Anyone else have to struggle like me?
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Woah. Why so many people being so resentful, bitter, and mean. Yes, sure, the OP spoke in a way that belittles the efforts of other people here, and fell into the trap and the bias of experiencing her own difficulties and struggles as supremely hard compared to that of others. So what? Let her know politely that everyone struggles, that everyone has to fight for their results, and that the size and nature of our difficulties are a completely subjective experience, and no one's are for some reason "so much more unfair" than everyone else's.
No need to be rude and poisonous.
As for people saying "Well, it's not like you need a cheeseburger...". Stop. You don't know what someone needs and doesn't need; there are people who have very strong psychological attachments to food, who have been comfort eating through hard times and developed emotional addictions. Don' be drill sergeants. Tough love is good, but it should still be love. Discreet condescension helps no one.
Finally, someone says "The OP asked for sympathy", as if that's a bad thing. It's not. We are all human, and need support and sympathy and attention and encouragement and comfort; some need more, some need less and are tougher and more decisive, and that's alright. We're not all as willful and weathered. Let her be.0 -
CrazyMermaid1 wrote: »Why are there so many mean people on these threads?
I am fairly new to mfp and this was my first thread. When I saw how negative some people were being towards the OP, I am not sure I want to continue with the "community" part of mfp.0 -
livieandevie wrote: »CrazyMermaid1 wrote: »Why are there so many mean people on these threads?
I am fairly new to mfp and this was my first thread. When I saw how negative some people were being towards the OP, I am not sure I want to continue with the "community" part of mfp.
A lot of it comes from people who have been here for a while (this is a new account, i've actually be lurking around here for a couple of years), and who have seen it all; so, so many posts from people saying how difficult it is for them and them alone, how they are SURE they are doing everything right but still can't lose weight, etc....a lot of these topics and the answers people need are there if they just use the search function, and so people get annoyed at having the answer the same things over and over again. But then again, i suppose just don't answer the post at all.
Also, a lot of people here practice the tough love approach. And, you have to remember, that just because someone says something you don't agree with, or is quite blunt about the way they say it, it doesn't mean that they are being nasty. Tough love. I know that i have posted posts like this in the past and received the same response, and at least now i can look back and understand why i got those responses and that the majority of them were justified.
There are lots of supportive people here, and as with anywhere on the internet, you will get the tolls. Don't let this put you off! No matter how blunt some people are, on the most part they are most definitely worth listening to as these are majoritively people who have been here for a while and know what they are talking about. They just don't take any of this whiny 'everyone it's so hard for me and me more so than any of you' attitude, because it is quite insulting to those of us who have struggled.
Forum etiquette can be quite difficult to master
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livieandevie wrote: »CrazyMermaid1 wrote: »Why are there so many mean people on these threads?
I am fairly new to mfp and this was my first thread. When I saw how negative some people were being towards the OP, I am not sure I want to continue with the "community" part of mfp.
There are still a lot of positive responses and even more helpful - if a little blunt - responses. Sadly around here you won't find people sugarcoating their answers, you'll find people giving helpful advice whether it is 'supportive' or not. I just think most of these people are telling the OP that she should change her attitude towards her weight loss. They don't think that they should support her way of thinking and are telling her so.
If this is your first thread then stick with it, there are a lot of other threads out there with some very helpful advice.
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Im talking those who have really had to fight for it-not just someone who got lazy and gained weight later in life. I am talking about those who have ALWAYS been overweight.
I think this was the offending sentence. Tbh they got overweight by the same way the people who have always been overweight except they started the lazy phase earlier.
They get rid of the weight in the same way.
Where they may differ slightly would be that a person overweight all their life has a longer experience of being overweight and may have less capacity/ skill or mental resilience to put a weight loss plan into action. This wouldnt be correct in all cases though and many who have put on the lazy weight could fin it just as hard as an overweight lifer.
Your distinction isnt really a good one , OP. Doesnt help by insuling many thousands on this site who pit on weight no diffently, want to get rid of it just as much and find it just as hard.0 -
NoIdea101NoIdea wrote: »livieandevie wrote: »CrazyMermaid1 wrote: »Why are there so many mean people on these threads?
I am fairly new to mfp and this was my first thread. When I saw how negative some people were being towards the OP, I am not sure I want to continue with the "community" part of mfp.
