Boyfriend puts me down about my weight

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Replies

  • NEdblT
    NEdblT Posts: 11 Member
    Hardly ever post but.... I'm a man and no discussion is needed. He is obviously a person that that has to belittle women to make himself feel better. A man would kick his a**.
    I was raised to respect women, I've been married 29 years and have NEVER said such a thing to my wife.
    Total lack of respect imho will lead to worse behavior. YOU deserve BETTER and the sooner the better.
  • amflautist
    amflautist Posts: 939 Member
    edited March 2015
    This is not a good relationship. You need your own apartment. Move out.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    KayLeywd wrote: »
    My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.

    I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
    86378799.png

    I'm sorry but "I won't make a commitment to you unless you look a certain way" is bull *kitten*. Please get some self respect, get rid of this "soul mate".

  • scottacular
    scottacular Posts: 597 Member
    4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »
    KayLeywd wrote: »
    My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.

    I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
    86378799.png

    I'm sorry but "I won't make a commitment to you unless you look a certain way" is bull *kitten*. Please get some self respect, get rid of this "soul mate".

    If the words had been "I'm too scared to commit to you unless you improve your health because if I get too close and lose you, etc" (you get the idea) then I'd see the tough love thing. But that comes across as saying you don't meet his idea of what he wants from a girlfriend but that if you change he might change his mind. I get the motivation thing, but do it for yourself, not because you're trying to meet someone's criteria.
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    What are you expecting for support? Is he against the idea of you losing weight? Is the lack of support that he wouldn't join you? Is it that he wouldn't cheer you on? Is it that he doesn't want to change his food preferences? Do you expect him to bend over backwards to accommodate your weight loss process? Does he totally refuse to accommodate your weight loss process (example getting upset if you work out instead of doing something else)?...etc. There are many questions you need to ask yourself first, evaluate your expectations and know exactly where you stand and what you want.

    Only after that have a conversation with him and explain everything then hear his side of the story and re-evaluate the situation. Listening to strangers on the internet who know nothing about your partner or your relationship tell you to ditch him is a recipe for disaster.
  • jodeswood007
    jodeswood007 Posts: 12 Member
    I was with a man for 6 years that was constantly poking at me about my weight. I thought it would stop once I lost the weight...nope. After I lost it all, he just found other things to try to make me feel bad about myself. Hardest and best decision in my life was to leave him. My husband now, tries everyday to ensure I know how much he loves me no matter what size I am.
  • saramatthews919
    saramatthews919 Posts: 161 Member
    Drop lots of lbs by getting rid of him
  • efrensgirl2015
    efrensgirl2015 Posts: 480 Member
    mhanispeedy wrote: »
    It happens .. The only real support we get is from our parents ( in my case) others say oh you tried before too :(

    What do you do if you have support from everyone except the one you live with? You find somewhere else to live!
  • breathebelievejen
    breathebelievejen Posts: 83 Member
    edited March 2015
    KayLeywd wrote: »
    My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.

    I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
    86378799.png

    don't normally comment on such personal stuff but your post kinda made me sad. IMO a soul mate is exactly what is sounds like. My soul mate is the person I feel connected to purely on the basis of our souls, spirit and minds.. it has nothing to do with our bodies, looks, or anything else superficial. People age, bodies change, illness occurs. When these things inevitably happen I know my soul mate would still be standing strong with me and vice versa.
  • lthames0810
    lthames0810 Posts: 722 Member
    All of us are capable of kindness and cruelty at times. The ones we love and share our lives with are present for all the various ways we are, because we are our authentic selves with them. If my husband makes a comment that is hurtfull, I know better than to think that comment represents the sum total of his feelings for me. We piss each other off sometimes. We both benefit from tolerance and forgiveness from each other. It is a comfort to know that we can each occasionally be a jacka$$ without it becoming a relationship crisis.

    My husband knows I'm trying to lose weight. He is supportive in every way, but he doesn't want to hear me complain about not losing weight after seeing me in the midst of an epic binge. It felt cruel to me for him to point out my failing and to criticize me for it. I had to speak up about it and we came to an understanding. I either lose weight, or I don't, he's fine with me either way, but I don't wear him out with my diet drama anymore.

    What appeared at first to be a "put down" about my weight turned out to be simply a low tolerance for whining. It required communication to figure that out.
  • bulk_n_cut
    bulk_n_cut Posts: 389 Member
    lolol someone got hurt by my comment cuz their relationship is falling apart

    4bgnks4gzqf9.gif
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