116 lbs lost and in trouble

Rob_the_ToonMan
Rob_the_ToonMan Posts: 28 Member
edited November 14 in Success Stories
well I'm at 116 pounds lost I went from 343 pounds down to 227. sad thing is my wife's not that happy about it she gave me a 10 minute speech at raise volume last night about how terrible I look thin. I'm 227 I don't feel like I'm then but I am thinner......kind of discouraging
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Replies

  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    What matters is how you feel about how you look and your health. Not everyone handles large changes in their partner well, so you can't put that on your shoulders. She'll either come around and accept it, or she won't. Not your problem, in reality. Just keep doing what makes you happy and most of all - HEALTHY. As long as you're not underweight for your build or hurting yourself with a diet that doesn't support your needs, you're fine.
  • MaternalCopulator
    MaternalCopulator Posts: 125 Member
    It could be that she feels bad about herself because she didn't achieve what you did. jealousy is never pretty... or she's just not used to you being that low of a weight. Give it time, and if she loves you, she'll deal with it.

    If not... then you're better off without the negativity.
  • ssmorol
    ssmorol Posts: 1 Member
    How would she feel if you said that she looked terrible how she was? It is the same thing.
  • jkwolly
    jkwolly Posts: 3,049 Member
    edited March 2015
    Focus on you

    She is either unhappy with herself or jealous.


    ETA: I don't get these posts. If my spouse had a goal and was reaching it, why would I let my jealousy/insecurity hinder them? Insane to me.
  • silkyb1
    silkyb1 Posts: 49 Member
    Well i guess your going to have to take it like it is. Maybe your wife is just not use to seeing you that way or maybe she jealous. Just as long as your healthy and feel good about yourself. She will get use to the change hopefully sooner or later. Stay positive!!
  • JohnBarth
    JohnBarth Posts: 672 Member
    I'm not a psychologist, but it definitely seems like a serious inferiority complex. At the end of the day, I'd be surprised if this was about weight at all.
  • Praying_Mantis
    Praying_Mantis Posts: 239 Member
    Sorry that happened.

    I have a good friend who has lost a buncha weight and a mutual acquaintance would tell me on the side "she's too thin". Totally uncalled for. My friend did look different and much, much slimmer. I think that we all so accustomed to someone looking bigger and plumper. When a weight loss is that dramatic, I can see why someone would think that, but geez, she looked fine! It is just how she looks without all the fat obscuring her features.

    I hope that you & your wife can get past this. ..and way to go on your hard work!
  • ljones27uk
    ljones27uk Posts: 177 Member
    try to let it wash over you. it might be because she sees how hard you are working to get there, and subconsciously she wants you take a break.. i guess there are many reasons it could be. I was called gaunt at one point when i was on my weight loss journey and whilst I did find it a bit rude, I knew that it was because I was rather obsessive about weighing everything and achieving my goals, and also because I looked so different compared to my older 'fuller' self. This is a change for you, a change for the better and shes going to just have to accept it. Try not to let it get you down. good luck
  • wengelite
    wengelite Posts: 1
    That's crap. It's not just about the numbers and how you might, or might not, look; it's about getting healthy. There's no way you are healthier at 300+ pounds and she should know that.
  • Kimberly3013
    Kimberly3013 Posts: 78 Member
    Coming from a wife who has a husband who is smaller than her. Insecurity can be a dangerous thing. When your husband starts looking good (or looks good) you are always thinking about him not being interested in you anymore and possibly becoming unfaithful. My husband tells me everyday that he loves me no matter what size. I think for him he is somewhat going through the same as your wife now. He is scared of me getting skinny. Try to reassure her and possibly even making her a part of your life of getting skinny, whether by taking walks with her or working out together. It helps
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
    I would sit down and try to have a talk with her calmly. she should be proud that you are trying to get stronger and healthier so you can be around longer. maybe she's afraid you will find someone else because she sounds really insecure. There was no need for her to make you feel bad about it either,see what about it is bugging her and try to see if you two can get past it. your health is a big priority and if losing weight is what makes you feel better and makes you feel better about yourself then do it.no one should try to bring you down.
  • riffraff2112
    riffraff2112 Posts: 1,756 Member
    I'm not seeing it! You did awesome, feel good about it.
    She must have had a lousy day or has some insecurities about you.

    Assuming you did this properly, and all vanity aside, you are healthier! That is all that should matter
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,771 Member
    I think you should be talking to her about this instead of us to be honest. We only have your side to go on and we don't know details like how quickly you lost, how tall, etc. Maybe she is insecure or maybe she has a reason to be concerned. Strangers on a message board will never know.
  • snowflake930
    snowflake930 Posts: 2,188 Member
    Congratulations on your achievement! Very well done!

    Maybe your wife is lashing out because she is feeling threatened somehow. Hopefully she will come to realize that you are healthier and happier now and that she will become more supportive. If not, it is her issue.
  • liekewheeless
    liekewheeless Posts: 416 Member
    If you are happy with your results, that's all that matters.

    I don't know your situation but it sounds to me there may be some underlying things she's upset with. I wouldn't be upset with my husband over a change in appearance (positive or negative) as long as he's happy and healthy. Could she be jealous? Or maybe she feels left behind in your new way of life.

    Find a quiet moment to find out how she's feeling and why this upsets her so. (Don't ask while she's busy or stressed)

    Don't be discouraged, you've accomplished an enormous feat. You can be proud of that.
  • ladybarometer
    ladybarometer Posts: 205 Member
    Could you sustain a good quality of life at 343 pounds?
    Would you have had a long healthy life at 343 pounds?
    Do you feel better with the weight off of you?
    Has it helped your health and overall quality of life losing weight?

