When Skinny People Say They Are Fat..?
JocelynMooremfp
Posts: 10 Member
I can have a day when I am feelin really great about my workout and progress, then Z, my sister's friend who is 19 and weighs maybe 90lbs soaking wet, will go on an on about how fat she is. I know that you can be out of shape and still skinny but you can't be fat and skinny. Anyways, she does that and then I am like.. "If she is "fat" what does that make me?"
How do you all deal with it and not allow it to ruin a good thing?
How do you all deal with it and not allow it to ruin a good thing?
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It's not your issue, it's hers. Don't own her insecurities. Dismiss it.0
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she may have a disordered view of her body and generally think she is big. that or she is looking for attention. most times these people arent saying it to make u feel bad because u are bigger. i try to never talk about how fat i am or anyone else is. if people ask i simply say im trying to get healthier. people need to stop focusing of fat and start focusing on health and it totally changes things( did in my mind anyways)0
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You can be skinny and fat. "skinny fat" people are small but squishy, with not a lot of muscle. They can have a high body fat %
That.... And people perceive themselves in their own way. How they perceive others isn't the same. She's judging herself, not you. I have "fat days" because I'm not as lean as when I competed in a bodybuilding show. I know that level of body fat isn't healthy or sustainable but it doesn't stop me having moments of negativity about how I look now!0 -
By recognizing that she's an obsessive teenager with poor body image and that it has nothing to do with you...?
Look, size 00 supermodels who are dangerously underweight are often some of the unhappiest people in the world, constantly going on about things about their body that they hate. I view it as evidence that confidence and health are about more than just a number on a scale. And that you can be happy at any size, or unhappy at any size.
Word of warning: Losing the weight won't magically make you happier with yourself, either. That sort of confidence comes from within.0 -
What does her self description have to do with your reality? If you need to lose weight, you need to lose weight...0
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Eh. She's young and insecure... And apparently also insensitive. You're taking control of your life and trying to make a change. Which would you prefer to be? Everyone has a different battle. Trying to take on hers AND yours is more work than it's worth. Just let it pass and give yourself credit for the things you've done and are doing for yourself.0
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Or it can be just a way someone calls attention to themselves as "look at me, I'm not fat".
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My sister has always been very slim, but typically not a drama-llama (and has NEVER said a negative thing about my body) so when she would complain about fat I learned that it meant one of 3 things.
1.) "This dress looks awful". Sometimes the wrong pleat can make anyone look like Jabba the Hut
2.) "I ate a whole pizza" that slim and you can see your stomach bloat.
3.) "I legitimately gained weight". I'm currently a size 20. 25lbs ago I was a size 22. I have to gain A LOT to go up a size. At size 2 it takes my sister maybe 5lbs before she pops up to a size 4. She can feel tight in her clothes much earlier in a weight gain than I can and thusly "feel" fat.
There is the option of body dysmorphia for your friends sister as well, or just being a drama-llama.
Either way, don't waste time thinking of how 19yo girls view your body, even if you are one. Their opinions are simply not worth that much.0 -
Most likely she is not making a statement about you at all. Most people would consider me to be thin, but I tend to always find something that needs to be improved. I don't, however, make comments to other people about how I feel about myself. Just because I feel fat does not mean that I judge other people, in fact, I rarely do. I doubt it is trying to make you feel uncomfortable about how you look. If she was older, I would tell you to let her know that her remarks make you feel uncomfortable. Being 19, probably nothing you can do but acknowledge that it is her problem and not yours. She is your sister's friend, so there really is no reason you even need to be hanging out with her at all anyway.0
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Ask the drama-llama what her BMI is. If she doesn't know, you can help her calculate it! This might help her understand that she's not truly "fat" but perhaps just "squishy."
Perhaps she is underweight and could use MFP to gain a few healthy pounds!!
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I know what you're talking about but I haven't encountered this problem since I was 19 or in my ear 20's either. I'd just say remember she is young and probably looking for compliments, and get on with your thing.0
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Your sister's friend is clearly either just using the term flippantly or has a disordered body image. I actually opened this thread to read because of the fact I don't think "fat" is scientific term (though I could be wrong!). I was 175 most of my adult life. When I hit 185 I felt fat. When I hit 195 I felt giant. When I hit 242 I felt like a whale. Now I am 203 and I feel skinny. Now if I went back to 175 I'd feel too skinny. In any of these cases, I don't think my image of myself was wrong.0
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I would be concerned that a 19year old is leaning towards an eating disorder if she is constantly worrying about being fat while scarcely having a lb of it on her externally. Instead of viewing it as a problem for yourself, talk to her about why she thinks she is fat; and try and encourage her to be realistic. If it's a matter of her feeling that her (not) "fat" body is flabby and loose, get her to start some exercise to tone up the underlying muscle.
