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Suggestions for how to deal with people's comments?

christinehuds

Hi! Need some advice on dealing with people's comments near the end of my 2 year weight loss journey. My tolerance is really running low.

I've been on MFP for about a year now, but I was on Weight Watchers for about a year and half before that. At my highest weight, I was about 260 pounds. I'm currently 160 pounds. So, I'm no stranger to comments, compliments, questions and everything of the like regarding my weight and appearance. At first it was nice that people took notice, but I'm reaching a point where I'm not interested in people's commentary on my intake, diet preferences or appearance. It's beginning to feel intrusive and unwarranted instead of helpful or encouraging like it did when I first starting losing weight in 2013.

I'm 160 pounds, 5'6 and I wear a size 8/10. I'm just barely in the overweight category based on the BMI scale. (Not a big believer in the accuracy of the BMI scale though). I'm coming off a running-related injury, but I workout fairly often and did a lot of strength training before I had to take a rest to heal up. I have a decent bit of muscle on my frame, especially in the lower body, so perhaps I appear lighter than I am on the scale.

At the beginning of the year, I was back up to 170 pounds and since January I've lost 10 pounds. I'd like to get down to around 150 over the next several months. I'm in no rush to get there, I eat 1600 calories a day and I only have my goals set to lose .5 pounds a week. I eat often (6 times a day) and I eat to fulfill my macros. I do not appear to be underweight at all. I look quite normal. (Check my photos, I'm not small.) Also, since I'm nearing the end, I have to pay close attention to what I'm eating, as I don't have much left to lose. I've said all this to say, that I'm about at my wit's end with people's comments. I'm feeling frustrated and angry. Here are comments I've gotten just in the last two weeks.

From my Dad: (I'm living with my parents for 3 weeks while I wait for my new apartment to become available) "What are you going to fix for dinner? You do eat, don't you?
From the CEO of my company, when he saw me microwaving lunch: "You mean you actually eat? I thought you'd given up on eating altogether."
From my boyfriend, when I said I wanted to have oatmeal, peanut butter and Greek yogurt for dinner: "I don't like watching you starve yourself."
From co workers, when they saw me weighing food on a scale: "Are you doing a science experiment? It looks like you're going to blow up the kitchen. Why are you doing that? Who weighs their food before they eat it?"
From coworkers: "Why won't you ever go out to eat with us? Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!" (My coworkers eat restaurant/takeout food about 3-4 days a week for lunch. Most are overweight.)
Just this morning, donuts were brought in and everyone gave me *kitten* for not having one. (I save my indulgent foods for a weekend meal, so it appears to my coworkers that I eat 100% "healthy", 100% of the time, which is certainly not true)

I've put up with a good amount of intrusive and invasive questions and comments on my food/eating habits for years now, from people who frankly have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to health and nutrition. I'm used to turning down office food and lunch invitations. I got used to that two years ago. That doesn't bother me at all. But I'm reaching the end of my tolerance when it comes to these types of comments.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to politely tell these (nutritionally ignorant) people to stop commenting on my food intake, preferences and practices? I want to say "Go *kitten* yourself," but I'd honestly rather do so in a way that is more constructive -- and less hostile. Haha. Any help is appreciated. The next person who comments on my food scale or healthy eating habits just might get strangled -- so it may be to their benefit too.

Cheers.

Replies

MKEgal

I've put up with a good amount of intrusive and invasive questions and comments on my food/eating habits for years now, from people who frankly have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to health and nutrition.

So stop answering them, stop giving them any energy/support/credence.

This works for many topics:
"Thank you for your concern, but I'm not interested in discussing it."
Repeat as necessary, same bored inflection, until the person leaves you alone.
.

From my boyfriend, when I said I wanted to have oatmeal, peanut butter and Greek yogurt for dinner: "I don't like watching you starve yourself."

That's actually a pretty substantial, calorific, and nutritious meal. I like having yogurt with oatmeal stirred in for a little texture. Fruit too. And I found something like Mio that's supposed to be used in milk; the orange flavor makes vanilla yogurt taste like a deamsicle!

This one you can address with education, because (presumably) he does care for you and wants you to be well.
Show him how you arrived at your calorie & weight goal, show him that it's healthy, show him several days of your diary so he sees that you're getting the nutrition you need and you're at a slight calorie deficit in order to lose a little more weight.
.

From co workers, when they saw me weighing food on a scale: "Are you doing a science experiment? It looks like you're going to blow up the kitchen. Why are you doing that? Who weighs their food before they eat it?"

Yeah, measure stuff out at home.
Besides, this one confuses me. Do you just put a bunch of stuff into containers at home, then at work you measure out what you're going to eat & put the rest back into the containers to take home again?

