Family tension when tracking macros and eating a simple diet?
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slondro
Posts: 45 Member
Is anyone else married (perhaps with kids), with a partner who doesn't have much time to cook and is exasperated that the same foods keep appearing on the table?
Originally I was mostly focused on weight loss, but I've begun weight training, and I'm really enjoying it. I'm making good progress and feeling healthier than ever. I'm right around my goal weight, so now it's more about making minor changes and getting stronger.
Of course, along with that, I'm doing my best to track macros and stay on track. I eat a lot of white meat, healthy fats (avocados, nut butters, olive oils), and steamed veggies. I am happy to cook every meal for myself, and I'm more than happy to make enough for my wife as well. At first she was happy with this, but gradually she got tired of chicken and complex carbs. To her credit, she tried to go along with it for a while, but got tired of it (I still look forward to every meal!).
Since I'm freelance and my wife works late, I do my best to make sure she has something to eat when she gets home. Lately I've been buying dishes for her, preparing her white rice, and doing a bit of separate cooking (vegetables of her choice, etc.). She recently told me it's very hard for her to eat dinner as a family when we always have separate things, and asked if I plan to continue having separate food when we have kids. She also let me know that she wants to cook for me occasionally, but her specialties are fried chicken, a sugary apple and sweet potato fried dessert, and other dishes that are high in fat and sodium. (She has said she's willing to weigh out her recipes for me, but it seems so much easier for me to just slap a chicken breast on the frying pan and steam some vegetables, which I'm perfectly happy with.)
For people with busy spouses who want a varied diet, what has your approach been? I'm even more interested to hear your input if you are hitting specific macros and trying to eat "clean." To clarify, I have no intention of forcing my wife to eat what I do, but she feels very isolated and disconnected when I insist on eating something different. I'd really love to hear some opinions and perhaps suggestions for how to approach this.
Originally I was mostly focused on weight loss, but I've begun weight training, and I'm really enjoying it. I'm making good progress and feeling healthier than ever. I'm right around my goal weight, so now it's more about making minor changes and getting stronger.
Of course, along with that, I'm doing my best to track macros and stay on track. I eat a lot of white meat, healthy fats (avocados, nut butters, olive oils), and steamed veggies. I am happy to cook every meal for myself, and I'm more than happy to make enough for my wife as well. At first she was happy with this, but gradually she got tired of chicken and complex carbs. To her credit, she tried to go along with it for a while, but got tired of it (I still look forward to every meal!).
Since I'm freelance and my wife works late, I do my best to make sure she has something to eat when she gets home. Lately I've been buying dishes for her, preparing her white rice, and doing a bit of separate cooking (vegetables of her choice, etc.). She recently told me it's very hard for her to eat dinner as a family when we always have separate things, and asked if I plan to continue having separate food when we have kids. She also let me know that she wants to cook for me occasionally, but her specialties are fried chicken, a sugary apple and sweet potato fried dessert, and other dishes that are high in fat and sodium. (She has said she's willing to weigh out her recipes for me, but it seems so much easier for me to just slap a chicken breast on the frying pan and steam some vegetables, which I'm perfectly happy with.)
For people with busy spouses who want a varied diet, what has your approach been? I'm even more interested to hear your input if you are hitting specific macros and trying to eat "clean." To clarify, I have no intention of forcing my wife to eat what I do, but she feels very isolated and disconnected when I insist on eating something different. I'd really love to hear some opinions and perhaps suggestions for how to approach this.
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I've been married almost 19 years and have 2 teenage boys. I grew up in a house where we had dinner as a family every night so naturally I thought my family would do the same thing. Wow I was wrong. Fast forward to today: we have 2 type 1 diabetics in the house, 1 on an antiinflammatoy diet and one child is on a strict elimination diet due to an esophagus disease and food allergies. We just cannot all eat the same meal. Oh yeah, I also have celiac and am gluten free.
