Size 12 little black dress=Panic and anxiety

coonhoundlove
coonhoundlove Posts: 59 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Just wondering if anyone else has experienced the emotions I just went through.

In the last 15+ months I have lost almost 110# from my highest weight (SW-294, CW-185, GW-165 Height-5'10"). Yes, I have had to but new clothes along the way, but even when I tell myself I'm not a plus size woman anymore, I still gravitate towards and purchase mostly "safe", "conservative" fashions in sizes that are probably too big and baggy on my new body. Today, I met my best friend at the mall. We went into a store and she tried on an adorable little black dress and looked stunning in it. While the clerk was tending to her, I made the comment that I wished it came in my size. She quickly walked away to the sales floor and returned with a size 12 in the same dress. To be quite honest, I really didn't know what size I was, so I was a little apprehensive to try it on. Especially in a non-plus size store, which I have had to shop at for almost 10 years. I really didn't want to be embarrassed or emotionally crushed if I couldn't even get the darn thing over my hips. Reluctantly, I went into the fitting room and tried it on. I walked out to the large, 3-way mirror to get a better look. My best friend immediately hugged me and started to tear up a bit. I looked again at my reflection. The dress fit. Oh my gosh. Not only did it fit, but it looked amazing. I didn't have to suck my stomach in to get it zipped (thank you, core strengthening exercises and kettlebells), or need to tell myself that I won't look like a busted can of biscuits if I lose another 10#. My problem is that I felt like I was looking at a stranger in the mirror. I started to cry. Tears of disbelief, pride, fear, amazement, anger (towards my former overweight self)...so many emotions.

I composed myself a bit, bought the dress, but couldn't forward to do any more shopping. I had to go home. I am trying to wrap my brain around this "new" me that I truly saw for the first time in that dressing room mirror today. Every rational, logical part of me tells me I should just be ecstatic and enjoy who I am now, but I am so overwhelmed with an array of feelings. I am feeling a little panic and anxiety because I don't know how to handle this.

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Replies

  • Smamfa
    Smamfa Posts: 139 Member
    Not something I have experienced but your post certainly put a huge smile on my face. Well done you xx
  • MaggieLoo79
    MaggieLoo79 Posts: 288 Member
    That's fantastic!!! Way to go!!! :)
  • fatblatta
    fatblatta Posts: 333 Member
    Great story! It takes time to adjust to being a knock out! Enjoy it and don't worry too much. Keep going and let the feeling sink in for a good six months!
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    edited March 2015
    This post (the OP) needs to be flagged for Awesomeness.

    :drinker:
  • Dragn77
    Dragn77 Posts: 810 Member
    edited March 2015
    That is so amazing!!! Indeed, when hearing of weight loss, its mostly all the celebration and good feelings surrounding it that is always talked about, but not so much this aspect of it... The coming to terms with that feeling of being in a completely different body..that moment when what your brain tells you and what you actually *see* comes together to make you totally aware of the reality of what you look like as opposed to what you used to look like.

    Very emotional for sure, I dont blame you one bit for breaking down, that is such a HUGE moment in this journey!!! As time goes on, it will feel more natural, and you'll be able to totally accept that this really is, for real, you!!!

