Diet sabotage by partner :(

Let him know what "reward" means to you now. As long as this is what he wants, you can still recognize that as his reward, but your reward system is different: if you deserve a reward, you get shoes, or clothes or an hour with a trainer or new exercise equipment, NOT FOOD.

Confrontation works for some relationships, but to really commit to a new lifestyle, everyone needs to make that choice for themselves. Be a role model to him, but let him make his own choices. All you can do is redefine what you will accept as a reward.

I think it's going to have to come down to the heart-to-heart. It's a delicate subject though so really think through what you're going to say ahead of time and think how you'd respond if someone said the same thing to you. You definitely don't want to hurt his feelings but I think making it more about his health and not his weight wil help...

I'll tell you how I managed my food choices with my husband... I make us a nice healthy dinner every night and one night a week, we get take out (usually pizza, makes both of us happy). Besides that, if he wants full butter popcorn, he can have that and I'll have my light version. If he wants take out a second night, I just say "sorry, can't do it, I've got chicken that's thawed and needs to be cooked before it goes bad". And I never made a fuss about using turkey sausage instead of regular, or adding extra veggies, or using low fat dressing - just make the meal, ask him how he liked it and if he notices the package in the trash, I'd remind him that he enjoyed it so a little less fat and calories can't have made that much of a difference!

Thankfully he is finally getting on the calorie counting band wagon. I don't care that he's a bit overweight but I would like him to be more healthy and he's slowly learning on his own how bad some of his former food choices really were!

We have a jar and everytime Hubby thinks he wants to buy me a "reward" treat- he has to put the money he was going to spend in the jar then when I hit a goal I get to use the money in the Jar to buy something...shoes...clothes... a massage etc ..So he stills feels as if he is "rewarding" me but in a none food way

Firstly - you have to do it for yourself. Like others have said - you can't MAKE someone change. I do believe that with any relationship, with just about any subject, COMMUNICATION is key.

I've decided I can't expect my partner to be psychic or to always know how I am feeling about something. I have to open my mouth and spit out the words - not shove in the snacks.

I made him a profile on MFP just so I could find it's recommendations for him. Also, I got him to let me take his measurements. All the while I never said anything like "You're fat!" or "Gosh, you really should lose weight!" I just really wanted him to honestly have an assessment of where he is at and for me, to have a record of where he was to refer to at a later date.

The main reason for this is that I wanted to have the knowledge to give him when he was ready to ask for it. I wanted to know what his caloric deficit should be and I wanted to be able to applaud him for his successes when he actually did step on the scale.

When we're watching TV, I pop up and start doing stretches, light strength training, and core exercises. I don't care if he's just lounging or snacking or whatever it is he wants to be doing. I just do my own thing and I hope that in time he will come around.

I've started grocery shopping and cooking more. I get up in the morning and pack a cooler for his lunch and snacks during the day. These are the ways I can help him.

I never placate him by telling him that it's OK to be overweight. But on the other side, I never make him feel useless for being fat.

I offer new solutions to our problems. I put the food away after I cook it. Immediately into the fridge after portioning out our dinners. I just do these things and do not consult him. If he wants to go back into the fridge - so be it. I won't say a word. 9 times out of 10... he won't.

The other day I moaned a bit about my weight loss stalling. He looked at me and said "Well, you haven't been doing your "moves." (That's what I call exercise because it sounds so much more appealing to me, and also, it just means I can have a muppet freak out in the living room and log it as calories burned.;) Because of this - I realized that he IS starting to notice. That he DOES want to change, and that he DOES want to support me.

He popped on the scale today and said "I'm back down to 254lbs. I can't believe I let myself get past 260." I smiled at him and I said "That's great, you're going in the right direction!"

You don't have to force your will on your parter - just lead by example and make sure you TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF before you try to take care of others.

You know what? I'm a workout and health nut, my hubby is certainly not and he's a bit overweight. I tried motivating him, tried helping him work out at home, he revolted and we would actually get in arguments about it. I stopped trying, now he does stuff on his own. I cook healthy dinners and he eats them. What's that saying about women wanting men that don't pay attention to them? I think it goes both ways.

You can't be a nag about it, even though I TOTALLY understand the desire to be (and I know it is only your concern for him). He'll come around when he sees your great results. Just stand your ground!

Girl, I am in your exact shoes! on a daily basis!! only my honey complains non stop about being overweight. and then goes to the store and brings me home my favorite treats. I have battled with this long enough. From here on out I am saying NO! we have to make this decision for ourself. If he brings something else home, he can eat it , or i'll give it to my nieces and nephews or something. You have to stay strong, and I'm planning on it too!! Hang in there girly!! and just make sure and keep the communication open with him. Tell him how you feel about everything. communication is key!!

Just an update, we had a chat. I explained that having junk food around makes it very difficult fo me to stick to my food plan. He has volunteered to keep junk in the office which i rarely go into I realise that trying to project my weightloss journey onto him was a bad idea. Successful weightloss only occurs when you choose to do it. So for now we are agreed, takeout once a fornight, junk food hidden, homecooked meals every night. Thank you for all the suggestions & support. Fresh start next week

Yay! I am so pleased for you! And for your man too because if you're happier, your relationship is bound to be too. Another positive thing to add to all the other positive things you are doing! Well done, my friend! :flowerforyou:

Ladies, ladies, ladies... As one poster said, us men are just a different species. The LAST thing that will get a guy to do what you want is by nagging him. That will only make him want more "man time" (I get 30 minutes of man time every night after work which includes not talking and watching something which requires no brain cells... like Family Guy). After that, I workout , cook dinner for us, etc. As much as my wife had let me know that she wasn't happy w/ my weight (and I wasn't more than 20 lbs over), it was me who had to make the change.... and she's the reason I'm doing it outside of my own personal desires.

The heart to heart sit-down was a good idea. After that, you can only do what you do and hopefully set a good example. I promise he doesn't feel good about his weight, and if you stay on your path, he may eventually join on... or he may not?