With so much external pressure on women in general, and teenagers in particular, to be slim and beautiful, it's hardly surprising that we are obsessed with our weight.
Just because she is facing a battle that you don't have doesn't make her battle any easier.
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Your sister's friend is clearly either just using the term flippantly or has a disordered body image. I actually opened this thread to read because of the fact I don't think "fat" is scientific term (though I could be wrong!). I was 175 most of my adult life. When I hit 185 I felt fat. When I hit 195 I felt giant. When I hit 242 I felt like a whale. Now I am 203 and I feel skinny. Now if I went back to 175 I'd feel too skinny. In any of these cases, I don't think my image of myself was wrong.
You're not allowed to "feel fat".... Facebook says so!
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I recently had some guilt over this. I was looking at pics from 15 years ago, when I thought I was fat. I know I said it a lot. I must have seemed pretty jerky to some people.
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She was just doing what most females do. Don't think too much on it. Many people make inconsiderate statements like this outloud.
It used to bother me in the past when I was your age, but now, it doesn't. Don't let anything about anyone else affect your self worth/emotions.
Just like how some posters were going back and forth about what is or isn't womanly, years ago this would have bothered me because I am and will always be far from "womanly"... but now it doesn't. It just amuses me.
Just remember you control your universe.... I'm not saying be delusional, but just don't let the thoughts and opinions of others impact your life.
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I get what you are saying OP. I feel that way when people who are my weight complain about how fat they are, or if people at my goal weight say they are fat. It feels as if they are saying that you are fat.
You've just got to be tough and love yourself and the journey you are on. If they are unhappy with the way they are why aren't they changing it? Its because they aren't as awesome as we are!
They aren't saying they are fat, they are saying the FEEL fat. That's all about them and nothing about you or me.
I am proud of my weight, I'll be even prouder when I fit in a size 10 but the fact is I am proud of what I am doing to get there.0 -
I work with a woman who is 5'1" and who fluctuates between a size 0 and a size 2. When she's in a size 2, she says she's fat. After she caught me rolling my eyes she explained that she knows she's not actually fat but that she is more comfortable at a 0 and that for her, when she goes up to a 2, she feels fat.
After seeing all those eye rolls from me, she has actually started saying "Ugh...I feel fat" instead of "I am fat".0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »I work with a woman who is 5'1" and who fluctuates between a size 0 and a size 2. When she's in a size 2, she says she's fat. After she caught me rolling my eyes she explained that she knows she's not actually fat but that she is more comfortable at a 0 and that for her, when she goes up to a 2, she feels fat.
After seeing all those eye rolls from me, she has actually started saying "Ugh...I feel fat" instead of "I am fat".
That really stopped the eye rolling?
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Try looking at it this way, OP: At your size, if you claim to feel fat, there's some 600-pound woman out there rolling her eyes.
There's always someone out there who's going to be bigger/smaller/shorter/taller/richer/poorer than you. The key is to stop making comparisons to others, and to focus on your own goals.0 -
I generally assume other people's statements about their bodies are about them, and not about me.0
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JocelynMooremfp wrote: »I can have a day when I am feelin really great about my workout and progress, then Z, my sister's friend who is 19 and weighs maybe 90lbs soaking wet, will go on an on about how fat she is. I know that you can be out of shape and still skinny but you can't be fat and skinny. Anyways, she does that and then I am like.. "If she is "fat" what does that make me?"
How do you all deal with it and not allow it to ruin a good thing?
Everything is relative. What she sees as fat for her, is what's fat for her. What you see as fat for you is likely what another person sees as skinny for them.
My advice, stop giving a crap about someone else's self perception and just focus on your perception of yourself. You'll drive yourself crazy doing anything else.
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I absolutely hate when people act the way you just did in your post... I am going to try my best and address this nicely.
First of all, is it your first reaction to compare yourself to others? Is your self esteem so low that you must seek validation by means of comparison or is your ego so large that you cannot for a moment accept that you were not part of the conversation?
If someone is talking about themselves (even in a self-depreciating way) it is not, about, you. Even if they ARE seeking compliments or reassurance, it is not about you.
I feel like it is absolutely ridiculous to use your own short-comings as a means to invalidate others feelings, emotions, or problems. So if someone is struggling financially, are you going to invalidate the way they feel because you make less money than them? Come on... Worry about your own life!
