45 yr Man - Fat because I am depressed? or depressed cause I am fat?
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RBrigzy
Posts: 152 Member
45 year old man - classic time of life to be depressed - apparently.
But am I depressed cause I am over weight and can't loose it? - or am I eating just because I am depressed?
I have stopped smoking - but that is making me even more freakin miserable.
But am I depressed cause I am over weight and can't loose it? - or am I eating just because I am depressed?
I have stopped smoking - but that is making me even more freakin miserable.
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Replies
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I asked myself the same question about 8 years ago - am I fat because I am unhappy or unhappy because I am fat. The only way to know it to lose the weight. You CAN lose it but it takes effort. Weigh and track your food on MFP and get on with it. The end result will not necessarily cure your depression but I guarantee you will feel better and more capable of tackling whatever issues remain.
As far as me....I lost the 50 lbs - maintained the loss to this day - and found I was fat because I was unhappy....but needed to throw in a divorce to put a bow on the whole thing.
Good luck, take care and don't give up!
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The answer is Yes. Fortunately, losing weight can help with both. Unlike most of the things that i expect you are miserable about, losing weight is entirely in your control. Gifting yourself an accomplishment is pleasurable. Having clothes that fit is pleasurable. It won't make all of your other problems go away, but it's a lot of bang for your buck.0
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My apologies for being terse, but it doesn't matter which fuels which, all that matters is what you wish for your state of mind to be. I mean really think about it, how do you want to feel? One small change, even if it seems insignificant can snow ball. That can be true for negative and positive. Make one tiny positive step toward what you really want.
Good luck!0 -
it's the small things in life that lift your spirit - usually a walk in Nature is great for your mind. But I have a very close relative and it's like talking to a wall ... so my advice to you - get professional help !0
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I can relate, I'm 44 and a guy too. Rough time for us. Navigating through treacherous seas at this time in our lives, careers, relationships, our bodies. the effects of time and neglect on all these things I think often reached critical mass about this time.
Like others have said, losing weight by itself won't cure any one problem. They are all interconnected and untangling them will take work in several areas.
But I can also tell you that getting fit will definitely help, and it's the first (and frankly easiest) thing you can fix. Get obsessive/compulsive about honestly logging your calories with this app, use excercise as a coping mechanism when those other problems make you feel overwhelmed, and start seeing a counselor/therapist.
It won't happen overnight, but it WILL get better, I promise you. Oh, and use the forums here like you already have. There's good people here who will help you.0 -
It could be either... And sometimes it's a vicious cycle.
Sadly, losing weight doesn't magically make your issues go away. You often hear people say "I'll be happy when I weigh Xkg", or "if I'm a size X I'll be happy". Sorry... Not true. I would try and work on both perspectives, work out what is making you unhappy and make steps to change that!
Losing weight may give you more energy, give you more confidence etc which will help you feel better about life but there's likely other issues you need to work on.
You can do it!0 -
Thank you all for taking the time to write and to share what look to be wise words.
It probably is just one of a bunch of things - relationship not working out being the biggest one.
Well - big sigh, count my blessings (simple maths - thats 3 children) and see if I can make a difference.
I suppose in my head, loosing a stone or more might lead to a relationship - then again maybe happiness lies it not bothering to find anyone any more! - who knows!
Anyway I am off for a long walk now.
Thank again
Richard0 -
Relationships will happen when you're happy with yourself - you need to be selfish and make time to learn and discover how to be happy with you right now. Know it's possible to change, but appreciate your life for what it is at this moment.0
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Making a conscious effort to change and be healthy for yourself is important. Having a positive frame of mind is a great thing and can lead you to do things you thought you never could.Thank you all for taking the time to write and to share what look to be wise words.
It probably is just one of a bunch of things - relationship not working out being the biggest one.
Well - big sigh, count my blessings (simple maths - thats 3 children) and see if I can make a difference.
I suppose in my head, loosing a stone or more might lead to a relationship - then again maybe happiness lies it not bothering to find anyone any more! - who knows!
Anyway I am off for a long walk now.
Thank again
Richard
Also, I'd definitely talk to someone if you're still feeling this way for a bit longer.0 -
kjablinskey wrote: »I can relate, I'm 44 and a guy too. Rough time for us. Navigating through treacherous seas at this time in our lives, careers, relationships, our bodies. the effects of time and neglect on all these things I think often reached critical mass about this time.