A lot of it comes from people who have been here for a while (this is a new account, i've actually be lurking around here for a couple of years), and who have seen it all; so, so many posts from people saying how difficult it is for them and them alone, how they are SURE they are doing everything right but still can't lose weight, etc....a lot of these topics and the answers people need are there if they just use the search function, and so people get annoyed at having the answer the same things over and over again. But then again, i suppose just don't answer the post at all.
Also, a lot of people here practice the tough love approach. And, you have to remember, that just because someone says something you don't agree with, or is quite blunt about the way they say it, it doesn't mean that they are being nasty. Tough love. I know that i have posted posts like this in the past and received the same response, and at least now i can look back and understand why i got those responses and that the majority of them were justified.
There are lots of supportive people here, and as with anywhere on the internet, you will get the tolls. Don't let this put you off! No matter how blunt some people are, on the most part they are most definitely worth listening to as these are majoritively people who have been here for a while and know what they are talking about. They just don't take any of this whiny 'everyone it's so hard for me and me more so than any of you' attitude, because it is quite insulting to those of us who have struggled.
Forum etiquette can be quite difficult to master
I suppose that I did not take the OP's post the way others did. It was the first one I read, and I identified with some of the things she said. I guess I am a little naive to think everyone would take it the same way i did. Thank you for your words :-D0 -
I echo everyone stepping in after the "negative nancy" jumped on.
Just to be blunt (and I am not one of them) MFP members are sarcastic and lack tact. Just know when you post to a thread it is up for scrutiny, debate and all out meanness. It is cyber space and folks hiding behind a computer screen (like me)... LOL
You ask why do they do it? Because they can! They will jump back and say just because you do not like what I said, does not make it un true, yadi, yadi yadi..
OP keep your head up and just ignore those folks that do not contribute in a manner no so pleasing.. 0 -
MarziPanda95 wrote: »livieandevie wrote: »CrazyMermaid1 wrote: »Why are there so many mean people on these threads?
I am fairly new to mfp and this was my first thread. When I saw how negative some people were being towards the OP, I am not sure I want to continue with the "community" part of mfp.
There are still a lot of positive responses and even more helpful - if a little blunt - responses. Sadly around here you won't find people sugarcoating their answers, you'll find people giving helpful advice whether it is 'supportive' or not. I just think most of these people are telling the OP that she should change her attitude towards her weight loss. They don't think that they should support her way of thinking and are telling her so.
If this is your first thread then stick with it, there are a lot of other threads out there with some very helpful advice.
Thank you for your kind and helpful words :-D
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livieandevie wrote: »CrazyMermaid1 wrote: »Why are there so many mean people on these threads?
I am fairly new to mfp and this was my first thread. When I saw how negative some people were being towards the OP, I am not sure I want to continue with the "community" part of mfp.
Welcome to the internet
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badgerbadger1 wrote: »livieandevie wrote: »CrazyMermaid1 wrote: »Why are there so many mean people on these threads?
I am fairly new to mfp and this was my first thread. When I saw how negative some people were being towards the OP, I am not sure I want to continue with the "community" part of mfp.
Welcome to the internet
Lol! Thanks!0 -
livieandevie wrote: »CrazyMermaid1 wrote: »Why are there so many mean people on these threads?
I am fairly new to mfp and this was my first thread. When I saw how negative some people were being towards the OP, I am not sure I want to continue with the "community" part of mfp.
I'm afraid the OP started with statements that were going to get people backs up. So in reality she caused the negativityIm talking those who have really had to fight for it-not just someone who got lazy and gained weight later in life. I am talking about those who have ALWAYS been overweight0 -
I echo everyone stepping in after the "negative nancy" jumped on.
Just to be blunt (and I am not one of them) MFP members are sarcastic and lack tact. Just know when you post to a thread it is up for scrutiny, debate and all out meanness. It is cyber space and folks hiding behind a computer screen (like me)... LOL
You ask why do they do it? Because they can! They will jump back and say just because you do not like what I said, does not make it un true, yadi, yadi yadi..
OP keep your head up and just ignore those folks that do not contribute in a manner no so pleasing..
Arent you generalising and tarring everyone with the same brush, but exclude yourself?
It looks like its the OP who lacks tact or has posted in such a way that it understandably ot some peoples backs up, but you choose to ignore that.
