Why are some people so unsupportive?

Annanna91
Annanna91 Posts: 54 Member
edited November 12 in Motivation and Support
In the past year I've lost around 25lbs through eating healthier and exercising more. Whilst I feel great and perceive myself to look a lot better, some people are really negative towards my new lifestyle.

My family (mother in particular) criticises my weight loss and says I've gone "too far" whilst friends have called me a "skinny *kitten*." I appreciate that I have lost weight, but I'm at healthy bmi now. I weight 118lbs and am 5'5 tall.

It's just got me wondering why they're so negative and has anyone been like this towards you before?
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Replies

  • acmanna
    acmanna Posts: 200 Member
    Maybe they are jealous? You are within a healthy weight range, you should be happy and proud of yourself. Maybe try sitting down with your mom to tell her how you feel.
  • maddyk91
    maddyk91 Posts: 193 Member
    Just tell everyone that your weight isnt a conversation topic. Period.

    Always works for me. ;)
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Depends. You're at the low end of female bmi so you probably look quite thin to them, even if you're technically still in the healthy range. Are you still trying to lose weight? Because I think 2.5 pound less and your in the unhealthy range for your height. It's so close that even if they are wrong, I could understand them being concerned.

    BTW, is your real name Anna? Just curious.
  • nilbogger
    nilbogger Posts: 870 Member
    Normally I would say these people are jealous, but in truth you are pretty thin. The low end of healthy BMI is not necessarily a good place for everyone of that height.
  • cherys
    cherys Posts: 387 Member
    People use skinny ***** as a compliment, and almost always out of jealousy.
    I think it's worth a quick chat with them, explaining you want to be fit and healthy. If they don't like that, spend more time with people who do. But also be honest with yourself: have you become obsessive at the expense of enjoying life? It's great that you are conscious of BMI and staying within it, but you are at the lower end of it. Weight loss enables us to live fit and healthy lives and look good. It's not an end in itself.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    I know for myself, personally at 5'5", I start to look a little ill.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
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  • suz155
    suz155 Posts: 326 Member
    I personally believe if many of my friends and family tell me something appears to be wrong, I need to look at it. They love me and they will tell me the truth.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    DavPul wrote: »
    Depends. You're at the low end of female bmi so you probably look quite thin to them, even if you're technically still in the healthy range. Are you still trying to lose weight? Because I think 2.5 pound less and your in the unhealthy range for your height. It's so close that even if they are wrong, I could understand them being concerned.

    BTW, is your real name Anna? Just curious.

    ^^^this.

    I'd also add that there is a range to account for various body types...not so that you can pick and choose a number within that range. Is it possible that in fact, your weight is too low for your body type.

    The low end of BMI for me is about 140 Lbs...given my body type I would look skeletal at that weight.

    People misapply BMI all the time because they don't understand the range.
  • runner475
    runner475 Posts: 1,236 Member
    edited February 2015
    suz155 wrote: »
    I personally believe if many of my friends and family tell me something appears to be wrong, I need to look at it. They love me and they will tell me the truth.
    +1
    Especially mom in particular.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I would also add that my parents have never shown concern where concern wasn't warranted. I don't know that your mom telling you that you've gone too far is "criticism"...I think she's genuinely concerned. Perhaps you should pay heed.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    edited February 2015
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    I would also add that my parents have never shown concern where concern wasn't warranted. I don't know that your mom telling you that you've gone too far is "criticism"...I think she's genuinely concerned. Perhaps you should pay heed.