So I've started "chipotle" style cooking. I make pans of different things and you can put the meal together however you want. Today we had a pan of taco meat, a bowl of rice, pork roast and ham slices left over from earlier, spinach, hard boiled eggs and cooked carrots. There's always fruit too. I get everything out and people make their own plates. I had tacos on corn tortillas, hubby will have a spinach salad and add rice and meat, one kid made a sandwich with bread, pork slice, and rice (that was a new one) and then had a hard boiled egg. I make 2 or so actual dinners during the week and everything else is like this. Oh and I've discovered if you serve all ingredients desperate, it's easier for me to weigh my food. With crazy schedules and even crazier diets it's how we make it work.0 -
The above is really good advice.
I understand how she might feel isolated in a way. My BF and I don't get to eat together very often due to work schedules. I don't enjoy cooking and eating as much just for myself. However, I don't care if we eat different things (unless his is more awesome! Ha ha). Have you talked about why she feels isolated when you eat different meals? Can you try eating differently, like instead of sitting in front of the TV, sit at a table, or get creative that way. Maybe a distraction like playing a game together while you eat will feel more interactive but will take the emphasis off the different plates.0 -
I'm not married. I also track macros and... I eat a lot of food. Tracking macros and lifting =/= eating bro diet. So like... you can also eat fried chicken, apple and sweet potato dessert, steak, pork, bacon, sugary cereal, potatoes, fries, cake, donuts, etc if that's something that you actually enjoy eating and that makes family eating actually enjoyable.
I mean, are you seriously just going to eat chicken breast and veggies forever? That's the saddest, most boring diet ever.
I don't see why you'd not eat something that your wife weighs out for you. If she's going to weigh out the ingredients and weigh out the entire dish (or let you do that before anyone eats any of it) so that you can enter it into your recipe database, why would you NOT eat that if you have the macros/calories for it?-4 -
I've been married almost 19 years and have 2 teenage boys. I grew up in a house where we had dinner as a family every night so naturally I thought my family would do the same thing. Wow I was wrong. Fast forward to today: we have 2 type 1 diabetics in the house, 1 on an antiinflammatoy diet and one child is on a strict elimination diet due to an esophagus disease and food allergies. We just cannot all eat the same meal. Oh yeah, I also have celiac and am gluten free.
So I've started "chipotle" style cooking. I make pans of different things and you can put the meal together however you want. Today we had a pan of taco meat, a bowl of rice, pork roast and ham slices left over from earlier, spinach, hard boiled eggs and cooked carrots. There's always fruit too. I get everything out and people make their own plates. I had tacos on corn tortillas, hubby will have a spinach salad and add rice and meat, one kid made a sandwich with bread, pork slice, and rice (that was a new one) and then had a hard boiled egg. I make 2 or so actual dinners during the week and everything else is like this. Oh and I've discovered if you serve all ingredients desperate, it's easier for me to weigh my food. With crazy schedules and even crazier diets it's how we make it work.
Thank you very much for your input! This is definitely something to consider. It might be something I incorporate in the future.0 -
Katiebear_81 wrote: »The above is really good advice.
I understand how she might feel isolated in a way. My BF and I don't get to eat together very often due to work schedules. I don't enjoy cooking and eating as much just for myself. However, I don't care if we eat different things (unless his is more awesome! Ha ha). Have you talked about why she feels isolated when you eat different meals? Can you try eating differently, like instead of sitting in front of the TV, sit at a table, or get creative that way. Maybe a distraction like playing a game together while you eat will feel more interactive but will take the emphasis off the different plates.
We've talked about it, but it boils down to her feeling like meals are family time and that everyone should eat the same thing. We don't live in America and she's not American, so I don't doubt that culture may have something to do with it. I've thought about not eating in front of the TV as well... thanks for that suggestion.0 -
I'm not married. I also track macros and... I eat a lot of food. Tracking macros and lifting =/= eating bro diet. So like... you can also eat fried chicken, apple and sweet potato dessert, steak, pork, bacon, sugary cereal, potatoes, fries, cake, donuts, etc if that's something that you actually enjoy eating and that makes family eating actually enjoyable.
