When Skinny People Say They Are Fat..?
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Tell her to just wait about 10 years. Then she'll be REALLY fat.0
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mamapeach910 wrote: »I love how, in this thread, people hearing things are allowed to have feelings, but people who might want to say something aren't.
You need to be more considerate with what you type. I think you just hurt my feelings but I haven't decided yet.
What if I typed that specifically to hurt your feelings? Sure it was my opinion and all, but that's the way this stuff works now, right?
FEEL the butthurt, baby. Pat Leo, you'll feel better.
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everyone's right! the girl was a little insensitive, but she's young and a little self-absorption might be expected. most women are somewhat dissatisfied with their bodies and are used to expressing that. the perception is relative. it's true that a person can have a low # on the scale and be unhappy with their body composition (it can even have health implications). yes, best to judge yourself by your own standards, and yes good to stay away from people who bother you inordinately.0
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@lemurcat12 because I'm too lazy to go back and quote ( :laugh: )
If the thread was from the point of view of the 19-year-old and she was saying "I don't understand why people roll their eyes at me when I complain about feeling fat" then I would say that she should choose a better audience for her venting. Absolutely, people should take the challenges of others into consideration. It doesn't really sound like she and the OP are even friends, so if she were the one who was writing this thread, I would tell her that those kinds of complaints will perhaps be better received by someone else.
But since we don't have her here, just the OP, my advice to the OP is to realize that the comments are about the girl, not the OP, and to realize that others are entitled to feel badly about their bodies even if their bodies seem great from her perspective. Most people's thoughts are truly mostly about themselves most of the time.
I just think it's a dangerous road to start speculating on who deserves to be able to vent and who doesn't. People vent to me all the time about general aches/pains or tension headaches. I could come back at them with "oh yeah? You should feel what it's like to have constant pain all the time. You should feel what it's like to have 18 migraine days per month." But I don't. I don't even think that honestly, unless I'm having a really bad day. And I don't think they're inconsiderate. I just think that most people aren't thinking about it that way, or aren't thinking it through at all. Sometimes people just need to vent. All we can control are our own actions.0 -
If a 250 lb person said they were fat in front of a 500 lb person, I'm sure it would be the same.
Don't get offended so easily. I'm sure you have said something similar to someone that rad heavier, or had worse health problems, etc.0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »I love how, in this thread, people hearing things are allowed to have feelings, but people who might want to say something aren't.
You need to be more considerate with what you type. I think you just hurt my feelings but I haven't decided yet.
What if I typed that specifically to hurt your feelings? Sure it was my opinion and all, but that's the way this stuff works now, right?
FEEL the butthurt, baby. Pat Leo, you'll feel better.
Leo is being a jerk right now. He's to busy barking at my niece and sister in law. He's busy being a bully.
That's a good thing, if you were to pet him you might become addicted.0 -
Look, okay. You're super insensitive, and I feel sorry for your friend who can't confide in your about how they feel about their body. But anyway, before I lost 60 pounds I thought I was fat, now that I'm 107 I still feel fat sometimes because guess what, weight doesn't determine your self perception. The little pooch on my belly automatically makes me feel large, regardless of how other people around me look. It's how I feel about my body, not how I compare my body to everyone else. If she says she feels fat, looks fat, whatever, instead of being rude or offensive, why don't you be supportive and ask her why she feels that way?-1
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »
I just think it's a dangerous road to start speculating on who deserves to be able to vent and who doesn't.
People vent to me all the time about general aches/pains or tension headaches. I could come back at them with "oh yeah? You should feel what it's like to have constant pain all the time. You should feel what it's like to have 18 migraine days per month." But I don't. I don't even think that honestly, unless I'm having a really bad day. And I don't think they're inconsiderate. I just think that most people aren't thinking about it that way, or aren't thinking it through at all. Sometimes people just need to vent. All we can control are our own actions.
So sorry to hear you have them that bad too. Are you able to get botox for yours? I still have a headache most days, but botox has cut the severity of them WAY back. It took a while to get to that point.
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mamapeach910 wrote: »ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »
I just think it's a dangerous road to start speculating on who deserves to be able to vent and who doesn't.People vent to me all the time about general aches/pains or tension headaches. I could come back at them with "oh yeah? You should feel what it's like to have constant pain all the time. You should feel what it's like to have 18 migraine days per month." But I don't. I don't even think that honestly, unless I'm having a really bad day. And I don't think they're inconsiderate. I just think that most people aren't thinking about it that way, or aren't thinking it through at all. Sometimes people just need to vent. All we can control are our own actions.