    QFT

    I am 5ft5 and 131lbs... i would look ill at 118.
  • JustinAnimal
    JustinAnimal Posts: 1,335 Member
    To quote this really random dude from yesterday: "They peanut butter and jealous."
  • vixtris
    vixtris Posts: 688 Member
    You mother is probably looking out for you, health wise. You know how mothers are. But that doesnt mean you shouldnt listen to her. You can tell her that you are happy with your weight now, and you won't be losing any more (im guessing) it may make her feel a little better and back off. As for your friends, well theyre jealous lol. You can tell em to **** off, because I feel that would be appropriate for someone whos calling you a b****. Seriously, though, you may need to give them a serious and maybe slightly harsh talking to explaining you don't like the way they are treating you, and if they continue to do so, you can easily find new friends that will appreciate you for who you are and not what you look like.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    JustinAnimal wrote: »
    To quote this really random dude from yesterday: "They peanut butter and jealous."

    :laugh: but no.
  • xmarye
    xmarye Posts: 385 Member
    I have a friend that lost a LOT of weight a few years back, and I didn't want to judge her about it. A while after I learned that she had developed an ED while losing the weight. What I mean to say is: you can't judge a book by it's cover. It doesn't matter the weight, all that matters is how healthy you are. Some people can be heavier and have an ED! People can think what they want, but all that matters is if you're healthy of not. And you seem to be! :)
  • jellybaby84
    jellybaby84 Posts: 583 Member
    If your weight is healthy and you are healthy then you don't need to concern yourself with what anyone else thinks.
  • RollTideLisa
    RollTideLisa Posts: 41
    My daughter used to be overweight in high school and she lost 30 lbs. She is 5'5" as well and now weighs about 118 also. I think both of you look amazing. People that are critical may sincerely think they are being kind and supportive, but they need to think of your best health interest and being overweight isn't that. Way to go on the weight loss!!
  • beanerschnitzel
    beanerschnitzel Posts: 75 Member
    RollTideLisa wrote: »
    My daughter used to be overweight in high school and she lost 30 lbs. She is 5'5" as well and now weighs about 118 also. I think both of you look amazing. People that are critical may sincerely think they are being kind and supportive, but they need to think of your best health interest and being overweight isn't that. Way to go on the weight loss!!

    PREACH!!
  • michelle_816
    michelle_816 Posts: 621 Member
    edited February 2015
    Did you lose the weight gradually over the course of a year, or did you lose the 25 lbs quite quickly? Sometimes, when the weight comes off too fast, it may appear that we are going about losing in an unhealthy fashion. If you weighed 143 lbs before, you shouldn't have needed to lose more than a lb a week as you were not overweight at 143 lbs and 5'5 either.
  • SilverRose89
    SilverRose89 Posts: 447 Member
    edited February 2015
    I was also going to say did you lose the weight quite quickly? As that can look to outsiders that you might be doing something unhealthy. They'll get used to it though.

    As for mothers, well, there can be a fine line between criticism and them genuinely being concerned for you. I know with my Mum, when she criticises she is coming from a good place and even though it's a pain sometimes, she means well and usually is correct in what she is saying.

    However, only you know if that is the case with yours.
  • Annanna91
    Annanna91 Posts: 54 Member
    Whilst I do understand people's concerns, I still carry fat especially around my stomach. My intentions are no longer to reduce my weight but to reduce my body fat percentage. And my mother told me that when she got married she weighed 105lbs, and she was only one year older than I am now.
    DavPul wrote: »
    BTW, is your real name Anna? Just curious.
    Yes, yes it is.
  • JasonH_DFW
    JasonH_DFW Posts: 63 Member
    the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate?
  • rawstrongchick
    rawstrongchick Posts: 66 Member
    Your BMI is 19.6, and from your photo you have a naturally slim frame. I suspect that your family is just adjusting to your new size as there is nothing about either you appearance of weight which is alarming from a health perspective.

    You certainly don't need to lose more weight so it's good that you are focusing on going into maintenance with the aim of working on body fat rather than scale weight. All sounds very sensible to me. I'm sure that your family will come around to the new you with time to adjust.

