Diet sabotage by partner :(

Hey

I think I used to be what your boyfriend is to my other half... I'd moan about being "fat" but at the same time bring home tasty treats for me and Ben. What Ben did was to refuse to eat any of the crap I brought home and ended up making me feel really flabby and guilty. Its harsh but it works. I eat when I am sad, and as I suffer from depression I comfort eat. I had to make the decision myself that I eat to comfort myself but in the long run I am more depressed as I hate the way I look. So, I think, your going to have to be super strong, refuse the treats he is bringing home and eventually he will get tired of eating them by himself while you get super sleek and feel amazing about yourself. Hopefully your success will inspire him to turn his eating habits around.

You can sit him down and tell him that you are doing this for you, you dont want to use food as a reward so as its all very sweet n all him bringing you treats its actually not what you want. Tell him if he brings you stuff, you appreciate the thought but you will not be eating it. Say this, when he brings them home, tell him again that you said you wouldnt be eating it and leave it at that! He will soon get the idea.

I hope this helps, this really worked for me. x Chin up chook, you have us all for support. :flowerforyou:

Oh no! (((hugs))) It sounds like you need to sit your bloke down and tell him how you feel though. I doubt it will come as any surprise to him. My guess is he's scared by this new slimline woman who is appearing before him, which is now making him feel even fatter than ever. Does he ever eat with you? Could you cook a gorgeous low cal meal and talk to him about both of your diets over that? Don't let it come between you! My guess is he's a very unhappy puppy too When you're both 'big' together that is your identity as a couple. Now you're no longer big and he still is so your identity as a couple has been wrenched away and he doesn't know where he fits in any more, and maybe just a little bit of him is worried that the new slimline you doesn't love him as much any more because you're only going to be attracted to slimline blokes! We all go a bit mad I think when it comes to emotions about food, our size and weight! Try to forgive him, tell him you still think he's gorgeous and show him that you haven't been hungry doing your diet and you'd love to help him change his diet too... if he wants to! xxxxx

What Ben did was to refuse to eat any of the crap I brought home and ended up making me feel really flabby and guilty. Its harsh but it works.

My boyfriend has done this too (intentional or not!) and it really does work - but it may not work on your boyfriend if he doesn't want to lose weight. You should try to include him in your workouts or something, make it fun!

Whilst it is entirely possible that he doesn't want you to *change* (something my boyfriend says to me, in a roundabout way, is that he still wants to recognise me as his girlfriend and the girl he fell in love with), it is also possible that he is just trying to be sweet and reward you. He may view your omission of cakes etc. as a sacrifice (some of us regard it as a sacrifice, others don't really miss it) of things you love, and is trying to reward you for doing so well by getting you things you've been - in his view - missing out on. Just tell him kindly that whilst you may enjoy those foods (if you still do) and you understand he's trying to reward you, that eating them will just undo your hard work and make you feel bad about yourself, and if he wants to reward you, he is more than welcome to do so in other ways.

And then hand him a catalogue for Tiffany's jewellers :DDD

honesty is the best policy. make him a healthy dinner, and talk about your short-term and long-term goal regarding your life together, including your health and weigh. Show him this website and try to log his daily intake with his help together. gently explain that you are doing this not only for yourself but for him as well as you want to be attractive for him.
he might be getting jelous becuase he is noticing you getting slimmer and fitter and might be scared of losing you. this needs to be asked too. just have lots of patience, be sensitive,loving and respectful to you man. all the best.

Jen, everything I was going to say has been said by everyone else here (apart from Carnat's post - big hugs, Carnat). I *do* think you need to have an honest heart-to-heart with him, and give him the chance to explain why he is doing this. It probably is a combination of genuinely 'rewarding' you and it being a bit of a security blanket for him. I suspect that if you both explain how you feel, and can see each other's point of view, you'll have pretty good chance of resolving this. I'd say he probably has no idea how much this is upsetting you, nor how hard it is to resist.

If he is resistant to change, perhaps he'd agree to little but attainable goals. No junk unless it's a Friday or Saturday, for example. At least then you can plan for it, and perhaps allow yourself something if you want.

Remember my 'this is how much I've lost' photo? Why not get 17lbs of junk food, crisps etc. and show him that that's how much you've lost? You could do it in the supermarket, rather than at home where you might be tempted to eat it! Show him what 17 tubs of Ben & Jerry's looks like! Then ask him to pick them up and carry them. I think he'll get your point!

I completely agree with making him healthy, yummy food too. Make it so good that he won't want to eat junk food! Perhaps his perception of what healthy food is needs changing?

I'm sending you loads of hugs and positive thoughts but if you need anything else, let me know. I'm only a short train ride away, so if you want to get together for a chat or whatever...

:flowerforyou:

Stop with the mamby pamby approach! Tell him straight up that you do not appreciate his actions and that he is sabotaging your efforts. If he brings any contraband home. Through it out!

