not feeling pretty
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Yes, this would probably be better in Motivation and Support.
You need to stop worry about whether or not people are looking at you and judging you based on your makeup (or lack thereof) and hair. First, The vast majority of people are not doing that, to start with. Most people are self-involved enough that they don't pay attention to each other's makeup and hair unless there is something really wild and crazy going on. Second, if they are paying attention...who cares? Focus on yourself. You are working on losing weight, right? Focus on that. Focus on your health, your family, etc. Don't waste mental energy on the opinions of others who have no affect on your life or livelihood.0 -
cortney876 wrote: »When you have your moments which is pretty often when u are trying to lose weight i will like to hear feedback or job well done from my husband but im still figuring out guys are just not program that way to notice things all the time and im trying to fix myself not to care and to keep up the work im doing to improve my self. dont get me he very supportive but i need another outlet to talk about this to
A guy's perspective:
Lose weight, wear (or don't wear) make-up for YOU, not for anyone else. This isn't to say you don't love, care about or respect your husband's opinions. However his approval on any of the things that make you, uniquely you is not strictly required. Your life is truly yours, so own it and don't worry so much about what others may or may not think of you -- even your husband. Start thinking in terms of what you can do that will make you happy with yourself and that will shine through to everyone else in your life. It also may help to realize that even the prettiest girls have hangups just like everyone else and that even though society as a whole may shower attention and overvalue looks and image, it is not what makes you a quality human being in the end -- you are what makes you that.0 -
Makeup does not build beauty or confidence. I have crazy natural hair and I certainly don't think that makes me less beautiful then the next woman. Honestly, the next woman is not a concern of mine. You have to focus on yourself, especially when it comes to self esteem. If you compare yourself to everyone else you will always feel less adequate. Lets be honest, people only show you their "best selves." No one posts the ugly selfies.. No one writes status updates about marriage troubles. You have to snap out of it.. love yourself and love your husband and focus on being healthy and happy. The more you love yourself, the more attractive you will be and feel.0
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Your husband sees the beauty in you that you may not see yourself all the time. You are a lucky woman. I'm not sure how long your locs are but check out YouTube. I've seen gorgeous styles that people with locs are wearing. If you can afford it, go to a beautician that specializes in loc maintenance in order to get your hair styled.
As far as makeup is concerned, you don't have to wear elaborate colors to be beautiful. Search for videos on the "no makeup" makeup look. That might help you polish your everyday look. For those times that you want to jazz it up I don't see why you can't. I went from being a person who never wore makeup until college to being a makeup artist mainly from watching YouTube and practicing.
If you feel that you need to lose weight then do that. If you don't, then don't worry about it. Weight loss is a personal thing. You won't be successful if you're doing it for another person. Be confident in who you are and on those days that you feel less than pretty, wear an outfit that you love, get your nails done, take a little more time in the morning to pamper yourself.0 -
Well--I think that you're banging your head against the wall. There is no woman in the world that doesn't have competion ie: someone that looks better, prettier, or is nicer, taller, more petite etc, etc... You can never win the "contest". As an above poster said--you do you. This means you take a look at what you've got to start and improve where you can. To be the best YOU can be. You have to be satisfied with that, because ther's nothing else. If you can't accept yourself, then you really need professional help. Lose weight, but it's not going to solve your problems or make you gorgeous, neither is makeup. Take those small steps, improve your weight, your health, start excersising and take things from there. Good luck to you.
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Sometimes people say "natural look" and mean light make up and hairstyles vs full on make up and very obviously styled hair
There is no reason that you can't wear a little powder, eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss and still look pretty natural. There is no reason that you can't get a nice haircut and put a few soft curls in it or whatever makes *you* the most comfortable.
Sometimes a "natural look" takes more effort than looking heavily made up.
Anyway, if what you are saying is that your husband has "ordered" you to look a certain way and lose weight... he's the problem, not your hairstyle. If my husband says "you should color your hair dark sometime, I really like it that way" it is one thing. If he said "dye your hair darker, I only like dark hair", that is a whole different thing.
If you don't know how to do your hair and make up and want to (for you), ask someone! Maybe your mom or sister could give you some pointers.0 -
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I'm beginning to see the issue here, OP. It sounds like you're putting an awful lot of thought into what your husband, sisters, family members and even perfect strangers think or prefer.
The fact is, you won't find happiness there. That's just not where it is. You'll be happy with yourself when you stop worrying about what those other people think or want, and worry only about what you prefer for yourself.
If you want to lose weight and it makes you feel good and attractive to do so, then go for it. You also have health factors to consider there, and being fit and able to do things is a great way to feel good about yourself. But ya know, makeup has no health benefits. If you like it and it makes you feel good, wear it...if not, don't. Same goes for various types of clothing. You get no brownie points by wearing things or applying makeup that you, yourself, don't like.