    I'm petite with a BMI of 18.7 so I know how hard it is to keep your weight up when you are training (in my case lifting) hard. There is less margin for error, so my suggestion is to make sure you overdo rather than undo your maintenance calories to start off with.
  • 40andFindingFitness
    40andFindingFitness Posts: 497 Member
    I think people get used to an image of who they think you are and how you're supposed to look. As I continue with my journey, I've heard comments like, "Don't go losing too much now." (I started at 100lbs overweight are they kidding?) "When are you going to stop?" (at the 50lb lost point, to now "What are you doing anyway? I could lose a few pounds?" So I think it may border between wanting you to be careful to having to adjust to that fact that you're doing something about your weight and they may wish they were doing something about theirs.
  • sarahlifts
    sarahlifts Posts: 610 Member
    edited February 2015
    I feel your pain. Since beginning my body transformation, I've never received so much feedback on my body in my life and its all negative...except from my hubby.

    When I was obese no one said a word, no one offered me home made goodies just for me. No one told my I was fat lol.

    My mother tells me to stop working out and eat more, I just look at her and ask, Why didnt you tell me to stop eating so much and so poorly? Why do you tell me about my weight and say nothing to my 4 sisters who are morbidly OBESE. That shuts her up, REAL quick.

    Here is the thing, You have to celebrate your self. They weren't in the gym sweating with you. I hear those negative words ring in my ears, all the commentary I get on my body nothing positive at all. I just have to return to celebrating myself. I know where I was and where I am now. I am proud of myself. There is NOTHIN anyone can say to make me feel differently about my accomplishements.


    edited to add, I'm 5'7 and 143 lbs size 4. You are on the low end of the spectrum. I can understand a bit of concern your friends and family may have. <3
  • Brimixed
    Brimixed Posts: 186 Member
    BMI is complete BS haha. I'd take what your family and friends are saying into consideration. Sometimes you might feel that they're criticizing when really they are just concerned. There may be some underlying tension besides your weight loss maybe? Doesn't seem like it just has to do with them being 'unsupportive'. Talk to them about it.
  • xmarye
    xmarye Posts: 385 Member
    sarahlifts wrote: »
    I feel your pain. Since beginning my body transformation, I've never received so much feedback on my body in my life and its all negative...except from my hubby.

    When I was obese no one said a word, no one offered me home made goodies just for me. No one told my I was fat lol.

    My mother tells me to stop working out and eat more, I just look at her and ask, Why didnt you tell me to stop eating so much and so poorly? Why do you tell me about my weight and say nothing to my 4 sisters who are morbidly OBESE. That shuts her up, REAL quick.

    Here is the thing, You have to celebrate your self. They weren't in the gym sweating with you. I hear those negative words ring in my ears, all the commentary I get on my body nothing positive at all. I just have to return to celebrating myself. I know where I was and where I am now. I am proud of myself. There is NOTHIN anyone can say to make me feel differently about my accomplishements.

    Well said! Congrats on your loss and your new healthy habits. :)

    In the end, we have to do it for ourselves!
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,668 Member
    I would heed their comments and maybe look further into it. Same thing happened to me when I got down to 135lbs at 5'10" which was within my BMI. I thought I was doing great and kept waving people off with their comments. Then I saw a photo of myself and realized they were right, I was way too thin. I think those of us who've struggled with weight just can't see ourselves in the same light as those around us. Your family is telling you this out of concern not jealousy.
  • rjrobert
    rjrobert Posts: 45 Member
    I remember talking to a vet one time about a dog of mine because I thought the dog looked a little thin. The vet said that the reason we think the dog was thin was cause we are so used to seeing dogs that are too heavy..... Not saying this is the same thing for you. Your family has a mental image of you when you were heavier so a normal healthy weight might just look very thin from what they perceive is normal (for you). From looking at your picture which could be deceiving, I wouldn't loose more weight but I think you look incredibly healthy. Maybe doing some strength training to increase muscle mass if you wanted a goal to work on. In the mean time you did a friggen awesome job and you should be proud of the hard work you put into it.
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