Why are some people so unsupportive?

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Replies

  • sarahlifts
    sarahlifts Posts: 610 Member
    Annanna91 wrote: »
    Whilst I do understand people's concerns, I still carry fat especially around my stomach. My intentions are no longer to reduce my weight but to reduce my body fat percentage. And my mother told me that when she got married she weighed 105lbs, and she was only one year older than I am now.
    DavPul wrote: »
    BTW, is your real name Anna? Just curious.
    Yes, yes it is.

    This is an awesome idea. Changing your body composition will allow you to put on a little mass and you can still end up at 118 but with a lot less fat=a flatter midsection. You're on the right path!
  • CaitlinW19
    CaitlinW19 Posts: 431 Member
    You can be underweight and still have fat...fat is part of the human body composition. I'm not saying you are underweight for sure, but it might not be a bad idea to check with your Dr next time you are in about your current weight. Did you have an actual BMI check or are you just going by the weight range listed as healthy for your height? Personally, I'm 5'6" and I know 118 is technically the lowest weight of the healthy range for my height but I know it would not be a healthy weight for me. I have a larger bone structure and I'm certain I would start to hear I was too skinny at 130...and they would be right. I hate when people say "they are just jealous"...I really don't think your mom is jealous...she probably has a real concern and if I were you I'd at least consider that she might be right. I've always found nothing but support at a healthy weight, so if I had comments like you've had I would look into it personally.
  • tinascar2015
    tinascar2015 Posts: 413 Member
    maddyk91 wrote: »
    Just tell everyone that your weight isnt a conversation topic. Period.

    Always works for me. ;)

    ^^^ AGREE!! I will go with the, "Oh you've lost weight, you look great" part, but beyond that, I change the subject. My family always did the opposite to me, calling me fat names and inspecting every bite that went into my mouth. Every night, my mom asked, "What did you eat today?" One day I told her it was none of her business and she didn't speak to me for three days.

    Hell with them, I say. If you feel good and think you look good, that's what matters. People are always going to feel the need to pipe in with unsolicited advice. Drives me nuts in real life and makes me crazy on Facebook. That's why I'm not talking about my weight loss on FB. Some of my friends and family know, but most don't. When my brother gave me advice about eating and exercise (he's obsessed with exercise), I smacked him down, saying, "You were no help calling me 'bushel *kitten*' when I was a teenager, don't try to help me now."
  • girlchemist1
    girlchemist1 Posts: 15 Member
    sarahlifts wrote: »
    I feel your pain. Since beginning my body transformation, I've never received so much feedback on my body in my life and its all negative...except from my hubby.

    When I was obese no one said a word, no one offered me home made goodies just for me. No one told my I was fat lol.

    My mother tells me to stop working out and eat more, I just look at her and ask, Why didnt you tell me to stop eating so much and so poorly? Why do you tell me about my weight and say nothing to my 4 sisters who are morbidly OBESE. That shuts her up, REAL quick.

    Here is the thing, You have to celebrate your self. They weren't in the gym sweating with you. I hear those negative words ring in my ears, all the commentary I get on my body nothing positive at all. I just have to return to celebrating myself. I know where I was and where I am now. I am proud of myself. There is NOTHIN anyone can say to make me feel differently about my accomplishements.


    edited to add, I'm 5'7 and 143 lbs size 4. You are on the low end of the spectrum. I can understand a bit of concern your friends and family may have. <3

    Sing it sister.

    Great job! If you are happy and feel good, don't worry about the haters!

  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
    edited February 2015
    I did see photos you posted in another thread, and I have to say you do look too thin. I'm not judging you or trying to hurt your feelings, I'm giving you honest feedback, from an outsider. You've made incredible progress, but I think you may have lost a little too much. You might talk to your mom about her concerns and how you're feeling.

    Best of luck to you.
  • sljohnson1207
    sljohnson1207 Posts: 818 Member
    Well, by your photo, you look healthy to me. Working on body composition would be a natural progression, if that is what YOU want.

    I, personally, would look very bad at 118, and it's the lowest for 5'6" tall. At the height of my EDs (yes, multiple), I weighed 122 lbs. I still thought I was fat. After treatment that was successful, I saw a photograph with different eyes and was just as mortified by how I looked (skeletal) it as I have been seeing photos of myself at my heaviest (205 lbs). None of the 122 lb pics exist anymore because I vowed to never return there to the unhealthy habits I had formed.

    A long story that was to get to my point. Different bodies look very different at the same scale weight, and even the same bodyfat %. If you like the way you look, and your doctor says you are healthy, then do what makes you feel your best and stay healthy.

  • sljohnson1207
    sljohnson1207 Posts: 818 Member
    sarahlifts wrote: »
    Annanna91 wrote: »
    Whilst I do understand people's concerns, I still carry fat especially around my stomach. My intentions are no longer to reduce my weight but to reduce my body fat percentage. And my mother told me that when she got married she weighed 105lbs, and she was only one year older than I am now.
    DavPul wrote: »
    BTW, is your real name Anna? Just curious.
    Yes, yes it is.

    This is an awesome idea. Changing your body composition will allow you to put on a little mass and you can still end up at 118 but with a lot less fat=a flatter midsection. You're on the right path!

    Hot! Hot! Hot!

