Spouse that is not supportive

When my husband was doing MFP a few years ago (and ended up losing over 100 lbs), I was supportive, but didn't change my cooking. I made up a menu plan for the week, so he could plan accordingly. Pasta nights, he just had a salad. Or he would have the pork chop but not the rice. I was not putting our entire family (with young kids) on a diet with him. Now that I am doing MFP, it's the same way. I still cook the same foods, but now I watch my portion sizes. It's lifestyle change vs. diet. I don't want to give up pasta or fries forever, so I'm learning what moderation really means.

The one way that I wasn't supportive of him is that I remember one night asking him if he was ever going to be fun again. But, he refused to snack at all after dinner. I was pregnant (and not dieting!) so I would need to snack. And he would make disparaging comments about what I was eating and how many calories were in it. For the first few months, all he talked about was the diet, and that sucked. Especially when I was pregnant and gaining weight! But even after the pregnancy...if your wife isn't into it for herself, she's not going to be into it for you. I was and am so proud of my husband for making the changes he did. And I tried to do it and failed many times. But now that my heart is really into making my own changes, I get it.

Do what you need to do to be successful toward your goals. I'm sure your wife will come around. It's an adjustment phase for her, too. If she does all the cooking, she may be taking it personally that now you aren't eating any of it. I had those feelings, too. I'd make a delicious dinner (and nothing crazy calorie-wise) and my husband would eat a salad instead. I wondered why I was bothering. Give it time. Good luck!

ruffneckred wrote: »

Does anyone have any advise for when your spouse is not very supportive of using MFP as a weight loss tool. Mine can be summed up as "meh", counting the calories is just not something she will do and I can live with that, record keeping has always been something that I was good at, but the meals and lunch that are put in front of me are not conducive to weight loss. I like salad but a nose full of French fry smell is a buzzkill for my diet

I think many of us live with people who are not needing or wanting to lose weight. They are going to eat things they like and you just have to deal with it.
Keep your eyes on your own plate.
Eat foods you like and fit them in your calorie goal every day. You don't have to live on salad and skip french fries all the time. Eat smaller portions of higher calorie items.
Share meal planning, shopping and meal prep duties.

Be supportive, but never try to coerce. Communicate by expressing how you would like to do healthy activities together rather than simply losing weight. Just me, but weight loss by itself isn't much of a goal. Hiking up a mountain or being able to run a 5k is much more motivational.

FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »

This is a conversation you need to have with your wife- not strangers on the internet.

Why is she not supportive of you using MFP as a weight loss method?

It doesn't matter that she has no interest in counting calories and using MFP. YOU are and that's all that matters.

If you don't like what is being cooked, I would suggest you do the grocery shopping. That way you can buy what you would like to eat.

This and this.

My husband has a physical job, so he burns through them calories. Does it suck sometimes when he can have a whole pizza and wings and I can only fit maybe three pieces instead of the whole damn pizza? Yes.

BUT I realize where my goals are and I make my own decisions based on what works for me. Because, it's my body and I'm the one that has to live in it.

I never understand these "my spouse doesn't support me" threads because in the end you need to do you and tell that spouse to STFU and get on the support train.

To be fair, My OH isn't very supportive and doesn't follow what I do but I fully accept that now, I didn't to start with and I didn't understand why he didn't want to lose weight and become healthier like I do, but its his life and his choice, I choose to weigh everything I eat and drink, and he doesn't understand why, I have explained this to him and its now up to him whether he accepts that or not but its not going to impact me.
I want and NEED to do this for my health.
I wont make him follow what I am doing because he doesn't feel like thats what he wants at the moment, and when he cooks his fatty meals/fried foods/takeaways if its not too bad and I can have it in my calories I will and if I cant, I will cook something different.

annied1961 wrote: »

Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
Younger,thinner and first starting out.
Tape it to the fridge.
Then write one word above it.
Beautiful !!!
Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.

That's a really douchey thing to do! Criticising someone is not motivational....its mean.

@CrazyMermaid1 , you eat slower. It takes about twenty minutes for fullness cues to signal.
Fill up half your plate with a salad.

Not dieting:


Dieting:

annied1961 wrote: »

Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
Younger,thinner and first starting out.
Tape it to the fridge.
Then write one word above it.
Beautiful !!!
Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.

Only do this if you want her to leave you.

If you don't like what is put in front of you, make your own food. You are not a child.

ruffneckred wrote: »

Thanks for all the responses. My wife is also overweight and has been since a child, being overweight is somewhat new to me. I want us both to lose weight, not just to be happier and healthier, but to set an example for our overweight daughter. Our living arrangement has me working long hours and her being a stay at home mom, so my cooking (if I could call it that) doesn't work well when I roll in late and have a short time to eat before bed. She doesn't plan meals out very well or far in advance, but I have always accepted her the way she is. MFP has definitely opened my eyes to portion control, but my perfectionist flaw of counting calories exactly may escalate my baldness.. Thanks for the input

This is a time when, despite your working hours and her SAHMness, you should do some meal prepping. You could take 30 minutes twice a week to chop up veggies or wash fruit and make a side dish or two that you'll eat over the next few days. Then when she serves fries you can grab whatever side dish you want. Over time she may start making your dishes or she may not but you'll end up eating what you want to either way.