Social events-how to deal with them

Be mindful of what you eat, but otherwise enjoy it. As for logging, look for comparable entries and guesstimate.

I'm curious though to this:

Tatarataa wrote: »

I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)

Your family specifically does not want YOU to lose weight or maintain? Why would they not want you to at least maintain? Are you underweight?

And unless they are physically forcing food down your throat, they are not "sabotaging" you.

Exercise harder that day to earn more calories and log the meal to the best of your ability. If I'm asked to bring something, it's almost always a salad or a vegetable side dish so at least I'll know there's something on the table that is healthy and can be logged accurately. Portion control the rest. But most importantly, try to have fun. I've stressed over this kind of thing for years and it's really not worth it.

It depends a bit on the event. I usually try to get an idea of what food there is going to be, ahead of time. If I can, I take a big salad or veggie dish with me. Most parties I go to end up with salad or veggies and my experience hosting is that making them gets put off until the last minute and then it's "oh crap, I still have to cut up the stuff for the veggie tray." So offering to take it myself is both self-serving (I know it'll have the veggies I like) and helpful for the host.

I may or may not save extra calories for an event. I'm going to a birthday party this weekend. I probably will not have cake at it because it's going to be gluten free cake and I'd rather use my calories on something else. But if I was going somewhere with something really tasty, I'd plan on using extra calories.

I've never encountered an individual who was truly out to make me gain weight, which is what is implied by your last paragraph. If I did, I'd just walk away from him/her. I'm not the most social person in real life and tend to ghost as soon as possible so making myself scarce is a pleasure, particularly when I find others tedious.

I married into a large Italian family and social events are a nightmare! Especially when it comes to desserts. Even if we have a gathering of no more than a dozen people we end up with at least three or four cakes and two plates of cookies bought from a bakery. I try to limit myself to a small slice of the cake that appeals to me the most and one or two cookies. Forget letting one of them cut a slice. No matter how many times you ask for a small slice you end up getting a slab! The times I don't get to cut my own piece I end up sharing it with my wife.

I don't think it's that their sabotaging you so much as since they are not watching their weight they're just giving you what they think is a "normal" portion.

I have a Jewish mother. I have learned to refuse excess food.

If I can do it, anyone can.

I find that "saving" calories to "spend" on special events removes some of the stress of eating food that can't be as accurately logged, or I'll schedule a heavier workout for that morning. I also try to choose familiar foods that aren't heavily prepared if possible, and if I'm very concerned about the options that will be there, I might "pre-game" by filling up a bit on some fresh veggies or fruit. Bringing a dish you'll feel confident eating is another great idea that you brought up - when we have celebrations at work that are usually filled with cookies, donuts, bagels, and homemade dishes, I like to bring fruit or veggies so I can have something without worrying. I don't usually eat during work hours because I prefer eating a couple bigger meals later in the day. I tire of explaining my Intermittent Fasting to people who say I'll gain weight by not having breakfast first thing and eating after 8 (which I've been doing for more than a year and am down 89 lbs), so I usually avoid it coming up in the first place.

Restaurant-wise, I always check menus ahead of time and try to be aware of foods that tend to be more calorific than you'd expect. Over time I've found I feel much less of a compulsion to eat at social events just because it's there. This has made a big difference on its own.

I'm really sorry you have people who are sabotaging your loss. I'm lucky not to for now, but I imagine many people do these things without actively thinking about it. From what I've experienced, there's two big reasons for it - insecurity, and genuine concern. Many people fear that as you lose weight you will lose touch with them or judge them, or that you're going about it in a way that will leave you unhappy or unhealthy. People also have very warped ideas about what a healthy weight looks like, and sadly people of healthy build are often described as too skinny or unhealthy when in reality our perception is what is skewed. I've just tried to be as transparent about the process as possible by explaining my reasons and methods in easy-to-understand ways. If you haven't already, teaming up with your doctor to set goals and monitor your loss is a great deterrent to people who try to throw you off.

segacs wrote: »

SueInAz wrote: »

Thankfully, my family and friends are respectful of each other's eating habits. That said, I also don't think we should make a huge issue of the fact that we're dieting or eating differently than everyone else during those events. It comes across as overly dramatic, IMHO.

Also, I've found it's really not necessary. A simple "no, thanks" works just fine, or repeating it if the person doesn't accept it the first time. Most people don't know or care what you take on your plate -- they're preoccupied with eating what's on theirs.

Yes, but in families where there have been long-standing boundary issues, this will take a bit of training. A simple "no, thanks" doesn't always work the first time, but people will eventually figure out that you're not going to budge!

PeachyPlum wrote: »

segacs wrote: »

SueInAz wrote: »

Thankfully, my family and friends are respectful of each other's eating habits. That said, I also don't think we should make a huge issue of the fact that we're dieting or eating differently than everyone else during those events. It comes across as overly dramatic, IMHO.

Also, I've found it's really not necessary. A simple "no, thanks" works just fine, or repeating it if the person doesn't accept it the first time. Most people don't know or care what you take on your plate -- they're preoccupied with eating what's on theirs.

Yes, but in families where there have been long-standing boundary issues, this will take a bit of training. A simple "no, thanks" doesn't always work the first time, but people will eventually figure out that you're not going to budge!

When I first started dating my husband and he would come to family events, he would always ask me why my mother was 'pushing food' on him. She wasn't, she just offered stuff and wanted him to feel like part of the group and he wasn't used to that. Food is a big priority at our family events (big Italian family), and he would always be amazed at the spread of desserts. When I went to see his family I finally understood why it made him uncomfortable. It was definitely more of a fend for yourself environment.

BFDeal wrote: »

LOL wouldn't want to not lose those last 6 pounds. Pfft. Gimme a break.