  • w0den
    w0den Posts: 84
    That's definitely the low end of the BMI for someone your height. Maybe some strength exercises to build muscle and increase your weight would make you appear healthier? :) Congrats on the weight loss though!
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    idk how you act in reality, so im just throwing it out there...

    are you annoying about it? i ask because i have interacted with some people who make some change in their life and all of a sudden it's ALL about that. i may even be guilty of it at times. is it possible that people are tired of you going on about it?
    if you don't do that, then disregard my reply. :D

  • liekewheeless
    liekewheeless Posts: 416 Member
    rjrobert wrote: »
    I remember talking to a vet one time about a dog of mine because I thought the dog looked a little thin. The vet said that the reason we think the dog was thin was cause we are so used to seeing dogs that are too heavy..... Not saying this is the same thing for you. Your family has a mental image of you when you were heavier so a normal healthy weight might just look very thin from what they perceive is normal (for you). From looking at your picture which could be deceiving, I wouldn't loose more weight but I think you look incredibly healthy. Maybe doing some strength training to increase muscle mass if you wanted a goal to work on. In the mean time you did a friggen awesome job and you should be proud of the hard work you put into it.

    This is what I was going to say. People have gotten so used to obesity that slightly overweight looks skinny and skinny looks to thin.

    Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who should add a little to their frame to be healthy.

    I think the body recomp you were talking about is a great idea, a little lean muscle may give you a less frail appearance (not that you look frail).

    Do talk to your doctor if at all possible. It never hurts to get a professional unbiased opinion, if anything it may make your mom less worried.
  • goddessofawesome
    goddessofawesome Posts: 563 Member
    w0den wrote: »
    That's definitely the low end of the BMI for someone your height. Maybe some strength exercises to build muscle and increase your weight would make you appear healthier? :) Congrats on the weight loss though!

    She should do strength exercises only if she wants to not so that she can "increase her weight to appear healthier".
  • imju5tme
    imju5tme Posts: 85 Member
    Annanna91 wrote: »
    Whilst I do understand people's concerns, I still carry fat especially around my stomach. My intentions are no longer to reduce my weight but to reduce my body fat percentage. And my mother told me that when she got married she weighed 105lbs, and she was only one year older than I am now.

    Forgive, this piqued my interest. What does y'all's ages have to do with your individual weights in that example? Are you and your mom the same height?

  • Cassie_DE
    Cassie_DE Posts: 58 Member
    You've got a tough challenge ahead in maintenance and changing body comp, but if you could lose the weight then you can definitely do this! Their concern is coming from a good place (though envy may play a bit of a part), and though I can't make any judgments or estimations based on your photo, you may seem slimmer than average to them so they worry even though you're entirely healthy and happy.
    In the end it's your body; no one has any right to tell you what to do with it. Honestly, you don't even have to tolerate anyone's complaints -except possibly your mom's, haha.
  • ecclesse
    ecclesse Posts: 42 Member
    I have gone from 286 -> 181 and had a similar issue with people saying that I had lost enough weight. "Your not going to lose any more, right?" There were times that even I thought I did not look well when looking at my face in the mirror. But I was eating regularly, eating lean meats, with a mix of fruit/veggies and going to the gym 4-5 times a week.

    People see what is changing on the outside, but the important thing that changed was on the inside.

    For a time, I reflected about what they were saying but decided that the path that I was on was working and just kept on going.

    Good luck and congrats on your progress.
  • TheIncredibleHak
    TheIncredibleHak Posts: 31
    People seem to react to others changing lifestyles in a negative manner due to their realization that they too need to make a change. They become insecure and become negative due to this. That is just my opinion on it.

    When I quit smoking cigarettes (a pack a day) and starting vaping (electronic cigarette) people (who happened to be cigarette smokers) had their opinions. They said it was worse and stupid to go from one thing to another. They didn't even bother researching it. They just saw an article on Yahoo news and decided to bash my choice. I love smoking, but I know it is bad for me. So I went to something not as bad.

    Be proud of the changes you make and make them for yourself. I'm proud of you!
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
    DavPul wrote: »
    Depends. You're at the low end of female bmi so you probably look quite thin to them, even if you're technically still in the healthy range. Are you still trying to lose weight? Because I think 2.5 pound less and your in the unhealthy range for your height. It's so close that even if they are wrong, I could understand them being concerned.

    BTW, is your real name Anna? Just curious.

    her bmi is 19.6. it's normal and fine. The low end is 111, but bmi healthy range is still just an estimate regardless.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Annanna91 wrote: »
    In the past year I've lost around 25lbs through eating healthier and exercising more. Whilst I feel great and perceive myself to look a lot better, some people are really negative towards my new lifestyle.

    My family (mother in particular) criticises my weight loss and says I've gone "too far" whilst friends have called me a "skinny *kitten*." I appreciate that I have lost weight, but I'm at healthy bmi now. I weight 118lbs and am 5'5 tall.

    It's just got me wondering why they're so negative and has anyone been like this towards you before?

    Some people are jerks who don't support others. Some people are insecure about themselves. Some people are honestly concerned though.

    If it is coming from someone who loves you maybe take a closer look at it. Explain things to them and see where their concern is coming from before getting upset. Show them that you are being sensible and healthy.

    I was very thin as a child and young adult and people would say nasty things to me. They would call me names or say they hated me for my body size. It is not a compliment. It is hurtful. To me they are no different than the people who say nasty things to people who are larger.
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
    JustinAnimal wrote: »
    To quote this really random dude from yesterday: "They peanut butter and jealous."

    Damn, you beat me to it!!!
  • happygalah
    happygalah Posts: 343 Member
    You are fine. Just tell them to stop commenting on your weight. There are so many obese people these days, seeing someone thin and fit seems abnormal.
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