Your not FAT! Your Tall! You carry it well! Tired of hearin

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  • fuzzymel
    fuzzymel Posts: 400 Member
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    I wonder if she is reacting because you getting healthy is forcing her to look at herself. She might not be ready to lose the weight just yet but not ready to be left behind either.
  • poustotah
    poustotah Posts: 1,121 Member
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    Okay, as a mother - there is no way I would listen to a child that is directly trying to defeat my goals. Family is supposed to be supportive and if she can't do that, then she should keep quiet about it.

    As a daughter - my mom needs to lose weight and is on her own roller coaster. So when she complains about being fat I tell her to do something about it. When she's back on the ride, I encourage that too. In the end, no one will get off the roller coaster until they're ready to.
  • smilebhappy
    smilebhappy Posts: 811 Member
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    I wouldn't worry to much about your daughter.
    You are trying to do this for you......so you will be healthier.
    Maybe just do what you need to do for yourself & thru those examples she'll come around.
    Sometimes you can talk till you blue in the face & they don't listen to you...I know I have 2 daughters myself.
    We have similar goals.....I'm gonna send you a friend request....we can help support each other.
  • cjwolfjen
    cjwolfjen Posts: 323 Member
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    Just keep trucking along. She is your daughter and believe it or not somewhere in her mind she looks up to you no matter what, its just instinct, human nature. She may have her own insecurities/reasons for feeling the way she does. If you just stay strong and keep doing what you're doing you will lose the weight and she may be inspired to do it for herself. Its hard for people to relate sometimes even if they are overweight themselves. It's all about when YOU are ready and willing to commit.

    If you go back and forth from one dieting extreme to the next it can get frustrating for others esp. if they already don't think you should be doing it... etc. I would say just keep some things to yourself, don't openly count calories in front of her if you can avoid it. Don't preach to her about it, maybe the arguments will die down. Good luck
  • malmustafa79
    malmustafa79 Posts: 107 Member
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    Im 5'7 and someone told me one time your not fat you just have big boobs!
  • downtome
    downtome Posts: 529 Member
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    You say that your daughter is overweight by 80-100lbs? Can you get her to join you in your lifestyle change quest? It sounds to me like she might be a little jealous of you when she should be supportive! I bet if she was taking care of herself and exercising she wouldn't be too worried about what you were doing so much, My mom and I exercise together everyday and we encourage each other to keep at it and eat right for our sanity as well as me losing weight, although I think my mom is thin enough and doesn't need to lose anymore weight she on the other hand isn't happy with her body and I can understand how she feels so I just leave it to her. It isn't my place to tell her what weight she is most comfortable at. Try and get your daughter involved in losing weight and exercising, she is only 24 and she should be caring about how she looks and feels, if she isn't interested then you need to forget about her comments and continue on your journey because it makes you feel good! end of story!:)
  • fbaldwin
    fbaldwin Posts: 3 Member
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    I hear that a lot too. I'm 5'11'', and since January have lost approx. 27lbs. I weight 196 lbs now. Just stay focused on yourself and get to the weight where you are comfortable and healthy. Good Luck!
  • JPayne53
    JPayne53 Posts: 235 Member
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    Maybe try to get her involved with what you do and what your passion is right now... you like to workout, she likes to watch TV.. maybe compromise with a Wii!! 2 in 1!! I would say talk and tell her your concerns for yourself (and maybe for her if you see her moving in the wrong direction) explain your reasoning and motivation and that you are just trying to set an example. Hope this gets better for you and you can come to a GREAT compromise!! :flowerforyou:
  • Mandi1968
    Mandi1968 Posts: 30 Member
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    My daughter used to get annoyed with me for always looking up calories before we would go out to eat....counting them etc....even before I was on MFP....but I kept reminding myself I was setting a good example for her...she is almost 18 now, and it has finally rubbed off, she makes better choices from menues when we are eating out and is more aware at home now too....she has recently lost 5 bls and is on her way to her ideal weight..... stick with your convicitons. :)
  • Gerkenstein
    Gerkenstein Posts: 315 Member
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    To me, it sounds like your daughter is dealing with her weight defensively. I completely understand this because that's how I was. It use to be upsetting to me when thin(ner) friends said they wanted to lose weight when I would have loved to be their size. Or my mother-in-law would constantly talk about eating healthy and working out and to me it felt like I big guilt trip because I didn't do those things.

