Family tension when tracking macros and eating a simple diet?

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Replies

  • bmele0
    bmele0 Posts: 282 Member
    My husband has been very supportive and hasn't really complained, but I kind of felt bad serving the same things every week. Now that he has started down the path of fitness himself (he was around 250 at 6'8'', so not big, but not fit), he realized how different our dietary needs were. I get like 1400-1600 calories a day and that's to lose 0.5-1 lb while he gets over 2000 calories to be in a deficit and around 2500+ or more to maintain. We both work full time and have a preschooler- so meals are quick, easy, and hit the macros.

    I don't think your wife would change her views unless she was striving for the same thing. I say compromise- let her make a few meals a week and vice versa. On the days she makes a meal, just be mindful about the rest of your day or work it off. Lol That's what I do when I plan on eating more at a meal or event.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,831 Member
    edited April 2015
    I am married, and my husband does the cooking. However, we shop together.

    In some cases, he buys something he wants, and I buy something I want.
    In other cases, I select stuff that will work for me, and he has agreed to give it a try.

    I have to say that since I started here 2 months ago, our dinners have more variety than they used to have. It used to be that we went for the same basic stuff each week because it was easy. Now we're exploring, experimenting, really looking at what's available in the grocery stores. It's something different every day. :)

    We've start trying various Indian and Asian foods. Mix it with rice, chicken, and a bit more veg, and they're delicious. We've found a great brand of soup which is quite low cal and filling ... mix that with a pile of veg and we've got a yummy choice.

    There's just so much variety available!! :)


    (PS. My husband lost a lot of weight in 2014, and has been maintaining. He also works an active job 8 hours a day. So he needs more food ... that's why sometimes he'll select something fairly high calorie for dinner, and I'll select something low cal. Then he makes both. :))
  • lulucitron
    lulucitron Posts: 366 Member
    Fried chicken, apple pie etc. is not a healthy meal to eat all the time. I agree with others that it sounds deeper than just food. I know people do not like change; especially in their spouses and your losing weight and discovering the love of exercise is most likely making her uneasy. Talk to her about her insecurities with your new food and exercise routines and maybe that will ease her mind. I don't think you should give up on your goals for her though, just as you would encourage her to do things she wants and you wouldn't give her the gears about it. Compromise is a big part of marriage. You can definitely make food delicious with herbs and spices, etc. There's lots of healthy sites (pinterest, cooking lite magazine, etc.) where you can try new things besides just chicken.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    My husband and I compromise. Some nights we have more calorie dense meals like pasta, and other nights we have lower calorie options. I try to do a lot of sauces and marinades so even if we're having grilled chicken it's chipotle lime grilled chicken with avocado sauce, for example. Sometimes I'll do an extra side for him, like rice or a roll. I don't mind baked chicken and steamed broccoli sometimes but frankly I'd rather find creative ways to cook my meals too.
  • ana3067
    ana3067 Posts: 5,624 Member
    slondro wrote: »
    ana3067 wrote: »
    I'm not married. I also track macros and... I eat a lot of food. Tracking macros and lifting =/= eating bro diet. So like... you can also eat fried chicken, apple and sweet potato dessert, steak, pork, bacon, sugary cereal, potatoes, fries, cake, donuts, etc if that's something that you actually enjoy eating and that makes family eating actually enjoyable.

    I mean, are you seriously just going to eat chicken breast and veggies forever? That's the saddest, most boring diet ever.

    I don't see why you'd not eat something that your wife weighs out for you. If she's going to weigh out the ingredients and weigh out the entire dish (or let you do that before anyone eats any of it) so that you can enter it into your recipe database, why would you NOT eat that if you have the macros/calories for it?

    Thanks for your input. I'm aware that I could fit a lot of different foods into my macros, but satiety and portion control has been a huge problem for me in the past. Chicken breast is more satiating than fried chicken, calorie for calorie, and sliced fruits with yogurt is more satiating than a donut.

    As for your second comment, I'd like to reserve judgment about whether my diet is sad and boring. I consider myself to be a decent cook, have a variety of spices and variations to my dishes, and enjoy each and every meal I make. It's fast, easy, cheap, filling, and hits my macros.

    Your third point is something I'm still wrestling with. I feel terrible making my wife write down individual weights, but if she is willing to do it and make something fairly balanced, it should be fine. That was why I made the post in the first place, really--to see how other people handled such situations. I just don't want to have a tiny portion that leaves me hungry for the entire night, or a huge portion that sets me back.

    Protein and fat are satiating, meaning that fried chicken and other protein sources (eggs, steak, pork, turkey, fish) would also be satiating.

    In this situation, if my significant other made something that she or he wanted to make and decided to weigh everything out and then weighed out the final portion, if it were something I enjoyed and I had the macros for it I would eat it. At the end of the night, satiety isn't a huge concern. If I were to get home and there was steak and potatoes all cooked out, and assuming it would enable me to hit my fat and protein needs, then I'd totally eat it.

