Am I scarred for life??? At age 22??
Leana088
Posts: 581 Member
I know I'm not perfect, far from it. I've got a mommy pooch even though I've never had children, I've got bad, weak skin that can only be kept in tact with nothing but clean water. I'm skinnyfat, I don't wear make up, I don't dress up like a woman "should".
Yet, a guy comes to me and tells me I'm beautiful, and he's interested in me.
And everytime he tells me that - I sinfully reply in my head: "Yeah right."
How did it happen that past experiences with men have scarred me so much that I cannot trust someone genuine?
WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
How is it that I act so confident all the time, but when this happens I'm all fragile and scared of everything.
This has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss. Just something I needed to get off my chest. Rant over.
Yet, a guy comes to me and tells me I'm beautiful, and he's interested in me.
And everytime he tells me that - I sinfully reply in my head: "Yeah right."
How did it happen that past experiences with men have scarred me so much that I cannot trust someone genuine?
WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
How is it that I act so confident all the time, but when this happens I'm all fragile and scared of everything.
This has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss. Just something I needed to get off my chest. Rant over.
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Replies
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I think it depends why you are 'scarred'. Have you spoken to a therapist about these feelings?0
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I have to say this has nothing to do with a weight loss question, etc...
Why did you post "Am I scarred for life at age 22?" Not to sugar coat and maybe some tough love, but why dump your drama on a Fitness and Weightloss website about your love life?
You want advice or comments from strangers in cyber space? Why?
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No I haven't.
I haven't had much experiences with men, but the ones I did have were kind of like this:
"You're so beautiful, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. "
Next day:
"Oh yeah - about that , I was just joking."
I don't have confidence around men who want to be more than friends. Along with the above, I'm just very self-concious around them. Like I'm not pretty enough, they'll probably leave me at the first sight of me on the honeymoon or something.
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I have to say this has nothing to do with a weight loss question, etc...
Why did you post "Am I scarred for life at age 22?" Not to sugar coat and maybe some tough love, but why dump your drama on a Fitness and Weightloss website about your love life?
You want advice or comments from strangers in cyber space? Why?
Most of my insecurities have to do with the way I look.
Other than that, I have no other answer except, because I don't have a life outside the internet. Haha 0 -
Guess what...that feeling isn't going away. I had it at 16, 22 and still have it at almost 31. Wanna know a universal secret? Lots of us have that same feeling. If you're like me, chances are you're not really going to get over it. Learn to ignore that little voice and, to quote Henry Rollins, scream, dance, and burn all the temples while you can. Live it up, get hurt some more, break a few hearts of your own along the way, and realize that pain is how you know you're alive and that your fears teach you what's really important to you. Trust me, it's more fun that way.0
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I have to say this has nothing to do with a weight loss question, etc...
Why did you post "Am I scarred for life at age 22?" Not to sugar coat and maybe some tough love, but why dump your drama on a Fitness and Weightloss website about your love life?
You want advice or comments from strangers in cyber space? Why?
Most of my insecurities have to do with the way I look.
Other than that, I have no other answer except, because I don't have a life outside the internet. Haha
Maybe work on that, and it'll help the rest.0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »I have to say this has nothing to do with a weight loss question, etc...
Why did you post "Am I scarred for life at age 22?" Not to sugar coat and maybe some tough love, but why dump your drama on a Fitness and Weightloss website about your love life?
You want advice or comments from strangers in cyber space? Why?
Most of my insecurities have to do with the way I look.
Other than that, I have no other answer except, because I don't have a life outside the internet. Haha
Maybe work on that, and it'll help the rest.
I am - and now I'm scared of it. 0 -
Work on getting a life outside the internet and like @travisstocktoad said, it should help the rest...
Oh my, my, my, my...0 -
I know I'm not perfect, far from it. I've got a mommy pooch even though I've never had children, I've got bad, weak skin that can only be kept in tact with nothing but clean water. I'm skinnyfat, I don't wear make up, I don't dress up like a woman "should".
Yet, a guy comes to me and tells me I'm beautiful, and he's interested in me.
And everytime he tells me that - I sinfully reply in my head: "Yeah right."
How did it happen that past experiences with men have scarred me so much that I cannot trust someone genuine?
WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
How is it that I act so confident all the time, but when this happens I'm all fragile and scared of everything.
This has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss. Just something I needed to get off my chest. Rant over.
Read about attachment theory. Might help you understand or even help get past.0 -
Yet, a guy comes to me and tells me I'm beautiful, and he's interested in me.
