So my dad died suddenly 3 days ago....

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stargazgal
stargazgal Posts: 93 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
On Sunday, I received the shock of my life that my dad suddenly died....so now, after 21 days on track, measuring, staying within calorie range, working out..starting to get results....I'm off the rails and don't know what to do...
I'm not hungry but when ppl bring me food...I'm forced to eat and it's been high carb foods...not too healthy and I feel like I'm undoing all the past month...I haven't been to gym because on top of this grief I'm super sick with head cold , likely because I haven't stopped crying...not sleeping and not eating properly....I know I shouldn't be concerned with this right now...but... I fear I'll be back to square 1 or I won't get back on track. :(
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Replies

  • Sarahlascelles
    Sarahlascelles Posts: 41 Member
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    Sorry for your loss.

    Right now, your short term well being is more important. You need to grieve, and you don't need to worry about calorie counting.

    Take care.
  • LeanButNotMean44
    LeanButNotMean44 Posts: 852 Member
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    I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I have not been through anything like this before, so I guess take this however you wish, but I don't think you need to have the added stress of tracking, working out, etc. on your shoulders at the moment. Take time to grieve in whatever way suits you. My guess is that between your cold and your heartbreak, you probably will have a hard time overeating.

    Keeping you in my thoughts. <3
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    So sorry for your loss. Forget counting calories, let yourself grieve.
  • Azathera
    Azathera Posts: 48 Member
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    I am sorry for your loss. Take the time to grieve and eat well to recover from your cold. Don't worry about anything else. You already educated your own body on what to eat and how much, so you will make some good choices without even thinking. And even if you eat too much you already know how to lose it. You will get back on track in no-time.

    About the extra food, if I may suggest, you can donate it to some neighbors in need or a church or a house for elderly. It will make you feel good for helping out and it will remove the temptation from under your eyes.

    I would recommend some good soups for your cold and for your soul. And remember, every time you miss your father kiss your own hand. Part of him will always live in your blood and in your flesh.

    Condolences.
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
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    As someone who went through three of this last year (mother, close cousin and friend), take one day at a time. Your emotions are going to be all over the place and the last thing you need to worry about is calorie counting to add to the stress you are under.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    I'm sorry for your loss and you do need to allow yourself to grieve.

    But if counting calories helps you feel in control in any way then do that.

    If not do not worry about it
  • MrCoolGrim
    MrCoolGrim Posts: 351 Member
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    So sorry for your loss!
  • chisholm_laura
    chisholm_laura Posts: 6 Member
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    i am terribly sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are dealing with but can I venture to say that life feels out of control? You had no control over whst has happened with you Father and now you feel like you are losing control over your eating. I say get back in track with it because it may be a goid distraction, something you do have control over and you may feel a bit better. I remember when I lost my first pregnancy i felt better cleaning the house and putting things in order. Hope this helps and take care.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    My dad died suddenly on Mother's Day 12 years ago. I know how such a sudden thing can rock your world! I would say be gracious in thanking people for their kindness when they bring food. But, most people understand that grief doesn't always make people hungry. DO eat to maintain your health, but don't eat out of a sense of duty to those who have brought food! Hang in there. Cherish time with your family and the warm memories you have of your dad!
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
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    There isn't a right or wrong way to grieve. If it's helpful to you, continue to count, if it's not helpful, take a break. You can get back to it whenever you choose to. Just be as kind to yourself as possible during this difficult time, just as your father would want you to be.
  • kim_m_kk
    kim_m_kk Posts: 61 Member
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    losing a parent just plain sucks. Take care of you. People make you food because they want to comfort and nurture you. Eat it if that is what you want to do but if not don't feel like you have to. Say thank you - put it away and deal with it later. Freeze it, give it away, take some to to a neighbor or family who needs it and just explain you have too much.
  • Snip8241
    Snip8241 Posts: 767 Member
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    I am so sorry for you and your family. Take time to grieve and take care of yourself. If you need us to be here for the process we are. If you need time we will be here when you are ready. Either way it will be ok.
    Hugs....
  • Talkradio
    Talkradio Posts: 388 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. If you feel like you need a break from counting calories, please take one. Maybe it would help to set a date on the calendar to start again? If you really feel like you must continue, maybe just eat to maintenance and give yourself a lot of grace. <3
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,565 Member
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    Loss of a parent whom you loved definitely takes precedence over anything else. Don't fret about the diet and weight loss right now because if your grieving time for you isn't attended to, then regret could cause an even more harsher comeback. You don't have to accept to eat other people's food too. It's okay. I truly doubt they'll be offended if you don't.
    Condolences and do remember that your dad wants you to live life to it's fullest with happiness and not sadness.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • TimothyFish
    TimothyFish Posts: 4,925 Member
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    I'm sorry for your loss. It might actually be beneficial to continue tracking, because it will give you something normal in the midst of the chaos. I don't think people will be offended if you don't eat the food they bring. If they are, there's something wrong with them. And try to get back into exercise when you can. It can be difficult, but it helps with depression.
  • Wiseandcurious
    Wiseandcurious Posts: 730 Member
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    I am terribly sorry for your loss. Grieve takes time in which to happen and it can take a while to feel whole again.

