Weight loss and marriage/relationship

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  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Mine is very supportive of everything that I do. He actually started lifting and counting because of me.
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 698 Member
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    My spouse has always been very supportive in general. He's always been a good example with healthy eating and being active. Many of our dates have been hiking. We've gone through both uber healthy, active phases and lazy, 'fluffy' phases in our relationship. But ever since I started taking this seriously, he's been 100% on board. In the beginning, he went on walks with me in the evenings. We started eating out less, and he ate all of my healthy dinner attempts without complaint. Not long after I starting running, he joined me. He's more into lifting, but we're both training for a half. I've leaned out, and he's bulked up. I think this may have improved our relationship, doing it together. We're each other's cheerleader, that's for sure.
  • mefitforlife9
    mefitforlife9 Posts: 1,741 Member
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    My dh is my biggest supporter and helper! He works shift so on his days off, he will go grocery shopping - he actually will go to different stores if the veggies don't look fresh enough. He doesn't eat veggies hardly! All for me.

    When we met (online, yahoo chat - 15 years ago, before all the dating sites), I was heavy, 250 or so, at 5ft 4in not good. We got married and I gained, Oh, he is 6' 3" and weighed 170 when we met.. lol - scrawny! He is now over 220 and could use some "toning" only.

    In the last 3 years, I've lot over 95 lbs and believe me, I would never ever have been able to do it without his support. I still have 70 lbs to go and together we mapped out mini goals and long term goal for this year. We are booked on a cruise beginning of Dec and I should be down to somewhere around 177 when we leave (currently I'm 239).

    Married 15 years this year and love him as much today as I did at the beginning.
  • babebump
    babebump Posts: 2
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    Yeah im the only one worried about being healthy in the family. Its not that hes not supportive its just that i dont get any positive reinforcement for any of my efforts. But i know if i didnt worry about how i looked or watched what i ate my bf would not be down..
  • Farm_Girl_Strong
    Farm_Girl_Strong Posts: 81 Member
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    My first weight loss journey after baby #2 was a struggle. My hubby did not care about it, he did not want to eat the healthy meals and had no interest in joining. This caused a lot of marital issues as I was feeling great about myself and he was feeling insecure.

    This time around, he has realized that he needs to also loss weight, get fit and healthy to keep up with our three beautiful children. So now, he is on Fitbit, has a gym pass and let's me do all the cooking. He never tries to pick up takeout unless it's our 'cheat night' which is actually only once a month since takeout is pricey and we have to literally drive 20mins to even pick it up (small town life...).

    The change in our relationship, sex life and respect for each other has grown exponentially in the past four months, it has been absolutely amazing!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    We've been married for 15 years and I've been try to lose weight for about that long. He says he is happy if I am happy. He is supportive. He has told me I seem more confident and in the mood more often so he is all for that. I think we are pretty secure with each other.
    Dh lost some weight since starting a medication last year and really doesn't need to lose any more.
  • ceruleanmuse
    ceruleanmuse Posts: 60 Member
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    He's been happy that my starting to exercise regularly has made me happier, healthier, and stronger. We now have an activity that we can do together that we both enjoy. I love lifting with him. We get to do obstacle races and 5Ks together. We buy protein and supplements together. It's really bonding.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
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    theadamswolfpack wrote: »
    When I met my husband 8 yrs ago I was 5'11 135 lbs and wore a size 8. After high school I went away for college so we were long distance for 4 years and I gained a lot of weight. I'm currently still 5'11 but I weight 227 and I'm a size 16. We just got married last month and I've been wanting to hit the gym because we're having a beach wedding in Aug. However, he DOES NOT want me to get skinny again because he's afraid I will leave him. So he always encourages bad eating habits and whenever I want to go to the gym he says "babe, let's watch a movie" things like that. It's getting really frustrating.