I can tell in the way you so mockingly said "90lbs soaking wet" that you idealize this girl. You are putting her up on a pedestal because she has traits (or so you choose to perceive) that you lack. This is a classic trait of narcissism. It's setting her and others to live up to some "perfect ideal" you have for them. How can they be imperfect or have problems when you are idolizing them? Surely, their problems must mean less than yours right?
Listen, in these situations, it's unclear whether or not they genuinely feel this way or they want someone to reassure them. It's best in these situations to give a neutral response and pay it no mind whatsoever. "I'm sorry you're feeling that way". Dont invalidate, don't agree/disagree just acknowledge.
Lastly, you need to take a good look at your life. You are doing something called the Self-Comparison technique in which you are evaluating your own self-image, beliefs, and personality by comparing it to others to determine whether or not you are "good or bad" or "right or wrong". This comes from an intensely fractured idea of "self". You will continue to find unhappiness and pain if you judge yourself based on other's experiences, life, and problems. Each of us has our own life to live, problems to face, and each of us has our own feelings. It is not up to you, me, or anyone else to invalidate other's feelings and problems, as they are not our own and we do not walk in another person's shoes. All suffering is suffering and pain is pain. There is not a scale by which we can judge our problems as being more privileged or victimized.
good luck to the OP.
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Try looking at it this way, OP: At your size, if you claim to feel fat, there's some 600-pound woman out there rolling her eyes.
There's always someone out there who's going to be bigger/smaller/shorter/taller/richer/poorer than you. The key is to stop making comparisons to others, and to focus on your own goals.
But I take it the op would have the good sense to not call herself fat in front of the 600 lb woman?
OP, I say if you have to be around her a lot, perhaps politely ask her to stop calling herself fat in front of you? She may oblige
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booksandchocolate12 wrote: »I work with a woman who is 5'1" and who fluctuates between a size 0 and a size 2. When she's in a size 2, she says she's fat. After she caught me rolling my eyes she explained that she knows she's not actually fat but that she is more comfortable at a 0 and that for her, when she goes up to a 2, she feels fat.
After seeing all those eye rolls from me, she has actually started saying "Ugh...I feel fat" instead of "I am fat".
That really stopped the eye rolling?
Sure. Everyone feels fat sometimes, even people who wear a size 2.
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JocelynMooremfp wrote: »I can have a day when I am feelin really great about my workout and progress, then Z, my sister's friend who is 19 and weighs maybe 90lbs soaking wet, will go on an on about how fat she is. I know that you can be out of shape and still skinny but you can't be fat and skinny. Anyways, she does that and then I am like.. "If she is "fat" what does that make me?"
How do you all deal with it and not allow it to ruin a good thing?
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booksandchocolate12 wrote: »booksandchocolate12 wrote: »I work with a woman who is 5'1" and who fluctuates between a size 0 and a size 2. When she's in a size 2, she says she's fat. After she caught me rolling my eyes she explained that she knows she's not actually fat but that she is more comfortable at a 0 and that for her, when she goes up to a 2, she feels fat.
After seeing all those eye rolls from me, she has actually started saying "Ugh...I feel fat" instead of "I am fat".
That really stopped the eye rolling?
Sure. Everyone feels fat sometimes, even people who wear a size 2.
This. It's a sad friendship/acquaintance where one woman can't confide in the other about her personal insecurities, thoughts and feelings without the other woman turning around and confiding in others about how horrible a person they are for having those insecurities, thoughts and feelings.0 -
JocelynMooremfp wrote: »I can have a day when I am feelin really great about my workout and progress, then Z, my sister's friend who is 19 and weighs maybe 90lbs soaking wet, will go on an on about how fat she is. I know that you can be out of shape and still skinny but you can't be fat and skinny. Anyways, she does that and then I am like.. "If she is "fat" what does that make me?"
How do you all deal with it and not allow it to ruin a good thing?
It matters more what you think of yourself.
What she thinks and feels about herself or you doesn't really matter to your progress or perception of yourself if you don't let it. She may think or feel anyone over 90 lbs is "fat". She may genuinely think you are enormous even if you were at a healthy weight. She may be trying to get attention by saying she is fat. Maybe every time she gained weight as a child she was shamed. She may be jealous of how much fitter you are. These are all her mental issues.
Is she your doctor giving you a medical opinion on your weight or progress? No.
Does her skewed opinion on body size matter to the rest of the world? No. She is a19 year old girl who isn't even your friend.
Roll your eyes and change the subject. Don't hang out with her.
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Why doe's calling herself fat offend you?? Her opinion of herself has nothing to do with you!! If you are unhappy with yourself then change it. Just because you view her as skinny doesn't mean she doesn't have her own issue's and things she may want to change.0
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