FAS

I wasn't sure about posting this, but I've been slightly depressed since yesterday when I took my daughter to her specialist appointment. This really isn't a post, more of a rant. I think I just need to get this off my chest and I thought, why not here, as there are so many supportive people here! :-)

Ok - first some background. I am the bio mum of 4 children - my daughter is 29, one son 28 and then 26. I lost a son at the age of 3. I am also the adoptive mother of 5, soon to be 6. All the children have the same biological parents - mum and dad. She is pregnant now and due in July. The Courts have already given us custody of the unborn child. At one time all 5 of these children were in Child, Youth and Family care. The older girls were 7, 1 1/2 and 6 months (all girls, now aged 15, 9 and 7) when uplifted from the biological parents. I can't (legally) go into details, but let's just leave it at the kids were in really bad shape at the time. Our older son is 6 now, he was "uplifted" during her pregnancy so he's been with us since he was about 12 hours old. The younger son, we just got (he's 2 now). The bio parents went on the run after his birth among other things and CYF didn't uplift him till last November.

When uplifted all the girls had issues - mainly psychological so we thought. I knew from almost the minute we got her though that the youngest girl, something wasn't right. To make a VERY long story short - after two years of pulling my hair out and challenging doctors - we finally got a diagnosis.

Our youngest daughter has Foetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). That's right - mum drank while pregnant. Our daughter is seen by professionals at the minimum now of every 6 months. Just to give you an idea of what this poor wee girl has to cope with (and us as a family):

1. She has NO short term memory
.
2. She has NO fear - she'll gladly jump from the highest building, having no clue how badly she can be hurt.

3. Action/Consequence does not work with her. If she does something naughty, though she knows she shouldn't, she doesn't care/understand there will always be a consequence.

3. She finds it difficult, if not near impossible, to learn educationally.

4. Though she may not be able to read - she is "street" smart. Kids with FAS are very manipulative and tend to lie when they wish.

5. She has the "but I want to/it" attitude. Basically, if she sees say a necklace that she wants, she takes it. Doesn't matter if it's hers or not. She wants it, she takes it. And if called out on her actions, her rote answer is "but I want to/it". She truly does not understand WHY she can't have everything she wants/sees/does.

6. She is highly suggestible. If you tell her "oh it would be fun to jump off the roof" she would do so with just your word. At the age of puberty we've already been told to put her on birth control for her own safety.

This is only a few of the things that my daughter has to deal with daily. All thanks to the fact that her biological mum drank while pregnant. It's difficult and SO unfair on her. And it's difficult for her family. My daughter can go into "rages" where she will scream for an HOUR for no reason that she can articulate. As you can imagine that is not only harsh on her, but on her siblings and us, her parents.

If I had known what I do now about FAS would we still have adopted her? YES! Though she has many issues now and will have many more in the future, I would not trade her in for anyone. I love her to death and she is a very special part of our family. It just brings me to tears though that I can't FIX this! I want so badly to wave a magic wand and make FAS go away. I can't though. We always will love her though and she'll always be cared for - while we are alive and after we are gone.

Main point of this post? PLEASE - if you are pregnant or even thinking about getting pregnant - PLEASE DO NOT DRINK!

Thanks for reading