1st time at the gym: Was that OK behaviour?
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Oh my god definitely switch trainers. His claim that gaining weight has nothing to do with psychology is laughable. He sounds ignorant and obnoxious. That's no way to motivate someone.0
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The book New Rules for Lifting for Women is a great resource. Check it out.0
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I'm so sorry that you had this experience. Kudos to you for staying strong and planning on returning. Show him how bloody wrong he is.0
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I would offer him his own constructive criticism. Approach him in a friendly and inoffensive way and tell him that he may not be aware of it but that his training methods are counter productive to building a business, building customer loyalty and motivating his customer base to change.
Say it in the nicest, most helpful way possible. When people are *kitten*, it's fun to mess with them by being really nice. They know you're really saying 'f' you but can't say much because you're being kind and helpful.
I'm in a position now where I'm often challenged by people and not always in a polite way. Even when I'd like to shake them until their head flies off, it's more effective to give a super polite reply that really means 'bite me'. It's fun too when they know it does
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Unless you respond positively to the beating...I would simply get another trainer. So inappropriate and no you are not overreacting!0
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Thanks again for all the support but he isn't my personal trainer - at the gym you just get one free one-on-one session in which the trainer explains the machines etc. I might be spending money on the gym but not on him as a trainer specifically.
I like the idea of messing with his head but I'm a chicken, I'll admit it . I'll just go back and do my thing. I have nothing to prove to anybody but me.0 -
Good for you for brushing him off and going back! You are working hard for your goals and belong in that gym just as much as anyone else.0
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Go back and say something. He's a jerk. Management may know it too. But people tend to be passive and my complain. A good complaint could force him to have to change his ways.0
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That is awful. This is the sort of thing that drives people out of the gym. He sounds like one of those types who only want people in his gym who look like they don't need the gym.0
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He is a super d0uchebag!0
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He's fat-phobic and a jerk. I don't think he'd understand if you tried to explain this to him, though. However, taking your money away from him, along with the explanation, might make the point in such a way that he might at least shut his trap with other clients, even if it doesn't change his thinking about it.
If this gym is most convenient for you, I guess stay... Personally, I wouldn't be able to do that.0 -
I remember going to that gym many years ago and it was pretty mixed, both slim, ripped, normal and overweight people. This time only slim/ripped. Maybe it was the time, or maybe it's the general mood there? I'll find out.
Tomatoey - I can understand that. There are one or two other gyms in town but I know myself - I will use ANY excuse not to go. And that one is cheap AND around the corner AND a friend goes there. It doesn't get much better than that.
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Dude should have his trainer card pulled. His job is to help you not denigrate you.
I worked with a trainer whose day job was head weight and strength coach at a D1 university. The guy's bench press warm up was 315#. Never once did he make a comment about how weak I was or should be doing more. He kept notes of where I was at and we went from there. Best experience I have ever had in a gym.
I'm pretty sure if he were AFAA certified he'd be sent for re-education or get his card pulled if the board found out.0 -
MikaMojito wrote: »I remember going to that gym many years ago and it was pretty mixed, both slim, ripped, normal and overweight people. This time only slim/ripped. Maybe it was the time, or maybe it's the general mood there? I'll find out.
Tomatoey - I can understand that. There are one or two other gyms in town but I know myself - I will use ANY excuse not to go. And that one is cheap AND around the corner AND a friend goes there. It doesn't get much better than that.
I hear you, that is my ideal setup for a gym, too. Luckily I've never faced that kind of shetness. Well, good luck! I hope you can find a way to feel free to do your thing there.0 -
I personally wouldn't give him a dime of my money after talking to me like that. Lots of ways to get strong that don't require a gym membership.0
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Had you mentioned to him that you have a past that includes losing weight and gaining it back? He was definitely rude, but I'd like to know if he said this out of nowhere or in response to something you told him. He is correct that 30 minutes cardio is not enough to counterbalance a large caloric surplus. People tend to think they burn way more calories than they actually do.
He's the manager, but is it a franchised gym or a mom & pop? If it's franchised you can complain to corporate headquarters about his behavior, but if it's the latter, he's pretty much free to be a jerk to everyone it seems.
The thing about gyms is that they want you to join but ideally, they'd like you to quit. That's how they make money: High membership and less regular users. Maybe he thought by negging you he could get you to give up straight away. He already has your money and a contract I'm assuming. Messed up, but it is what it is. Prove him wrong by going back and losing weight and keeping it off?
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levitateme wrote: »Had you mentioned to him that you have a past that includes losing weight and gaining it back? He was definitely rude, but I'd like to know if he said this out of nowhere or in response to something you told him. He is correct that 30 minutes cardio is not enough to counterbalance a large caloric surplus. People tend to think they burn way more calories than they actually do.
He's the manager, but is it a franchised gym or a mom & pop? If it's franchised you can complain to corporate headquarters about his behavior, but if it's the latter, he's pretty much free to be a jerk to everyone it seems.
The thing about gyms is that they want you to join but ideally, they'd like you to quit. That's how they make money: High membership and less regular users. Maybe he thought by negging you he could get you to give up straight away. He already has your money and a contract I'm assuming. Messed up, but it is what it is. Prove him wrong by going back and losing weight and keeping it off?