    Congrats on how far youve come...and for sharing this!
  • kristenlarkin
    kristenlarkin Posts: 235 Member
    That's awesome!
  • ErinJay18
    ErinJay18 Posts: 30 Member
    Great job with your progress! You deserve that dress. You just have to wrap your head around feeling beautiful in your own skin again
  • PolythenePam910
    PolythenePam910 Posts: 14 Member
    Love this story!!! WHERE is the "like" button?!?
  • dragonfly256
    dragonfly256 Posts: 46 Member
    Congrats on the weight loss!!! Great job!
  • GodMomKim
    GodMomKim Posts: 3,703 Member
    I have not been there either, but accepting your feelings, process them and use the anger to assure that you don't slip back. Take these changes slowly, you might want to go replace your underwear (panties and bras) as that will make sure your new clothes will fit as best as possible. You have done a great job. Going with this friend who was such good support to shop sounds like a great way to go.
  • lisag0109
    lisag0109 Posts: 18 Member
    Great job and a well deserved congrats! This is an awesome life experience take it all in and enjoy every part of your journey!
  • trina1049
    trina1049 Posts: 593 Member
    Congratulations on your weight loss! It takes a long time to wrap your head around your new size. Your emotions/feelings are perfectly normal. Many of us, have been overweight for so long that we have an image in our minds of what we look like and it's a shock to see the real, new us. I know that I had the same feelings as you've described. I'm still amazed at my new size and even more determined to keep it. Eventually you'll adjust as you replace your clothes and get used to looking at the new you in the mirror.

    Wishing you the very best.
  • spzjlb
    spzjlb Posts: 599 Member
    Wonderful. You described your feelings well! You are inspiring. I hope you wear it - why don't you post a pic so we can see it (on you)? It might make is easier for to wear it in "your world" after showing it to "our world"?
  • determined_14
    determined_14 Posts: 258 Member
    I want to see you in this dress too! Good job on your success! I've never lost a significant amount of weight outside of having a baby, but your feelings sound pretty normal to me. As humans, we tend to cling to the familiar. Even if we know, know, KNOW that something new is better and more desirable, it's pretty scary to get out there and embrace it. (And I love that you had a friend who knows you and your journey well enough to fully celebrate the moment with you!)
  • valente347
    valente347 Posts: 201 Member
    Congratulations! You should be so proud of your accomplishments!! I can relate because I just got a new mirror and can finally see my whole body at once. I don't even know who I'm looking at sometimes. It has taken me a long time to get used to my new shape, and I'm not even done yet.
  • annaheyoolay
    annaheyoolay Posts: 100 Member
    You worked hard to get where you are and you deserve to enjoy wearing that dress! Congratulations:)
  • Beanogirl
    Beanogirl Posts: 97 Member
    trina1049 wrote: »
    Congratulations on your weight loss! It takes a long time to wrap your head around your new size. Your emotions/feelings are perfectly normal. Many of us, have been overweight for so long that we have an image in our minds of what we look like and it's a shock to see the real, new us. I know that I had the same feelings as you've described. I'm still amazed at my new size and even more determined to keep it. Eventually you'll adjust as you replace your clothes and get used to looking at the new you in the mirror.

    Wishing you the very best.

    Congratulations. Quoted this post as I can't say it any better!
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    coonhoundlove wrote: »
    Just wondering if anyone else has experienced the emotions I just went through.

    In the last 15+ months I have lost almost 110# from my highest weight (SW-294, CW-185, GW-165 Height-5'10"). Yes, I have had to but new clothes along the way, but even when I tell myself I'm not a plus size woman anymore, I still gravitate towards and purchase mostly "safe", "conservative" fashions in sizes that are probably too big and baggy on my new body. Today, I met my best friend at the mall. We went into a store and she tried on an adorable little black dress and looked stunning in it. While the clerk was tending to her, I made the comment that I wished it came in my size. She quickly walked away to the sales floor and returned with a size 12 in the same dress. To be quite honest, I really didn't know what size I was, so I was a little apprehensive to try it on. Especially in a non-plus size store, which I have had to shop at for almost 10 years. I really didn't want to be embarrassed or emotionally crushed if I couldn't even get the darn thing over my hips. Reluctantly, I went into the fitting room and tried it on. I walked out to the large, 3-way mirror to get a better look. My best friend immediately hugged me and started to tear up a bit. I looked again at my reflection. The dress fit. Oh my gosh. Not only did it fit, but it looked amazing. I didn't have to suck my stomach in to get it zipped (thank you, core strengthening exercises and kettlebells), or need to tell myself that I won't look like a busted can of biscuits if I lose another 10#. My problem is that I felt like I was looking at a stranger in the mirror. I started to cry. Tears of disbelief, pride, fear, amazement, anger (towards my former overweight self)...so many emotions.