    And this does not worry you?
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
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    Thanks for sharing all of your experiences! Interesting to read!
  • mhausler93
    mhausler93 Posts: 83 Member
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    I haven't read through all of the answers to see if someone else has had this same issue. But I'm getting married in August. My whole life I've been overweight, but when I met my fiancé, I was only about 20lbs overweight (as I am again, currently) but at that point I was in denial so I was "happy" and had accepted that j was overweight and I wasn't self concious about it. In that first year, I dropped 20-25 lbs, I was at a healthy weight, I was happy, I truly loved myself. Then I got an office job, I didn't exercise and we moved in together and I took on his eating habits. I put on the 20lbs again. And now, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I don't like how I feel. And that has taken a major hit on my self esteem. So now that I'm trying to lose those 20lbs again, I'm very critical of my body and my appearance, and it makes it difficult to accept compliments from my fiancé. He tries to reassure me that he loves me the way I am, that I'm beautiful etc. but I always tell myself he is just saying that to make me feel better. He knows it, I know it. And it makes him feel like crap knowing I don't believe a single compliment that comes out of his mouth. So that has taken a toll on our relationship a bit. And I often ask for his support but he won't give me that support until he knows that I can accept myself again.

    Wow. That was a novel. Sorry.
  • cazpom37
    cazpom37 Posts: 88 Member
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    my husband is extremely supportive and him being the cook in the house, he'll quite happily prepare a healthy meal for me. sometimes he'll cook his separate when he wants burgers or bacon etc but most of the time he'll quite happily eat what i'm having. i'm now the same size i was when i met him but at my biggest after having the boys, i ballooned to a uk size 24. at my biggest he never went off me or found me less attractive and always continued to show me attention which has been wonderful because i know he loves me any size. the weight loss is for me though, i want to feel good about myself. makes me a happier person to be around :smiley:
  • AngryViking1970
    AngryViking1970 Posts: 2,847 Member
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    My husband is very supportive and encouraging. Sometimes, though he'll suggest things I should be doing to make my weight loss "better". I tell him to STFU.
  • fattofit_fritch26
    fattofit_fritch26 Posts: 131 Member
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    My husband and I met at my highest weight...I lost some before our wedding, then gained some after the honeymoon, now I'm losing again..it doesn't make much of a difference to him. I'm curvy, so the extra fluff around the middle goes unnoticed with him. It does me a lot of good knowing he loves me no matter my weight, and makes me want to work harder because it's really for me and I don't have the added pressure of my partner wanting me to change. He is supportive with my workouts and usually comes with me or helps me plan them (he's in the military so he has a better idea of what workout programs to do), we meal plan together, eat healthy meals through the week but have one bigger meal most weekends to treat each other, take our pup to the park a lot, walk together, go on bike rides...We mainly want to develop a healthy, happy lifestyle for us now, and for our family in the future. I am blessed with a husband who is supportive in all that I do.
  • fattofit_fritch26
    fattofit_fritch26 Posts: 131 Member
    edited March 2015
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    mhausler93 wrote: »
    I haven't read through all of the answers to see if someone else has had this same issue. But I'm getting married in August. My whole life I've been overweight, but when I met my fiancé, I was only about 20lbs overweight (as I am again, currently) but at that point I was in denial so I was "happy" and had accepted that j was overweight and I wasn't self concious about it. In that first year, I dropped 20-25 lbs, I was at a healthy weight, I was happy, I truly loved myself. Then I got an office job, I didn't exercise and we moved in together and I took on his eating habits. I put on the 20lbs again. And now, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I don't like how I feel. And that has taken a major hit on my self esteem. So now that I'm trying to lose those 20lbs again, I'm very critical of my body and my appearance, and it makes it difficult to accept compliments from my fiancé. He tries to reassure me that he loves me the way I am, that I'm beautiful etc. but I always tell myself he is just saying that to make me feel better. He knows it, I know it. And it makes him feel like crap knowing I don't believe a single compliment that comes out of his mouth. So that has taken a toll on our relationship a bit. And I often ask for his support but he won't give me that support until he knows that I can accept myself again.

    Wow. That was a novel. Sorry.