I mean, are you seriously just going to eat chicken breast and veggies forever? That's the saddest, most boring diet ever.
I don't see why you'd not eat something that your wife weighs out for you. If she's going to weigh out the ingredients and weigh out the entire dish (or let you do that before anyone eats any of it) so that you can enter it into your recipe database, why would you NOT eat that if you have the macros/calories for it?
Thanks for your input. I'm aware that I could fit a lot of different foods into my macros, but satiety and portion control has been a huge problem for me in the past. Chicken breast is more satiating than fried chicken, calorie for calorie, and sliced fruits with yogurt is more satiating than a donut.
As for your second comment, I'd like to reserve judgment about whether my diet is sad and boring. I consider myself to be a decent cook, have a variety of spices and variations to my dishes, and enjoy each and every meal I make. It's fast, easy, cheap, filling, and hits my macros.
Your third point is something I'm still wrestling with. I feel terrible making my wife write down individual weights, but if she is willing to do it and make something fairly balanced, it should be fine. That was why I made the post in the first place, really--to see how other people handled such situations. I just don't want to have a tiny portion that leaves me hungry for the entire night, or a huge portion that sets me back.0 -
Katiebear_81 wrote: »The above is really good advice.
I understand how she might feel isolated in a way. My BF and I don't get to eat together very often due to work schedules. I don't enjoy cooking and eating as much just for myself. However, I don't care if we eat different things (unless his is more awesome! Ha ha). Have you talked about why she feels isolated when you eat different meals? Can you try eating differently, like instead of sitting in front of the TV, sit at a table, or get creative that way. Maybe a distraction like playing a game together while you eat will feel more interactive but will take the emphasis off the different plates.
We've talked about it, but it boils down to her feeling like meals are family time and that everyone should eat the same thing. We don't live in America and she's not American, so I don't doubt that culture may have something to do with it. I've thought about not eating in front of the TV as well... thanks for that suggestion.
If meals to her are family time, and you're eating in front of the TV, that's not family time. Try eating with her at the table for a week and see if the separate meals still bother her - I'm guessing the food isn't the real problem.
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OP I think you're over thinking things and making your life much more difficult then it need be. I can totally relate to that by the way
My husband and I never eat dinner together, only because he prefers to eat much later than I do. So he just heats up his meal later.
We do mostly eat the same things, I just eat less than I used to.
Just make a meal you both enjoy and make sure it fits into your calories.
You do NOT have to live on chicken and veggies to get to your goal
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PeachyPlum wrote: »Katiebear_81 wrote: »The above is really good advice.
I understand how she might feel isolated in a way. My BF and I don't get to eat together very often due to work schedules. I don't enjoy cooking and eating as much just for myself. However, I don't care if we eat different things (unless his is more awesome! Ha ha). Have you talked about why she feels isolated when you eat different meals? Can you try eating differently, like instead of sitting in front of the TV, sit at a table, or get creative that way. Maybe a distraction like playing a game together while you eat will feel more interactive but will take the emphasis off the different plates.
We've talked about it, but it boils down to her feeling like meals are family time and that everyone should eat the same thing. We don't live in America and she's not American, so I don't doubt that culture may have something to do with it. I've thought about not eating in front of the TV as well... thanks for that suggestion.
If meals to her are family time, and you're eating in front of the TV, that's not family time. Try eating with her at the table for a week and see if the separate meals still bother her - I'm guessing the food isn't the real problem.
Seconding that the food isn't the real problem.
Also, you may want to consider being a bit more flexible if she is offering to cook for you, even if it isn't 100% ideal to you.
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Is anyone else married (perhaps with kids), with a partner who doesn't have much time to cook and is exasperated that the same foods keep appearing on the table?
