Proper things to say to coworkers or people you don't know as well...
mcgra263
Posts: 23 Member
I work in corporate America where there are doughnuts, pizza, and crap brought in all day long. There's always lunch dates, where people are constantly scrutinizing what I eat I feel like. I have become great at saying NO. Which is a huge NSV, because I've always been a foodie. But, I just don't find the worth in it because I feel like crap the rest of the day if I do munch down on these.
I thought this would be overcoming the battle, but I've noticed that's not the case. Everytime I order a salad, or so no to the crap in general, I feel like I'm being judged. And it's really starting to bother me. I always get the line "well you need to treat yourself now and again" or "oh come on you've lost a lot already, don't be so concerned about it." Don't get me wrong, I know it's important to "cheat" (I actually hate that word to describe it) but I feel so much better holding on to my healthy habits mentally and physically. How would you think it was appropriate to respond to these people? Because I feel as if I'm coming off snobby or annoyed everytime I hear one of these comments but it is getting so frustrating!
I thought this would be overcoming the battle, but I've noticed that's not the case. Everytime I order a salad, or so no to the crap in general, I feel like I'm being judged. And it's really starting to bother me. I always get the line "well you need to treat yourself now and again" or "oh come on you've lost a lot already, don't be so concerned about it." Don't get me wrong, I know it's important to "cheat" (I actually hate that word to describe it) but I feel so much better holding on to my healthy habits mentally and physically. How would you think it was appropriate to respond to these people? Because I feel as if I'm coming off snobby or annoyed everytime I hear one of these comments but it is getting so frustrating!
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Replies
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I face the same invitations and grazing buffets around the office regularly. I just consciously avoid anything that I haven't planned to eat. When invited to lunch, I use the same line, "I carefully plan every meal that I eat. If you'd like to do something next week, I'm happy to fit it in." The next week plan rarely happens, and I never feel guilty for saying no.
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To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.0 -
WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
ALL OF THIS!! I also find it easiest to tell them you just FEEL better eating your way. Doesn't make it a "right way or wrong way" just a way that makes you feel good.
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Just keep getting your salads and own it. If I must, I'll just say I have a cheat meal I'm saving for later with my wife and just brush it off.0
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I just ignore it. A lot of the time, the "scrutiny" is in your head. Some of the time, people are just trying to make conversation. A small part of the time, it's jealousy.
Just smile, nod and move on. It's really not worth getting aggravated about - there are much worse things in the world to worry about.0 -
Sometimes you just have to let them have their comments because they are only hurting themselves by insisting every time you eat you should treat yourself. I plan out my treats for a whole and there are usually quite a few. One day I went to Dunkin Donuts with my mom amd she wanted a donut or 2. I just wanted a drink and told her so. We are at the register and she is trying to convince me to get a donut. I eventually called her a Diet saboteur. Even though I dont consider this a diet. It got my point across. Haha!0
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WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
Love this! Thank you! Such a helpful reply! Never thought about it this way!0 -
I have said I don't have the calories/carbs for it today so many times that my office mates have started letting me know when we have healthier choices available.0
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"The salad here is really good."
"this is what I prefer to eat, thank you anyway."
or my favorite, "worry about your damn self"
I cant believe there are people who try to get others to eat unhealthier food. I never pay attention to what anybody else is eating.( Unless is smells bad)0 -
WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
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I am so glad I do not work with people like this, if I say no that's it, nothing said to me at all and no looks.0
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I have never once had anyone react negatively when I say, "Oh, no thanks, I already had breakfast/brought my lunch/etc." and at restaurants, "Oh, I just feel like a salad/really like salads", or even, "Thanks, but I'm saving up for BEEEEEEER this weekend" if I'm in a sharing mood.
"I'm watching what I eat/on a diet/staying withing a calorie allowance" is virtually guaranteed to provoke a response. It's practically asking the other person to say, "Oh, you don't need to watch what you eat, you look great."
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"I agree treats are fine sometimes. Right now I feel like having a salad."0
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WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"0 -
WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"
Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.0 -
Tell them you recently discovered you are sensitive to gluten and try to avoid it as much as possible. if they keep it up, just say you need to do what's right for your health.0
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Lunch at work is not a special event. I save indulgent food choices for times I am with my family and other people I love.0
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WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"
Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Don't need to be offended, just to keep focused on #1 so you don't let other people distract you from your fitness goals.
Just as people can support you and motivate you to better yourself, a lot of people will always resent your success and a few will try to undermine your effort.
"You have to remember something: Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn" - Arnold Schwarzenegger0 -
WishesOnTheStar wrote: »WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"
Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Don't need to be offended, just to keep focused on #1 so you don't let other people distract you from your fitness goals.
Just as people can support you and motivate you to better yourself, a lot of people will always resent your success and a few will try to undermine your effort.
"You have to remember something: Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn" - Arnold Schwarzenegger
I think it's silly to think that everyone is jealous of me. I don't walk around thinking that way - and I'm glad I don't.0 -
I just ignore it. A lot of the time, the "scrutiny" is in your head. Some of the time, people are just trying to make conversation. A small part of the time, it's jealousy.
Just smile, nod and move on. It's really not worth getting aggravated about - there are much worse things in the world to worry about.
This is what I'm thinking. I'm really bad at jumping to conclusions about why people say things, and I'm getting better at actually asking why people say things (ok, not related to food, but in general I'm trying to not suck as much at communicating). And I'm finding out people aren't trying to trip me up or are out to get me. They have completely different intentions than what I assume.
Eat what you want to eat, let what they say roll off your back or tell them what you're thinking. Be a *kitten* about it or politely explain (whichever the situation warrants, but I wouldn't tell off co-workers or clients).