    Don't take her reactions personally, they're not about you, they're about her. She is dealing with her emotions of her weight the best way she knows how and this may be the first step for her. Give her time to make her own life change, but in the meantime, focus on you. I'm so proud of you for sticking to MFP and your healthy changes to better yourself. Keep thinking positive and focusing on your goals.

    The law of attraction is key. If you focus on the positive and what you want, you will get there. And your daughter will be witness to this. I hope she takes your great example, but don't push her. Sounds like she's dealing (even if she doesn't know it) on her own right now.

    Best of luck. (((hugs)))
  • KaironAndTaviansMommy
    KaironAndTaviansMommy Posts: 68 Member
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    Merrymel,

    I am in the same boat, except Im the daughter. My mother never encourages me and when I tell her about how good I am doing all she can say is good or thats cool, she isnt enthusiastic about it at all. She is overweight herself and doesnt see anything wrong with it. Overweight people dont really see how much their weight effects others. When I started working towards losing weight, it was all I could talk about, because I was and am so proud that I did it and are still doing it. That I can actually accomplish something that makes me feel good. I have two small children (5 and 2 yrs old) that I need to be a role model for. I dont want my children to go through what I have been going through my whole life. As a daughter to an overweight mother, I found myself ashamed of my mother, and of myself as I grew up, and I definitely dont want that for my children. I found myself a month ago asking myself "If I'm so unhappy with myself, why dont I just get up and change it?". I also found that my marriage was on the verge of disaster. My husband has been wanting me to workout for months, heck years. He is very much so in love with me and who i am, but he doesnt want to raise our children alone, and I have had some really bad health scares. I almost died giving birth to my 2 year old. So I can understand what me starting to lose weight meant to him. He is my only support and I thank him everyday for being so. He has been helping me figure out different things I can have to eat and how to fit other things around my life. However, as a mother, I can understand you wanting to be better for your daughter, and there is nothing wrong with you feeling like you should lose weight or that she should lose weight. If your not happy or comfortable then you should be able to change that, and your daughter should be supportive of that. I think you should sit down and explain how your feeling to her about everything, dont be afraid to hurt her feelings, because sometimes the best kind of love is the tough kind. I wish my mother were as motivating to me as you are your daughter!!! I hope everything goes well for you and for your daughter, and I really hope that she will one day be motivated by you and your strengths and start moving forward with the same goals. I really wish you lots of weightloss success and hope that you find someone or something to inspire you, motivate you and make you feel really good about your success. Good Luck Merrymel!

    Sincerely,
    BreannaRush
  • wysmom2000
    wysmom2000 Posts: 101 Member
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    I'm 6' and CW 164 (SW 181). Friends tell me all the time that I don't need to lose weight. "You're so tall, you carry your weight well, why are you dieting." Tired of hearing it. They don't look in the mirror every morning and they don't have to move this body around. You do what you feel is right for you. Maybe your attitude will rub off on others!
  • Sarahr73
    Sarahr73 Posts: 454 Member
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    Im saying this AS a daughter.

    She needs to grow up! Sounds like a case of jelouse daughter to me. What is likely is one of her Male friends commented on how good you look and/or your weight loss and she is jelouse. She obviously takes no responsibility for her own weight yet, and you cant force that. But dont let her get you down

    I agree. I would try not to let it bother you, which will be hard, and continue what you are doing. You are trying to better your life and if she doesn't like it don't tell her about it. She doesn't need to be included in everything you do. Once she sees how hot you get, maybe she will decide to change her habits as well and then you can be her encouragement and show what it is to be family.
  • jesseBYAH
    jesseBYAH Posts: 446 Member
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    I'm 5'11" and 205, so I definitely know how you feel. I started at 220 and I was considered obese! Just barely, but still. That's a word that I NEVER want used to describe me ever again. There is NOTHING wrong with trying to lose weight, even if you're tall and "carry it well." We all want to feel confident, sexy, and above all else, HEALTHY. You are doing this for your health, so good for you! Maybe your daughter feels confident in her body and that is fine too. If she doesnt feel the need to lose weight then that's ok, but she should not be getting on your back about your efforts to become healthy. That is very unfair and counterproductive. Is it possible that she's a little jealous of your newfound habits? Saying you're "obsessed" and "need a shrink" is going a bit far. Especially since it sounds like you let yourself have treats once in a while (good for you!). As long as you're not eating way under on calories every day, etc, then there's no reason to harass you about it.