Seems it would be much simpler to handle it once, at home, with no snarky co-workers.
.

From coworkers: "Why won't you ever go out to eat with us? Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!"

Going out once in a while, suggesting someplace that has food you can eat, would be a compromise.
Otherwise, I'd say something like, "your feelings are not my problem; I don't feel bad about what you eat and how it affects your health, why are you concerned with me?"
If they persist, there's always, "if I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you".

(The nuclear option is a last resort.)

christinehuds

MKEgal wrote: »

I've put up with a good amount of intrusive and invasive questions and comments on my food/eating habits for years now, from people who frankly have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to health and nutrition.

So stop answering them, stop giving them any energy/support/credence.

This works for many topics:
"Thank you for your concern, but I'm not interested in discussing it."
Repeat as necessary, same bored inflection, until the person leaves you alone.
.

From my boyfriend, when I said I wanted to have oatmeal, peanut butter and Greek yogurt for dinner: "I don't like watching you starve yourself."

That's actually a pretty substantial, calorific, and nutritious meal. I like having yogurt with oatmeal stirred in for a little texture. Fruit too. And I found something like Mio that's supposed to be used in milk; the orange flavor makes vanilla yogurt taste like a deamsicle!

This one you can address with education, because (presumably) he does care for you and wants you to be well.
Show him how you arrived at your calorie & weight goal, show him that it's healthy, show him several days of your diary so he sees that you're getting the nutrition you need and you're at a slight calorie deficit in order to lose a little more weight.
.

From co workers, when they saw me weighing food on a scale: "Are you doing a science experiment? It looks like you're going to blow up the kitchen. Why are you doing that? Who weighs their food before they eat it?"

Yeah, measure stuff out at home.
Besides, this one confuses me. Do you just put a bunch of stuff into containers at home, then at work you measure out what you're going to eat & put the rest back into the containers to take home again?
Seems it would be much simpler to handle it once, at home, with no snarky co-workers.
.

From coworkers: "Why won't you ever go out to eat with us? Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!"

Going out once in a while, suggesting someplace that has food you can eat, would be a compromise.
Otherwise, I'd say something like, "your feelings are not my problem; I don't feel bad about what you eat and how it affects your health, why are you concerned with me?"
If they persist, there's always, "if I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you".
(The nuclear option is a last resort.)

Yes, I think after reading a few comments that say to stop engaging in conversation, answering questions and explaining myself, this seems to be the way to go!

As for my boyfriend, I should definitely show him my food diary. Oatmeal with peanut butter mixed in and Greek yogurt on the side is a really filling and well-balanced meal. Hits all the macros. It's one of my favorite meals. I love it! I also love desserts, so this satisfies my sweet tooth. He just doesn't get it.

As for weighing food at work, it's certainly not ideal, but I work in a downtown setting where my parking lot is about 3 blocks from my car, so it's much easier for me to bring food in bulk once a week (large tupperwares of chili, whole containers of old fashioned oats, whole jars of peanut butter, whole containers of yogurt) and just leave them here than to bring them in every single day. I just keep a scale at work because it's more convenient than weighing everything at home and bringing it in when I lave limited space to carry things. I also plan to start biking to work once I move, so I want to keep my load as light as possible. I bring food in once and it's enough to last me at work for a few weeks!

Also, could you send me a link to the Mio-like product you found for milk? Thanks!

tiptoethruthetulips

You can't control what people say to you but you can control how you react to the comments. Stop giving power to the people, take it back. Let their comments be water off the duck's back.

AliceDark

It never stops, especially since you're a vegetarian. Once you've maintained your weight for long enough, you'll still get stupid food-related comments, but it'll be because you're the fit girl. I can't understand why anyone feels like it's appropriate to comment on what someone else is eating, but if you eat in a way that's at all different from "normal," people will comment. I'll occasionally tell people that I'm not eating (whatever treat they have in the office) because I have cake or whatever at home that I want to eat later, but only if that's true. 95% of the time, the only answer people will get about my eating habits is that I eat this way because I like it. That seems to shut them up fairly well.

dakotababy

It sounds like you are beyond frustrated. I would begin by associating the comments you receive at work as "harassment". Just simply say "I do not appreciate being harassed about my food/body/what I am eating". Co-workers (smart ones) typically associate the word Harassment with "HR involvement". Begin documenting any comments and how you respond to them.

At home, be blunt and direct. Luckily, it sounds like you are around your parents temporarily so know that there is an end in sight there.

dakotababy

herrspoons wrote: »

Just tell your coworkers that you don't take diet advice from fat people.

OMG. This is going right into my back pocket. Perfect.