So sorry to hear you have them that bad too. Are you able to get botox for yours? I still have a headache most days, but botox has cut the severity of them WAY back. It took a while to get to that point.
Yes thank God. Before botox it was 18 days at least every single month. Now it's more like 9 most months.
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That is truly their perception. I used to weigh 135, at 5'11", and think I was too fat to be seen in a swimsuit. I look back on that and laugh.
Just don't take it personally.0 -
most women are somewhat dissatisfied with their bodies and are used to expressing that.
Yeah--I'm rather taken with what Jane said upthread, though--I wish this were less socially expected and perhaps even somewhat socially frowned upon. In a way, I think being self-aware enough to realize that other people besides yourself may have insecurities and feel unhappy with their bodies or perceive your body more positively than you do is a step toward getting over something that is not helpful in any way (and which I do think people can take steps to make better or worsen in themselves).
And yes, this could apply to OP too (and no question me also--I'm in part thinking about this because it's advice I'd want to live by), but she's not the one going on about it, but seems to be trying to feel positive.0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »I love how, in this thread, people hearing things are allowed to have feelings, but people who might want to say something aren't.
I can't believe you had the nerve to write that, knowing that I could possibly read it.
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »But since we don't have her here, just the OP, my advice to the OP is to realize that the comments are about the girl, not the OP, and to realize that others are entitled to feel badly about their bodies even if their bodies seem great from her perspective. Most people's thoughts are truly mostly about themselves most of the time.
This is true. I'm still feeling judgy on OP's behalf (and for the reasons expressed in my other posts), but no question what OP should do is ignore it and figure it's just the girl being focused on herself and nothing about OP at all.0 -
JocelynMooremfp wrote: »IHow do you all deal with it and not allow it to ruin a good thing?
I realize that she has as much right to b**** about her body as I do and what I do is unrelated to her. Then I go on with my life.0 -
rockmama72 wrote: »I recently had some guilt over this. I was looking at pics from 15 years ago, when I thought I was fat. I know I said it a lot. I must have seemed pretty jerky to some people.
Same here. I was at my ideal body weight but didn't realize it. I legitimately thought I was a fat person. I must have sounded like an total *kitten* but I honestly didn't know.0 -
My sisters best friend is like that. I used to hate her, she is in a new diet every other month. Shes about 5'3 and weights acording to her 120lb (shes 30yrs) to me thats super skinny! Why do you even need to be in a diet!!!? But she explained to me that to my eyes, shes skinny...but to her she needs to loose weight. Not because she has any self image problem or anything like that, simply because she used to be thinner...everyone knows their own body! I considered my self skinny when i used to weight 160 (currently 230lb) because thats when my body looked the best, when i felt the best! But i know to other people that would still be "fat"... what im trying to say is dont judge her or feel less because of her comment. Im sure someone bigger then you ever heard you say "im fat" will think that same thing you are thinking of your sisters friend.0
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jmagdalena707 wrote: »rockmama72 wrote: »I recently had some guilt over this. I was looking at pics from 15 years ago, when I thought I was fat. I know I said it a lot. I must have seemed pretty jerky to some people.
Same here. I was at my ideal body weight but didn't realize it. I legitimately thought I was a fat person. I must have sounded like an total *kitten* but I honestly didn't know.
I saw one of those little funny quote placards on Pinterest once that said "I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat".0 -
It's a passive aggressive thing... So put her on the spot. When she says it... Ask her what she's going to do about it. See if she can come up with something.0
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soccerkon26 wrote: »If a 250 lb person said they were fat in front of a 500 lb person, I'm sure it would be the same.
Don't get offended so easily. I'm sure you have said something similar to someone that rad heavier, or had worse health problems, etc.
Honestly? Any person whining that s/he is fat, to any other person, of any size, is annoying as hell and puts the person on the spot because what are you supposed to answer? "Yes, you are" if she is? "Well, actually, although you've always been very thin, I do see a double chin starting"? "You probably are anorexic and need help" if s/he literally is skinny, but moaning that s/he is "fat"?
It's an uncomfortable spot for anyone to put anyone in unless you are VERY good friends or are family members. One's sister's friend randomly babbling it out? Inappropriate, weird and there really is no good answer. Suppose the OP were to say "No, you're not" whether this person is or isn't, just to be nice? We all know that person is going to say "But I AM, just LOOK at this!" and grab some random body part and then what does the OP say? Is she now supposed to fall all over herself exaggerating how skinny the sister's friend is in order to convince her? How? And why?