And everytime he tells me that - I sinfully reply in my head: "Yeah right."
It is a shame that you're immediately thinking that but next time it happens, stop yourself and immediately smile and say "thank you". Do it for any compliments you get. We often have trouble accepting compliments so in a way you're not alone.0 -
I get it, I'm exactly the same. So please, let me give my former self some advice via you..
recognise that your insides and your outsides don't match, and do whatever you need to to make yourself feel better so that you do not get to almost 31 still feeling the same way, and wondering at exactly what you've missed out on.
because I've got to tell you, as awful as it feels now, 10 extra years compounding those feelings and wishing you'd spoken up for help sooner feels a heck of a lot worse.0 -
darrensurrey wrote: »Yet, a guy comes to me and tells me I'm beautiful, and he's interested in me.
And everytime he tells me that - I sinfully reply in my head: "Yeah right."
It is a shame that you're immediately thinking that but next time it happens, stop yourself and immediately smile and say "thank you". Do it for any compliments you get. We often have trouble accepting compliments so in a way you're not alone.
I do say thank you to him.
It's just kind of hard to grasp why he would be interested in ME. Of all people.0 -
I think you need to get into the habit of recognising your own value.
Could you get in the habit each day of thinking of one thing you like about yourself and one thing you did well. Some times it might feel a little daft ('I have a pretty smile', 'I helped a colleague save 4 hours by sharing some knowledge I have') but over time you'll build up a good understanding of all the things that make you brilliant and valuable and desirable to other people.
I did a similar exercise with gratitude where each day I think of three things I'm grateful for - I found it a really useful exercise - I can't help thinking it might help in your situation too.
Good luck!0 -
I hate to sound like a grandpa here because I'm not old enough yet but really the problem is all in your head. You're seeking assurances through others which is the wrong way to go about it.
Get the heck off the internet and go explore outside. Online has ruined the youth. No one goes outside. Everyone's worried about some BS that a random person you'll never meet typed about you. Ohh but I have 500 friends that I'll never meet. Who fkn cares. Not one of those people will pick you up if you're too drunk or loan you 100bucks to pay your rent. They're imaginary friends.
Most guys are dogs. We are. Yes there's some good ones out there but get over the fairytale of your knight in shining armor coming to rescue you because it isn't going to happen.
Getting used is a two way street. Who's to say you don't start dating someone and leave him for someone else. You might laugh saying no way but you never know.
You're going to get hurt. You're going to feel disappointment and each time you will be stronger and better. Go out there. Go start a conversation with a stranger. Try to pickup on a guy. Get shot down. Go do it again. Rinse wash repeat.
9 out of 10 might shoot you down but its the 1 that doesn't that matters.
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she already has a man so she doesn't need to go be rejected..... anywho our value is not skin deep. be thankful someone sees u for the amazing person u are. we all have times we feel lousy about ourselves. if yours is all the time i would speak with someone. u need some girlfriends to give u a makeover and make u feel amazing. im a hairstylist and makeup fiend. u have great cheekbones and a nice smile. play up what u like about yourself and dont focus on the negative.0
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No I haven't.
I haven't had much experiences with men, but the ones I did have were kind of like this:
"You're so beautiful, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. "
Next day:
"Oh yeah - about that , I was just joking."
I don't have confidence around men who want to be more than friends. Along with the above, I'm just very self-concious around them. Like I'm not pretty enough, they'll probably leave me at the first sight of me on the honeymoon or something.
I was very overweight in high school and girls would do that kind of thing to me all the time but a lot worse. I know its not something you can just get over so easy. If your anything like me, you wont be scarred for life but everything is going to be so much harder.
Some people seem to have it so easy everything just falls in to place for them...well that is not going to be you. You're going to have to work way harder then anyone else for the stuff that's going to make you happy. Don't think of it as a bad thing. What other people don't understand is when something is harder for you, you are going to enjoy the results way more then anyone it comes easy to.0 -
darrensurrey wrote: »Yet, a guy comes to me and tells me I'm beautiful, and he's interested in me.
And everytime he tells me that - I sinfully reply in my head: "Yeah right."
It is a shame that you're immediately thinking that but next time it happens, stop yourself and immediately smile and say "thank you". Do it for any compliments you get. We often have trouble accepting compliments so in a way you're not alone.
I do say thank you to him.
It's just kind of hard to grasp why he would be interested in ME. Of all people.
