Comment from coworker
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I'm working on getting thinner. You should work on being nicer.0
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RuefulRabbit wrote: »I'm sitting here at my desk this morning, drinking my unsweet tea, and coworker I barely know comes up and says "I never realized how fat you are."
Me: "Pardon me?"
Her: "You don't look nearly as fat when you're standing up."
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I admit to being completely taken aback. How the flarks do I respond to this?
You say "Well, Good Day to you SIR!" in a British accent with emphasis on Sir!
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A lot of this depends on the relationship with the co-worker. From the surprise and reaction I am guessing the OP and co-worker are not particularly close.
I worked with a guy from the UK, and we became good friends. In the mornings he would greet me with "Oi, Fatso!" and I'd reply with "Oi, F*ckwit!", and it was all well and good ... but I had other co-workers where a greeting like that would have been unacceptable.0 -
Go to her later and say, "I never realized how dry you are." and pour tea on her head.
OMG! that's soo funny! ^
OP, I'm really sorry that happened. Please don't let their ignorant comment bother you but PLEASE at least tell your boss so that doesn't happen again. That is not acceptable at all.0 -
I think this depends on your relationship with your co-worker before she made the comment.
If you two are typically friendly, then consider that some times people make mean spirited jabs in the name of fun, not realizing that it might hurt your feelings. If you two had a pretty good rapport before this, perhaps you can just let them know that the comment was hurtful to you and you might be surprised that they are shocked to hear it.
If it's someone that you do not have the best rapport with, then you should deal with it directly first. Tell the person that what they said was inappropriate and unacceptable and that they should refrain from making personal comments in the future.
After that if it continues, and it is affecting your work, go to HR.
I agree with Jeff. Handling the situation directly (and respectfully) shows that you demand respect for yourself and are a capable problem-solver. Going to HR without trying to handle the situation first makes you look like a person who likes to stir up trouble. I would email her (so you have documentation if it happens again, or she humiliates anyone else). You could say:
"[Rude Person's Name],
I have to admit, I was caught off guard when you made the comment regarding my weight this morning. We have not had many conversations before, and I'm sure you did not mean ill will. With that being said, I am the type of person who is not comfortable discussing my weight or physical appearance. However, please feel free to ask me any work-related questions, as I am happy to oblige.
Thank you,
RuefulRabbit
In order to be effective and professional, you should avoid discussing your weight at work. If she heard you and a bunch of co-workers talking about your weight, then you're allowing your weight to be a topic of discussion to anyone within ear's reach.0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »RuefulRabbit wrote: »So twenty minutes later, I've decided to take the moral high-ground. I am going to ignore this person (other than the interaction I must have with her for work), and take it as motivation to keep up with my plan to lose weight and get healthier.
Unfortunately for making an HR complaint, being fat isn't a protected status.
But a hostile work environment is unacceptable and they have to protect against that.
Exactly. That's a hostile work environment. That can be a basis for a lawsuit.
I echo the question asked earlier: What kind of place do you work where people do this kind of thing? I can't even imagine that happening where I work.
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quiksylver296 wrote: »RuefulRabbit wrote: »So twenty minutes later, I've decided to take the moral high-ground. I am going to ignore this person (other than the interaction I must have with her for work), and take it as motivation to keep up with my plan to lose weight and get healthier.
Unfortunately for making an HR complaint, being fat isn't a protected status.
But a hostile work environment is unacceptable and they have to protect against that.
I agree, you don't have to be in any protected group to be safe from bullying in your workplace. The company has a responsibility to check this behavior. What if she did that to someone else and they took it way to heart and quit or hurt themselves or something else?
Also, if you ever take the bait and respond to her, guaranteed she will run not walk to HR with glee to turn you in. Then you will have no history to defend yourself with. Think long term here, this chick is bad news.0 -
That's so cruel. This says so much about her and not about you.
You are working your *kitten* off to actually do something about your weight, and her personality can't be changed.0 -
I rarely involve HR, but would with this. Who knows what else is going on and this behavior cannot be tolerated. If it isn't addressed immediately it will only get worse and pose tremendous liability to the company.0
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This coworker is not a friend. She's just someone I interact with a couple times a week. She's never said anything remotely like that to me before. Her comment was rude. It was hurtful. It was also (so far) a one-time thing. I did, however, make a date/time stamped note to myself and have filed it away in case this happens again.0
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It depends on context and how I was feeling that day. I could have just as easily burst out laughing and found a suitable retort. Depends whether it was meant with malice or not.
On a given day id have made a written complaint and taken it to HR if I felt like I wanted to follow through that far, normally I sort things out myself where possible.0 -
BuckyArden33 wrote: »punch to the face should fix it
This. So much this.0 -
While I was losing weight (120 lbs in 10 months), I heard many rude comments at work. One of the worst was "I hope you are keeping all your fat clothes because you will probably gain it all back." HA HA on her, I have been maintaining for a year.0
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And that comment was pure motivation for me to work harder.
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quiksylver296 wrote: »RuefulRabbit wrote: »So twenty minutes later, I've decided to take the moral high-ground. I am going to ignore this person (other than the interaction I must have with her for work), and take it as motivation to keep up with my plan to lose weight and get healthier.
Unfortunately for making an HR complaint, being fat isn't a protected status.
But a hostile work environment is unacceptable and they have to protect against that.
While I do applaud you for taking the high ground and not retaliating with similar behavior, I will say this: what that person did is body shaming; it's bullying. These create a hostile work environment, which IS protected status under harassment guidelines. And HR rep worth their salt will address it when it's put like that! Go to your HR rep. Otherwise, this bully will think she/he can continue their hostile behavior--and that's how bullies win.
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