PennyVonDread

Say no to micro aggressions. "My body is NOT up for commentary." Tell them that. Tell them you are not standing on a pedestal to be evaluated and that you'd rather be spared people's judgments about your habits and health. You have a right to privacy and it's not rude to set that boundary out loud, it's self preservation.

sunandstars2

I am quick to jump on the snark wagon when it comes to these types of diet police.

I was in the category of "not that over weight" for years, but over weight enough that it was uncomfortable to me, and I had no muscle strength in any part of my body, got winded walking up stairs, no concept of CICO/macros etc. So I started walking, which led to running and working out, learning about counting calories, etc.. I like feeling better as a result of eating well and being active. So I turn down the donuts and the happy hours, and that is enough to send the diet police after me. ... so I understand your feeling of being on your last nerve.

To Dad and your boyfriend and the rest of the list ... I'd look them straight in the eye and ask "Does it make you uncomfortable that I've gotten healthy?, And would you be happier if I added that 100 pounds back on?"

I think they really have no idea how their comments come across. I always think of the best reply hours later...

Keep up the good work!

sunandstars2

[/quote]

If they persist, there's always, "if I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you".

(The nuclear option is a last resort.)
[/quote]

OUCH! good one

... i'm gonna save that one for the day i plan to quit my job. LOL

jgnatca

They are projecting. It's not about you, it's about them. You are a walking success story, somewhere they are not ready to be. Most are not ready to listen, so anything you say will be lost anyways. So the appropriate answer is inanities or "none of your business". For sure don't cringe. Stand tall and own your new life. You owe no explanations.

From my Dad: (I'm living with my parents for 3 weeks while I wait for my new apartment to become available) "What are you going to fix for dinner? You do eat, don't you?
"You'll just have to wait to find out, won't you, LOL."

From the CEO of my company, when he saw me microwaving lunch: "You mean you actually eat? I thought you'd given up on eating altogether."
"And here I thought you had given up thinking. Good observation."

From my boyfriend, when I said I wanted to have oatmeal, peanut butter and Greek yogurt for dinner: "I don't like watching you starve yourself."
"Those aren't exactly man's portions are they? That's why God made me a girl. Watch and weep."

From co workers, when they saw me weighing food on a scale: "Are you doing a science experiment? It looks like you're going to blow up the kitchen. Why are you doing that? Who weighs their food before they eat it?"
"I do! LOLOLOL. Wanna try it? Here, catch!"

From coworkers: "Why won't you ever go out to eat with us? Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!" (My coworkers eat restaurant/takeout food about 3-4 days a week for lunch. Most are overweight.)
[First of all, nobody can make someone else feel bad by their example. That part they just have to suck up. I suggest a negotiation where you pick a "healthy" eat out or potluck option one of the four days a week. Or they can go weep over their fast food while you continue on your own path.]

Just this morning, donuts were brought in and everyone gave me ***** for not having one. (I save my indulgent foods for a weekend meal, so it appears to my coworkers that I eat 100% "healthy", 100% of the time, which is certainly not true)
[How about saving one indulgent a month for the office, if they agree not to give you heck the rest of the month? What would they do to a diabetic employee? A celiac? Guilt them right back.]

hermann341

I feel fortunate that my coworkers are pretty much all supportive. None (that I know of) have made any negative comments. And I will have the occasional donut or bagel at work because they don't come in that often and I will make up for it later.

Mr_Knight

jgnatca wrote: »

From the CEO of my company, when he saw me microwaving lunch: "You mean you actually eat? I thought you'd given up on eating altogether."
"And here I thought you had given up thinking. Good observation."

That might be the worst piece of advice ever given out on MFP.

I hope that was intended as a joke...

christinehuds

sunandstars2 wrote: »

If they persist, there's always, "if I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you".

(The nuclear option is a last resort.)
[/quote]

OUCH! good one

... i'm gonna save that one for the day i plan to quit my job. LOL[/quote]

I LOVE THIS. I'll save it for a day when my passive aggressiveness gives way to ALL THE AGGRESSIVENESS.

50452

I say, have fun with it. When I lost a lot of weight no one ever did this to me. But if I had found myself in this situation, I would have come up with some snappy answers - all lies, of course.

christinehuds wrote: »

From my Dad: (I'm living with my parents for 3 weeks while I wait for my new apartment to become available) "What are you going to fix for dinner? You do eat, don't you?

Be careful here. He's your father and you love him. And you are his little girl.

What's his favorite meal? "Of course I eat. But I just had (insert his favorite meal here) three hours ago." Then wink.

From the CEO of my company, when he saw me microwaving lunch: "You mean you actually eat? I thought you'd given up on eating altogether."