I did tell him that I have a history of losing/gaining. But for all he knows I might have an eating disorder or thyroid problems or whatever. So his comments didn't come out of nowhere but even then they're a bit inappropriate.
I'm also aware that 30min won't cut it. However, I'm eating at a considerable deficit (and yes, I am logging properly again) and I don't eat the exercise calories back. Plus: when you've been fairly inactive for a while it's not superrealistic to expect to start off with an hour or more. Today I actually managed 45min. I DID tell him it was only to get started...
It's a franchise but in Germany people don't care that much about complaints, really. The company is one of the biggest in Germany and I think the only reason they'd take action is if he had massively harrassed me.
Funnily, that first trial training doesn't mean you actually have to sign up. I'm even allowed a second trial training before any money is paid... So there's no contract yet. Which would point towards what somebody else wrote: that he only wants people at the gym who don't look like they need it.
We'll see. I WILL go back but not to prove him wrong. I'm trying very hard not to care what people like that say.
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Unprofessional. Manipulative. Creepy. Bully.0
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MikaMojito wrote: »levitateme wrote: »Had you mentioned to him that you have a past that includes losing weight and gaining it back? He was definitely rude, but I'd like to know if he said this out of nowhere or in response to something you told him. He is correct that 30 minutes cardio is not enough to counterbalance a large caloric surplus. People tend to think they burn way more calories than they actually do.
He's the manager, but is it a franchised gym or a mom & pop? If it's franchised you can complain to corporate headquarters about his behavior, but if it's the latter, he's pretty much free to be a jerk to everyone it seems.
The thing about gyms is that they want you to join but ideally, they'd like you to quit. That's how they make money: High membership and less regular users. Maybe he thought by negging you he could get you to give up straight away. He already has your money and a contract I'm assuming. Messed up, but it is what it is. Prove him wrong by going back and losing weight and keeping it off?
I did tell him that I have a history of losing/gaining. But for all he knows I might have an eating disorder or thyroid problems or whatever. So his comments didn't come out of nowhere but even then they're a bit inappropriate.
I'm also aware that 30min won't cut it. However, I'm eating at a considerable deficit (and yes, I am logging properly again) and I don't eat the exercise calories back. Plus: when you've been fairly inactive for a while it's not superrealistic to expect to start off with an hour or more. Today I actually managed 45min. I DID tell him it was only to get started...
It's a franchise but in Germany people don't care that much about complaints, really. The company is one of the biggest in Germany and I think the only reason they'd take action is if he had massively harrassed me.
Funnily, that first trial training doesn't mean you actually have to sign up. I'm even allowed a second trial training before any money is paid... So there's no contract yet. Which would point towards what somebody else wrote: that he only wants people at the gym who don't look like they need it.
We'll see. I WILL go back but not to prove him wrong. I'm trying very hard not to care what people like that say.
30 mins daily cardio is great if you are in a caloric deficit. I read what you originally said as you'd been working out daily all along (while overweight and before trying to lose) and he said it wasn't enough, which is true for a surplus.
I wasn't aware you were in Germany, I don't know anything about corporate complaints there.
But good, I'm glad you don't have a defined contract and haven't paid yet. At my gym, once you join, you're in for a year and you have to send a registered letter 3 months before your anniversary date in order to quit. I didn't know this when I joined, it's in the fine print. I'm happy with them for now, but I will have to foresee my continued happiness as of this coming July, because If I don't quit then, I'm stuck for another year starting in October ... stupid, but it serves my purpose for now.0 -
Definitely report his statements to management. If you're interested in having a trainer moving forward, hopefully there will be better options!0
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I had a trainer tell me, without seeing my son, that he knows my son is fat because I'm fat, and that's just how it is. I went to management and they gave me a 2 week free pass. I didn't go back because I didn't want to have to look him in the eye, because I would not have been kind, and I refuse to stoop to his level. The gym was out of my price range anyway, so it was more just out of curiosity that I was there, but he didn't have to be a *kitten* about it. People like that should be encouraged that overweight people are even making an attempt and should make them feel BETTER about their decision to become healthy rather than putting them down for being overweight.
IMHO0 -
All I can really see that you can do, is keep up YOUR great attitude and just be glad you aren't married to or friends with someone like that. What a jerk.0
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levitateme wrote: »
30 mins daily cardio is great if you are in a caloric deficit. I read what you originally said as you'd been working out daily all along (while overweight and before trying to lose) and he said it wasn't enough, which is true for a surplus.
I wasn't aware you were in Germany, I don't know anything about corporate complaints there.
But good, I'm glad you don't have a defined contract and haven't paid yet. At my gym, once you join, you're in for a year and you have to send a registered letter 3 months before your anniversary date in order to quit. I didn't know this when I joined, it's in the fine print. I'm happy with them for now, but I will have to foresee my continued happiness as of this coming July, because If I don't quit then, I'm stuck for another year starting in October ... stupid, but it serves my purpose for now.
I don't manage half an hour every day but I've been doing 2-3 times a week. But I did tell him that it was only until I was physically able to do more.