Stop with the mamby pamby approach! Tell him straight up that you do not appreciate his actions and that he is sabotaging your efforts. If he brings any contraband home. Through it out!

haha
full speed ahead, d**n the torpedoes!

You can't MAKE someone change. Until he's ready to lose weight and be healthy, he won't. Focus on YOU. Find an exercise/support buddy outside the house. Congrats on your great work so far!

Why not make sure you have some healthy snacks in the house so when he is eating junk you have something yummy and healthy to snack on so you can just say "no thanks, I'm having some hommous, do you want some?"

Great idea! But I don't know how willing I would be to share my healthy stuff if he keeps trying to sabatoge my progress!

Let him know what "reward" means to you now. As long as this is what he wants, you can still recognize that as his reward, but your reward system is different: if you deserve a reward, you get shoes, or clothes or an hour with a trainer or new exercise equipment, NOT FOOD.

Confrontation works for some relationships, but to really commit to a new lifestyle, everyone needs to make that choice for themselves. Be a role model to him, but let him make his own choices. All you can do is redefine what you will accept as a reward.

I think it's going to have to come down to the heart-to-heart. It's a delicate subject though so really think through what you're going to say ahead of time and think how you'd respond if someone said the same thing to you. You definitely don't want to hurt his feelings but I think making it more about his health and not his weight wil help...

I'll tell you how I managed my food choices with my husband... I make us a nice healthy dinner every night and one night a week, we get take out (usually pizza, makes both of us happy). Besides that, if he wants full butter popcorn, he can have that and I'll have my light version. If he wants take out a second night, I just say "sorry, can't do it, I've got chicken that's thawed and needs to be cooked before it goes bad". And I never made a fuss about using turkey sausage instead of regular, or adding extra veggies, or using low fat dressing - just make the meal, ask him how he liked it and if he notices the package in the trash, I'd remind him that he enjoyed it so a little less fat and calories can't have made that much of a difference!

Thankfully he is finally getting on the calorie counting band wagon. I don't care that he's a bit overweight but I would like him to be more healthy and he's slowly learning on his own how bad some of his former food choices really were!

We have a jar and everytime Hubby thinks he wants to buy me a "reward" treat- he has to put the money he was going to spend in the jar then when I hit a goal I get to use the money in the Jar to buy something...shoes...clothes... a massage etc ..So he stills feels as if he is "rewarding" me but in a none food way

Firstly - you have to do it for yourself. Like others have said - you can't MAKE someone change. I do believe that with any relationship, with just about any subject, COMMUNICATION is key.

I've decided I can't expect my partner to be psychic or to always know how I am feeling about something. I have to open my mouth and spit out the words - not shove in the snacks.

I made him a profile on MFP just so I could find it's recommendations for him. Also, I got him to let me take his measurements. All the while I never said anything like "You're fat!" or "Gosh, you really should lose weight!" I just really wanted him to honestly have an assessment of where he is at and for me, to have a record of where he was to refer to at a later date.

The main reason for this is that I wanted to have the knowledge to give him when he was ready to ask for it. I wanted to know what his caloric deficit should be and I wanted to be able to applaud him for his successes when he actually did step on the scale.

When we're watching TV, I pop up and start doing stretches, light strength training, and core exercises. I don't care if he's just lounging or snacking or whatever it is he wants to be doing. I just do my own thing and I hope that in time he will come around.

I've started grocery shopping and cooking more. I get up in the morning and pack a cooler for his lunch and snacks during the day. These are the ways I can help him.

I never placate him by telling him that it's OK to be overweight. But on the other side, I never make him feel useless for being fat.

I offer new solutions to our problems. I put the food away after I cook it. Immediately into the fridge after portioning out our dinners. I just do these things and do not consult him. If he wants to go back into the fridge - so be it. I won't say a word. 9 times out of 10... he won't.

The other day I moaned a bit about my weight loss stalling. He looked at me and said "Well, you haven't been doing your "moves." (That's what I call exercise because it sounds so much more appealing to me, and also, it just means I can have a muppet freak out in the living room and log it as calories burned.;) Because of this - I realized that he IS starting to notice. That he DOES want to change, and that he DOES want to support me.

He popped on the scale today and said "I'm back down to 254lbs. I can't believe I let myself get past 260." I smiled at him and I said "That's great, you're going in the right direction!"

You don't have to force your will on your parter - just lead by example and make sure you TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF before you try to take care of others.

You know what? I'm a workout and health nut, my hubby is certainly not and he's a bit overweight. I tried motivating him, tried helping him work out at home, he revolted and we would actually get in arguments about it. I stopped trying, now he does stuff on his own. I cook healthy dinners and he eats them. What's that saying about women wanting men that don't pay attention to them? I think it goes both ways.

You can't be a nag about it, even though I TOTALLY understand the desire to be (and I know it is only your concern for him). He'll come around when he sees your great results. Just stand your ground!