Fortunately, one of the best treatments for depression and anxiety is exercise. Seriously. Studies repeatedly find that exercise is at least as good, if not better, than most prescription drugs for treating depression and anxiety. So regardless of what you decide to do with the makeup or clothes, or even losing weight, the best thing you can do for yourself to relieve depression and anxiety, and to improve your self-image, is to exercise.0 -
cortney876 wrote: »I think its more so me not feeling confident and my mom and sister do feel confident or at least they can hide it better than i can. And since this is my situation they have no reason to look or feel down about whats going on with them. So i was saying he likes the whole natural thing but it seems he more attracted to there confidence and thats what i had 3 years ago and got to comfortable had 2 c sections and im obese according to the scale but im portion all over like if my stomach was gone we will be fine. Its just hard being all natural. When around people that dont get it and when people dont get something they tend to do or say something just because. Like u dont look like me so u gota be in the wrong here. Thats all i was saying . Yes i do probably need to talk to someone. Thats why i got this app and that's why i started venting to this world on here with people that understood what i was struggling everyday at least i thought people could relate mayb i was wrong instead of paying someone to have me talk and have me do what i suggested and say it was there idea.
Hi @cortney876 , you said something that makes sense, your husband is attracted to confidence. Men are attracted to confidence just like women are attracted to confidence. You mentioned you had confidence before and it seems you may have lost your confidence in yourself. That is a key to everyone's happiness and confidence...you must love yourself. You need to be the person you want to be. Please don't worry about what other people look like; every person that walks on this earth has their own insecurities and demons they fight. You need to make yourself beautiful to the most important person in your life...you. Positive energy will reap positive results.0 -
This thread made me tired. I'm going to bed.0
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The only opinion that really matters is that of your husband. My perspective is this: guys want to be with a woman who is attractive, but that isn't the most important thing. I've met women who were very attractive, until they opened their mouths. I've met women who weren't particularly attractive, but the way they spoke and the way they treated people more than made up for it.0
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I'm sorry you've gotten some rude responses here. You may not be in the correct forum, but that's no reason to be unkind.
I think you should figure out what makes you consider a woman beautiful, and what makes you feel beautiful, and do that. Work out for yourself, buy clothes for yourself, do your hair, nails, and makeup for yourself... or don't! Everyone else's opinion is secondary to your own, and real beauty comes from the confidence we have when we are comfortable with ourselves. Good luck!
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I almost never wear make up. It just doesn't feel natural for me, I feel self conscious when I put it on because I'm not used to it. Sometimes I look at other ladies who put lots of time into their make up and I feel dull and dowdy by comparison and wish I had their confidence - however - I have had several friends confide that they feel trapped always having to be made up and wish they had my confidence to do without it.
I guess what it comes down to is finding your own self worth and not constantly comparing yourself to others. Stop telling yourself that you're not as attractive as your sister and mother. Life is hard enough without being mean to yourself all the time.0 -
You're just missing confidence
I rarely wear makeup ..although when I do it makes a difference...but I can strutt and head turn with the best of them when I want to and I'm a 48 year old mum of two
Beauty is about confidence, sexuality is about confidence
Fake it till you make it
And read Maya Angelou. poetryfoundation.org/poem/178942...she knows!0 -
My husband thinks I'm gorgeous in pyjamas, plaits and no makeup. I feel more confident with my brows coloured in, liquid eyeliner flicks and some blusher. Not for other men but so I look better in the mirror!
Same with my weightloss. He thinks I'm hot whatever size I've been (first together at 17 and two kids later at 32 he's seen me in all shapes and sizes) but I want to look a better version of me. I want a waist that goes in!
As for comparing yourself to others, it's hard not to but either do something about it or accept yourself for you.0 -
cortney876 wrote: »When you have your moments which is pretty often when u are trying to lose weight i will like to hear feedback or job well done from my husband but im still figuring out guys are just not program that way to notice things all the time and im trying to fix myself not to care and to keep up the work im doing to improve my self. dont get me he very supportive but i need another outlet to talk about this to
A guy's perspective:
Lose weight, wear (or don't wear) make-up for YOU, not for anyone else. This isn't to say you don't love, care about or respect your husband's opinions. However his approval on any of the things that make you, uniquely you is not strictly required. Your life is truly yours, so own it and don't worry so much about what others may or may not think of you -- even your husband. Start thinking in terms of what you can do that will make you happy with yourself and that will shine through to everyone else in your life. It also may help to realize that even the prettiest girls have hangups just like everyone else and that even though society as a whole may shower attention and overvalue looks and image, it is not what makes you a quality human being in the end -- you are what makes you that.
Agree. Do what makes YOU happy. No one else.0
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