Standing up for myself

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cbratthauer
cbratthauer Posts: 228 Member
in Chit-Chat
Soooooo I have an issue and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. I love to bake, and I'm pretty awesome at it too, definitely not trying to be conceited here. Anyways, I am opening up a bakery from my home. Last weekend was the first weekend and I sold 9 loaves of banana bread! So I made my two nieces birthday cakes awhile back because I was asked to. At the time, the bakery idea was a pipe dream and I didn't think anything of making these cakes for free. Now all of a sudden my fiance's sister wants me to bake all of this stuff.... for free! She wants me to make her a pie to bring to work, cupcakes for BOTH her daughter's classes, a cake for a 4th of July party she is having... When I gave her my price sheet and told her I was giving family 50% off (that way at least my ingredient costs are covered) she laughed and said family doesn't charge family for things. This is my business now, sure it's an on-the-side thing I do along with my full-time job, but I'm hoping once things pick up and go well to be able to quit and do this full-time. I'm not good with confrontation and I have pretty low self-esteem so never was good at sticking up for myself. I also definitely don't like being *****y, so how do I politely tell her she has to pay half price just like every other family member?

Thanks for listening!!!!!!
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Replies

  • donby
    donby Posts: 28 Member
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    Those that give family discounts are soon out of business
  • savvystephy
    savvystephy Posts: 4,151 Member
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    If you want to do her the favor, give her the grocery list to buy all the ingredients for you. That way at least you're not out of that money - but still that is a lot of time you will be out of. I'd still charge her.
  • Mindful_Trent
    Mindful_Trent Posts: 3,954 Member
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    You might consider having your fiance talk with his sister (assuming he supports you on this issue), but if he doesn't want to get involved, I'd explain to her that you take your baking seriously as a business now, and that if you were to put in all the time and effort (and money) to bake everything for family members at no cost, then it would seriously hurt your new business. Explain that you did it for free in the past, but that you just can't afford to keep doing so.

    She might just have to find someone else to make her baked goods if she doesn't like it - your request seems perfectly reasonable to me; you're under no obligation to bake everything your family wants for free just because they're family.
  • igora_soma
    igora_soma Posts: 486
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    Maybe you can compromise and ask her to cover the ingredients? That is a lot of food for you to make and ingredients definitely end up costing a lot.

    I would also get your fiance's support in this. That will be really important.

    Also, congrats on opening up your bakery! I think is such a great idea and so awesome that you went for it :)
  • slyder432
    slyder432 Posts: 475 Member
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    You tell her "pay half price just like any other family member!!!"
  • asudheimer
    asudheimer Posts: 82 Member
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    Since it's your fiance's sister, I think he should mention to her that you would actually be losing money to do all this stuff for free because of the ingredients you're out of pocket for. And if all else fails, tell her that you have other orders for the times she is wanting this stuff made and you're not going to be able to get to it, or tell her to look into bakery prices and she will see she's getting a great deal. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself because it seems she is taking advantage of your good nature.
  • Jami22
    Jami22 Posts: 253 Member
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    By her requesting SO much it sounds like she is taking advantage of you, regardless if you have a business or not! Stand firm in your decision.
  • antijen
    antijen Posts: 112 Member
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    I agree with savvystephy. Don't call it a family discount, call it "buying" or "covering" the ingredients. Then hit her up for a favor relating to whatever it is that she's good at. Mooching for example ;)
  • Bethy25
    Bethy25 Posts: 73
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    I would tell her you will do it for her for 'free" but she will need to get your supplies. Give her a grocery list, she will then figure out how expensive it is and in all actualty the 50% family discount would put her furter ahead!

    The birthday cake would be one thing, but pushing it to EVERYTHING else for "free" she's crossed the line :)
  • prettybrownround
    prettybrownround Posts: 362 Member
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    Always keep family/friends separate from business. First off, the nerve of her asking you to bake all that stuff for free. Clearly she is trying to take advantage of you. Let her know that u now wear two hats (relative and business owner) and ur relationship with her has nothing to do with ur business.
  • Still_Sossy
    Still_Sossy Posts: 868 Member
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    My husband has a family business, he does not charge labor to immediate family, extended family get a discount, but does charge for parts and materials. Time is money when you are self employed.
  • decu68
    decu68 Posts: 78
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    That your finance's sister cannot realize that things cost money (ingredients, time, etc.) and expects things for free; YOU shouldn't have to worry about anything, she should. She is taking advantage of you and if you let her then she will continue to. You have to set the boundaries from the beginning and you need to stick to them. If she doesn't want to pay then she doesn't get to play.

