'That person' in the Gym
Lois_1989
Posts: 6,410 Member
Hello everyone,
So, I've just got back from the gym, and I've just realised I am now 'that person'. The one people avoid eye contact with. Funnily enough not really with other gym go-ers but the gym staff. I walk in, smile at the person on the desk, get no response, do my work out the whole time noticing that if I make eye contact (not even intentional just look up and happen to make eye contact) with a staff member they look away really quickly. Its unnerving and making me quite self-conscious. To the point where I'm wondering if I am doing something wrong, a technique or misuse of the equipment. This isn't a one off either it has been happening all week. At first I though maybe I ripped my trousers or something embarrassing like that, but nothing that I can see. As a 200lb+ girl the gym isn't exactly the most comfortable place in the world to be to start with, this on top makes it worse.
I'm not really sure how to deal with this. I don't want to stop going or change gyms because they are the only one near by with a squat rack. I didn't know if anyone had suggestions on what it could be or how to deal with it?
Thank you
So, I've just got back from the gym, and I've just realised I am now 'that person'. The one people avoid eye contact with. Funnily enough not really with other gym go-ers but the gym staff. I walk in, smile at the person on the desk, get no response, do my work out the whole time noticing that if I make eye contact (not even intentional just look up and happen to make eye contact) with a staff member they look away really quickly. Its unnerving and making me quite self-conscious. To the point where I'm wondering if I am doing something wrong, a technique or misuse of the equipment. This isn't a one off either it has been happening all week. At first I though maybe I ripped my trousers or something embarrassing like that, but nothing that I can see. As a 200lb+ girl the gym isn't exactly the most comfortable place in the world to be to start with, this on top makes it worse.
I'm not really sure how to deal with this. I don't want to stop going or change gyms because they are the only one near by with a squat rack. I didn't know if anyone had suggestions on what it could be or how to deal with it?
Thank you
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Replies
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My biggest advice is to treat the gym like it's for what it is: working out. Ignore whatever social cues they're giving you. In my experience, if you're doing something wrong in the gym, especially a form issue that's going to get you hurt, someone will actually mention it to you.
Maybe the front desk was just a sour puss this week? Maybe the staff member you saw upstairs is a little socially awkward, etc.
Do you, they don't matter. Go crush that workout!0 -
Don't worry about it.
Put a hat on it if you want- do the "gym" nod. and go to your workout.
I don't honestly know what you mean by "that person" because there are a lot of "that person's" at the gym. Ultimately it doesn't matter what anyone thinks- just get your butt in there and get your work out in. Nothing else matters.0 -
Can you find one of the more "approachable" staff members and ask for their feedback? I prefer to be up front and just ask if there are issues/concerns. If you don't want to do that, or they don't mention anything specific, then just ignore them. Seriously, you are there to work out. If you are doing something wrong, or breaking gym etiquette somehow, it's their job to let you know. If they don't, then just do what you gotta do to be healthy.0
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Ignore it. Don't let social anxiety derail your progress.
Eta: maybe have a word with one of the approachable staff. Part of the great thing about my gym is the friendly staff. They even say hi in the street if we see each other around town! You shouldn't let them put you off but neither should they be rude.0 -
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mumblemagic wrote: »Eta: maybe have a word with one of the approachable staff. Part of the great thing about my gym is the friendly staff. They even say hi in the street if we see each other around town! You shouldn't let them put you off but neither should they be rude.Can you find one of the more "approachable" staff members and ask for their feedback? I prefer to be up front and just ask if there are issues/concerns. If you don't want to do that, or they don't mention anything specific, then just ignore them.
Well they all were friendly up until this week lol. Its almost like a bad rumor has gone around or something, its weird. I guess I'll just plug myself in to my ipod and maybe it (what ever it is) will blow over soon.
Thank you for your responses so far.
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I always make eye contact with EVERYONE at the gym! I love making friends and encouraging.0
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You're overthinking this. From my perspective, the societal rules of the gym are to interact only when negotiating equipment use.0
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motherwesser wrote: »I always make eye contact with EVERYONE at the gym! I love making friends and encouraging.
I think I do. At the beginning just to have a look around, see who is there, give an encouraging smile. Maybe I'm OVER friendly?
Makes me look weird... 0 -
mumblemagic wrote: »Eta: maybe have a word with one of the approachable staff. Part of the great thing about my gym is the friendly staff. They even say hi in the street if we see each other around town! You shouldn't let them put you off but neither should they be rude.Can you find one of the more "approachable" staff members and ask for their feedback? I prefer to be up front and just ask if there are issues/concerns. If you don't want to do that, or they don't mention anything specific, then just ignore them.