When you post on a forum you are asking for responses, people are different so dont be suprised if people do in fact respond necayse thats what forums are there for.
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I echo everyone stepping in after the "negative nancy" jumped on.
Just to be blunt (and I am not one of them) MFP members are sarcastic and lack tact. Just know when you post to a thread it is up for scrutiny, debate and all out meanness. It is cyber space and folks hiding behind a computer screen (like me)... LOL
You ask why do they do it? Because they can! They will jump back and say just because you do not like what I said, does not make it un true, yadi, yadi yadi..
OP keep your head up and just ignore those folks that do not contribute in a manner no so pleasing..
Irony. It's what's for dinner.0 -
I echo everyone stepping in after the "negative nancy" jumped on.
Just to be blunt (and I am not one of them) MFP members are sarcastic and lack tact. Just know when you post to a thread it is up for scrutiny, debate and all out meanness. It is cyber space and folks hiding behind a computer screen (like me)... LOL
You ask why do they do it? Because they can! They will jump back and say just because you do not like what I said, does not make it un true, yadi, yadi yadi..
OP keep your head up and just ignore those folks that do not contribute in a manner no so pleasing..
Thank you love.
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There is a difference with those who ate and drank a lot as an adult and gained weight Verses children who were always fat. Medically, I have read medical research. That there is a difference. I dont know why people got upset about that.0
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Hangry, OP?0
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Lol, after having reread the original post I don't think she was talking about people with actual medical issues. When she said "not just someone who got lazy and gained weight later in life" she was talking about a lot of us who do that. That is we might have worked out and you know played sports and what not when we were young but later on felt that we didn't want to do all of that, and just decided to be lazy. I'm sort of that way, I was never skinny (in fact looking over my life I wasn't actually fat those years, but never skinny + asthma means i thought I was fat, but I digress). Any way, those that are lazy know who you are (and I am one of them, later on I just sat on my computer and didn't want to be 'active' anymore).
She was just wondering if those that don't have medical problems (which she should have stated in the original post) have to work their butts off just to be fit -- go and read the original post. Go ahead, I'll wait :-)
And to answer OP -- yes you have to do it, you have to work your butt off -- there are some people who are naturally disposed to losing weight and staying skinny -- they have high working metabolisms -- however, MOST of us, do not, and therefore we need to work if we want that awesome beach body. So you either put in the time and effort, or be happy being at whatever weight and condition you're at. But then that's the way were supposed to be right? Anything worthwhile needs to be worked at, otherwise you have no one to blame but yourself :-) (Just to make sure, I'm not talking about those with medical conditions -- So you don't have to get mad at me for that 'you have no one to blame' comment as I'm not addressing you with that comment)0 -
There is a difference with those who ate and drank a lot as an adult and gained weight Verses children who were always fat. Medically, I have read medical research. That there is a difference. I dont know why people got upset about that.
If you have the research then show us. They still put on weight the same way and will lose it the same way as anyone else. Id be interested to see how they draw the distinction from those who are special cases compared to the lazy ones. You could phrase your posts better and then they wouldnt attract what you feel is unfair treatment.
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woah OP calm down. perhaps a cheeseburger will help curb your anger? just a friendly suggestion, guys. working out to vent is hard, but drowning your emotions in a cheeseburger and alcohol isnt.
but you already knew that, didnt you OP0 -
Hun you are not the only one. A lot of people struggle with that on a daily basis. Some don't want to face it and hope and pray no one calls them out on it. I for one also struggle with this and don't care who knows. Instead of dieting I just made a life change to eat clean. Which has been helping me with my weight loss. Don't worry about any negativity. Just do what you feel is right and whats best for you. Good luck on your weight loss goal0
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seriously. Thanks for the laughs. My post (as well as the others after) set off a chain of reactions. Being blunt is seen as "negative" on these forums, probably the funniest part about being apart of the community. I don't say things to be "mean" maybe I should of not called OP whiney but then again I'm not going to pat her on the back, tell her good job and to keep trucking along, when she clearly puts everyone who isn't like her down. Her last posts clearly shows how whiney she really is and out of nowhere throws out how "successful" she is as that has any relevance to weight loss and fitness haha..sad. Good for you OP.0
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williamwj2014 wrote: »seriously. Thanks for the laughs. My post (as well as the others after) set off a chain of reactions. Being blunt is seen as "negative" on these forums, probably the funniest part about being apart of the community. I don't say things to be "mean" maybe I should of not called OP whiney but then again I'm not going to pat her on the back, tell her good job and to keep trucking along, when she clearly puts everyone who isn't like her down. Her last posts clearly shows how whiney she really is and out of nowhere throws out how "successful" she is as that has any relevance to weight loss and fitness haha..sad. Good for you OP.