For heaven's sake girl. Last week, I found out someone was interested in ME and I'm 48 and fat. And if he asks me out for coffee, I'M GOING, even if I break the chair I sit down in at the coffee shop.
Come on.
As long as he isn't on parole or wearing a wedding ring or sporting tattoos on his face, go ahead and let him buy you a tea at Starbucks.
Talk about the weather, talk about Kim Kardashian's bleached blond hair, talk about the ongoing strife in the middle east or the rebounding real estate market. Don't worry about if you're beautiful or what anyone says about beauty. Beauty Schmooty. Sheesh! Go flirt and be adorable and have yourself some fun (while keeping all your clothes on of course!)
Hahaha! Yeah, he's none of those things. He does smoke 1 weed cigarette at night though. But that is for a condition he has, that cannot be treated otherwise, because he's allergic to the ingredients in the actual medicine for it.
That's probably one of the things I won't tell my family about him...
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If you only need to be beautiful for someone to want a relationship with you, you should decline the offer. They could be just as fulfilled with the cover of a Cosmo magazine and you can avoid wasting your time.0
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MaggieMuggle wrote: »If you only need to be beautiful for someone to want a relationship with you, you should decline the offer. They could be just as fulfilled with the cover of a Cosmo magazine and you can avoid wasting your time.
I agree. I think I just have trust issues.0 -
No I haven't.
I haven't had much experiences with men, but the ones I did have were kind of like this:
"You're so beautiful, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. "
Next day:
"Oh yeah - about that , I was just joking."
I don't have confidence around men who want to be more than friends. Along with the above, I'm just very self-concious around them. Like I'm not pretty enough, they'll probably leave me at the first sight of me on the honeymoon or something.
Which is exactly how dating is for 50% of people in their teens and early 20s. Regardless of how they feel. Nothing wrong with you, it is just how it is. Have you thought about not thinking about a serious relationship and just focusing on fun? Like "force" yourself to get into activities and hobbies around other people, go on casual dates without expecting anything other than some flirting and a few drinks. It might feel unnatural at first and like you are faking it, but it will help your self-esteem.0 -
I have to say this has nothing to do with a weight loss question, etc...
Why did you post "Am I scarred for life at age 22?" Not to sugar coat and maybe some tough love, but why dump your drama on a Fitness and Weightloss website about your love life?
You want advice or comments from strangers in cyber space? Why?
Most of my insecurities have to do with the way I look.
Other than that, I have no other answer except, because I don't have a life outside the internet. Haha
Don't worry, Doll, you've simply stumbled across the "don't share your life on the Internet" police. You're fine
I hate that you've been hurt by some jerks in the past. It seems your admirer isn't swayed by makeup or whatever. That could be a good thing! I've had this before sometime in my early twenties where I was just being kind of a mall rat looking somewhat raggedy and got approached by a well dressed gentleman. And I'm thinking like what the heck's wrong with him?? But now I think about it, you're out and about, exuding life. Why wouldn't nice people be drawn to you!
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If you don't see your worth, you'll always choose people who don't see it either. When your self esteem rises, your life follows
So, basically, learn to love yourself first. Not everyone in this world is an a**0 -
I used to feel like this all the time and sometimes I still feel like no one will ever really like me or I'll end up alone or I'm not worth anything. But then I tell myself that it doesn't matter if a guy (or girl) does or doesnt like me at the moment because I can do awesome things that go past how I look.
Maybe try finding activities that make you feel acomplished. Like for me my job makes me feel accomplished, so does ballet, yoga, painting, running, petting my dog, and hanging out with my best friend. Sometimes when I'm really anxious even just the fact that I left my town and drove around makes me feel like I can do anything.
Also try to find a feature you like about yourself physically and focus on that feature until you like more and more of yourself. That's how I recovered from my eating disorder. Every time I looked in the mirror I focused on my eyes and my eyebrows cause that's all I liked about myself and now (a year and a half later) I've found a lot more things I like about myself.
It's not easy. There's always good times and bad times but you have to positive self talk as much as possible.0 -
i'm the person who dumps guys for other guys. I make them fall in love with me and betray them terribly. But that's life and i am only 23 so it's fine for now.
My point is, if you let them play with you, they will. If you don't, they won't! Don't be clingy, pretend you don't care even if you do. It has nothing to do with looks, i think you feel like you're not pretty enough. Ask anyone, confidence>looks. Be confident girl, love yourself, you're never gonna be younger than now, take care of yourself. xx0
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