    If any or all of the questions are a yes, then she should be more supportive of you. It is silly to me that your wife of all people would tell you that you look terrible, especially if you are much healthier. I could understand if you were trying to lose weight in an unhealthy way - that would make any loved one angry, but I'm assuming that's not the case. I wouldn't jeopardize your health over something like that; if weight loss is helping you feel better then continue to your goal. If she loves you, I think everything will be ok. If she loves you, she'll want you healthy and around for a very long time :smiley:

  • Angelfire365
    Angelfire365 Posts: 803 Member
    Aww, I'm so sorry to hear that. It's tough when you don't have a supportive partner, even tougher when you have a disapproving one.
  • jgignac8
    jgignac8 Posts: 8
    1st of all congratulations on your success! Sounds like she may be worried that your new found health and confidence is a threat to her. She may feel like she is at risk of losing you to someone else now that you are at a healthier weight. Perhaps reassure her by spending more quality time with her. It is not only a re-adjustment for you but also those that are closest to you. Don't be discouraged, and don't let it take you off course. Just out of curiosity is your wife battling weight issues as well?
  • 50452
    50452 Posts: 170 Member
    I'd say this is a definite problem with her self-esteem (internet psychologist).

    Tell her that if she is that concerned, then she may be right and you should see your doctor. And then ask her to come with you. (You know how this will go.) Ask her if she would suggest that you will follow the advice of your doctor and if he says you need to put weight back on, you'll do it.

    AT NO TIME USE A PLACATING TONE WITH HER.

  • Out_of_Bubblegum
    Out_of_Bubblegum Posts: 2,220 Member
    Those are her insecurities talking -either afraid you'll grow out of needing her, or that she's not joining you on your new life path of being healthy and therefore you'll grow apart, or that you won't find her attractive anymore as you show more muscle and less jiggle... or some combination thereof.

    I get a small taste of this from my wife too... In addition to the "you're crazy" comments when I talk about my exercise goals and progress, it seems to come out as her wanting to drop weight and go to the gym more herself.. which I think is fantastic, and her being over-critical about how she looks (she's drop dead gorgeous, thank you) and refusing to accept anything complimentary that I say about her.

    I think all women (and men) have demons they must face regarding body issues... both their own and their mates. I hope your wife finds a way to slay hers soon!
  • bainsworth1a
    bainsworth1a Posts: 313 Member
    You are doing great. Keep up the good work.

    Why does she think you don't look good? do you need to buy some new clothes that fit you better? Do you have sagging skin? Try finding out what is really bothering her.

    I don't know your exact situation but I know my husband and I were eating buddies and when I went on diets he would sabotage me and one time when he wanted to diet and I didn't: I got very upset.
    Now he has lost over 100 pounds and I still have 100 pounds more to lose but we each had to do this for ourselves when we were ready.

    I tell my husband all the time how terrible he looks when he doesn't keep his beard trimmed. It doesn't mean that I don't care about him.

  • IAmTheGlue
    IAmTheGlue Posts: 701 Member
    I truly believe that she is insecure. In my last marriage, whenever I started losing weight, my ex got crazy jealous. He was always trying to sabotage my efforts and literally said that his friends all said I was getting in shape to find a new man. Reassure her but seriously... do what you have to do for your own health and well being.
  • lesliewalker108
    lesliewalker108 Posts: 61 Member
    WOW. I cant imagine losing weight and my mate not feeling good about it. At 343 you were heading for a death penality. So its either your wife loves you for what you currently are or not at all if you were to pass away. You cant have it both ways. Maybe if you include her in your weight loss journey she might be feeling left out.
  • Wholelottaass
    Wholelottaass Posts: 15 Member
    Maybe she's concerned about how "the ladies" might respond...? :)
  • tryitonemoretime
    tryitonemoretime Posts: 17
    maybe it's time for you to find a new wife.
  • VagablondViking
    VagablondViking Posts: 22 Member
    That's an incredible feat of weightloss. I would hope that she would be happy that you are getting healthier (regardless of aesthetics) and cheer you on. Any chance you can make fitness something you do together instead of something you're doing on your own?

    Good luck and stay awesome!
  • Marlene1667
    Marlene1667 Posts: 201 Member
    Lots of good advice on here already. I agree - sounds like this is coming from a person who is afraid and jealous. I guess you have two choices 1)be angry with her -which will driver you further apart and move on or 2) understand where she is coming from - so help her to feel better about herself and more secure in the relationship.
  • penelopepittstopsmam
    penelopepittstopsmam Posts: 67 Member
    edited March 2015
    My sister is like this with my brother in law who must have been approaching 25 stone (approx 350lbs). I am incredibly impressed with his dedication to getting it off but all she can do is whinge and moan about it. My sister is morbidly obese too.

    The problem's in her. She has a victim mentality that the worlds against her. And his weight is all about her. That's the way she looks at life.

    I truly hope your wife doesn't come from the same mould as my sister as it's a sad life where you can't take joy in the positives or celebrate other people's successes.

    From what i hear my brother in law is ignoring her. Thank heavens for that and I hope you can ignore your wife too. My sister & brother in law have a young son who needs two parents. He's improving the odds of him having at least one to see him to maturity.
  • sballgirl23
    sballgirl23 Posts: 20 Member
    Maybe she thinks you would look better at 300+ pounds in a casket because you had heart disease, diabetes and/or any of the other diseases associated with excess body fat. She needs to get real with the situation and realize that what you have accomplished will keep you around a lot longer than the road you were headed down. You can't let anyone undermine your accomplishments, especially when it comes to weight loss, even if it is a spouse.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    what if she's just into big guys?
This discussion has been closed.

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