Successful in my world is relevant . Modeling requires measurements and weight. Thank you. You take care. Blessings to you0 -
Felt like I just read my life story. We grew up very similiar. I have to cut everything out to lose. Friend me! We can help each other out and get over this hump
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So I have a question.....I read the first post, and I don't think the OP is whiney or anything. However, the OP stated she was on the Biggest Loser.....why not reach out to your fellow Biggest Losers (from however many seasons there are now)? Or your trainer? Or the person who you are engaged (or married, not sure) to that was also on the Biggest Loser? I'm sure some of them are dealing with the same issues you are and might be able to help you more than us "negative *****" (OP posters words, not mine).
Just sayin.....0 -
I haven't been where you are but I can tell you that I did drastically lose weight a few times. More than likely, you wasted away your muscles. For one, you should add a 100 calories a week till your back to eating maintenance and start lifting. You aren't going to keep weight off through cardio alone. Cardio is great but you only should do around 2 - 1 hour sessions a week and about 4 strength training sessions a week.
Your body needs for calories might also not fit the typical equation for calorie needs. But it shouldn't be extremely low either.0 -
So I have a question.....I read the first post, and I don't think the OP is whiney or anything. However, the OP stated she was on the Biggest Loser.....why not reach out to your fellow Biggest Losers (from however many seasons there are now)? Or your trainer? Or the person who you are engaged (or married, not sure) to that was also on the Biggest Loser? I'm sure some of them are dealing with the same issues you are and might be able to help you more than us "negative *****" (OP posters words, not mine).
Just sayin.....
I was curious about this as well. Honestly, I'm surprised it took 2 pages for someone to even mention this part of the OP. I thought it was a key part of her original post. Thanks for asking the questions. Hopefully she will answer.0 -
reachingforarainbow wrote: »I haven't been where you are but I can tell you that I did drastically lose weight a few times. More than likely, you wasted away your muscles. For one, you should add a 100 calories a week till your back to eating maintenance and start lifting. You aren't going to keep weight off through cardio alone. Cardio is great but you only should do around 2 - 1 hour sessions a week and about 4 strength training sessions a week.
Your body needs for calories might also not fit the typical equation for calorie needs. But it shouldn't be extremely low either.
agree 100%!!!!
Thank you. Strength really is where it is at and I think I have been a bad cardio junkie lately! 
so thanks! 0 -
I don't think anyone finds it easy, we all struggle to a degree0
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I think i understand, I'm only 22 but since i was 11 years old I've struggled with weight gain a lot. I kept myself on a strict diet and exercised like crazy as a child, watching my friends eat away and not gaining a pound. The day i ate to much was thw day i allready gained a pound or two..and there was no way down. So i struggle with anorexia for a very long time. Now I'm just trying to eat healthy and exercise an hour or hour and a half a day. Somehow its so hard to find the necessary balance..0
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reachingforarainbow wrote: »I haven't been where you are but I can tell you that I did drastically lose weight a few times. More than likely, you wasted away your muscles. For one, you should add a 100 calories a week till your back to eating maintenance and start lifting. You aren't going to keep weight off through cardio alone. Cardio is great but you only should do around 2 - 1 hour sessions a week and about 4 strength training sessions a week.
Your body needs for calories might also not fit the typical equation for calorie needs. But it shouldn't be extremely low either.
Why just 2 cardio sessions per week? It comes down to Calories in Calories out. Do strength training to help retain muscle mass while you are losing, but you need the calorie deficit to lose. Weights does not equal quick weight loss. What I am trying to say is that if you are doing cardio now and not losing, if you cut out the cardio, you will either have to cut your calories to match, or you could end up in a surplus.
If you're happy with your current weight then you could try a recomposition but that is a slow, slow process.
Anyway, I couldn't find if you mentioned your height, but I can tell you that I maintain at around 1600 calories at 5'7. But that is with extremely accurate logging, and not eating out (where the calories in food are very unpredictable). I also don't drink more than once a month.0
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