Like others have said, losing weight by itself won't cure any one problem. They are all interconnected and untangling them will take work in several areas.
But I can also tell you that getting fit will definitely help, and it's the first (and frankly easiest) thing you can fix. Get obsessive/compulsive about honestly logging your calories with this app, use excercise as a coping mechanism when those other problems make you feel overwhelmed, and start seeing a counselor/therapist.
It won't happen overnight, but it WILL get better, I promise you. Oh, and use the forums here like you already have. There's good people here who will help you.
I agree.....
My husband is 42 years old and we have a crazy busy life. We both needed to lose weight and do more for ourselves. I noticed he was getting into a funk and depressed about where he was in his life.
So I got us started on our health kick journey. And it's been 7 months in. We are both happier and lighter.
Life is still insane but we make sure that we both have time to exercise. We both plan on preparing our meals. We try to have time for ourselves and together. It has been a joint effort. We r much happier!!
Do you have support around you??0 -
kjablinskey wrote: »I can relate, I'm 44 and a guy too. Rough time for us. Navigating through treacherous seas at this time in our lives, careers, relationships, our bodies. the effects of time and neglect on all these things I think often reached critical mass about this time.
Like others have said, losing weight by itself won't cure any one problem. They are all interconnected and untangling them will take work in several areas.
But I can also tell you that getting fit will definitely help, and it's the first (and frankly easiest) thing you can fix. Get obsessive/compulsive about honestly logging your calories with this app, use excercise as a coping mechanism when those other problems make you feel overwhelmed, and start seeing a counselor/therapist.
It won't happen overnight, but it WILL get better, I promise you. Oh, and use the forums here like you already have. There's good people here who will help you.
I agree.....
My husband is 42 years old and we have a crazy busy life. We both needed to lose weight and do more for ourselves. I noticed he was getting into a funk and depressed about where he was in his life.
So I got us started on our health kick journey. And it's been 7 months in. We are both happier and lighter.
Life is still insane but we make sure that we both have time to exercise. We both plan on preparing our meals. We try to have time for ourselves and together. It has been a joint effort. We r much happier!!
Do you have support around you??
Thats good - your husband is lucky to have such a motivating partner - and vice versa.
I have a teenage son at home, not wishing to burden him, maybe I will get out there and join some walking groups or something like that.
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kjablinskey wrote: »I can relate, I'm 44 and a guy too. Rough time for us. Navigating through treacherous seas at this time in our lives, careers, relationships, our bodies. the effects of time and neglect on all these things I think often reached critical mass about this time.
Like others have said, losing weight by itself won't cure any one problem. They are all interconnected and untangling them will take work in several areas.
But I can also tell you that getting fit will definitely help, and it's the first (and frankly easiest) thing you can fix. Get obsessive/compulsive about honestly logging your calories with this app, use excercise as a coping mechanism when those other problems make you feel overwhelmed, and start seeing a counselor/therapist.
It won't happen overnight, but it WILL get better, I promise you. Oh, and use the forums here like you already have. There's good people here who will help you.
I agree.....
My husband is 42 years old and we have a crazy busy life. We both needed to lose weight and do more for ourselves. I noticed he was getting into a funk and depressed about where he was in his life.
So I got us started on our health kick journey. And it's been 7 months in. We are both happier and lighter.
Life is still insane but we make sure that we both have time to exercise. We both plan on preparing our meals. We try to have time for ourselves and together. It has been a joint effort. We r much happier!!
Do you have support around you??
Thats good - your husband is lucky to have such a motivating partner - and vice versa.
I have a teenage son at home, not wishing to burden him, maybe I will get out there and join some walking groups or something like that.
Great idea ! Get out there and walk !
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All fat people are not depressed. Therefore, you are a depressed person, who happens to also be fat.
I hate it when people automatically assume that a fat person must have a mental health problem.
That being said, if you need professional mental health treatment for depression, you should seek that out, and perhaps have an evaluation for psychotropic medication.
Improving your diet and walking more can improve your mood.0 -
Losing weight in the past has not solved my problems or made me 'happy'. But I will say that when I am taking care of myself ( not starving, or bingeing) and I am staying active, I do feel better and that carries into other aspects of my life---marriage, children, friends etc. But losing the weight doesn't mean that the work is over and that all of a sudden everything is perfect. For me, it is a coping skill for life and all the *kitten* it throws at you!
