Strong women are intimidating

Inkratlet
Inkratlet Posts: 613 Member
edited November 12 in Fitness and Exercise
Apparently.

Having just been told by my younger brother that basically I will die alone because being able to deadlift 100kg (220#) as a woman is not a good thing. It's intimidating and scary, so I'm told. Lots of good men will run away from me because I can lift. He's just completely ruined my happy PB mood :'(

So, here I am, looking for proof that it is not true and that not every man on the planet wants a girl who is just about able to lift a teacup. Tell me not to listen to negativity because being able to deadlift 100kg is awesome and I am awesome.

I've had more negativity from my family than from anyone else. It's demoralising in some ways, but the defiant spirit in me now wants to try for 105 next weekend and then wave it their faces. I am doing this for me, not to be attractive to the opposite sex. But it's always good to know that my strength choices won't ACTUALLY mean I will die alone...
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Replies

  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    edited February 2015
    That's ridiculous. Do it for you. And I'll tell you in my case, it's not true. I started lifting heavy last year and my boyfriend doesn't even work out. I can now dead lift and squat over his body weight and he thinks it's sexy and completely supports my power lifting/competition goals.
  • Iron_Feline
    Iron_Feline Posts: 10,750 Member
    edited February 2015
    FFS

    He is an idiot. Ignore him and don't bother talking to him in the future about your amazing lifting prowess.

    Also if men run away from you because you lift - they are NOT good men.
  • maxit
    maxit Posts: 880 Member
    Inkratlet wrote: »
    Apparently.

    Having just been told by my younger brother that basically I will die alone because being able to deadlift 100kg (220#) as a woman is not a good thing. It's intimidating and scary, so I'm told. Lots of good men will run away from me because I can lift. He's just completely ruined my happy PB mood :'(

    So, here I am, looking for proof that it is not true and that not every man on the planet wants a girl who is just about able to lift a teacup. Tell me not to listen to negativity because being able to deadlift 100kg is awesome and I am awesome.

    I've had more negativity from my family than from anyone else. It's demoralising in some ways, but the defiant spirit in me now wants to try for 105 next weekend and then wave it their faces. I am doing this for me, not to be attractive to the opposite sex. But it's always good to know that my strength choices won't ACTUALLY mean I will die alone...

    If a person runs away from you because you can lift, that person is not "mate" material.
  • CaffeinatedConfectionist
    CaffeinatedConfectionist Posts: 1,046 Member

    Also if men run away from you because you lift - they are NOT good men.

    Gotta agree. If a man is intimidated by the fact that I like a well-rounded fitness routine, he's not someone I should be dating in the first place, so we're both probably better off if he runs away sooner rather than later.

  • Lindsay_the_great
    Lindsay_the_great Posts: 209 Member
    My husband loves strength. When we met I was a weakling. I remember he would always make appreciative remarks about muscular women. I was a little intimidated by that to be honest but he loves me the way I am and the way I was when I was squishy so I know he'll love me even more when I am as strong as the OP is. :smile:
  • Train4Foodz
    Train4Foodz Posts: 4,298 Member
    arditarose wrote: »
    That's ridiculous. Do it for you. And I'll tell you in my case, it's not true. I started lifting heavy last year and my boyfriend doesn't even work out. I can now dead lift and squat over his body weight and he thinks it's sexy and completely supports my power lifting/competition goals.

    +1 to this.
    Do this for you!!

    I have immense respect for anybody that goes after a goal they they really want and sticks with it, reaching those weights is a great achievement.. People will always have their own opinions on other people's life choices, the ONLY thing that truly matters is that you love the way you live!

  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    There's a lid for every pot. Some men will like ladies who lift, some who will not, some who won't care either way.
  • Pickles175
    Pickles175 Posts: 211 Member
    Any man who is intimidated by or puts down your abilities in any area of life has self esteem issues of his own and would probably not be supportive of you anyways. You need a man to be your champion not your naysayer. And don't worry, they do exist. ;)
  • subversive99
    subversive99 Posts: 273 Member
    Strength is sexy. Ignore the idiot.
  • NikonPal
    NikonPal Posts: 1,346 Member
    It’s not even worth responding to him.