    I truly do not see a diet consisting of pretty much only chicken breast and veggies to last you in the long haul. Are you getting enough dietary fat with this kind of diet? chicken breast and veggies will not provide you with enough fat.
  • ana3067
    ana3067 Posts: 5,624 Member
    christinev297 wrote: »
    OP I think you're over thinking things and making your life much more difficult then it need be. I can totally relate to that by the way :smile:
    My husband and I never eat dinner together, only because he prefers to eat much later than I do. So he just heats up his meal later.
    We do mostly eat the same things, I just eat less than I used to.
    Just make a meal you both enjoy and make sure it fits into your calories.
    You do NOT have to live on chicken and veggies to get to your goal     :wink:

    Totally this, especially the last sentence. Which is why I said it sounds like a boring diet. I frequently eat the same breakfast (or very similar) most days because it's filling and I love eggs, but I don't eat eggs for every meal :/ What if I go to a party, am I gonna bring chicken and veggies with me in case the host doesn't make chicken? Probably worth learning how to fit in a large variety of foods into the diet so you can understand what foods are filling and in what combination/quantity, and to figure out what foods benefit fitness goals the most, etc.
  • abatonfan
    abatonfan Posts: 1,123 Member
    I know how you feel. I'm a type 1 diabetic who prefers to eliminate some foods if they cause my BG to go haywire. Some members of my family are very picky eaters (my one sister and my grandmother are ridiculously picky), and it is my luck that the foods they like (popcorn chicken, french fries) spike up my BG super bad.

    For my family, only one meal is made, and you have to fend for yourself for dinner if you don't want it. For instance, my family had popcorn chicken and french fries last night, while I ended up throwing together my own dinner. On nights where we have chicken breasts (my grandmother and sister hate them), they have to make their own dinners. A lot of our dinners also seem to be "chipotle style", and we can grab what works for us and supplement with other things (such as me grabbing a chicken breast, skipping on the rice that's offered, and supplementing with a frozen vegetable).
  • kmsoucy457
    kmsoucy457 Posts: 237 Member
    Sauces? If she doesn't mid the extra calories of a homemade sauce, eating the same thing makes it seem like something different. Easy homemade sauces: Sweet n sour with pineapple, cilantro lime, cheese (omnomnomnom), red pepper pesto, even tomato sauce from a jar (if you would like any of the recipes just ask!). Some of these are healthy, some are not. Most freeze well for individual portions. You can make this on the side, and she can top the protein and veggies with it for some kick.

    Also, I'm sure you eat more than just chicken! Lean pork? fish? Lean ground turkey? Tofu? Tempeh? All of these above sauces work well in some combo with these proteins.
  • kmsoucy457
    kmsoucy457 Posts: 237 Member
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »
    My husband and I compromise. Some nights we have more calorie dense meals like pasta, and other nights we have lower calorie options. I try to do a lot of sauces and marinades so even if we're having grilled chicken it's chipotle lime grilled chicken with avocado sauce, for example. Sometimes I'll do an extra side for him, like rice or a roll. I don't mind baked chicken and steamed broccoli sometimes but frankly I'd rather find creative ways to cook my meals too.

    Haha yes, I should read more.
  • marissafit06
    marissafit06 Posts: 1,996 Member
    megomerrett wrote: »
    That would drive me crazy. I do the food shopping and plan our meals and I just think buying different stuff for people would drive me crazy - there are 5 of us, my husband and I and 3 kids aged 8, 6 and 3. My husband did go through a phase of wanting basically chicken and sweet potato all of the time. Wasn't fun for me (pregnant at the time) and the kids. If he had something different I'd just end up washing up twice as much stuff! Argh! We eat balanced, wholesome, family meals at tea time together. Anyway - I see why you're doing what you're doing with the chicken and eggs and steamed veg but I definitely see where you're wife is coming from. I think it's the shift in thinking from meals to ingredients. It's a turn off to my culinary imagination.

    I'm married with 2 kids. I am the one who does most of the family cooking, my husband often cooks meals for himself. It used to bother me because it felt like the food I was making him wasn't good enough, but these days it doesn't matter to me anymore. Sometimes we have three meals, one for the kids, one for me and one for him. We typically eat the same proteins with different sides or preparation methods. I hate the additional dishes though - drives me crazy.
  • rockmama72
    rockmama72 Posts: 815 Member
    Check out Eatingwell.com. They have so many recipe ideas. (Not just chicken!) I can't remember ever making a meal from that site that my whole family didn't like. Last week I made a really good grilled skirt steak with whiskey BBQ sauce with a side of broccoli. Learning to cook all kinds of healthy, enjoyable foods is good for you, your wife, and your future kids. And it's fun! (At least I think so.)
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
    This is totally out there, but have you considered taking a cooking class for couples? You could choose a cuisine which appeals to your wife (maybe something neither of you has ever considered trying), but is also healthy for you, and you'd be doing something together. Just a thought.

    I do practically all the cooking, and I do something very similar to @brendak76. I make batches of ingredients (meat, baked potatoes, vegetables, casseroles, soups etc.), or just cook more than we need in one meal and store it in the fridge. During the week, we work our way through it, but it means we can help ourselves to whatever I put out in the quantities we want.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,831 Member
    marissafit06 wrote: »
    I hate the additional dishes though - drives me crazy.