I never remember doing this past high school, or anyone I know past high school ever doing this.
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soccerkon26 wrote: »If a 250 lb person said they were fat in front of a 500 lb person, I'm sure it would be the same.
Don't get offended so easily. I'm sure you have said something similar to someone that rad heavier, or had worse health problems, etc.
If it's a one-time statement, eh, I'd probably blow it off. If the OP's friend is constantly harping about her weight in this manner, I think it's OK to point out that "the f word" is often offensive to people who are truly overweight or obese. It would be good for the OP's friend to learn not to use that word before she enters the workforce, where her overweight boss may fire her butt for being unprofessional.
You can let someone know their words are offensive without being mean to them. 0 -
livingleanlivingclean wrote: »You can be skinny and fat. "skinny fat" people are small but squishy, with not a lot of muscle. They can have a high body fat %
That.... And people perceive themselves in their own way. How they perceive others isn't the same. She's judging herself, not you. I have "fat days" because I'm not as lean as when I competed in a bodybuilding show. I know that level of body fat isn't healthy or sustainable but it doesn't stop me having moments of negativity about how I look now!
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lemurcat12 wrote: »ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »But since we don't have her here, just the OP, my advice to the OP is to realize that the comments are about the girl, not the OP, and to realize that others are entitled to feel badly about their bodies even if their bodies seem great from her perspective. Most people's thoughts are truly mostly about themselves most of the time.
This is true. I'm still feeling judgy on OP's behalf (and for the reasons expressed in my other posts), but no question what OP should do is ignore it and figure it's just the girl being focused on herself and nothing about OP at all.
To be honest I'd definitely politely ask her if she doesn't mind stopping, with a careful explanation if requested. If she says no or carries on, then at least I've tried. I do not see any need to subject oneself to something they find annoying or demoralizing without ever really attempting to resolve the situation
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When I was her age I was so insecure of my body, I thought I was fat and I was about 25 lbs lighter than now. And I consider myself pretty fit now lol
Maybe she's just insecure or loves attention! You can kinda tell when someone's fishing for compliments or has an issue.
I personally would avoid people who make me feel bad about myself! I don't need their negativity in my life0 -
solivera87 wrote: »My sisters best friend is like that. I used to hate her, she is in a new diet every other month. Shes about 5'3 and weights acording to her 120lb (shes 30yrs) to me thats super skinny! Why do you even need to be in a diet!!!? But she explained to me that to my eyes, shes skinny...but to her she needs to loose weight. Not because she has any self image problem or anything like that, simply because she used to be thinner...everyone knows their own body!
This- totally! I see a lot of comments about her being passive-aggressive or attention-seeking. I've been there- I used to be very underweight and a size UK6- when i gained 5lbs I felt really fat. It had nothing to do with anyone else. I don't care about thier body size- so why should they care about mine. My freind is exactly my height and build but about 55-60lbs heavier than me. I like that we can both talk about slimming without taking it personally- and that she accepts that my 'fat' is her goal-weight.
On the other side of it- I was told in most uncompromising terms that i was too slim to join the 'fat-club' in work -which actually had me in tears. I wanted to lose a few pounds- just like they did- the process is the same -just that they wanted to lose a lot more than me. They made me feel really bad- so it works both ways.0 -
Perhaps she is just trying to relate to you and find something in common to talk about, and her own insecurities about her body are common ground? Don't know why everyone assumes it is an attention thing. People (especially women) will always try to find a common subject with which they can empathise with others on, it builds social relationships. She dislikes her body just like you do. It's not for you to judge her "worthiness" of body hatred, any more than it is for her to judge you.
Perhaps see it as a bonding exercise rather than a personal attack, which is how you seem to be taking it. Stop being so defensive and relate to the poor girl. Teenagers are well known for hating themselves and being unhappy with their bodies no matter how they look. Perhaps she was reaching out to you because she thought that you'd understand.
You are the shape you are and wish to change it. She is the shape she is and she obviously doesn't like it, perhaps give her pointers as to how to change it by passing on what you've learned from here? Even though you may think you are in a worse position at this point in time based purely on your size, you are also in a position where you can help her. My pilates teacher is currently larger than me, does it mean that her view is invalid? Not in the slightest... She's stronger and smarter than I am, and there is no way I would ever discount what she says on account of her weight.
