Secret Eating - help!

i chew gum... hard gumballs, then my jaw is too tired to eat

I can relate to your post in so many ways- I know that seeking counsel and OA are often recommended- but I simply do not have access to that in the small rural town I live in. Having said that- I have found a lot of help in flexible dieting/iifym. Before- I "dieted" my way into obesity- eating "clean" and I would do great for a handful of days then binge. I definitely have food issues- and do not know where they stem from or all of my triggers- but since I have been practicing flexible dieting- I feel like I have control over it now- have made great progress- and never feel denied. I am now a heavy lifter- strong-empowered- and no longer feel panic or loos of control. Know that you are not alone- and you have a wonderful support group here!

I also have a daily desire to down an entire family sized bag of potato chips by myself. I'm pretty sure the only reason I do this is because it tastes good, and I've somehow convinced myself I deserve it.

I've only been back on food/activity tracking for 10 days. I've done this before and lost weight, my issue is that once I've lost it, I quit. This time, my goal is to keep at it to maintain my weight as well.

I've found that staying committed to tracking does help (but you REALLY have to own up to EVERYTHING you eat). When you do slip up, don't be too hard on yourself. You ate it, you logged it, move on and fix it with better habits tomorrow.

Aside from just tracking calories, this time I'm also trying monitor my nutrient breakdown. When I'm feeling like a snack, I'm aiming for a snack that fits what I've been lacking for the day (sadly it's always protien). The goal here is to actually give my body what it's actually asking for. Usually this involves preparing something as well, so it forces you to think 'how bad do I really want a snack?'.

Lastly, whether I keep them in the house or not, it's easy enough for me to go buy a bag of chips or a chocolate bar (Everything is walking distance). For this reason, I do keep substitutes on hand like pop-chips, special K cracker chips and 80% cocoa chocolate bars (which for me is enough cocoa to limit my intake). This way, if all else fails and I do end up finishing a whole bag/box of something, it's usually only enough to prevent weight loss for the day and doesn't really set me back any. Again, you eat it, you log it, and you do better tomorrow.

I so relate to this. I've had a history of disordered eating, so when I find myself in a "secret eating" mental place, I have to stop and think about what's going on in my life. Like, I'll be painfully full, and still eating! For me, it's usually that there is something in my life that I feel like I'm unable to control or that I'm dreading dealing with (or both), and for me, that's a trigger -- but once I can identify it, and spend some time thinking about it/ talking it through with my partner, it typically alleviates the behaviour for me. Stress is a MAJOR thing for many of us, and it has so many more impacts than we even realise.

I'm not saying that's what triggers yours, but it can't hurt to offer experience. Good luck!

I was going to suggest an online meeting of OA. Bravo, @meganlee65 . I'm not prone to binging myself, and I own my love of food (no hiding it away). But I sympathize. I relate it to the abstention/binge/shame cycle common with addicts. You guys can correct me if I am wrong because you have way more experience with this than I do, but it seems to me that there are two main issues. First is figuring out what emotion the food is suppressing and work on that, and the other is to remove the shame from food.