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You sound like you're starting down the right road mentally. The one thing I heard though that might be a bit of a stumble was that you don't want to burden your teenage son with your problems. I think that is a normal response for a guy, trying to be the stoic protector.
But kids are tougher than we generally give them credit for and if he's living in your house he undoubtedly already know more about your issues than YOU think he does. How you respond and deal with your problems are going to be s model for him in his own life, would you want him to keep his issues from you or would you rather he talk to you about them and let you help him through them?
It swings both ways.0 -
I'm 47, very overweight, but not depressed. I am, however, tired, frustrated, and resistant to going out and doing things because my size makes it difficult. It resembles the same behaviors of someone who is clinically depressed, but doesn't involve the same brain chemicals necessarily. Losing weight, for me, will make all those things better. For someone clinically depressed, it may help, it may not. There's a line from the movie "Total Recall" talking about the problems with traditional vacations - "No matter where you go, there you are." The same thing applies to our weight and and our health. One could lose a couple hundred pounds, but if you're not happy with who you are as a person, you'll just be an unhappy skinnier person. Changes without have to go hand-in-hand with changes within. If you haven't spoken to a mental health professional, I'd do so first. Know up front what you're dealing with. Odds are it's not depression, but a "mid-life crisis" mindset that most of us have mid-40s.0
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Okay here is my 2cents... I got divorced going on the 5 year mark... The first 2 years were horrible!! I was depressed and laying around all the time. One day I looked at my 5 years old son and said to myself "I can't continue to have my son seeing me this way" I got my *kitten* off the frickin couch and worked so hard at finding that person I once was. I dropped 30lbs using this site, felt a ton better and not to mention felt good my ex was noticing too (for pure selfish reasons I swear)
Anyway It will not help you with all your issues but it will improve a majority of them.
I have let myself slack over this past year and can honestly feel the lack of energy and feel tired ALL the time. So starting yesterday I got back on that horse! It is truly amazing what a good workout can do for yourself. I sweat damn good for 45 mins last night even though it was a struggle to get moving afterwards I had so much energy just after that 1 workout!
Get your son involved too!!! It shouldn't be a burden to him but teaching him about a healthy lifestyle. My son saw me exercising again last night and he said "can I be your personal trainer mom" I was so excited he wanted to help me and be involved. I also have another person to be accountable to, and to show what a healthy active lifestyle is!! Get outside and be active with your kids, exercise can be fun for the whole family! Of course in the beginning it will be hard and a struggle to get up and out. You will be out of breath, your body will hurt and you will want to sit down and quite but DON'T those feelings are feelings of your body changing. Soon it will adapt and you will need to push harder and when that time comes embrace it, embrace the changes and hard work you put in!
Take this time to focus on YOU, do things for YOU not anyone else. Once you are truly happy with yourself you will then find that person. I didn't date for 3 years, yes it's lonely and sad at times but I am so happy I waited. I found myself and know what I now want and need in a relationship and won't settle for anything less and you shouldn't either.
Good luck to you, it is a long road but coming from experience SOOOOO Worth every step!!0 -
sheldonklein wrote: »The answer is Yes. Fortunately, losing weight can help with both. Unlike most of the things that i expect you are miserable about, losing weight is entirely in your control. Gifting yourself an accomplishment is pleasurable. Having clothes that fit is pleasurable. It won't make all of your other problems go away, but it's a lot of bang for your buck.
I understand what you some of you are saying - talk to a professional - but the last time I did that - some 10 years ago he put me on some god awful medication called "Serocat" which caused horrendous side effects - so I have to self medicate my way out out of this.
I like the quote above - probably because it is saying what I want to hear, and it is what I want to believe. So for now I will go with it - and who knows where it will take me - that is if I do actually manage to loose any weight.
Actually just reading about your thoughts and ideas on here has helped me a great deal - so I want to say thanks to you all.
My teenage son - well I don't want to burden him cause he too has suffered with his own depression - his mum passed away about 6 years ago.
I am just gonna walk and walk - at least two hours a day - and see what happens.0 -
What a fabulously inspiring post - thank you millions.missyj1115 wrote: »Get your son involved too!!!
Thats a excellent idea too - he needs a kick up the *kitten* as well - I will see if I can get him down to the local gym.
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