Stop the "I wish" body envying

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  • melimomTARDIS
    melimomTARDIS Posts: 1,941 Member
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    fireytiger wrote: »
    Thanks for this, it's hard to not look at others and covet the way their bodies look. For me, I LOVE the way hourglass and pear shaped women look, and wish I looked like that so much. But alas, I'm an apple shape, and look top heavy. No matter what I do, I always will look like that, because everyone in my family does. But it's something I'll have to learn to love about myself, and thankfully I have a husband who happens to love the apples. ;)

    I thought I'd be an hourglass after I lost the excess lbs, turns out I'm more of an olive oyl type. Im good with it. we cant all me marilyn!
  • yourradimradletshug
    yourradimradletshug Posts: 964 Member
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    Everyone wishes. It's just how it is. I wished I looked like my trainer. However, I know I don't have her genes so I won't ever look like that but I can make myself the best me as I can using that "wishing" more as inspiration.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    Oh well, I better stop doing what I'm doing because ninerbuff said so.
    aceventurathumbsup.gif
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
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    I know what you mean. Sometimes I catch myself wishing I had the body I had when I was in my 20's and looked my best. Reality quickly sets in and I think "nope, even if you get back to that weight, you have 30 years and a lot of miles on you". The bust will never be that perky again, the stomach never that flat (too much loose skin from years of obesity), the arms will have batwings. I'm OK with it though, as long as I am able to do what I want to do (hiking, kayaking, snowshoeing, etc) and wear the clothes I like.
  • TheBeachgod
    TheBeachgod Posts: 825 Member
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    Isn't this just common sense? Using someone as an inspiration, even if you know you won't acheive that particular look, seems harmless to me and may help someone to attain their goals. If someone honestly wishes to have a totally unattainable physical attribute they have some serious issues in dealing with reality.
  • tekkiechikk
    tekkiechikk Posts: 375 Member
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    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves wrote: »
    Honestly, do you really think someone who says, "I wish I had her calves" just sits there wishing and not doing anything about it?

    I wish for a lot of things in my life. Each step brings me closer to my goals. I wish for calves I may not be genetically predisposed to ever have, but I sure as heck am going to try.

    Exactly! Every time I've started a weight loss program it's all begun with a "dream" of what I want to be. I've fallen down a lot of times, but I keep getting up.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
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    999tigger wrote: »
    Cant say ive ever done that. You do see people at the gym and think I wouldnt mind that and then I think how long it will take me. is that sort of aspirational target setting allowed?

    O yeah absolutely...picking out "models" works very well as does visualizing the body you want.

  • TheBeachgod
    TheBeachgod Posts: 825 Member
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    I guess 999tigger said what I meant, only more concisely. Carry on!
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    edited March 2015
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    Tell that to Skee-Lo
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
    edited March 2015
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    Personally I love it when someone tells me they wish that had *something I have* so stop telling them not to do that lol!
  • DirrtyH
    DirrtyH Posts: 664 Member
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    emmydoodles83 wrote: »
    I wish I was a little bit taller....... I wish I was a baller....... I wish I had a gi.....ah no nevermind. Come on somebody had to reference it.

    I thought I was the only who remembered this song! People look at me like I'm nuts when I quote that.
  • fatcity66
    fatcity66 Posts: 1,544 Member
    edited March 2015
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    My problem is, I really don't know exactly what I can achieve, because I've never worked hard enough, or long enough to get there. I'm perfectly happy with my overall shape and build, there are just areas I want to reduce the fat on, like my belly, and inner thighs. My issue is, even if I get to my goal of 18% body fat, will those areas be toned, or will they still be saggy and have cellulite? The truth is, I don't know, because I've never felt the extra effort was worth the result. I got close, but of course, I still had those problem areas.
  • williams969
    williams969 Posts: 2,528 Member
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    Thanks for the perspective! I'll admit, I started my weight loss based on a little bit of body envy. But, thankfully, I turned a "negative" motivation into a positive. Athletic/fit people are INSPIRING--not something to be envied. Reading success stories and following the journeys of others helped me define my own realistic, yet challenging goals--and I learned how to make a fitness "action plan" to achieve them.

    Will I be an "hourglass"? Perhaps not--I've got a nice "baby" booty starting to grow, but slim/narrow hips. But I will work to make those glutes the strongest they can be, as clearly I have "booty potential" that I need to embrace.

    Will I have big, buff calves? Probably not compared to others--but I will work to make them as big and as strong as I can (c'mon PLEASE get to 14 inches, lol).