Originally I was mostly focused on weight loss, but I've begun weight training, and I'm really enjoying it. I'm making good progress and feeling healthier than ever. I'm right around my goal weight, so now it's more about making minor changes and getting stronger.
Of course, along with that, I'm doing my best to track macros and stay on track. I eat a lot of white meat, healthy fats (avocados, nut butters, olive oils), and steamed veggies. I am happy to cook every meal for myself, and I'm more than happy to make enough for my wife as well. At first she was happy with this, but gradually she got tired of chicken and complex carbs. To her credit, she tried to go along with it for a while, but got tired of it (I still look forward to every meal!).
Since I'm freelance and my wife works late, I do my best to make sure she has something to eat when she gets home. Lately I've been buying dishes for her, preparing her white rice, and doing a bit of separate cooking (vegetables of her choice, etc.). She recently told me it's very hard for her to eat dinner as a family when we always have separate things, and asked if I plan to continue having separate food when we have kids. She also let me know that she wants to cook for me occasionally, but her specialties are fried chicken, a sugary apple and sweet potato fried dessert, and other dishes that are high in fat and sodium. (She has said she's willing to weigh out her recipes for me, but it seems so much easier for me to just slap a chicken breast on the frying pan and steam some vegetables, which I'm perfectly happy with.)
For people with busy spouses who want a varied diet, what has your approach been? I'm even more interested to hear your input if you are hitting specific macros and trying to eat "clean." To clarify, I have no intention of forcing my wife to eat what I do, but she feels very isolated and disconnected when I insist on eating something different. I'd really love to hear some opinions and perhaps suggestions for how to approach this.
I'm married with three kids and I do all the cooking for the family, and to reply to your wife's question to you-yep, I eat different kinds of foods than my family, have been doing it for three years now, and will continue to do indefinitely My dietary needs and goals are different than my husbands and my kids, and this is reflected in my woe.
I have gotten pretty good at making things run smoothly though and really it's not that much different than before I started this whole process-most meals I'll use common ingredients and then use it differently for them/me. Simple example-family will have taco bar with chips n' cheese as a side and then I'll have a taco salad. I can prepare the meat for all of us, and some of the veggies, but then after that our plates veer off into different directions.
At first my husband was a little put off by it, but he now realizes why I do things this way and he's very supportive of it-but he's now also seen first hand the results of doing things this way as well 0 -
I do the majority of the cooking for the family and try to make things that the 3yo, my husband from an entirely different cultural background and I enjoy- sometimes I hit it out of the park. Sometimes I swing and miss. Also, I tend to try to make sure I offer veggies at every meal. But, sometimes he likes to cook. Which is generally a plate of steak with a side of meat. Yes, apparently chicken or pork is an appropriate side for grilled steak. But you know, he did it because he loves to grill and he wants to help out. So, on those days I eat steak with a side of meat and fit it in somehow. Heck- after four years of marriage he actually made a meal with a side of rice and green beans yesterday. Old dog, new tricks and all! She might learn a few things. And y'all could cook together once in a while.0
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@slondro I eat similar to you by choice, I do not work and my wife works late 3x a week. I do most of the cooking and I make a large variety of dishes the family enjoys. The main difference I see in our situation is she doesn't mind if I make myself a separate meal.
We do sit down family dinner about 1/2 the time, sometimes I make my preferred meal and other times I eat what I make for the rest of the family.
She does enjoy cooking and when she cooks I eat what she makes most of the time but will occasionally make my own preferred meal.
Flexibility and respect was and is the key to coming to our mutual understanding. At first she resented it for all the reasons you can guess but we talked it out . in the end we both came to realize why each of our ways was important to us so we do both. It's a give and take but also a win, win.0 -
Sarasmaintaining wrote: »I'm married with three kids and I do all the cooking for the family, and to reply to your wife's question to you-yep, I eat different kinds of foods than my family, have been doing it for three years now, and will continue to do indefinitely My dietary needs and goals are different than my husbands and my kids, and this is reflected in my woe.