    This is a business now; you need to treat it as such. Offering a discount is a nice thing to do. Or perhaps you can tell her to supply the ingredients required and perhaps come and bake with you and you'll make a day of it that way she realizes the cost and the time.

    Does your finance not see this? If he doesn't then bring this up to him and let him talk to her. What makes her more special then other family members?

    Again, if you let people run over you then they will continue to. Others will see it and then also take advantage of you. Other family members seeing she is getting it for free will want it free as well OR they will think they are not as important as her and you will create even more problems then just this.

    Dealing with family is hard, especially in-laws ... I know this well. But she will get over it and if she doesn't then in the end who really cares, she wasn't worth the time or wasn't the person you thought she was.
  • jamie1888
    jamie1888 Posts: 1,704 Member
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    Tell her family doesn't take advantage of family and ask for so much!
  • crashta
    crashta Posts: 72
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    I like Stephanie's idea - give her the shopping list for all of the ingredients. If she doesn't like it then your fiance needs to man up and talk to his sister himself. A good friend of mine starting decorating cakes 1.5 years ago. She's made over 210 cakes! You can check them out at 'Long Tall Sally Cakes' on facebook.

    Good luck!
  • Lady_C_the_1st
    Lady_C_the_1st Posts: 208
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    Well 50% is very generous! Why don't you explain the reasons why e.g. to cover your costs and then perhaps suggest a few other places that she could get the same stuff made at. Hopefully when she sees the other prices she will see what a good deal you are offering her!! Families can be funny things. Although it is good to have your fiance on board, keep in mind this is between you and her. Stand your ground though and if she cannot accept it then simply say that you are unable to help her.
  • chicorac
    chicorac Posts: 34
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    She is and has obviously been taking advantage of you. I would (in a nice was of course) tell her I was a little too busy with my new business and couldn't help her out this time. Send her to another bakery where she'd have to pay full price and she'll be happy to pay your 50%. Please don't allow yourself to be bullied or taken advantage of. You and your baked goods are worth soo much more.
  • redfroggie
    redfroggie Posts: 591 Member
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    I agree with asking her to either pay half or buy all the ingridients. It's hard to stand up for yourself sometimes, but girl if you don't do it no one else is going to do it for you! Good Luck.
  • picturesing
    picturesing Posts: 228
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    You MUST take a kind BUT Firm position with her NOW!!!!
    Explain to her that she is asking you to accomplish a lot of "favors" and that is not in your business plan.
    Also that THIS time you will offer her a discount but after these orders you MUST stick to your business plan and charge everyone the same!!!
    It is so good you have a price sheet!
    If she gets mad....well - that's her bad!!! And frankly I would be offended (if I were you) if she did not understand your position.
    Much luck on your new business!!!!!! :drinker:
  • ericapledger
    ericapledger Posts: 32 Member
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    Tell her since she complained she has to pay full price now or she can go somewhere else! Ill call her for you lol
  • Wendysworld13
    Wendysworld13 Posts: 225 Member
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    Hey, first congratulations on going for your dream - I think this is one more step in your figuring out who you are and going for it.
    As for your sister-in-law to be, you just need to tell her again. You are not looking to make money on family, just break even. That half price pays for your supplies and running oven. Does not come close to paying for your time and the energy to do this. If she still laughs it off, then just tell her you are really sorry, but she will have to get her stuff elsewhere.
    I have a friend who makes the most fantastic cookies. My son loves them and every time he sees her he asks for some. She makes them for him cause she loves him, but last time I gave her money for them - she had a fit. We spent a long time talking about it and I told her I did not want her to ever feel like I or he were taking advantage - also, stuff costs money! I told her she could supply the love and I would supply the stuff that goes in.
    If you handle it that way maybe your sister in law to be will understand. It is more than a few cups of flour, eggs and sugar - it is the going to the store to get the stuff too. Tell her to supply all the ingredients and bring them to your kitchen and you will gladly make whatever she wants. She will learn real quick how much stuff costs!
    Stand up for yourself. In general, no one else will!

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