    “Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.” – Sarah Cook

    My 20-something year old niece can also dead-lift 100kg and she has an awesome supportive boyfriend that adores her.

    IMHO you need to surround yourself with more supportive people. Our entire family think my niece is awesome.

    Congrats on a wonderful accomplishment!

    73641431.png
  • Jolinia
    Jolinia Posts: 846 Member
    If I could deadlift that, I'd be sure to demonstrate the fact on every first date. It would weed out the insecure and those with narrow minded ideas about how women should and shouldn't be.
  • vanillaorange2
    vanillaorange2 Posts: 63 Member
    edited February 2015
    I use to train at a kick boxing gym when I was in my 20's. Did not fight, but worked out with the fighters. Some of my family gave me *kitten* about it because they were lazy and did not want to work out. I just ignored then. I loved it and was in great shap. you want a guy who will appreciate you being a mentally and physically strong women. It will just help you weed out the ones who are not right for you :)
  • Codilee87
    Codilee87 Posts: 509 Member
    Inkratlet wrote: »
    Apparently.

    Having just been told by my younger brother that basically I will die alone because being able to deadlift 100kg (220#) as a woman is not a good thing. It's intimidating and scary, so I'm told. Lots of good men will run away from me because I can lift. He's just completely ruined my happy PB mood :'(

    So, here I am, looking for proof that it is not true and that not every man on the planet wants a girl who is just about able to lift a teacup. Tell me not to listen to negativity because being able to deadlift 100kg is awesome and I am awesome.

    I've had more negativity from my family than from anyone else. It's demoralising in some ways, but the defiant spirit in me now wants to try for 105 next weekend and then wave it their faces. I am doing this for me, not to be attractive to the opposite sex. But it's always good to know that my strength choices won't ACTUALLY mean I will die alone...

    Wow LOL What makes him think that you would even want a man who was so vain and insecure that he can't handle your strength? Don't allow anyone's silly comments to discourage you from living your life. Being fit is for YOU. Being fit will be something you can benefit from and take pride in every day for thee rest of your life. If any guy you date feels that your health and well-being is less important than his ego then he's not the one for you.
  • yusaku02
    yusaku02 Posts: 3,472 Member
    Nothing sexier than a woman who lifts :smile:
  • kiltigern
    kiltigern Posts: 1 Member
    Your little brother is intimidated that his sister is stronger than him. I have a brother like that. He is older and every so often I lift things he can not (or will not without help) and he keeps his mouth shut for a few months more.

    Your brother should not be your guide to who to date, and brothers are the ones who can mess with your head the easiest because they know exactly what to say to bother you.

    I'm married to a man that is glad that I am not a tiny fragile being, but is happy that I am strong and capable.
  • canoepug56
    canoepug56 Posts: 161 Member
    Well I for one find myself more attracted to ladies that lift so no your brother is wrong :)
  • SashleyA
    SashleyA Posts: 122 Member
    I lift significantly more than my husband and have always been stronger and more muscular than him. Some of it's body type, I am one of those people who gains muscles easily, some of it is activity type and level, but it's never intimidated him or any of the other guys I've dated.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    i'll admit that as a young man, i said something similar, that i didn't think women that lifted would be attractive because they'd get big bulky muscles. i was wrong. very very wrong.
  • jenglish712
    jenglish712 Posts: 497 Member
    I'm sure some are. Just as there will be men intimidated by smart women, or funny women, or successful women, etc...

    Any time you change something about yourself for the better it may change the dating pool but do you really want to date those guys?
  • bettieb1988
    bettieb1988 Posts: 122 Member
    He's just being a bratty little brother haha! There's plenty of men that are attracted to that.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Inkratlet wrote: »
    Apparently.