I have gotten pretty good at making things run smoothly though and really it's not that much different than before I started this whole process-most meals I'll use common ingredients and then use it differently for them/me. Simple example-family will have taco bar with chips n' cheese as a side and then I'll have a taco salad. I can prepare the meat for all of us, and some of the veggies, but then after that our plates veer off into different directions.
At first my husband was a little put off by it, but he now realizes why I do things this way and he's very supportive of it-but he's now also seen first hand the results of doing things this way as well
This is very encouraging! Thanks so much for your input. I like the idea that some of what I make can be eaten by everyone, and I can make a few adjustments for myself. If I prepare a few things for myself beforehand, that could make it even easier.
In terms of results, I wish I could say the same. I've lost a lot of inches and the weightlifting is paying off, but now it's become a matter of, "You don't need to lose more weight! I don't think big muscles look good. Why not just eat normally now?" I suppose that's just how it goes.0 -
I've been married 15 years and have 1 teenager. I am the cook in my household.
With my family, I've found that they are okay with a limited rotating menu. Periodically, I make a list of 28 different dinners. I divide that list into groups of 7 and in every group there are a couple of meals that each person will like even if they don't love every day. We try to have meatless meals a few times every week and a large pot of soup one night most weeks. I will try 1 or 2 new things on each month. When we have had everything on the list I might reuse it for a month or two before making a new meal list.
Dh will eat anything but doesn't like pasta, dd will not eat everything and loves pasta, I will eat mostly the same as them but will swap out some items for more vegetables on my plate. So I have pasta on the two nights a week that dh has night classes and it is just dd and myself eating at the table. I might have a chicken breast, the pasta as a smaller side dish portion and a salad while dd just has pasta. The rest of the week we eat together as a family at the table even if everyone's plate might look slightly different.
If you plan to have kids in future I recommend to your wife that she lighten up on the idea that everyone's plate look identical and focus on everyone spending quality time together.
If I were you right now, I would compromise and just eat what your wife wants a couple times a week though. If she wants to cook once or twice a week let her do that to include her more. If she is from a different culture maybe there are foods from her culture you could try preparing together or you could prepare part of the meal and she makes another part. Maybe try lower fat/sodium turkey, fish, pork, eggs or legume dishes a couple of times a week instead of chicken breast every night.0 -
This is the sort of thing you have to work out together. When I first started "eating healthy" my husband refused to get on board the whole grain, lean meat, steamed veggie train. I cried, he came around and said everything was delicious. Six months later when I started eating a low carb diet my husband was thrilled because for the last six months he was eating fast food in his car on the way home... poor guy. lol
But lesson learned; the food has to work for both of us. Now, it's easy enough to make a starchy side or tell him we're having chili for dinner so he can bring home tortilla chips or something along those lines. And When he surprises me with ice cream or brings home a pizza trying to do something nice (and he probably really wants a pizza lol) I eat it so he feels good and can enjoy it too. It's a compromise we're both happy with.
Can you eat some of her meals and enjoy them with her on occasion even though they don't fit your plan? Are there any side dishes, sauces or toppings you can add to her portions of the dinners you cook that she would like?0 -
That would drive me crazy. I do the food shopping and plan our meals and I just think buying different stuff for people would drive me crazy - there are 5 of us, my husband and I and 3 kids aged 8, 6 and 3. My husband did go through a phase of wanting basically chicken and sweet potato all of the time. Wasn't fun for me (pregnant at the time) and the kids. If he had something different I'd just end up washing up twice as much stuff! Argh! We eat balanced, wholesome, family meals at tea time together. Anyway - I see why you're doing what you're doing with the chicken and eggs and steamed veg but I definitely see where you're wife is coming from. I think it's the shift in thinking from meals to ingredients. It's a turn off to my culinary imagination.0
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-> This is not about food. Get her to talk more.