    When my husband and I first got married I felt great, I had lost almost 30 lbs before the wedding...but honeymoon and newlywed weight caught up with me. I really struggled to see myself as attractive, and still do some days...and it was hard for him to see me beat myself up. Eventually I realized that he really does find me attractive (maybe TMI, but we can't keep our hands off each other). So now I focus on how he sees me, and try to see myself in the same way, focus on the good instead of beating myself up about what I think should be different.

    The things we women notice the most are the things we don't like (the extra around the middle, our thighs, arms, etc)...what they notice are the things they love (our curves, cleavage, smile, laugh, quirks, booties), all the things they find attractive.


    You're a hottie, deal with it lady!
  • KariQuiteContrary
    KariQuiteContrary Posts: 274 Member
    edited March 2015
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    My ex who was a fairly lanky guy and I met when I was at my highest weight (I was 5'4" and 197 - He was 5'9" and 145) and he seemed pretty ok with that arrangement. About 3 1/2 years in I decided to start losing weight (which he was 'supportive' of at the time) and dropped to about 137 in a period of about 6-7 months. Once I was fit and healthy his insecurities got the best of him and set us on a pretty rocky course for the remainder of the relationship. He was jealous, insecure, didn't make an effort to support my healthy eating habits (did pretty much the opposite) and eventually ended up being unfaithful in part due to his insecurities about the attention I was getting in my fit state. Towards the end of the relationship I put back on 35 of that hard fought loss in part because of stress and in part because my heartbroken brain thought that maybe just maybe if I was chubby again he'd feel more secure. (Yes, I'm aware of how idiotic that was...love turns smart people into morons). The relationship took me to unhealthy places both emotionally and physically not only because of his lack of support (and sometimes sabotoge) but also because of his emotional/social reaction to my desire to be healthier.

    My current boyfriend is beyond supportive. In fact, that I lift and make an effort to have a healthy lifestyle inside and out is a big part of what he says attracted him to me (Quote "A chick with a squat rack photo as her profile pic is badass"). Don't get me wrong. I'm still fighting to drop those pounds I let creep back on (however I know I'm in better shape as I'm much much much stronger than I was at my lowest weight and still fit into smaller clothes than I did previously at my current weight) but I can say without a doubt, emotionally, mentally, physically, having a supportive partner is so incredibly valuable. He's also been where I have (he's been chunky, he's been skinny, and is currently pretty dang muscular). We don't always lift or run together but I know I can count on him to tell me how proud of me he is and how happy he is that I am doing something to take care of myself.
  • allycado
    allycado Posts: 11 Member
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    My boyfriend and I are on MFP together (I halfheartedly joined two years ago, he started in January when I decided to take it seriously). He's not quite as motivated as I am, but it's great that he understands the ins and outs of MFP. It's made a huge difference in our lives since we live together: We can't just sit on the couch and eat all night long anymore.

    Regarding what he thinks about my weight, he knows that he doesn't get to have any say in what I do with my body. No boyfriend of mine ever has, nor will.
  • scar47
    scar47 Posts: 56 Member
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    fattofit_fritch26 wrote: »
    mhausler93 wrote: »
    I haven't read through all of the answers to see if someone else has had this same issue. But I'm getting married in August. My whole life I've been overweight, but when I met my fiancé, I was only about 20lbs overweight (as I am again, currently) but at that point I was in denial so I was "happy" and had accepted that j was overweight and I wasn't self concious about it. In that first year, I dropped 20-25 lbs, I was at a healthy weight, I was happy, I truly loved myself. Then I got an office job, I didn't exercise and we moved in together and I took on his eating habits. I put on the 20lbs again. And now, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I don't like how I feel. And that has taken a major hit on my self esteem. So now that I'm trying to lose those 20lbs again, I'm very critical of my body and my appearance, and it makes it difficult to accept compliments from my fiancé. He tries to reassure me that he loves me the way I am, that I'm beautiful etc. but I always tell myself he is just saying that to make me feel better. He knows it, I know it. And it makes him feel like crap knowing I don't believe a single compliment that comes out of his mouth. So that has taken a toll on our relationship a bit. And I often ask for his support but he won't give me that support until he knows that I can accept myself again.

