Proper things to say to coworkers or people you don't know as well...

I work in corporate America where there are doughnuts, pizza, and crap brought in all day long. There's always lunch dates, where people are constantly scrutinizing what I eat I feel like. I have become great at saying NO. Which is a huge NSV, because I've always been a foodie. But, I just don't find the worth in it because I feel like crap the rest of the day if I do munch down on these.

I thought this would be overcoming the battle, but I've noticed that's not the case. Everytime I order a salad, or so no to the crap in general, I feel like I'm being judged. And it's really starting to bother me. I always get the line "well you need to treat yourself now and again" or "oh come on you've lost a lot already, don't be so concerned about it." Don't get me wrong, I know it's important to "cheat" (I actually hate that word to describe it) but I feel so much better holding on to my healthy habits mentally and physically. How would you think it was appropriate to respond to these people? Because I feel as if I'm coming off snobby or annoyed everytime I hear one of these comments but it is getting so frustrating!
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Replies

  • JohnBarth
    JohnBarth Posts: 672 Member
    I face the same invitations and grazing buffets around the office regularly. I just consciously avoid anything that I haven't planned to eat. When invited to lunch, I use the same line, "I carefully plan every meal that I eat. If you'd like to do something next week, I'm happy to fit it in." The next week plan rarely happens, and I never feel guilty for saying no.
  • WishesOnTheStar
    WishesOnTheStar Posts: 114 Member
    To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.

    Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.

    How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
  • IamUndrCnstruction
    IamUndrCnstruction Posts: 691 Member
    To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.

    Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.

    How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.

    ALL OF THIS!! I also find it easiest to tell them you just FEEL better eating your way. Doesn't make it a "right way or wrong way" just a way that makes you feel good.

  • cdlee05
    cdlee05 Posts: 718 Member
    Just keep getting your salads and own it. If I must, I'll just say I have a cheat meal I'm saving for later with my wife and just brush it off.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    I just ignore it. A lot of the time, the "scrutiny" is in your head. Some of the time, people are just trying to make conversation. A small part of the time, it's jealousy.

    Just smile, nod and move on. It's really not worth getting aggravated about - there are much worse things in the world to worry about.
  • ForeverSunshine09
    ForeverSunshine09 Posts: 966 Member
    Sometimes you just have to let them have their comments because they are only hurting themselves by insisting every time you eat you should treat yourself. I plan out my treats for a whole and there are usually quite a few. One day I went to Dunkin Donuts with my mom amd she wanted a donut or 2. I just wanted a drink and told her so. We are at the register and she is trying to convince me to get a donut. I eventually called her a Diet saboteur. Even though I dont consider this a diet. It got my point across. Haha!
  • mcgra263
    mcgra263 Posts: 23 Member
    To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.

    Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.

    How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.


    Love this! Thank you! Such a helpful reply! Never thought about it this way!
  • Kristyai3
    Kristyai3 Posts: 48 Member
    I have said I don't have the calories/carbs for it today so many times that my office mates have started letting me know when we have healthier choices available.
  • Altagracia220
    Altagracia220 Posts: 876 Member
    "The salad here is really good."
    "this is what I prefer to eat, thank you anyway."
    or my favorite, "worry about your damn self"

    I cant believe there are people who try to get others to eat unhealthier food. I never pay attention to what anybody else is eating.( Unless is smells bad)
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    edited March 2015
    To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.

    Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.

    How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.

    See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.

    Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.

  • MomTo3Lovez
    MomTo3Lovez Posts: 800 Member
    I am so glad I do not work with people like this, if I say no that's it, nothing said to me at all and no looks.
  • jlahorn
    jlahorn Posts: 377 Member
    I have never once had anyone react negatively when I say, "Oh, no thanks, I already had breakfast/brought my lunch/etc." and at restaurants, "Oh, I just feel like a salad/really like salads", or even, "Thanks, but I'm saving up for BEEEEEEER this weekend" if I'm in a sharing mood.

    "I'm watching what I eat/on a diet/staying withing a calorie allowance" is virtually guaranteed to provoke a response. It's practically asking the other person to say, "Oh, you don't need to watch what you eat, you look great."
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
    edited March 2015
    "I agree treats are fine sometimes. Right now I feel like having a salad."
  • mcgra263
    mcgra263 Posts: 23 Member
    PRMinx wrote: »
    To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.

    Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.

    How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.

    See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.

    Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.

    But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    mcgra263 wrote: »
    PRMinx wrote: »
    To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.

    Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.

    How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.

    See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.

    Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.

    But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"

    Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."

    And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.

    I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
  • bostonwolf
    bostonwolf Posts: 3,038 Member
    Tell them you recently discovered you are sensitive to gluten and try to avoid it as much as possible. if they keep it up, just say you need to do what's right for your health.
  • never2bstopped
    never2bstopped Posts: 438 Member
    Lunch at work is not a special event. I save indulgent food choices for times I am with my family and other people I love.
  • WishesOnTheStar
    WishesOnTheStar Posts: 114 Member
    PRMinx wrote: »
    mcgra263 wrote: »
    PRMinx wrote: »
    To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.

    Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.

    How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.

    See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.

    Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.

    But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"

    Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."

    And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.

    I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.

    Don't need to be offended, just to keep focused on #1 so you don't let other people distract you from your fitness goals.

    Just as people can support you and motivate you to better yourself, a lot of people will always resent your success and a few will try to undermine your effort.

    "You have to remember something: Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn" - Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    PRMinx wrote: »
    mcgra263 wrote: »
    PRMinx wrote: »
    To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.

    Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.

    How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.

    See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.

    Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.

    But they are literally telling me I should be doing the opposite from what I am, I would NEVER say that to them because they might be making lesser choices than I am. Good for them, they don't need to lose. I don't know why a department of 70 people would be consistently making the same "conversation topic"

    Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."

    And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.

    I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.

    Don't need to be offended, just to keep focused on #1 so you don't let other people distract you from your fitness goals.

    Just as people can support you and motivate you to better yourself, a lot of people will always resent your success and a few will try to undermine your effort.

    "You have to remember something: Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

    I think it's silly to think that everyone is jealous of me. I don't walk around thinking that way - and I'm glad I don't.
  • auddii
    auddii Posts: 15,357 Member
    PRMinx wrote: »
    I just ignore it. A lot of the time, the "scrutiny" is in your head. Some of the time, people are just trying to make conversation. A small part of the time, it's jealousy.

    Just smile, nod and move on. It's really not worth getting aggravated about - there are much worse things in the world to worry about.

    This is what I'm thinking. I'm really bad at jumping to conclusions about why people say things, and I'm getting better at actually asking why people say things (ok, not related to food, but in general I'm trying to not suck as much at communicating). And I'm finding out people aren't trying to trip me up or are out to get me. They have completely different intentions than what I assume.

    Eat what you want to eat, let what they say roll off your back or tell them what you're thinking. Be a *kitten* about it or politely explain (whichever the situation warrants, but I wouldn't tell off co-workers or clients).

    And don't use others as an excuse (or at least an impediment) for what you end up eating. It's your decision what you put in your mouth. Own it.