45 yr Man - Fat because I am depressed? or depressed cause I am fat?

The answer is Yes. Fortunately, losing weight can help with both. Unlike most of the things that i expect you are miserable about, losing weight is entirely in your control. Gifting yourself an accomplishment is pleasurable. Having clothes that fit is pleasurable. It won't make all of your other problems go away, but it's a lot of bang for your buck.

it's the small things in life that lift your spirit - usually a walk in Nature is great for your mind. But I have a very close relative and it's like talking to a wall ... so my advice to you - get professional help !

It could be either... And sometimes it's a vicious cycle.

Sadly, losing weight doesn't magically make your issues go away. You often hear people say "I'll be happy when I weigh Xkg", or "if I'm a size X I'll be happy". Sorry... Not true. I would try and work on both perspectives, work out what is making you unhappy and make steps to change that!

Losing weight may give you more energy, give you more confidence etc which will help you feel better about life but there's likely other issues you need to work on.

You can do it!

Relationships will happen when you're happy with yourself - you need to be selfish and make time to learn and discover how to be happy with you right now. Know it's possible to change, but appreciate your life for what it is at this moment.

kjablinskey wrote: »

I can relate, I'm 44 and a guy too. Rough time for us. Navigating through treacherous seas at this time in our lives, careers, relationships, our bodies. the effects of time and neglect on all these things I think often reached critical mass about this time.

Like others have said, losing weight by itself won't cure any one problem. They are all interconnected and untangling them will take work in several areas.

But I can also tell you that getting fit will definitely help, and it's the first (and frankly easiest) thing you can fix. Get obsessive/compulsive about honestly logging your calories with this app, use excercise as a coping mechanism when those other problems make you feel overwhelmed, and start seeing a counselor/therapist.

It won't happen overnight, but it WILL get better, I promise you. Oh, and use the forums here like you already have. There's good people here who will help you.

I agree.....

My husband is 42 years old and we have a crazy busy life. We both needed to lose weight and do more for ourselves. I noticed he was getting into a funk and depressed about where he was in his life.
So I got us started on our health kick journey. And it's been 7 months in. We are both happier and lighter.
Life is still insane but we make sure that we both have time to exercise. We both plan on preparing our meals. We try to have time for ourselves and together. It has been a joint effort. We r much happier!!
Do you have support around you??

RBrigzy wrote: »

lavrn03 wrote: »

kjablinskey wrote: »

I can relate, I'm 44 and a guy too. Rough time for us. Navigating through treacherous seas at this time in our lives, careers, relationships, our bodies. the effects of time and neglect on all these things I think often reached critical mass about this time.

Like others have said, losing weight by itself won't cure any one problem. They are all interconnected and untangling them will take work in several areas.

But I can also tell you that getting fit will definitely help, and it's the first (and frankly easiest) thing you can fix. Get obsessive/compulsive about honestly logging your calories with this app, use excercise as a coping mechanism when those other problems make you feel overwhelmed, and start seeing a counselor/therapist.

It won't happen overnight, but it WILL get better, I promise you. Oh, and use the forums here like you already have. There's good people here who will help you.

I agree.....

My husband is 42 years old and we have a crazy busy life. We both needed to lose weight and do more for ourselves. I noticed he was getting into a funk and depressed about where he was in his life.
So I got us started on our health kick journey. And it's been 7 months in. We are both happier and lighter.
Life is still insane but we make sure that we both have time to exercise. We both plan on preparing our meals. We try to have time for ourselves and together. It has been a joint effort. We r much happier!!
Do you have support around you??

Thats good - your husband is lucky to have such a motivating partner - and vice versa.
I have a teenage son at home, not wishing to burden him, maybe I will get out there and join some walking groups or something like that.

Great idea ! Get out there and walk !

All fat people are not depressed. Therefore, you are a depressed person, who happens to also be fat.

I hate it when people automatically assume that a fat person must have a mental health problem.

That being said, if you need professional mental health treatment for depression, you should seek that out, and perhaps have an evaluation for psychotropic medication.