And don't use others as an excuse (or at least an impediment) for what you end up eating. It's your decision what you put in your mouth. Own it.0 -
I had a similar problem at work with people making inappropriate comments. I just tell them I'm trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I'm NOT dieting and I'm NOT denying myself anything, I now choose not to put those types of foods into my body. Or if I do choose to eat a burger, then I just do it. Because you now work out and eat healthy doesn't mean you can't "treat" yourself. Don't let anyone get you down. Your accomplishments are real and you deserve praise. Not judgement!0
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I face(d) the same thing when I first became a vegetarian. I have come to learn to not care if I offend others with my choice not to eat meat, and do not care that they judge me for my choices. And like someone else said, its most likely more in our heads than actually happening. its just *kitten* FOOD!0
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I work in corporate America where there are doughnuts, pizza, and crap brought in all day long. There's always lunch dates, where people are constantly scrutinizing what I eat I feel like. I have become great at saying NO. Which is a huge NSV, because I've always been a foodie. But, I just don't find the worth in it because I feel like crap the rest of the day if I do munch down on these.
I thought this would be overcoming the battle, but I've noticed that's not the case. Everytime I order a salad, or so no to the crap in general, I feel like I'm being judged. And it's really starting to bother me. I always get the line "well you need to treat yourself now and again" or "oh come on you've lost a lot already, don't be so concerned about it." Don't get me wrong, I know it's important to "cheat" (I actually hate that word to describe it) but I feel so much better holding on to my healthy habits mentally and physically. How would you think it was appropriate to respond to these people? Because I feel as if I'm coming off snobby or annoyed everytime I hear one of these comments but it is getting so frustrating!
For one thing, perception isn't always reality...I would imagine that some of this is just hypersensitivity on your part which is normal considering that this is fairly new to you I would imagine. In general, I have found that people are overwhelmingly self absorbed and really aren't paying a whole lot of attention to anything else.
In terms of the "treat yourself" stuff...you can you know...but beyond that, you better get used to it...most people eat like *kitten* and don't care..being a health and fitness buff is kind of a lonely gig until you meet the right people.
I always get the, "hey...there's the wolfman...trying to live forever." They're mostly just kidding around these days...I'm going on 3 years into all of this and they can pretty much take one good look at me and...well...let's just say, they know I kick some *kitten*.
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I'd say if you can, ignore them and eat what you want. If you want your salad, eat it! No one can tell you what to eat.0
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WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"
Why not ask? "You seem really determined to see me eat, and especially to see me eat things I don't want to eat. Can you please tell me why that is?"
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"I'll think about what you've said" *goes back to whatever she was eating/doing*
"Thanks, but I'm going to do the exact opposite of that."
"Wow." *pointed look*
"I'll just stick to eating what I prefer."
"Thanks, but I've made my choice."
Repeat until they stop meddling...0 -
I have a coworker who actually brings the piece of cake, the doughnut, the cookie to my office and puts it on my desk. It doesn't matter how many times I've said no thank you. Now, I just throw it in the trash. It may sound childish, but I'm done "being polite." If others can't respect my boundaries, I don't need to spare their "feelings."0
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I work in corporate America where there are doughnuts, pizza, and crap brought in all day long. There's always lunch dates, where people are constantly scrutinizing what I eat I feel like. I have become great at saying NO. Which is a huge NSV, because I've always been a foodie. But, I just don't find the worth in it because I feel like crap the rest of the day if I do munch down on these.
I thought this would be overcoming the battle, but I've noticed that's not the case. Everytime I order a salad, or so no to the crap in general, I feel like I'm being judged. And it's really starting to bother me. I always get the line "well you need to treat yourself now and again" or "oh come on you've lost a lot already, don't be so concerned about it." Don't get me wrong, I know it's important to "cheat" (I actually hate that word to describe it) but I feel so much better holding on to my healthy habits mentally and physically. How would you think it was appropriate to respond to these people? Because I feel as if I'm coming off snobby or annoyed everytime I hear one of these comments but it is getting so frustrating!
You could just make up something like how you need to manage blood sugar levels or you have an allergy to something, etc. But probably best if you keep insisting that you don't want these offerings and if they can't accept that, it's their problem. Never feel awkward about turning down food you don't want.
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Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.0 -
WishesOnTheStar wrote: »WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"
Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Don't need to be offended, just to keep focused on #1 so you don't let other people distract you from your fitness goals.
Just as people can support you and motivate you to better yourself, a lot of people will always resent your success and a few will try to undermine your effort.
"You have to remember something: Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn" - Arnold Schwarzenegger
I think it's silly to think that everyone is jealous of me. I don't walk around thinking that way - and I'm glad I don't.
Okay, let me set the record straight. I don't think anyone is jealous of me, and you're not helping by making that assumption. I'm simply trying to get some feedback, because people are constantly making comments about my "rabbit food" and how I don't eat enough. So they ARE scrutinizing it, even if it's not in a negative conotation. Scrutinize means they are analyzing it with crtical attention. It's not that I necessarily mean all these people are trying to thwart my improved lifestyle, and it's not that I think these people are doing it intentionally. And yes, I've overcome an eating disorder so I do have some sort of hypersensitivity to people paying attention to what I eat. But, I also know the number of comments I get are unnecessary from CERTAIN people. Some people are great and are the first ones to let me know that when people bring in doughnuts, they also brought in a variety of fresh fruit. It was simply an idea generator to help me when the people who are being blatant about their assumptions on my lifestyle, and that I do not want to come off rude myself.0
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