    Wow. That was a novel. Sorry.

    When my husband and I first got married I felt great, I had lost almost 30 lbs before the wedding...but honeymoon and newlywed weight caught up with me. I really struggled to see myself as attractive, and still do some days...and it was hard for him to see me beat myself up. Eventually I realized that he really does find me attractive (maybe TMI, but we can't keep our hands off each other). So now I focus on how he sees me, and try to see myself in the same way, focus on the good instead of beating myself up about what I think should be different.

    The things we women notice the most are the things we don't like (the extra around the middle, our thighs, arms, etc)...what they notice are the things they love (our curves, cleavage, smile, laugh, quirks, booties), all the things they find attractive.


    You're a hottie, deal with it lady!

    That's one of the most intelligent posts that I've seen on MFP. Also, some women really don't understand how much men love the smiles, laughs, and quirks. Kudos to you and your husband. You got it right!
  • mhausler93
    mhausler93 Posts: 83 Member
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    fattofit_fritch26 wrote: »
    mhausler93 wrote: »
    I haven't read through all of the answers to see if someone else has had this same issue. But I'm getting married in August. My whole life I've been overweight, but when I met my fiancé, I was only about 20lbs overweight (as I am again, currently) but at that point I was in denial so I was "happy" and had accepted that j was overweight and I wasn't self concious about it. In that first year, I dropped 20-25 lbs, I was at a healthy weight, I was happy, I truly loved myself. Then I got an office job, I didn't exercise and we moved in together and I took on his eating habits. I put on the 20lbs again. And now, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I don't like how I feel. And that has taken a major hit on my self esteem. So now that I'm trying to lose those 20lbs again, I'm very critical of my body and my appearance, and it makes it difficult to accept compliments from my fiancé. He tries to reassure me that he loves me the way I am, that I'm beautiful etc. but I always tell myself he is just saying that to make me feel better. He knows it, I know it. And it makes him feel like crap knowing I don't believe a single compliment that comes out of his mouth. So that has taken a toll on our relationship a bit. And I often ask for his support but he won't give me that support until he knows that I can accept myself again.

    Wow. That was a novel. Sorry.

    When my husband and I first got married I felt great, I had lost almost 30 lbs before the wedding...but honeymoon and newlywed weight caught up with me. I really struggled to see myself as attractive, and still do some days...and it was hard for him to see me beat myself up. Eventually I realized that he really does find me attractive (maybe TMI, but we can't keep our hands off each other). So now I focus on how he sees me, and try to see myself in the same way, focus on the good instead of beating myself up about what I think should be different.

    The things we women notice the most are the things we don't like (the extra around the middle, our thighs, arms, etc)...what they notice are the things they love (our curves, cleavage, smile, laugh, quirks, booties), all the things they find attractive.


    You're a hottie, deal with it lady!

    Thank you! I know I need to try to see myself differently. And I'm really working on it. Thank you again, it helps to get that swift kick from other ladies
  • scaryg53
    scaryg53 Posts: 268 Member
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    ernurse167 wrote: »
    I was pretty chunky when my GF and I met, still amazed she went out with me actually! She started working out first when she hit 40, just wanted to tone up and lose the extra baggage of 3 kids, though I didn't think she needed to change anything. I saw just how hard she was working and started to see the change in not only her shape, but also in her moods and energy levels. When she started asking me for positive affirmations that is when I was spurned into working on myself.

    Now we both exercise quite a bit and watch our diets most of the time. She is my biggest cheerleader by far. Always telling me how much she likes my upper body being so hard and asking daily how my workout was and what did I do in crossfit. She keeps me motivated!

    I try to do the same for her by asking about her zumba classes and suggesting higher weights and rubbing her sore legs and butt after each class.
    This is so sweet, I love the support. I've never really had support from the people I have dated. My boyfriend wishes I would eat with him more but he understands that my fitness is important to me and he loves my body. He does get annoyed sometimes, but he would never try to stop me from being happy with myself. And he loves to rub my butt after workouts!! Haha!

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