Well they all were friendly up until this week lol. Its almost like a bad rumor has gone around or something, its weird. I guess I'll just plug myself in to my ipod and maybe it (what ever it is) will blow over soon.
Thank you for your responses so far.
maybe they are getting fired?
maybe new manager?
maybe they got scolded for interactions with people at the gym (doubtful- but I mean- just throwing out ideas)
you don't know- maybe a death in the community?
You have no idea if anything is going on for them on their side of the fence- just keep doing what you're doing.0 -
ISYMFS_GYM_KING wrote: »don't worry about it, I speak to a few trainers in the changing rooms/lobby area, but as soon as I step foot in the gym its all business, I don't care if I seem arrogant or rude, I want the best for me, even my best friend of 13 years avoids me, sounds like you go to a good gym, if they have time for constant eye contact they aren't using their gym time to the max.
block your surroundings and enjoy evolving your physique I understand as a person who suffered severe social anxiety once upon a time ago.
Gotta grow thick skin to go with the muscles!
Glad to hear you over came your anxiety Thank you for your help 0 -
mumblemagic wrote: »Eta: maybe have a word with one of the approachable staff. Part of the great thing about my gym is the friendly staff. They even say hi in the street if we see each other around town! You shouldn't let them put you off but neither should they be rude.Can you find one of the more "approachable" staff members and ask for their feedback? I prefer to be up front and just ask if there are issues/concerns. If you don't want to do that, or they don't mention anything specific, then just ignore them.
Well they all were friendly up until this week lol. Its almost like a bad rumor has gone around or something, its weird. I guess I'll just plug myself in to my ipod and maybe it (what ever it is) will blow over soon.
Thank you for your responses so far.
maybe they are getting fired?
maybe new manager?
maybe they got scolded for interactions with people at the gym (doubtful- but I mean- just throwing out ideas)
you don't know- maybe a death in the community?
You have no idea if anything is going on for them on their side of the fence- just keep doing what you're doing.
This is true... I hadn't thought of those things. Thanks0 -
Don't take it personally. They may have had a staff meeting and perhaps everyone is in a bad mood. Maybe somebody quit that everyone liked. The possibilities are endless. If you don't know why they are in a mood then it probably has nothing to do with you. (which is of course a good thing) Don't let anything interfere with a positive experience.0
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Could be they are wanting to approach you with a program to suggest but because of whatever reason, business etiquette 'rules', fear of coming off too pushy, or don't want you to take offense...just a thought0
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You know what I do? I make an evil game out of it. If someone avoids eye contact with me, or is a sourpuss, then the next time I see them I give them a big smile, serious eye contact, and a loud happy HI THERE. You will get a good laugh out of it, and the ones who are avoiding you will squirm, and the ones with social anxiety will eventually become your friends. It's win, win, win. 0
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Maybe you need to find a different gym. I am 229 lbs...and am always spoken to by the person at the desk when I come and go - even if the person is not standing by the desk at the time - if he sees me leaving he yells out "Bye!" He's not a friend, I don't know him apart from the gym...we never say more than "Hi, how are ya, weather, yada yada, can I buy some water cause I left mine home again, that's okay, thanks..." Then "Bye...have a good day/night/weekend."
It doesn't matter who is sitting there there are about 4 different people at any given time and they are always polite and friendly.- the gym owner is very adamant that everyone feel welcome in her gym. Maybe the owner / manager has no idea what jerks they have roaming around...or maybe you just need a more friendlier gym.
I didn't join the Curves near me because of the rude/ unfriendly way I was treated by the desk person the day I walked in for information....0 -
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emily_stew wrote: »Meanwhile, in other threads...people are complaining that everyone is staring at them.
I guess you can't win. It's a problem if people pay attention to you but it's a problem if people ignore you.0 -
When you make eye contact lick your lips. It'll be funny.0
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365andstillalive wrote: »My biggest advice is to treat the gym like it's for what it is: working out. Ignore whatever social cues they're giving you. In my experience, if you're doing something wrong in the gym, especially a form issue that's going to get you hurt, someone will actually mention it to you.
Maybe the front desk was just a sour puss this week? Maybe the staff member you saw upstairs is a little socially awkward, etc.
Do you, they don't matter. Go crush that workout!
