I realized that I KNOW how to lose weight and it usually is pretty easy for me once I get started. After I lose a few pounds and people start noticing, I usually pile it back on. It's like I am afraid of losing all the fat because I can't stand the attention. I get much more attention from guys, and it can be really new and overwhelming. It kind of hurts in a way too because I have always been chubby and a lot of guys teased me as a kid. I sometimes feel very resentful when they notice me, because part of me feels like their feelings are conditional, based on how a girl looks. Having them noticing me in a way sort of makes me realize how superficial people are.
Not only that, but my family has always paid excessive attention to my body as well, and my sisters are competitive with me. I am known as the "pretty one", and I notice they start to act very strange whenever people compliment me or I look good in my clothes. People always say I have a pretty face and just need to lose weight. I think a lot of chubby girls get that.
Another thing is that in my mind, I have always thought that once I am skinny, I will be happy. I think a part of me is afraid that will happen, because life can't be that great. Another part of me is afraid to be disappointed.
I know this all sounds really dramatic, but these are serious issues that affect me mentally. I have suffered from low self esteem throughout my entire life because of how people treat me, only because of my BODY. I was wondering if anyone had any similar experiences or advice for me.