    For me, writing always helps. Maybe consider writing your daughter a letter about this, and how she's making you feel. Also, be sure to reassure her that you are not doing anything unhealthy. If it makes her feel better, maybe schedule a doctors appt and invite her to go with you. Tell the doctor, or nutritionist, or something, about everything you're doing to help you lose weight. Ask if they have any advice, and ask if there's anything you're doing that's unhealthy. She will see that you are doing the right thing and if you get well wishes from your doc, then there's nothing she should need to wory about anymore.

    Hope this helps. TALL LADIES UNITE! Lol. Feel free to add me if you'd like :) Support from "outsiders" isn't always forthcoming- that is what your MFP buddies are for!
  • Cori615
    Cori615 Posts: 100
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    Do your thing and don't make comments . it does get annoying when a person comments about calories and the gym especially if there not doing anything. Just stick to it. Don't let other people bring you down but also don't be the one to bring them down. Find people that are also trying to be healthy for the support
  • jodik11
    jodik11 Posts: 64 Member
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    Keep up the good work and be PROUD of yourself. You are being a good role model for your daughter and eventually she'll want to follow in your footsteps and eat healthier. Don't let anyone, not even family bring you down. Just keep on a truckin!
  • Merrymel
    Merrymel Posts: 15
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    WOW! thanks to everyone for the kind words of encourgement. I feel better already....! I love MFP.
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
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    Do your thing and don't make comments . it does get annoying when a person comments about calories and the gym especially if there not doing anything. Just stick to it. Don't let other people bring you down but also don't be the one to bring them down. Find people that are also trying to be healthy for the support

    I'd agree with this - just do what you know is right, and let her do her thing. It doesn't sound to me as though she wants to do anything about her own weight so anything you say is propably only going to provoke her more.
    Good luck and keep up the good work!
  • Tic_Tac_Toe
    Tic_Tac_Toe Posts: 33
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    I am also 5'9 and have heard all the comments of "you carry it well" to "you don't need to lose weight." I am sure you've heard the saying "misery loves company," but it makes it harder because it's your daughter. You need to do what makes you happy & what makes you comfortable in your own skin. Maybe your daughter will follow suit once she realizes you mean business & get results.

    And instead of saying no I can't have that and then binge eating, try doing everything in moderation. GL!
  • jmruef
    jmruef Posts: 824 Member
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    I have had people look at me in shock when I tell them what I weigh because I "carry it well." Yeah, I carry it so well I have very little energy to do anything but carry myself to the couch or to bed...etc.

    The problem *now* is that I'm recovered from an eating disorder. Why is that a problem? Because people hear alarm bells if I share that I'm trying to lose weight. If I lose 5 pounds my mother sees me with the same eyes that saw me when I was skeletal. The last time I weighed 155 (and I'm 5'8") she told me I was "looking scary again." Sigh.

    One thing I learned, though, during my recovery (okay, I'm still learning) is that I can not change other people's behavior. This goes for my parents, siblings, stepsons, coworkers, etc. What I *can* change - and this is BIG - is how I react to those people. I can let my mom piss me off every time she comes up with something discouraging, or I can evaluate her statement for its true components (do I really look scary? am I engaging in scary behaviors? does she love me and want me to be healthy without her worrying about me? etc.) and proceed from there?

    The last time she pulled out the 'scary' comment, I was able to say to her that although I had *had* an eating disorder, I didn't anymore, and my current weight was far from scary. My weight loss methods/motives were also extremely different from ED me, and I do have the right to take care of myself and maintain a healthy weight. Mom got quiet for a minute and then said, "You know, you're right."

    WOW.

    All this to say: people are going to say what they're going to say. No one has the power to hurt quite like family members, but we really do have the power to diminish that power. It takes effort and time (and lots of both) but it can be done.

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