When Skinny People Say They Are Fat..?

I generally assume other people's statements about their bodies are about them, and not about me.

I absolutely hate when people act the way you just did in your post... I am going to try my best and address this nicely.

First of all, is it your first reaction to compare yourself to others? Is your self esteem so low that you must seek validation by means of comparison or is your ego so large that you cannot for a moment accept that you were not part of the conversation?

If someone is talking about themselves (even in a self-depreciating way) it is not, about, you. Even if they ARE seeking compliments or reassurance, it is not about you.

I feel like it is absolutely ridiculous to use your own short-comings as a means to invalidate others feelings, emotions, or problems. So if someone is struggling financially, are you going to invalidate the way they feel because you make less money than them? Come on... Worry about your own life!

I can tell in the way you so mockingly said "90lbs soaking wet" that you idealize this girl. You are putting her up on a pedestal because she has traits (or so you choose to perceive) that you lack. This is a classic trait of narcissism. It's setting her and others to live up to some "perfect ideal" you have for them. How can they be imperfect or have problems when you are idolizing them? Surely, their problems must mean less than yours right?

Listen, in these situations, it's unclear whether or not they genuinely feel this way or they want someone to reassure them. It's best in these situations to give a neutral response and pay it no mind whatsoever. "I'm sorry you're feeling that way". Dont invalidate, don't agree/disagree just acknowledge.

Lastly, you need to take a good look at your life. You are doing something called the Self-Comparison technique in which you are evaluating your own self-image, beliefs, and personality by comparing it to others to determine whether or not you are "good or bad" or "right or wrong". This comes from an intensely fractured idea of "self". You will continue to find unhappiness and pain if you judge yourself based on other's experiences, life, and problems. Each of us has our own life to live, problems to face, and each of us has our own feelings. It is not up to you, me, or anyone else to invalidate other's feelings and problems, as they are not our own and we do not walk in another person's shoes. All suffering is suffering and pain is pain. There is not a scale by which we can judge our problems as being more privileged or victimized.

good luck to the OP.

JaneiR36 wrote: »

booksandchocolate12 wrote: »

I work with a woman who is 5'1" and who fluctuates between a size 0 and a size 2. When she's in a size 2, she says she's fat. After she caught me rolling my eyes she explained that she knows she's not actually fat but that she is more comfortable at a 0 and that for her, when she goes up to a 2, she feels fat.

After seeing all those eye rolls from me, she has actually started saying "Ugh...I feel fat" instead of "I am fat".

That really stopped the eye rolling?

Sure. Everyone feels fat sometimes, even people who wear a size 2.

booksandchocolate12 wrote: »

JaneiR36 wrote: »

booksandchocolate12 wrote: »

I work with a woman who is 5'1" and who fluctuates between a size 0 and a size 2. When she's in a size 2, she says she's fat. After she caught me rolling my eyes she explained that she knows she's not actually fat but that she is more comfortable at a 0 and that for her, when she goes up to a 2, she feels fat.

After seeing all those eye rolls from me, she has actually started saying "Ugh...I feel fat" instead of "I am fat".

That really stopped the eye rolling?

Sure. Everyone feels fat sometimes, even people who wear a size 2.

This. It's a sad friendship/acquaintance where one woman can't confide in the other about her personal insecurities, thoughts and feelings without the other woman turning around and confiding in others about how horrible a person they are for having those insecurities, thoughts and feelings.

Why doe's calling herself fat offend you?? Her opinion of herself has nothing to do with you!! If you are unhappy with yourself then change it. Just because you view her as skinny doesn't mean she doesn't have her own issue's and things she may want to change.

MrM27 wrote: »

JaneiR36 wrote: »

segacs wrote: »

Try looking at it this way, OP: At your size, if you claim to feel fat, there's some 600-pound woman out there rolling her eyes.

There's always someone out there who's going to be bigger/smaller/shorter/taller/richer/poorer than you. The key is to stop making comparisons to others, and to focus on your own goals.

But I take it the op would have the good sense to not call herself fat in front of the 600 lb woman?

OP, I say if you have to be around her a lot, perhaps politely ask her to stop calling herself fat in front of you? She may oblige

Who cares who's around. A person has the right to speak about themselves however they see fit. If that person has a distorted view of themselves that's there problem. When I'm in the process off cutting I view myself as out of shape when I'm clearly not. This past Friday my partner picked up a shirt for me the was a size Small and when I tried it on I was rather tight. I said "it's cause I'm fat right now". She called me dumb and said no I'm not. I know barely fitting into a small shirt clearly doesn't make me fat but I'm very vain so I see it how I do. That's my issue. No one else's and I don't have to tip toe around other people on how I speak of myself just because they might get offended. That's their problem.

I would be surprised if you felt differently

rainbowbow wrote: »

I absolutely hate when people act the way you just did in your post...
If someone is talking about themselves...it is not, about, you.

You just did the same thing...

:drinker:

JocelynMooremfp wrote: »

I can have a day when I am feelin really great about my workout and progress, then Z, my sister's friend who is 19 and weighs maybe 90lbs soaking wet, will go on an on about how fat she is. I know that you can be out of shape and still skinny but you can't be fat and skinny. Anyways, she does that and then I am like.. "If she is "fat" what does that make me?"

How do you all deal with it and not allow it to ruin a good thing?

That's her stuff that has nothing to do with you.

I believe when people who are not fat say they are, they are just trying to get validation that they look fine. It's best not to provide any kind of response. Sometimes no response or "I understand," are the best responses of all because they deflate the situation and keep you out of their stuff.