    My husband does the cooking ... I do the washing up. I love my dishwasher. Never thought I'd need one, but since we've had one, I wouldn't be without. :)

  • rawstrongchick
    rawstrongchick Posts: 66 Member
    I am a raw food vegan because of (medically diagnosed) digestive complications and complex allergies. My husband (who works very long hours) and child both eat 'normally'. It's totally usual for me to cook two separate meals - one of them and one for me (although no actual cooking for me!). My husband doesn't fuss at all about it as the non-motivated-non-cooking part of the partnership. He'd just much rather I be healthy and happy than fuss about us not all eating the same thing. He makes things for me for anniversary and other occasions which involves him creating things that I can safely eat - and not guilt tripping me the things he likes to make if that makes sense!

    I think you need to give yourself a bit of perspective. If this is really important to you to stick within firmly set macros then you need to sit down with your partner and explain how/why this is important to you and ask for support. I'm not entirely sure why she is getting upset over it, I mean if you went to a restaurant for a meal would you both pick the same thing off the menu to make it a connected experience? Most people in that situation chose what they want and not what their partner is having! If you are being a little bit over-kill with the dietary control then perhaps something a bit different every now and then wouldn't be the end of the world?
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,831 Member
    dopeysmelly wrote: »
    This is totally out there, but have you considered taking a cooking class for couples? You could choose a cuisine which appeals to your wife (maybe something neither of you has ever considered trying), but is also healthy for you, and you'd be doing something together. Just a thought.

    Good idea ... especially since they both want to do the cooking. :)

  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
    So I've started "chipotle" style cooking. I make pans of different things and you can put the meal together however you want. Today we had a pan of taco meat, a bowl of rice, pork roast and ham slices left over from earlier, spinach, hard boiled eggs and cooked carrots. There's always fruit too. I get everything out and people make their own plates.

    This is a great idea, thanks! We always struggle with dinner choices because our kids (and my wife) are picky eaters. We never wanted to be "you must eat everything on your plate" parents because I think this teaches unhealthy eating choices - to eat when you are not hungry. I like the idea of cooking a variety of ingredients and then let everyone "make their own dinner".
    I mean, are you seriously just going to eat chicken breast and veggies forever? That's the saddest, most boring diet ever.

    I don't see why you'd not eat something that your wife weighs out for you. If she's going to weigh out the ingredients and weigh out the entire dish (or let you do that before anyone eats any of it) so that you can enter it into your recipe database, why would you NOT eat that if you have the macros/calories for it?

    Some people find it easier to stick to a diet by being methodical about it. I basically eat a half a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast and lunch every day. It's not exciting but it's not supposed to be.
  • rockmama72
    rockmama72 Posts: 815 Member
    maillemaker wrote: »
    Some people find it easier to stick to a diet by being methodical about it. I basically eat a half a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast and lunch every day. It's not exciting but it's not supposed to be.

    Awwww... I disagree! Food is fun and there's much to be excited about. I get a huge kick out of a delicious meal that ends up being easy on the calorie budget. It's like a game!



  • corgicake
    corgicake Posts: 846 Member
    It's good practice for when down the road (relation) comes and they're on doctor's orders to not shovel x down their throat. Let her know that you do this so you can be around in good health longer for you and your family, and show her numbers-wise what you're dealing with. She might respond by making something you don't expect.
  • HeySwoleSister
    HeySwoleSister Posts: 1,938 Member
    I'll add another similar idea to the taco/burrito bar style dinner -- Baked potato night! We do this once every few weeks and it's a big hit with all the eating styles in our family. I bake a bunch of really big russets, and set out butter, greek yogurt, sour cream, steamed broccoli, bacon, cheese, perhaps some chili....and everyone gets to build their own dinner. The face-stuffers load up (and often take two potatoes) and I take one and just add small amounts of bacon and cheese and lots of greek yogurt.

    Other fun "make your own" nights can build on individual pizzas (use either fresh dough or build on naan or other flatbread) or noodles and zoodles (I put out some of each so people can choose their mix) with either Asian- or Italian-style toppings.

    Oooh, and omelets! That's a fun flexible dinner, too!
  • ashypashy7
    ashypashy7 Posts: 50 Member
    I normally make 2.5 different meals a night, one for me (I don't eat beef, fish or pork, chicken and turkey 2-3X a week) one for DH (big on meat) and .5 for our year old baby, who doesn't much care for meat and what she likes changes from day to day. DH often works at dinner, so it's mostly the baby and I. When he is off at dinner time, we eat at the table, no tv. He cooks here and there and what he makes is good but often very high calorie, I eat a medium amount and enjoy it when he does cook. He took the time to want to make me something, I am going to show my thanks by eating it. If it was super heavy, I'll have a salad for dinner, ect. I think you can lighten up there and just enjoy a meal from her once in awhile and she can lighten up as well, that not everything will be the same on your plate, ditto when you have babies. I echo the above statements with meals you can both alter to your tastes, grill up chicken, you can have your steamed veg, she could have a salad or throw hers in pasta or a wrap. I find with most things in life the key to balance is with a little give and take. Compermise. And turn off the TV. Light some candles and enjoy dinner time together.

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