercise and the only progress I've seen is that my massive belly loose skin is squishier... so I don't think I'll ever be happy with the way I look no matter what I do at this point and I'm just going to have to accept it.0 -
denise123177 wrote: »This is not about your weight. Or your body. Those are symptoms of the underlying problem. Those are the way the real problem manifests itself. Dig deeper. See a professional and get to the root of the "failure" and "not good enough" feelings.
Yes, I'm a therapist. Lol.
Good luck!!!!
Therapy is not the answer for me. I'm (naturally) a very cynical person - and I've come to accept that's who I am. I don't believe in CBT nor the majority of psychotherapy. I can see benefits to meditation as someone suggested before, but I really don't have any major deep seated issues at all. I've not got great self confidence no, but I don't think the great majority of people is this overly-conscious world do. Thanks for the advice though!
0 -
I had to reply.....
Jade you have had some wonderful suggestions from others about how to help transform your body physically and you seem to embrace the idea of meditation as perhaps a way of helping to deal with the mental "misery" that you are going through.
I guess I feel sad that you seem resigned to this misery.....maybe the CBT and the therapist that you had was not right for you. Yes, it is hard for many to have self-confidence and that eats in your feelings of self worth and maybe you are trying to find happiness in a outer "ideal".
Please don't give up on finding inner peace, it may be through therapy (it can be hard to face at times the reality of how we actually undermine our progress, but it is only through facing this overcoming any obstacles that we move forward).....otherwise there really is a good chance that no matter what you "Do" to change your body, weight or other outward physical appearance you will never be satisfied, because it's the inner, emotional part of you that needs the transforming.
Anyway, if any of this resonates with you, I hope you find it helpful. You deserve to be happy both in spirit and in body.0 -
azulvioleta6 wrote: »Jademarielizabeth wrote: »azulvioleta6 wrote: »You were never very in control if you are tracking your calories AFTER you consumed them.
It's strange to me that you don't mention exercise or fitness at all. Do you work out?
I've been running 3-4 miles 3-4 times a week for the last year or so. Before that I was at the gym doing HIIT - I've just rejoined. I LOVE exercise but I'm not very strong - I can't do one proper sit-up and lunges just about kill me! I don't understand what you mean about the calories though - doesn't everybody 'track as they go'? xxx
No--the point of tracking is to know ahead of time if your meals are going to fit your daily goals.
Meal prep is not a lifestyle and it is not OCD--cooking is something that normal people do.
I think that you need a lot more therapy and a weight training program.
I cook a lot actually, I like cooking. I just don't like the idea of having tonnes of little plastic food boxes taking up my fridge... What if I don't really want to eat what I'd 'planned' a couple days previous? If there's one thing I do know - eating stuff you don't really want backfires. Does for me anyway! I do try to make a point of only eating foods that will satisfy me at the time.
0 -
If you lose 20 pounds, it puts you at a BMI of 18.8 which is on the low side. I agree perhaps you are wanting to force your body to a point that is hard to sustain.
I'm the same height as you, and I've been between 105 and 145lbs, and I can honestly say I was unhappiest, both as a person and with my body, at 105. I made myself miserable by worrying about what I ate, I avoided going out with friends if it involved food or alcohol, and at the same time I felt weak and flabby despite the fact you could see my ribs and hipbones through tight dresses.
I maintained 115lbs for a while but since I started eating a little more and made an effort to include resistance training, I'm the happiest I've ever been with my body and I'm at 122lbs. My stomach is flat, I still have a nice curvy shape and I've made my pancake butt rounder. I have lots of energy, I enjoy socialising more, I feel confident, and I don't beat myself up about a burger or beer. I certainly don't look 'muscular'.
I don't know what the therapy you've had entailed, but it sounds like you see food as something to battle with, that has the power to defeat you and makes you feel inferior. I kind of think that thinking has to change before you can be successful in feeling better about yourself. How about approaching it more positively, by planning healthy meals that you enjoy, that look attractive, and focusing on how it will benefit your body? It seems at the moment that you're setting yourself up for failure.
Thank you for your advice, so much appreciated. I have considered that 120 may be too low for me... But I've been just 5 pounds above that and felt very happy. I know, due to my beginning this topic with an epic moan, that I probably come across as being almost depressed; I'm not. Most of the time, believe it or not, I enjoy being myself - which happens to be pretty cynical. I guess you could say I am optimistically cynical. However, the one thing that I cannot bear is wasting time - and that's what I feel like I've been doing for 8 years. Wasting mounds and mounds of time trying to achieve something that I am no closer to reaching that I was when I started. I'm more frustrated then I am miserable.