    And I will always have a belly, hips, and thighs covered with stretchmarks (some are very wide, very damaged skin areas). However, I love them. They are joyful reminders of the birth of my children--which, forgive me, makes me misty/weepy with joy to reminisce.
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
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    I think 'body envy' has to be framed within the context of what is realistic for you. Using people's work as inspiration or admiring somebody else's genetic gifts doesn't have to go hand in hand with looking down on what you already have. I put a lot of work into turning thoughts like 'that girl has amazing legs, mine are nothing like that, hers are much better...' into 'that girl has amazing legs, maybe if I do more strength training like she's doing mine will look better too'. I don't really want anybody else's body, I just want the best version of mine. I always admire people who have overcome obstacles, such as poor health, pregnancy, personal issues etc., to improve themselves in some way, so I try to envy the hard graft and dedication more than the end result.

    I'll always sort of want to swap body parts with other people if it's something I'll never have, like really long legs, but it's a fleeting thought that doesn't diminish the positive way I regard my body generally, so I guess it's harmless.
  • rawstrongchick
    rawstrongchick Posts: 66 Member
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    I think very very few people actually turn their motivational "I wish" into an extreme obsession or expectation of achieving the un-achievable. I think it's also normal to slightly envy on occasion people who are different to you - I'm not sure that's something you can just snap out of or switch off. One of my relatives has dead straight hair and drools over my curls, I'm a natural blonde and yet I think dark hair is much more striking on a woman etc.

    I wish I had J Lo's figure, but I know that with my inverted triangle shape I've got no chance of achieving pert little boobies or an ample backside that come with a pear shape. None of that stops me from being the best version of me I can be though! I feel much better about myself for being motivated and achieving, and I've come to realize that I have both assets and strength that I didn't even realize.

    Nothing wrong with a healthy "I wish" for anyone who is sensible, IMHO.
  • SteampunkSongbird
    SteampunkSongbird Posts: 826 Member
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    herrspoons wrote: »
    SteampunkSongbird wrote: »
    Me wishing I had another person's figure has zero effect on you or anyone else, so I'll go right on wistfully wishing. It's in most people's nature to compare ourselves to others who are perceived to be better, and wanting people to basically 'get over it' is about as easily done for them as trying to push a boiled egg through a keyhole intact, and the suggestion is about as useful. It's great that you're so accepting of yourself that you don't feel the need to wish for a change, I envy you that, but you can't seriously think that saying 'stop it, it's pointless' actually makes a difference to the way the majority of people think.

    Yeah.... think you missed the point.

    I really didn't. I'm very aware that there isn't much point wishing for something that genetically you won't ever have, you can't change your genes, and it's not very productive to wish that you could. It's a simple idea and I understand it. My point was only that it's human nature to want things that we don't have, and that the OP telling people that it's pointless to want a body you genetically can't achieve, is also pointless, as it's not going to change how anyone thinks. Most of us will probably never achieve a bank account with a billion quid in it, and we're all aware of that, doesn't mean we can't dream; and it doesn't hurt anyone else if we do, so some random person who has mastered self-acceptance has no right to tell those of us who haven't to basically 'buck up, it'll never happen anyway'. We KNOW it won't. These types of posts always just come across as condescending, to suggest that none of us know that our longings are often unachievable.
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
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    I wish I had a magic lamp or a fairy Godmother or a monkey's paw. Then all of my crazy wishes can finally come true.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,715 Member
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    TheBeachgod wrote: »
    Isn't this just common sense? Using someone as an inspiration, even if you know you won't acheive that particular look, seems harmless to me and may help someone to attain their goals. If someone honestly wishes to have a totally unattainable physical attribute they have some serious issues in dealing with reality.

    For some people, yes. For others, no. Ninerbuff is a trainer and no doubt hears these "wishes" constantly. He's just trying to be helpful to those that this applies to.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,715 Member
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    skinnyinnotime wrote: »
    Personally I love it when someone tells me they wish that had *something I have* so stop telling them not to do that lol!

    And that's awesome! But again, Ninerbuff is mentioning something in hopes to help SOME people; not all.

    For me personally, what you mentioned makes me uncomfortable. A few years ago a lady about 15 years older than me would be in the gym the same time I was every day, but she worked with the personal trainer. I did not. She would tell her trainer (almost every day), "I want to look like her" and would point me out. Made me very uncomfortable. I am friends with the trainer and we talked about it once and he said he tries to dissuade her (and anyone else who emulates others, as Ninerbuff mentioned), but he can only do so much. JMHO.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
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    I wish I had the fittest version of my body. I will have it because I'm working on it.

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