Is there such thing as a rude compliment?
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I guess I don't see the rudeness in that....but then again I am not one to waste time getting upset over other's actions or words0
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That was a weird thing to say, but I wouldn't necessarily consider it rude, just somewhat on the crude side.0
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As someone who is inadvertently rude SEVERAL times I can assure you that some people just don't mean it. You can be upset and peeved, you don't have to take a compliment just because it was meant as one. your emotions are your own, but if it helps to know that there are just some very socially awkward nutballs out there that say dumb stuff, well it's true.
Or she might be a jerkhole in which case, what does her opinion matter anyway?0 -
Backhanded compliments. Mostly doled out by jealous people. Did she seem like she was trying to be rude or did it seem sincere? I try not to assume everyone is being backhanded when giving me a compliment, drives you nuts.0
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I totally get what you are saying. On one of my before and after pictures I posted over a year ago someone said they like my before picture better. I was about 15 lbs heavier. That wasn't really a compliment but still. I was like thanks a lot! lol!
You've done a great job, so be proud! Congrats on the weight loss!0 -
I think a lot of people here make a good point. It's possible that it was a backhanded complimented but I believe the woman could have been trying to be humorous while giving a compliment.0
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Yes. Definitely yes. There are rude compliments. They are usually intended to sound nice, but the reality is that they aren't.
And it is entirely possible to be uncomfortable with something someone said, because of what they said. Not because you "choose" to be uncomfortable, but because what was said, was rude, or mean, or spiteful, or hateful, or just simply inappropriate. However, your choice now is whether you let it continue to bother you. There are a lot of people who compare themselves to others, and if your progress is faster, better, more obvious than theirs, they get jealous, and their insecurities start to show. Shrug it off the best you can, and just know that it might happen again.
40 pounds is cause for celebration, so celebrate your success and tell them to go suck a duck!0 -
(I've had past struggles with an eating disorder)
my dad: "You look like you're losing weight again. Are you doing that puking bull****? You better not be. You seem to only lose weight when you're doing that **it."
OK, so ... I look good? Thanks dad. lol.0 -
no one is going to recognize me and that there will be gossip that my boyfriend has returned home with a new girlfriend who is half the size of his old one.
I can see how that can be considered rude, but I don't think she meant it to sound that way. Sometimes people just don't think before they say something. You just have to brush it off and let it go.0 -
_dracarys_ wrote: »Yeah, that's a backhanded compliment in my opinion. She's pointing out how your boyfriend now has some improved girlfriend, which means you weren't good enough before. She probably meant well, as I think most people do, but I get why it makes you feel uncomfortable. You may get more of this, unfortunately. It's hard to react in the moment, but if it happens again, you can try showing her a puzzled expression and kind of play dumb like you just don't get it. She'll feel kind of stupid having to explain the "joke". Or smile and let it go. You ARE good enough exactly how you are.
How did you get that out of the OP?
How did I get that? Because she said the woman said people will say her boyfriend is returning home with a new girlfriend. What can that possibly mean besides a new and improved girlfriend? I can see how that would make her feel uncomfortable
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I don't think she was being rude. I think way too many people reading into things that are said. That was just her way of saying you are awesome.0
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Ten minutes ago I was making copies and our receptionist said, "stop getting so skinny. You're making me jealous & I'm p*ssed off at you".
I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it but I'm not in the greatest mood today.
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It comes down to context, what's sincere joking between friends who are close enough to speak that way to each other easily becomes bitchy when it's a casual acquaintance. There are some people who just don't get that something appropriate to say to a friend you talk to daily isn't necessarily appropriate to someone you know to discuss the weather once in a while. Or, they do get it, and assume you'll give them the benefit of the doubt when they're really just trying to get in a dig.0
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_dracarys_ wrote: »Yeah, that's a backhanded compliment in my opinion. She's pointing out how your boyfriend now has some improved girlfriend, which means you weren't good enough before. She probably meant well, as I think most people do, but I get why it makes you feel uncomfortable. You may get more of this, unfortunately. It's hard to react in the moment, but if it happens again, you can try showing her a puzzled expression and kind of play dumb like you just don't get it. She'll feel kind of stupid having to explain the "joke". Or smile and let it go. You ARE good enough exactly how you are.
How did you get that out of the OP?
How did I get that? Because she said the woman said people will say her boyfriend is returning home with a new girlfriend. What can that possibly mean besides a new and improved girlfriend? I can see how that would make her feel uncomfortable
It could mean that he's returning home with a new girlfriend. A different girl. Not one place is it mentioned that she is "new and improved." Project much?0 -
I still don't get this as being rude. Clearly she was referring to the "new and improved" her. Not really a "new" girlfriend._dracarys_ wrote: »Yeah, that's a backhanded compliment in my opinion. She's pointing out how your boyfriend now has some improved girlfriend, which means you weren't good enough before. She probably meant well, as I think most people do, but I get why it makes you feel uncomfortable. You may get more of this, unfortunately. It's hard to react in the moment, but if it happens again, you can try showing her a puzzled expression and kind of play dumb like you just don't get it. She'll feel kind of stupid having to explain the "joke". Or smile and let it go. You ARE good enough exactly how you are.
How did you get that out of the OP?
How did I get that? Because she said the woman said people will say her boyfriend is returning home with a new girlfriend. What can that possibly mean besides a new and improved girlfriend? I can see how that would make her feel uncomfortable
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Over sensitivity sucks
You were paid a compliment in a jokey, earthy way ...I'm sure the person who complimented you was amused by his/her own wit and then didn't think twice about it
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An insult would be something like "now you've lost weight I can see how ugly you are"
See the difference?0 -
Yep backhanded for sure. I would get them once my weight loss was really showing. I really didn't care. I either said..."thank you, I am working really hard" or ignored it.
Congrats on the weight loss though that is great!0
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