Maybe she is not as good at cooking as you are. She probably has other strengths.
What is going on with the "muscle" talk? Is she concerned that you are changing?
Stop eating in front of the television! That is horrible when you are a couple.
She can get over you guys having different foods -- hubby and I do that often -- mostly because he likes to do things exactly the way he always does them.0 -
We don't have kids yet so my spouse and I usually eat different meals. I don't really like to eat meat and he loves it, so that is another big reason why we usually have different dinners. We still try to eat at the same time though (if possible).0
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This is very encouraging! Thanks so much for your input. I like the idea that some of what I make can be eaten by everyone, and I can make a few adjustments for myself. If I prepare a few things for myself beforehand, that could make it even easier.
In terms of results, I wish I could say the same. I've lost a lot of inches and the weightlifting is paying off, but now it's become a matter of, "You don't need to lose more weight! I don't think big muscles look good. Why not just eat normally now?" I suppose that's just how it goes.
Sounds like there's something a bit deeper going on here with some insecurity issues on your wife's part, which is actually a very common issue that pops up when one spouse loses weight/begins focusing on fitness. It might be good to have a bit of a heart to heart talk with your wife and find out how she's feeling/dealing with the changes you're going through. Also, what you're doing goes beyond just appearances-maybe discus with her how much better you feel now, how you're healthier and your blood panels are improving etc.0 -
Sarasmaintaining wrote: »I'm married with three kids and I do all the cooking for the family, and to reply to your wife's question to you-yep, I eat different kinds of foods than my family, have been doing it for three years now, and will continue to do indefinitely My dietary needs and goals are different than my husbands and my kids, and this is reflected in my woe.
I have gotten pretty good at making things run smoothly though and really it's not that much different than before I started this whole process-most meals I'll use common ingredients and then use it differently for them/me. Simple example-family will have taco bar with chips n' cheese as a side and then I'll have a taco salad. I can prepare the meat for all of us, and some of the veggies, but then after that our plates veer off into different directions.
At first my husband was a little put off by it, but he now realizes why I do things this way and he's very supportive of it-but he's now also seen first hand the results of doing things this way as well
This is very encouraging! Thanks so much for your input. I like the idea that some of what I make can be eaten by everyone, and I can make a few adjustments for myself. If I prepare a few things for myself beforehand, that could make it even easier.
In terms of results, I wish I could say the same. I've lost a lot of inches and the weightlifting is paying off, but now it's become a matter of, "You don't need to lose more weight! I don't think big muscles look good. Why not just eat normally now?" I suppose that's just how it goes.
How much effort do you put into bodybuilding? If it is something that has become very important to you and your lifestyle is focused on it, which is not uncommon for people really into bodybuilding, then maybe this is time to have a discussion with your wife, listen to how she feels about the changes and figure out what you both can live with.
I personally exercise regulalry, watch my diet etc and have done so for years, definitely more than the aevrage person I know does. But still this is nowhere close to what some of the bodybuilders I know do, and to be honest, even as someone who spends quite some time at the gym myself, worry about my nutrients etc, I could not live or feel attracted to someone fully into the bodybuilding lifestyle. The spending endless time at the gym, focusing on weighing everything, calculating nutrients, looking into supplements, worrying about gains etc, it is not something that would appeal to me. If you were not like this when she met you, and if now it is consuming a big part of your thoughts, activities, conversations, she might be honestly confused and not sure she can support you on this. It is not for everyone.
As for the physical changes, it depends on what your goals are, and how much you wish to change from how you looked so far. Different people find different looks attractive. It is not always judgement or jealousy or whatever, not everyone likes the bodybuilder's look (I mean as in competitive bodybuilding, not just someone who strenght trains), it is just personal preference, same as not everyoe like men with long beards, or certain styles of clothes etc.
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