Improving your diet and walking more can improve your mood.

You sound like you're starting down the right road mentally. The one thing I heard though that might be a bit of a stumble was that you don't want to burden your teenage son with your problems. I think that is a normal response for a guy, trying to be the stoic protector.

But kids are tougher than we generally give them credit for and if he's living in your house he undoubtedly already know more about your issues than YOU think he does. How you respond and deal with your problems are going to be s model for him in his own life, would you want him to keep his issues from you or would you rather he talk to you about them and let you help him through them?

It swings both ways.

Okay here is my 2cents... I got divorced going on the 5 year mark... The first 2 years were horrible!! I was depressed and laying around all the time. One day I looked at my 5 years old son and said to myself "I can't continue to have my son seeing me this way" I got my *kitten* off the frickin couch and worked so hard at finding that person I once was. I dropped 30lbs using this site, felt a ton better and not to mention felt good my ex was noticing too (for pure selfish reasons I swear) Anyway It will not help you with all your issues but it will improve a majority of them.

I have let myself slack over this past year and can honestly feel the lack of energy and feel tired ALL the time. So starting yesterday I got back on that horse! It is truly amazing what a good workout can do for yourself. I sweat damn good for 45 mins last night even though it was a struggle to get moving afterwards I had so much energy just after that 1 workout!

Get your son involved too!!! It shouldn't be a burden to him but teaching him about a healthy lifestyle. My son saw me exercising again last night and he said "can I be your personal trainer mom" I was so excited he wanted to help me and be involved. I also have another person to be accountable to, and to show what a healthy active lifestyle is!! Get outside and be active with your kids, exercise can be fun for the whole family! Of course in the beginning it will be hard and a struggle to get up and out. You will be out of breath, your body will hurt and you will want to sit down and quite but DON'T those feelings are feelings of your body changing. Soon it will adapt and you will need to push harder and when that time comes embrace it, embrace the changes and hard work you put in!

Take this time to focus on YOU, do things for YOU not anyone else. Once you are truly happy with yourself you will then find that person. I didn't date for 3 years, yes it's lonely and sad at times but I am so happy I waited. I found myself and know what I now want and need in a relationship and won't settle for anything less and you shouldn't either.

Good luck to you, it is a long road but coming from experience SOOOOO Worth every step!!

One thing I notice when I deal with clients going through depression is they lack a passion and a goal. When going through the day to day doldrums of every day life for a long time, while watching your relationship fade (not because you want it to), it's easy to ask yourself "this is all there is?" So I actually got more involved doing things I truly enjoyed, like going to Comic Con, hitting more amusement parks, and going on cruises.
I'm considering taking up BJJ again, just because it's an internally competitive MA and also because I really enjoyed it so much due to the strategy (having to think 2-4 moves ahead like chess). The only issue for me is time (not that I can't do it, but the availability of when gyms are open that don't conflict with my work schedule). I'm sure when my DD is a little older, I'll have much more time.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

My only advice is to set modest goals. It may seem like a lack of ambition now, but trust me when I say it was the best thing I ever did. Don't walk for two hours. Walk for 30 mins instead for three to four times a week. If you walk for two hours it will rain, you'll be bored, your ankle will give you trouble, your iPhone will run out of battery etc...in short you'll make it easy to find an excuse not to do it again. Remember that you can do it. There's a million platitudes out there and you might dismiss them all, but deep down you know you can do it. Not sure what you work at, but I'm sure you've heard the term SMART objectives. Specific, Measureable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely.
Reward yourself and your kids. If there's a fun park or zip wire park near you, go and do it. You don't need to be particularly fit to do it. Or even watch X-Factor if that's your thing.

Take anti-depressant and enjoy back your life.

[
Also, tomnev1 is right about setting modest goals. Set them low enough to achieve success, if you exceed them it's all the more inspiration for you to continue. At least it was for me. Setting my weight loss at .5 lbs per week and losing MORE than that was great motivation.
[/quote]
A friend once told me, keep your expectations low and you'll never be disappointed