I understand what you mean by a change in the way I look at things. I have tried not to react to failure so badly - I think it's just because it's gone on so long.
0 -
Jademarielizabeth wrote: »137 at 5'6
Yes stop dieting for vanity if it's making you miserable
Start lifting weights ..body recomposition through progressive compound lifts ..that's how to hit vanity targets
I'm trying to get into strength training... It's just, I'm not really interesting in building a muscular figure. Slim and toned is the aim! I'm afraid that if I don't lose the fat before toning, I'll just look the same - just more muscly! And I already have a lot of natural muscle as it is. Can strength training really 'slim' the body without a definitive calorie deficit? I'm skeptical.
The good news is that it's not irreversible. If you give lifting a good honest try for, say, six months and you don't like the results... simply stop. You'll revert to your previous condition rather quickly.
This thread doesn't really need another plug for strength training but I will say, at age 51, I'm happier with the appearance of my body than I've ever been in my life thanks to lifting.
0 -
I 100% relate with you. I've been at 132-133 pounds for 7 months (I'm 5'5"). I want to get to 130 (ideally 125, but that's never gonna happen), but I haven't been able to... I do great for a couple days then I get massive craving and eat 1000 calories of cookies... Or I do great for a couple weeks then PMS hits and I end up undoing all my progress...
I lift (not as much as I should as I hate it) and exercise and the only progress I've seen is that my massive belly loose skin is squishier... so I don't think I'll ever be happy with the way I look no matter what I do at this point and I'm just going to have to accept it.
It's so frustrating isn't it? Good luck in whatever you decide to do - I wish I could accept the body I'm in. Would make life a lot easier!
0 -
Spreyton22K wrote: »I had to reply.....
Jade you have had some wonderful suggestions from others about how to help transform your body physically and you seem to embrace the idea of meditation as perhaps a way of helping to deal with the mental "misery" that you are going through.
I guess I feel sad that you seem resigned to this misery.....maybe the CBT and the therapist that you had was not right for you. Yes, it is hard for many to have self-confidence and that eats in your feelings of self worth and maybe you are trying to find happiness in a outer "ideal".
Please don't give up on finding inner peace, it may be through therapy (it can be hard to face at times the reality of how we actually undermine our progress, but it is only through facing this overcoming any obstacles that we move forward).....otherwise there really is a good chance that no matter what you "Do" to change your body, weight or other outward physical appearance you will never be satisfied, because it's the inner, emotional part of you that needs the transforming.
Anyway, if any of this resonates with you, I hope you find it helpful. You deserve to be happy both in spirit and in body.
Thanks for this message - you are very kind. I've been in and out of therapy over the years so many times - met many lovely people, but never walked away feeling like anything was working. I've over used the word now - but I truly am, naturally, a very cynical person. I'm actually happy that way. If I try and deny this side of myself - I feel like an idiot.
Thanks again for your kind words. Truly, I am not a complete misery guts all the time! I just react very badly to failure and I can't stand how much time I've wasted getting nowhere. It's more frustration than misery.0 -
You are stuck inside your head.
^^This. I was in your mindset for years...actually my whole life. I used to be one who said I had no control, I couldn't do moderation, and I would never be able to lose weight again. You can do it, but it takes practice and throwing out all of those misconceptions about yourself out the window. Just now, I sat down and ate 42 grams of peanut M&Ms and stopped after that. I planned and logged ahead and had them this afternoon. I do that daily now with some type of snack or food I love, and it's enough to satisfy me. A year ago I would have told you that was impossible for me to do as I was the worst at binge eating and thought I could never overcome it. Moderation does take practice. At least it did for me, so don't beat yourself up if you find it hard. If you're like me, you were used to eating sweets in unlimited quantities. You have to retrain your thinking. I can't tell you one specific thing I did to retrain my thinking. It was a combination of several plus a lot of determination. I just know that in order for me to make a change for life giving up foods I love isn't an option, so I had to find a way to make it work. And I know this is cliche, but it's so, so true...if I can do it after the mindset I was in, ANYONE can. Don't shortchange yourself...
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 403 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 999 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions