Boyfriend puts me down about my weight
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RedRockChic wrote: »OH MY HELL... some of these posts make me want to scream.
It is called emotional abuse and too many (TOO MANY) people are okay with that and quick to dismiss it or validate it...
WE DO NOT HURT PEOPLE WE LOVE.
Sigh.
???
You don't even know what he supposedly did
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RedRockChic wrote: »OH MY HELL... some of these posts make me want to scream.
It is called emotional abuse and too many (TOO MANY) people are okay with that and quick to dismiss it or validate it...
WE DO NOT HURT PEOPLE WE LOVE.
Sigh.
Sorry, I'm in the school of "have a conversation before you kick him to the kerb"? Especially since the OP gave NO detail whatsoever?0 -
I think it's very difficult to respond to this with much depth because you didn't provide any details so I'm inclined to agree with the majority of people who have said to talk to him first and see if you can resolve the issue.
From my perspective, I couldn't do this without my fiancé. His support has been crucial in my journey so far, and I really feel for you for living with somebody who doesn't encourage you.
I hope you can sort it. Good luck.0 -
I used to date a guy (I say date; we were living together for three years) who was constantly comparing me to his bulimic ex, constantly calling me chubby and putting me down. I can't tell you how much it knocked it my confidence, and it took me a long time to feel strong enough to get out of that relationship because I truly loved him. Now I'm with a guy who loves me no matter what size I am (I've gained about 30lbs since we first met and he genuinely doesn't care).
Every girl deserves a man who makes her feel confident and sexy. If they use your weight as an excuse not to 'get with you', then I hate to say it, but it is just an excuse; they don't love you and are just leading you on, or are clearly so self-centred and egotistical that they think you will lose that weight just for them. Ditch, move on, and fins someone who will treat you the way you deserve. I may not be able to judge every situation based on my own experiences, but it was the best thing I ever did.0 -
squishy828 wrote: »What do I do when I have support from everybody except for the one I live with?
/sever
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Errr get a new BF becayse he doesnt make the grade is my instinct.
In what life does anyone have the right to put you down?
You can try talking to him, but putting you down seems to smack of selfish,deliberate ignorance. Sometimes you cant change people or they arent worth the effort.
Context and more detail might change things.0 -
Talk to him and see if you can resolve it. If that doesn't help then it's a massive red flag. Even if the conversation goes well and he stops putting you down, make sure you're losing the weight for the right reasons - not the comments that were being made.
-My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.
I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
Oh my, well done on the weight loss but you need to ask yourself some questions about this guy. How thin is good enough for him? Why, if he's in love with you, does he require you to pass some sort of dieting test before you can be happy together? What happens if you gain weight? Maybe you need to ask him these questions in some form before dedicating your life and body to him. Is he also proving himself to you before you commit? Has he given up alcohol for you? Stopped eating meat to be with you? Does he no longer wear awful slogan t-shirts just to be around you? Please, please, please look out for yourself.0 -
drop him, it's as simple as that. if he cannot be seen with you as your boyfriend until you lose the weight, to me it sounds as though he'd be embarrassed to be seen with you. Not being nasty, its just my opinion, and some guy logic. Drop him, lose the weight, and watch him crawl back
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There are alot of factors to this and you didn't give much info to go on....but my basic rule is if someone is going to make me feel like crap then they need to go. Life is way to short to waste on stupid people.0
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squishy828 wrote: »What do I do when I have support from everybody except for the one I live with?
Before I recommend beating him repeatedly with a large stick in his man regions, you should talk to him first and explain how you're feeling. It really shouldn't need explaining to someone that you shouldn't be a d**k to the person you supposedly love. But sometimes people don't seem to actually be able to realise how they're being. Which I guess is like people with mental disorders who don't realise they need help until someone tells them.0 -
Hardly ever post but.... I'm a man and no discussion is needed. He is obviously a person that that has to belittle women to make himself feel better. A man would kick his a**.
I was raised to respect women, I've been married 29 years and have NEVER said such a thing to my wife.
Total lack of respect imho will lead to worse behavior. YOU deserve BETTER and the sooner the better.0 -
This is not a good relationship. You need your own apartment. Move out.0
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My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.
I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
I'm sorry but "I won't make a commitment to you unless you look a certain way" is bull *kitten*. Please get some self respect, get rid of this "soul mate".
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4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.
I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
I'm sorry but "I won't make a commitment to you unless you look a certain way" is bull *kitten*. Please get some self respect, get rid of this "soul mate".
If the words had been "I'm too scared to commit to you unless you improve your health because if I get too close and lose you, etc" (you get the idea) then I'd see the tough love thing. But that comes across as saying you don't meet his idea of what he wants from a girlfriend but that if you change he might change his mind. I get the motivation thing, but do it for yourself, not because you're trying to meet someone's criteria.
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What are you expecting for support? Is he against the idea of you losing weight? Is the lack of support that he wouldn't join you? Is it that he wouldn't cheer you on? Is it that he doesn't want to change his food preferences? Do you expect him to bend over backwards to accommodate your weight loss process? Does he totally refuse to accommodate your weight loss process (example getting upset if you work out instead of doing something else)?...etc. There are many questions you need to ask yourself first, evaluate your expectations and know exactly where you stand and what you want.
Only after that have a conversation with him and explain everything then hear his side of the story and re-evaluate the situation. Listening to strangers on the internet who know nothing about your partner or your relationship tell you to ditch him is a recipe for disaster.0 -
I was with a man for 6 years that was constantly poking at me about my weight. I thought it would stop once I lost the weight...nope. After I lost it all, he just found other things to try to make me feel bad about myself. Hardest and best decision in my life was to leave him. My husband now, tries everyday to ensure I know how much he loves me no matter what size I am.0
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Drop lots of lbs by getting rid of him0
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mhanispeedy wrote: »It happens .. The only real support we get is from our parents ( in my case) others say oh you tried before too
What do you do if you have support from everyone except the one you live with? You find somewhere else to live!0 -
My best friend is a man ... whom I have more than friendly feelings for. We've spent almost every weekend together for the past two and a half years. He's come right out and said to me that I could be his soul-mate, but he wants me to lose weight. He won't make any kind of commitment or consider me his "girlfriend" until I've lost weight. I think what he's trying to do is motivate me and give me inspiration. I admit sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it's not his intention to hurt me. He also discusses diets and exercise programs with me, so I do know his intentions are good. And, he praises me for even small victories. Being a fat girl is hard ... and when the person you love gives you a hard time about it, you can take it two ways: you can get all depressed and sad and "dump him" as someone suggested above, OR you can use it to motivate you and turn what felt like a negative into a positive.
I'm very highly motivated right now. I just signed up on this site late last night, so my weight loss started being tracked as of yesterday. In reality, I have lost 7 pounds since last Thursday. I know, it's hard to believe, but the numbers on the scale don't lie.
don't normally comment on such personal stuff but your post kinda made me sad. IMO a soul mate is exactly what is sounds like. My soul mate is the person I feel connected to purely on the basis of our souls, spirit and minds.. it has nothing to do with our bodies, looks, or anything else superficial. People age, bodies change, illness occurs. When these things inevitably happen I know my soul mate would still be standing strong with me and vice versa.0 -
All of us are capable of kindness and cruelty at times. The ones we love and share our lives with are present for all the various ways we are, because we are our authentic selves with them. If my husband makes a comment that is hurtfull, I know better than to think that comment represents the sum total of his feelings for me. We piss each other off sometimes. We both benefit from tolerance and forgiveness from each other. It is a comfort to know that we can each occasionally be a jacka$$ without it becoming a relationship crisis.
My husband knows I'm trying to lose weight. He is supportive in every way, but he doesn't want to hear me complain about not losing weight after seeing me in the midst of an epic binge. It felt cruel to me for him to point out my failing and to criticize me for it. I had to speak up about it and we came to an understanding. I either lose weight, or I don't, he's fine with me either way, but I don't wear him out with my diet drama anymore.
What appeared at first to be a "put down" about my weight turned out to be simply a low tolerance for whining. It required communication to figure that out.0
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