    Having just been told by my younger brother that basically I will die alone because being able to deadlift 100kg (220#) as a woman is not a good thing. It's intimidating and scary, so I'm told. Lots of good men will run away from me because I can lift. He's just completely ruined my happy PB mood :'(

    So, here I am, looking for proof that it is not true and that not every man on the planet wants a girl who is just about able to lift a teacup. Tell me not to listen to negativity because being able to deadlift 100kg is awesome and I am awesome.

    I've had more negativity from my family than from anyone else. It's demoralising in some ways, but the defiant spirit in me now wants to try for 105 next weekend and then wave it their faces. I am doing this for me, not to be attractive to the opposite sex. But it's always good to know that my strength choices won't ACTUALLY mean I will die alone...

    Here's the thing... this sort of behavior is a type of bullying. It's meant to scare you - "you'll die alone," "you'll be a cat lady," etc., and it's meant to keep you in your place, so to speak.

    The one thing to keep in mind when you hear those words is to CONSIDER THE SOURCE. Usually it's coming from someone who is feeling bad about themselves, and they're threatened by you because you're doing something worthwhile that they themselves either can't or won't achieve. So their only course of action is to try to make you feel bad about it by threatening you with social isolation.

    Don't listen to them. People who are secure with themselves don't need to threaten someone who is succeeding.



  • LuckyStar813
    LuckyStar813 Posts: 163 Member
    Tell your brother it's no longer 1955.
  • williams969
    williams969 Posts: 2,528 Member
    So are smart women (so I've been told *insert eye-roll emoticon here*). I am strong AND smart, so I'm doubly terrifying ;) But for every person that has said such things to me (not many, maybe 5 in my whole life), there's 100's of others that think I rock confidence, wit, charm, and strength (mental, physical, and emotional).

    You are equally awesome, and I can "hear" it in your posts. It's sad that some around you don't feel the same, but brush it off. It's sounds like it's just *noise* and others projecting their own baggage (they probably are looking for you to carry it for them ;) ).

  • janineramirez111
    janineramirez111 Posts: 1 Member
    My tiny daughter can deadlift 325lbs and men love her. So keep right on lifting. You'll have so many prospects that you'll have to fight them off the men with a stick!
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
    I know plenty of men who think that a capable woman is the best thing in the world:
    Someone who is physically & mentally strong, able to support herself, run a household (including basic repairs), protect herself (which in my circle of friends usually means carrying a pistol), has a variety of interests, etc.
    In short, an interesting person who doesn't _need_ anyone else, who has chosen to spend her life with him because she likes him.
    .
    Iron_Feline wrote:
    FFS
    He is an idiot. Ignore him and don't bother talking to him in the future about your amazing lifting prowess.
    Also if men run away from you because you lift - they are NOT good men.
    Pickles wrote:
    Any man who is intimidated by or puts down your abilities in any area of life has self esteem issues of his own and would probably not be supportive of you anyways. You need a man to be your champion not your naysayer.
    These. Yes.
  • Inkratlet
    Inkratlet Posts: 613 Member
    kiltigern wrote: »
    Your brother should not be your guide to who to date, and brothers are the ones who can mess with your head the easiest because they know exactly what to say to bother you.

    You are so right about this.


    Thanks for all the MFP love! Feeling better already

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  • fionarama
    fionarama Posts: 788 Member
    What rubbish. Its great to have a passion and sooner or later you will find someone equally passionate about the things you love. If you love weight training you wouldnt want some guy who isnt attracted to that your bro is probably just jeolous that you're stronger than him!!!
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
    jemhh wrote: »
    There's a lid for every pot. Some men will like ladies who lift, some who will not, some who won't care either way.

    @jemhh pretty much voiced my view. Some men will like strong women, whether that be physical strength and/or personal character strength, others will look for the dainty tea cup lifters (personally, I'd take strong over dainty any day of the week!). Be the person you want to be ... find the person who wants to be with the person you want to be. Don't change yourself to meet someone who is not your true match.

  • jasonrobertjones
    jasonrobertjones Posts: 2
    My wife routinely deadlifts and squats more than men

    at an intimidating height of 4-foot-11

    Being intimidating is a great thing. It will keep away the people you're better off without.
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