Did I do something wrong?? (Relationship problem)

onlyadrizzle
onlyadrizzle Posts: 60 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm currently in college right now and my friend and I saw some guys from the college basketball team and so we got a picture with them. In the picture I'm standing in front of them so we aren't touching. In my mind I just wanted a picture with these guys because they're over 7 ft tall (how often do you get to see that??) and they're kind of like mini celebrities in our minds. Well I tell my boyfriend, who is deployed, about it and he is furious with me and starts saying he didn't think I was like that and just starts calling me a hoe and a *kitten* over and over again and now is on the verge of wanting to break up after 2.5 years of being together.

Was it really wrong of me to get a picture with the basketball players? I don't think it was wrong and I don't understand why he is reacting the way he is. It's not like I even have my arms wrapped around them. And they aren't even touching me!

What do you guys think? ):
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Replies

  • LovingLifeInCalifornia
    LovingLifeInCalifornia Posts: 9,362 Member
    He's overreacting...and he should definitely not be calling you derogatory names...ever. That alone pisses me off and if some guy did that to me, I'd tell him to f*** off and I'd be out...

    But I don't know your relationship and I don't know the pressure he is under being deployed.

    So, im trying to see the other side. Has he talked to you this way before? Is he always this angry? Is he often jealous?

    If I disregard the disrespectful names he called you and try to look at it from another perspective, I wonder...If he went to a place and there were hot looking cheerleaders and he took a photo with all of them, how would you feel?

    Obviously, it's just a photo...but he's far away and probably missing home...he's probably under stress. And he wants to be with you...he doesn't want to think about you even talking to other guys...

    If you do try to work things out, you need to tell him that he should never talk to you that way again. Ever. Don't accept that. That's not okay.

  • stephaniejsharp
    stephaniejsharp Posts: 1,568 Member
    edited April 2015
    I agree with Cali, no matter how he's feeling it is never okay to use derogatory language toward someone you supposedly care about. I'm sure being deployed and away he is feeling insecure but if you two really had a strong relationship there should be trust. He is overreacting but again, being away is difficult and a million things must be running through his mind. Still, if he's using abusive language towards You it's time you rethink your relationship..
  • fearlessleader104
    fearlessleader104 Posts: 723 Member
    Is his name Donald Sterling?
  • strozman
    strozman Posts: 2,622 Member
    edited April 2015
    I don't want to make excuses for the guy. Could he be under severe stress being deployed and snapped at you? Is it out of character? Is he always jealous? If he is always jealous run away
  • six1908
    six1908 Posts: 99 Member
    Verbal abuse is STILL abuse.. that ain't love... you have done nothing wrong... I would re-evaluate your relationship. I'm a former therapist who worked with domestic assault victims and teens in dating violence.
  • ferniejoy
    ferniejoy Posts: 61 Member
    I have been with an emotional abuser now for 31 years. While I am grateful for his service, what he did to you was abusive. There is no excuse for abuse. I have had a hard time leaving, but I need to for my sanity. It is much easier when you are not married, don't have kids, and don't have decades of history and brainwashing in place. Please don't take a chance. Get out now.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    strozman wrote: »
    I don't want to make excuses for the guy. Could he be under severe stress being deployed and snapped at you? Is it out of character? Is he always jealous? If he is always jealous run away

    Pretty much this. Probably the stress of deployment. If he keeps harping on it he's probably jealous and completely overreacting.

  • stephaniejsharp
    stephaniejsharp Posts: 1,568 Member
    six1908 wrote: »
    Verbal abuse is STILL abuse.. that ain't love... you have done nothing wrong... I would re-evaluate your relationship. I'm a former therapist who worked with domestic assault victims and teens in dating violence.

    Agree. And it typically doesn't get better.
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,535 Member
    edited April 2015
    He has anger, control, jealousy, and low self-esteem issues. Deployment or not, you are not married and owe him NOTHING. If you were my daughter and/or he was my son, I would tell YOU to leave HIM and HIM to leave you alone!

    (eta: & btw, I've talked w/7' pro-ball players here @ my gym, lol. hubs loved it, thot it was great.)
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
    My husband wouldn't have minded that at all.
  • sidsiidhu
    sidsiidhu Posts: 83 Member
    Girl I say pack them bags and tell him "goodbye and so long sucker because I'm going to a place where they'll treat me like a queen". No women deserves to be called degrading names, *kitten* that *kitten*. Unless your a women that cheats or lurks and thirsty most of the time then the degrading name sticls but you've done nothing wrong from what I see here this so called boyfriend of yours needs to be thought a lesson and that is leave his *kitten* so he learns his lesson to respect women.
  • DearestWinter
    DearestWinter Posts: 595 Member
    Don't tolerate verbal abuse. Calling someone names for any reason is completely out of line. Yes, he may have been stressed and feeling jealous but there is no excuse for being abusive.