And yes, it is perfectly possible to be "skinny" and "fat".0 -
I have had a lot of friends like this. It's almost as if as women we aren't allowed to accept our bodies. If someone should say they are happy with how they look, they get slated. It's about acceptance. I'm struggling with that part. I focus on my fitness and constantly improving it. The obvious answer is to not think about any one else, focus on yourself, and be happy with yourself and your progress.0
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Whitezombiegirl wrote: »solivera87 wrote: »My sisters best friend is like that. I used to hate her, she is in a new diet every other month. Shes about 5'3 and weights acording to her 120lb (shes 30yrs) to me thats super skinny! Why do you even need to be in a diet!!!? But she explained to me that to my eyes, shes skinny...but to her she needs to loose weight. Not because she has any self image problem or anything like that, simply because she used to be thinner...everyone knows their own body!
This- totally! I see a lot of comments about her being passive-aggressive or attention-seeking. I've been there- I used to be very underweight and a size UK6- when i gained 5lbs I felt really fat. It had nothing to do with anyone else. I don't care about thier body size- so why should they care about mine. My freind is exactly my height and build but about 55-60lbs heavier than me. I like that we can both talk about slimming without taking it personally- and that she accepts that my 'fat' is her goal-weight.
On the other side of it- I was told in most uncompromising terms that i was too slim to join the 'fat-club' in work -which actually had me in tears. I wanted to lose a few pounds- just like they did- the process is the same -just that they wanted to lose a lot more than me. They made me feel really bad- so it works both ways.
Yep, this is me; I used to be a size 6, now I've gone up to a size 10. I'm 5ft 3, and I'm definitely not fat; but because I am a good couple of clothes sizes bigger than I used to be, I see myself as fat.
My best advise would be to just emphasise; if she moans about how fat she is, relate to her, say 'I feel totally fat too, but I've been doing this, this and this to combat it and lose weight'. Never confirm/deny her skinny or fatness. Never say 'but oh my God you're so skinny!' or 'yeah, you could lose a few pounds'.
If your friend is just reaching out and genuinely trying to find some support, genuinely thinks she is fat and wants someone to empathise with, then this should be an OK approach. If she is just looking for attention, the fact that you aren't jumping to tell her how skinny she is means she will probably lose interest and find someone who will tell her what she wants to hear.0 -
Whitezombiegirl wrote: »solivera87 wrote: »My sisters best friend is like that. I used to hate her, she is in a new diet every other month. Shes about 5'3 and weights acording to her 120lb (shes 30yrs) to me thats super skinny! Why do you even need to be in a diet!!!? But she explained to me that to my eyes, shes skinny...but to her she needs to loose weight. Not because she has any self image problem or anything like that, simply because she used to be thinner...everyone knows their own body!
This- totally! I see a lot of comments about her being passive-aggressive or attention-seeking. I've been there- I used to be very underweight and a size UK6- when i gained 5lbs I felt really fat. It had nothing to do with anyone else.
I thought I was fat when I objectively wasn't too. I assume that's really common (certainly was when I was in high school in the '80s). What I did NOT do, and what I think is (a) rude, and (b) quite possibly attention-seeking or compliment-fishing, is go on about how "fat" I was to other people, including someone I didn't even know that well. I don't see that as similar to simply being insecure or talking about insecurity issues in confidence with a close friend. It's more like going up to some random person and asking them to comment on a body part, as someone else mentioned.
I totally admit that I'm imagining details from various things I witnessed or experienced in high school and am being judgmental and that I might have a totally different interpretation to the actual situation. I DON'T think it's good in general to make socially acceptable the "oh, I'm horrible, I'm super fat and disgusting" talk, as I think it encourages the idea that its expected for women to feel that way, and (again) I do think it's generally thoughtless and rude. I think one difference might be how people are interpreting the conversation, though, and the context. I certainly wouldn't think it was wrong for a friend, no matter her size, to come to me and talk about her negative feelings about her body. Indeed, I'd want her to feel comfortable talking about it if she was experiencing issues. I just don't see that as what's going on here (perhaps due to details that I've imagined and supplied, like I said).
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+1 for body dysmorphia. I am only aware I have it myself because my partner told me I'd been doing the exact same thing, to a lady apparently bigger than myself. In my head though, she was far smaller than I am. Some days I think I look smaller, some days I fail to see a single pound of my 90lb loss. In the mirror, I can still see all the rolls and chunks, so I still point out that I'm fat, before someone else can. It's a defence mechanism - if I say it, it's okay. If somebody else says it, it hurts.0
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