"Yeah, I eat. But it's the company cafeteria food. You know how that is." It doesn't matter that there is no company cafeteria.

From my boyfriend, when I said I wanted to have oatmeal, peanut butter and Greek yogurt for dinner: "I don't like watching you starve yourself."

"I'm meeting the girls for drinks later. Don't wait up."

From co workers, when they saw me weighing food on a scale: "Are you doing a science experiment?

"Yep. And it's going in your lunch sack (or vending machine, or the pastry plate, etc)"

It looks like you're going to blow up the kitchen.

"Depends on whether that raise comes through."

Why are you doing that?

"To piss you off"

Who weighs their food before they eat it?

"The smart and beautiful. Hardly anyone else, though."

From coworkers: "Why won't you ever go out to eat with us? Why do you eat healthy? You make us feel bad!" (My coworkers eat restaurant/takeout food about 3-4 days a week for lunch. Most are overweight.)

Give them The Look and dip your chin down and slightly to the right.
Just this morning, donuts were brought in and everyone gave me *kitten* for not having one. (I save my indulgent foods for a weekend meal, so it appears to my coworkers that I eat 100% "healthy", 100% of the time, which is certainly not true)

Shove the whole thing in your mouth (with a lot of drama), then spew (grossly) it into the garbage.

"That's how you eat a doughnut and not get fat." They won't invite you again

These are quick ones that I thought up, but given a little more time, I bet I could do better.

You look fabulous. Be the inspiration in the not-so-boorish minority

nicklippa

I recently read somewhere that the secret to happiness is not to give a *kitten* what people think about you! Sorry for being so crass but I have enough of the comments. I lost over 60 lbs and to top it off my wife and I work out so with all humbleness, we both look healthy. The people who used to make comments about me being fat are now the same people who make comments that "I am starving myself" "I must be taking some supplement" I must be having an affair" "I have no social life and live the gym" and I can go on and on. I don't care anymore because I am doing it for me, not or them. The people that matter, my wife, my kids, my mom (who literally prayed everyday I would lose weight) are all happy for me and that's all that matters.

Yes they're jealous because you have taken away all their excuses and let me tell you Christine you look really good!

christinehuds

nicklippa wrote: »

I recently read somewhere that the secret to happiness is not to give a *kitten* what people think about you! Sorry for being so crass but I have enough of the comments. I lost over 60 lbs and to top it off my wife and I work out so with all humbleness, we both look healthy. The people who used to make comments about me being fat are now the same people who make comments that "I am starving myself" "I must be taking some supplement" I must be having an affair" "I have no social life and live the gym" and I can go on and on. I don't care anymore because I am doing it for me, not or them. The people that matter, my wife, my kids, my mom (who literally prayed everyday I would lose weight) are all happy for me and that's all that matters.

Yes they're jealous because you have taken away all their excuses and let me tell you Christine you look really good!

I'm sorry for the rude comments you've received! People are so awful sometimes. They're just jealous. You and your wife look great -- you've both obviously put in a lot of hard work, and to be met with criticism is so irritating. Thank you for the encouragement and good luck to you both!

TechOutside

People look for commonalities when small talking. We (most of us) try to find things to say that are relevant to the person we are talking to. Most people hit us up with the good things, the kids, the dogs, the sports or shows we like, and try to initiate the conversations with these common items that trigger conversations. Not everyone gets it right, or understands our quirks and irritations. Kind of like the insecure guy talking to a woman.. Think of it that way.

Now I am the first to say, that I am more self conscious than the average person about how I look, and I am willing to bet that most people on this forum are the same way to some degree or another. I have over the years personally masked this by being overly confident and somewhat aggressive in nature, combined with being a big guy that is more muscular than fat these days thanks to MFP and the community, so I think most people are more careful when they say things to me, thinking I am just a big angry guy. My wife always has to hit me on the arm and tell me to get that mean look off my face. I should be happy with how I look, how people perceive me, but after decades of defensiveness and body image issues, it just isn't that simple.

I am now firmly in the camp that there is a combination of our over sensitivity, and their stupid awkwardness that prompts these feelings. Neither of which are founded on reality.
People are just trying to make small talk with you and they aren't taking into account that you may have a body image issue that you are working on. Sure there are people who have their own insecurities and lash out at others to compensate, but you aren't going to change them no matter what you say in response, so why bother?

So in my humble opinion, which means nothing, people aren't looking to hurt you with their comments, they are just trying their best to make small talk that comes out bad.

Life is too short to be pissed off all the time, try to take in the glory that you have done something amazing to better yourself, and maybe consider that you are over thinking their comments.

TechOutside

So the short version would be.. We have spent the time to fix the outside, maybe we need to take some time to fix the inside a bit and enjoy life as we should.