Chuck Norris Facts

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  • cdlee05
    cdlee05 Posts: 718 Member
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    How many pushups can Chuck Norris do?
    All of them.
  • ShellyBell999
    ShellyBell999 Posts: 1,482 Member
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  • Noelv1976
    Noelv1976 Posts: 18,948 Member
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    Chuck Norris was bitten by a rattlesnake. After five days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
    edited March 2015
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    Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of saying that sometimes corn just needs to lie the f**k down.
  • LisaMahlet
    LisaMahlet Posts: 453 Member
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    Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
  • nowweseeyou
    nowweseeyou Posts: 1,235 Member
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    cdlee05 wrote: »
    How many pushups can Chuck Norris do?
    All of them.

    Hahah, I'm dying.
  • nowweseeyou
    nowweseeyou Posts: 1,235 Member
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    LisaMahlet wrote: »
    Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

    Hahaha
  • tat2cookie
    tat2cookie Posts: 1,902 Member
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  • gash14
    gash14 Posts: 63 Member
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    Happy Chuck Norris birthday.


    Chuck Norris doesn't blow out his candles, he smothers them with the weight of his glare.


    When Chuck Norris looks at the sun, the sun blinks.
  • gash14
    gash14 Posts: 63 Member
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    When the boogie man goes to bed at night, he checks for Chuck Norris.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chucked.
  • Benjinkan
    Benjinkan Posts: 1,107 Member
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    Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

    Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

    A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
  • Benjinkan
    Benjinkan Posts: 1,107 Member
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    Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

    How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

    Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
  • Benjinkan
    Benjinkan Posts: 1,107 Member
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    The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

    A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

    Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  • Benjinkan
    Benjinkan Posts: 1,107 Member
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    While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

    Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  • Benjinkan
    Benjinkan Posts: 1,107 Member
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    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

    Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
  • Benjinkan
    Benjinkan Posts: 1,107 Member
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    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

    Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
  • Benjinkan
    Benjinkan Posts: 1,107 Member
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    And finally;

    Chuck Norris once got 100% on a calculus exam by writing violence for every question. Chuck Norris solves all problems with violence

    I love this thread
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor. You NEVER slap Chuck Norris.

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