    I composed myself a bit, bought the dress, but couldn't forward to do any more shopping. I had to go home. I am trying to wrap my brain around this "new" me that I truly saw for the first time in that dressing room mirror today. Every rational, logical part of me tells me I should just be ecstatic and enjoy who I am now, but I am so overwhelmed with an array of feelings. I am feeling a little panic and anxiety because I don't know how to handle this.

    Congratulations for a major NSV

    It takes a while for your brain to catch up with reality...what you are feeling is normal..gradually over time you will accept and expect this rocking new you!

    And be prepared for the first time you go out in your new dress feeling surreal

  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    Congratulations :)
    I have been a customer for years at a specific small shop, where the cashier used to be this very obese girl, who dressed really great, with a really quirky sense of style regarding hair styles, accessories etc. One day, I returned there for shopping and saw a girl whom I didn't recognise, and I thought "hmm maybe after all it is the shop policy that all cashiers must follow some guidelines regarding hair and accessories." Then I looked again, and froze. It was the same girl, only less than half of her. She show me staring and she said "do not feel embarassed, the same thing happens to me whenever I look in the mirror, I think it is someone else, and then I end up grinning like an idiot for 10 minutes before I move on".
  • slaite1
    slaite1 Posts: 1,307 Member
    Your post actually made me tear up. How amazing and inspirational you are!
  • coonhoundlove
    coonhoundlove Posts: 59 Member
    Thank you all for you the advice and kind, encouraging words! I spent the remainder of yesterday kind of hibernating, processing all the thoughts and emotions. I woke up this morning feeling much better. I am planning to post a pic later today. When I do, please know that I'm absolutely not fishing for compliments by doing it. Just needing to put myself out there in a "safe" environment first, as suggested by a few of you. Hugs to you all!
  • kristinegift
    kristinegift Posts: 2,406 Member
    Congratulations on the amazing weight loss! Your story made me smile :)
  • kindrabbit
    kindrabbit Posts: 837 Member
    Well if it makes you feel any better I teared up just reading your post OP. It's such an amazing feeling when all your hard work pays off. Well done X
  • coonhoundlove
    coonhoundlove Posts: 59 Member
    Pic as promised. My apologies that it is a selfie taken in my bathroom!dy0fb55d8ukq.jpg
  • sodakat
    sodakat Posts: 1,126 Member
    Holy Moly you look absolutely fabulous in that dress! What a great figure you have, btw.
  • gle8442
    gle8442 Posts: 126 Member
    Wow, you are beautiful!!! The dress looks amazing. Congratulations, I am so glad that you got to experience that. If I were you I'd be wearing to walk the dog, to go to the grocery store, to do errands around the house...!
  • Tubbs216
    Tubbs216 Posts: 6,597 Member
    Oh that's beautiful! WELL DONE!
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    You look amazing-well done!
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
    1. You look amazing!
    2. Where can I buy that dress?
  • MJ_Watson
    MJ_Watson Posts: 180 Member
    You look amazing! I'm so happy for you!

    I've had those same feelings and emotions off and on. I think it's a totally normal part of it. It takes a while for your brain to adjust and sometimes being confronted with the change is a major shock to the system! I think it helps to remind yourself that your feelings are totally normal. Give yourself permission to feel them when they come, negative or positive. I find the anxiety and panic is often because I'm beating myself up over how I "should" feel or freaking out because I'm trying to sort through a lot of conflicting emotions. I try to just breathe through it, let myself feel whatever I feel, and then let it go. Easier said than done! But it helps me. :)

    And when you feel like it, definitely celebrate yourself and your accomplishments! You've done fabulously! Congratulations!!

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