First person said it best. It's really sad that the staff themselves would act that way. That's literally what the gym is for, so it's really poor on their part to behave like that. I know I had an incident earlier this week with a woman in the locker room who, upon walking in to see me in sweats and my sports bra, t-shirt in hand as I adjusted my HRM, stared at me with just the most unashamed, disgusted look on her face. It was really embarassing, as I was pretty shy about changing in the first place....
Just to give you an idea, I'm 5 foot 6, and ~133 pounds... So yeah, discrimination happens no matter what shape, size, age you may be... Just don't let it get to you. As they say, haters gonna hate :P0 -
This sounds like a mental thing more than what is probably going on. Most people at the gym dont talk to each other and the desk people may say hi to me, but who cares?0
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I have been going to my gym for two years pretty much daily (except run days). I take classes and work with one of the trainers. So basically all the staff knows me by name. The reason I tell you this is because some days I get a big old welcome and other days I just walk without much acknowledgement. I don't really think much of it.
I can speak for myself that I don't really pay much attention to anyone else either. I am there to get my work done and get out. Sometimes before and after class I will socialize but other than that no. A smile and nod as I pass people on the stairs or taking over a piece of equipment after they are done is about it.
Don't worry just go and enjoy your workout.0 -
mumblemagic wrote: »Eta: maybe have a word with one of the approachable staff. Part of the great thing about my gym is the friendly staff. They even say hi in the street if we see each other around town! You shouldn't let them put you off but neither should they be rude.Can you find one of the more "approachable" staff members and ask for their feedback? I prefer to be up front and just ask if there are issues/concerns. If you don't want to do that, or they don't mention anything specific, then just ignore them.
Well they all were friendly up until this week lol. Its almost like a bad rumor has gone around or something, its weird. I guess I'll just plug myself in to my ipod and maybe it (what ever it is) will blow over soon.
Thank you for your responses so far.
They're always friendly when they're getting you to sign the contract, lol! Sales! That might be disguising a secret attitude on their part of not actually caring about any of their patrons. I've been to gyms where they don't even look at you when they pass you a towel or swipe your card, to ones where they make a point of greeting every member, with a smile, by name. Might be a culture thing. But you don't know this until after you've been there a few weeks, because those first times, they're still happy about the commission.
Don't worry about it, honestly. You might be catching them at times they're busy or something - you really don't know what's going on. But also, who cares? Go in and do your workouts!0 -
Another possibility is that you're putting out some unusual signals, because of anxiety (e.g. if you feel awkward about going to the gym). Like if, despite yourself, you're somehow expectantly looking at them for some kind of response, they might not know what to do with that. And then their reaction might feed back into your anxiety in a kind of feedback cycle.
If that's the case, try not to expect anything from them for a while, and try to tolerate any feelings of discomfort. Just go in and do your thing.0 -
What does any of that have to do with you paying your fee and working out? I apologize for saying this, but you sound a bit paranoid.0
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The people who work at and work out at my gym are anything BUT friendly, and I could not care less.0
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Are you wearing deoderant? Do you put equipment back when you're done & wipe equipment down if you're sweaty? Do you avoid talking loudly on your phone?
If you don't wear deoderant, don't clean up after yourself and/or you talk loudly on the phone, then I'd say you may be "that person". If you don't do these things then don't worry. They could be having a bad day/week, and it has nothing to do with you. Go in and do your thing, don't worry about them.0 -
Ignore them! They aren't doing anything to help you! Do your thang, girl! I'm 208 and 6 feet tall, I get looks but I smile and keep it pushing. Maybe they are intimidated by you?0
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AbsoluteTara79 wrote: »You're overthinking this. From my perspective, the societal rules of the gym are to interact only when negotiating equipment use.
Just throwing it out there, but this may be attentional bias. That is the tendency of our perception to be affected by our own recurring thoughts. In other words, your perception of other people in the gym (not making eye contact, being rude, avoiding you), may be distorted or affected by your preexisting belief that they would perform such behaviors towards you when you were there. Because of that recurring thought you sought out behaviors that could be perceived this way, even if that was not at all the intention. Someone else may assume the employee is busy, is having a bad day, or they don't need any help working out because they are so awesome!
This is just a thought and could be completely off base. I know when I first went back to the gym I felt like everyone was giving me weird looks, like "what is this chick doing?" After a few trips I realized people were glancing but in a natural way that we do; looking around the gym, watching for lifting ideas, spacing out, or even checking out the hot person at the gym (aka me!) 0
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