    There are no rules and musts in grief, do what works for you. It is normal and OK to be looking after yourself still, and to be concerned with yourself, yes, even right now. Your body and soul do what it takes to get a hold back on life. There is no shame and guilt about things like worrying about your intake and if it helps you to feel stronger when you log and try to get on track, then do it; if you feel overwhelmed and want to take a break, do that.

    My heart goes out to you <3
  • catruledquilter
    catruledquilter Posts: 48 Member
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    I've walked your path. In a span of 8 months, my husband and both of my biological parents died. Only one was expected...my mother. Let yourself grieve and don't worry about food tracking. If you aren't hungry, you don't have to eat what other have brought. Eat WHAT you want WHEN you want to eat. Take it a day at a time...there will be times you'll need to take it a minute at a time. I like LucyAndKay's idea of kissing your hand to remember your dad. If there is grief counseling available, please take advantage of it!! It helps you understand that your devastating feelings are NORMAL!! Our crazy society has the "okay, you've grieved for 3 days...get over it" type of attitude that comes from people being given only 3 days bereavement leave. Everyone experiences grief differently because everyone had a different relationship with the loved one who has died.

    Over time, you will smile more and remember more of the happy times. Cherish those memories!! You will also have things that trigger a "grief attack" (that's what we called them in group grief counseling). THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT TO GRIEF! Accept your emotions when they hit you and don't berate yourself for not "getting over" the death of your father. Some people find that things they think are "silly" will trigger a grief attack...or one just hits. It's okay...it's normal. In 19 more days, I have the 4th anniversary of my husband's death. I have no idea how that day will be for me...I will just take it as it comes. I'm sure I'll smile & laugh at some of the wonderful memories (I know I'll laugh at what we wore when we got married as I look through the wedding album...it was the 70's) and cry my eyes out because I miss him so much.

    I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers. You'll be okay...your dad would want you to be okay. Let others reach out and help you in the ways that they know how. It's hard to know what to do or say and sometimes people do or say the wrong thing without meaning to.

    Most of all...be true to yourself and your feelings!!

    <hugs>
  • slimjaques
    slimjaques Posts: 19 Member
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    Oh honey - I am so sorry for your loss - my heart breaks for you. Like many others have said - do what feels best to you. If staying on track provides a center of gravity for a turbulent time, do it. If ignoring calories for this particular season feels better, do that. Take care of yourself. <3
  • igeekus
    igeekus Posts: 1 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. The most important thing is to take care of YOU. Mentally and physically. If counting calories and macros is soothing for you, go do it. If it adds stress, you certainly can take a break. Calorie counting will still be there after you've given yourself a chance to breathe. For the food, people are being nice. Accept it graciously and eat it. Or don't. There is no wrong answer. When you are ready for the health train again, we'll all be here supporting you.

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