    As for the picture - in my opinion you did nothing at all wrong.
  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
    onlyadrizzle wrote: »
    I'm currently in college right now and my friend and I saw some guys from the college basketball team and so we got a picture with them. In the picture I'm standing in front of them so we aren't touching. In my mind I just wanted a picture with these guys because they're over 7 ft tall (how often do you get to see that??) and they're kind of like mini celebrities in our minds. Well I tell my boyfriend, who is deployed, about it and he is furious with me and starts saying he didn't think I was like that and just starts calling me a hoe and a *kitten* over and over again and now is on the verge of wanting to break up after 2.5 years of being together.

    Was it really wrong of me to get a picture with the basketball players? I don't think it was wrong and I don't understand why he is reacting the way he is. It's not like I even have my arms wrapped around them. And they aren't even touching me!

    What do you guys think? ):
    Don't hate me when I say this.. but... find out if he's cheating.
  • haleklausen
    haleklausen Posts: 1,857 Member
    Pssh hell no I didn't do anything wrong in my last relationship. I was the victim.
  • kjm3579
    kjm3579 Posts: 3,974 Member
    He has issues - deal with it now & be glad you're not married to him
  • Iscah13
    Iscah13 Posts: 1,954 Member
    kjm3579 wrote: »
    He has issues - deal with it now & be glad you're not married to him

    Amen to that.

  • lookin4gains
    lookin4gains Posts: 1,761 Member
    Deployment is extremely hard. Combat stress, seeing your friends lost, dealing with a long distance relationship. You have to understand that you are not there to comfort him. He see's a picture. Jealousy is the first reaction. Then all of the possibilities that are absolutely absurd start running through his mind. One negative thought to the next until in his mind your sleeping with 3 of them. On top of that while we are deployed there are horror stories of wives draining bank accounts and emptying houses and the soldier comes home to nothing. Or wives showing up at all the bars downtown while their husbands are overseas. Ive been on rear detachment and seen it before, and actually confronted my friends wives after they make out with some random dude. We have our guards up 24 hours a day sweetheart. If you truly love him this is going to happen. That's why being a service members wife/GF is just as hard as the soldiers. It's not right, and you will deal with an emotional rollercoaster. But I'm sure it was said out of anger and not meant. Im sure he loves you. If you're not ready for a commitment like that then part ways. It's not a relationship most women can handle. That's why the divorce rate is so high for service members.
  • Northernlight03
    Northernlight03 Posts: 1,980 Member
    lookin4gains wrote: »
    Deployment is extremely hard. Combat stress, seeing your friends lost, dealing with a long distance relationship. You have to understand that you are not there to comfort him. He see's a picture. Jealousy is the first reaction. Then all of the possibilities that are absolutely absurd start running through his mind. One negative thought to the next until in his mind your sleeping with 3 of them. On top of that while we are deployed there are horror stories of wives draining bank accounts and emptying houses and the soldier comes home to nothing. Or wives showing up at all the bars downtown while their husbands are overseas. Ive been on rear detachment and seen it before, and actually confronted my friends wives after they make out with some random dude. We have our guards up 24 hours a day sweetheart. If you truly love him this is going to happen. That's why being a service members wife/GF is just as hard as the soldiers. It's not right, and you will deal with an emotional rollercoaster. But I'm sure it was said out of anger and not meant. Im sure he loves you. If you're not ready for a commitment like that then part ways. It's not a relationship most women can handle. That's why the divorce rate is so high for service members.

    I totally agree!!
  • haleklausen
    haleklausen Posts: 1,857 Member
    Uh yeah I have issues what's yours point??
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
    lookin4gains wrote: »
    Deployment is extremely hard. Combat stress, seeing your friends lost, dealing with a long distance relationship. You have to understand that you are not there to comfort him. He see's a picture. Jealousy is the first reaction. Then all of the possibilities that are absolutely absurd start running through his mind. One negative thought to the next until in his mind your sleeping with 3 of them. On top of that while we are deployed there are horror stories of wives draining bank accounts and emptying houses and the soldier comes home to nothing. Or wives showing up at all the bars downtown while their husbands are overseas. Ive been on rear detachment and seen it before, and actually confronted my friends wives after they make out with some random dude. We have our guards up 24 hours a day sweetheart. If you truly love him this is going to happen. That's why being a service members wife/GF is just as hard as the soldiers. It's not right, and you will deal with an emotional rollercoaster. But I'm sure it was said out of anger and not meant. Im sure he loves you. If you're not ready for a commitment like that then part ways. It's not a relationship most women can handle. That's why the divorce rate is so high for service members.

    I get that it's a hard situation, but that's not an excuse to treat the spouse back home like crap. Deployment still isn't an excuse to make your spouse an emotional punching bag. It's not a case of not being able to handle the commitment, it's a case of being willing to subvert yourself or not.

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