You CAN complain about things in Germany but people only take it seriously when something fairly major has happened. If he'd touched me inappropriately, THAT would get taken seriously. But being a bit mean - nobody cares.
Once I sign the contract, it runs for a year but it's only a bit more than 20$, so even if I only go twice a week, it's really ok. Another bonus of the company is that they're got gyms all over Europe, and you can use all of them.
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Wow, what a way to make you feel good about yourself (saying sarcastically). I am sorry that happened to you, you deserved a high five not a smack down.. definitely do not pay for a trainer if that is what is offered. Just go and do what you need to without him. You don't need to be treated like that...0
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My view is different coming from a military background where all of my motivators used profanity to an art form and it was a very effective tool. Bottom line were you motivated by this or not? Keep in mind your trainer's job is to break your bad habits and promote better habits. He may be a jerk, but it may take a jerk to get the job done.
On the other hand he's not marketing himself very well and not going to be very successful in a career as a trainer if you're questioning said behavior online.
The best trainers shake you from you comfort zone, but in a manner that makes you need more of what they have to offer.
Seek your fortune elsewhere.
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I've played, coached and officiated sports quite a bit in my life and I always thought it was interesting of how men and women were motivated. Many men want to be "called out" and thus have to "prove themselves" to their peers that they are "a man." However, women want to be supported even if they are failing - they seem to want to feel like they are succeeding no matter what. That is why on a football sideline you see coaches telling their male players that they don't want to win enough or guys putting each other down in sports to try to make their foe work harder. And inversely you see coaches for women always praising them and telling them that they got it.
With that said, I think that this particular trainer is way out to lunch - and not just because you are a woman. A trainers job first-and-foremost (regardless of gender) is to try and ensure you that they are there to help you and that they are going to do whatever they have to do to help you meet your goals. If later down the road they learn that "tough love" is what motivates you, then so be it - give it to em hard. But until then they should be the most friendly person in the gym to you.
I'd talk to their direct manager and ask them if that is how things are done there. Who knows, maybe you walked into a tough love gym and that is their mode of operation. Good luck!0 -
MikaMojito wrote: »My first post in here, so Hi, there!
So why does it show 134 posts? Do you mean this is the first topic you've started?0 -
Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »Weight machine, crunches? Shooting you down.
Get a different trainer. Sounds like he wants you to pay for your membership and never step foot back in the gym.
Here, save yourself some grief. Drop $10 and just buy this. Go in armed with a plan.
http://www.amazon.com/The-New-Rules-Lifting-Women-ebook/dp/B004IE9RGC
That book is great! I use it often. This will give you all sorts of knowledge to go into the gym with confidence and accomplish your goals! I am a big woman, myself and have lost 30 lbs after a) getting a health reality check and b) reading this book in conjunction with a personal trainer.
I once had an experience at the gym when I was doing yoga by myself one night and had gone into pigeon pose (a variation of king pigeon of which I haven't accomplished yet) and a lady walks up to me and says "wow! I'm really proud of you!" I looked up at her, a little confused, and then she said "for a fat chick you can really bend!" *FACE PALM* You don't have to be rail thin or super buff to accomplish great things in the gym. Don't let that trainers attitude every make you think otherwise. If you are making good progress with lifting, losing inches/weight, or going an extra minute with cardio... be PROUD of that! You just became better than you were yesterday.0 -
Peacefulkancer wrote: »I've played, coached and officiated sports quite a bit in my life and I always thought it was interesting of how men and women were motivated. Many men want to be "called out" and thus have to "prove themselves" to their peers that they are "a man." However, women want to be supported even if they are failing - they seem to want to feel like they are succeeding no matter what. That is why on a football sideline you see coaches telling their male players that they don't want to win enough or guys putting each other down in sports to try to make their foe work harder. And inversely you see coaches for women always praising them and telling them that they got it.
With that said, I think that this particular trainer is way out to lunch - and not just because you are a woman. A trainers job first-and-foremost (regardless of gender) is to try and ensure you that they are there to help you and that they are going to do whatever they have to do to help you meet your goals. If later down the road they learn that "tough love" is what motivates you, then so be it - give it to em hard. But until then they should be the most friendly person in the gym to you.
I'd talk to their direct manager and ask them if that is how things are done there. Who knows, maybe you walked into a tough love gym and that is their mode of operation. Good luck!
I've never understood that way of motivating. I'm a teacher and I try to motivate all my students by praising them when they've done well. If somebody starts with a very poor grade but I can see they've worked on it the next time I grade a test, then I will praise them, even if they're still not very good.
I don't need praise when I know I haven't been doing well. But I would have thought that a "30 minutes is ok for the beginning, but I'm sure you can up it to an hour within the next month - and THAT's really going to help" would have been a better way of motivating anybody.
But then the men I hang out with have never been the type that feel they have to prove their manliness to anybody.
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That's just rude. I would go there for yourself but just don't waste anymore time or energy on what he thinks. I had a gym manager tell me I was to fat to run because I was "hurting" my joints. It was so embarrassing =( I went home and ran outside and that manager saved me 40$ a month.0
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