Problems Maintaining with Family

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  • spat095
    spat095 Posts: 105 Member
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    Lots of good advice for you in this thread. Just being aware of the issue at hand is important, and you seem to know what you need to do to succeed! I know how it feels to have people around who just 'don't get it' - I have been somewhat bullied by friends and accused of having an eating disorder because I turned down cake at a party...that sort of thing (and before anyone gets all, "You can have cake!!! Don't tell him not to eat cake!!!!" on me....I know that....sometimes I'd rather spend my calories on other, more filling things, ok?). You just have to rise above it and own it, you know? Over time, they'll get used to your lifestyle and you'll get used to either eating more/differently in their presence or turning down things that everyone else is eating - just know the choice is all yours. :) Good luck and congratulations on your hard work!
  • TitaniaEcks
    TitaniaEcks Posts: 351 Member
    edited May 2015
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    nxd10 wrote: »
    What I find really helps is to eat most of what everyone else eats for shared meals and just take small portions. So if people have ice cream, I just take 1/4 cup or one cookie or a small serving of whatever.

    This. When you have to eat what your family eats, the simple solution is portion control. If they're filling up a dinner plate, you use a salad plate instead. Et cetera. Then you fill up with water or some other no-cal beverage.
  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
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    draznyth wrote: »
    tl;dr

    tell your family to suck it

    this is a great option too. your body, your rules
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
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    Great advice here. I've always thought there are 2 things going on. The purely mechanical (what you're eating and how much) and the emotional (how it makes me feel when others comment or raise an eyebrow at what they might consider slightly odd habits I've developed in the last 2 years).

    On the purely mechanical, I understand. When I'm traveling on business, I frequently do not have a choice at all in the food put on my plate - it comes ready-plated and in many cultures they don't understand that people might avoid certain foods. BUT I am totally in control of what part of that goes into my mouth and as someone said above "I own it".

    On the emotional side - developing the strength to deal with it will come with practice, and, dare I say it, age. I'm not confrontational, so telling anyone to s*ck it wouldn't work for me. But I don't make a song and dance about scraping sauces off things, ignoring the mashed potato, declining the bread roll and (heresy!) dessert. The most I've said is that it took a lot of work to lose the weight and I intend to do everything possible to keep it off. Honestly, I've never had that line not work for me.
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
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    dpr73 wrote: »
    I suppose my main thing is I don't know if it's okay to overeat like this for a week and not slowly put on weight. I almost never overdo it so I don't know how to manage overdoing it

    To borrow the sentiment of what others have said here on MFP: You didn't put all your weight on in a week, so you're not going to re-gain it in a week, either.

    For me, the key is that this week sounds like it's not your normal situation. You describe it as being a small vacation. As someone who takes one or two cruises each year, my experience is that the more unusual this period of abnormal eating is, the easier it is to get back on track. If you do this while on vacation, it's easier to say "I'm back home, so it's back to my normal habits".

    Your summer spent with your parents is probably going to be more difficult, because, if it's anything like my summers away from home, that was a much more "normal" environment where the habits established therein were harder to drop.

    In the end, you are learning one of the skills that it simply takes uncomfortable practice to develop. You know what kind of habits you want to maintain, but you also are among family and don't want to alienate yourself from them. You will simply have to try out various ways of declining the offers and the pressure and find the ways that work for you. And there's not necessarily one way that will work for every situation. I've got some people where I use a simple "No, thanks, I'm good" and leave it at that while there are other people that I'll discuss my diet and eating habits with as my grounds for declining.

    Your heart and mind are in the right place. It's simply going to take some time and effort for the "adult you" to become established among your family.

  • KimHedger1
    KimHedger1 Posts: 3 Member
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    When in this situation, I look for smaller portions or lower calorie choices. For example when my family went for ice cream, I saw they had a pup cup. I explained I wanted an ice cream so could I pay for a kids portion but get a pup cup? They were very understanding and so that's what I got. I was able to join in but kept my portion/calories down. The women behind me came up to me after and said she wished she had thought to do that, as she felt pressured when out with friends.

    The first few times you stand your ground maybe rough, but if you stand firm as others have said they will soon realize you're serious and let it alone.

    Good luck!!
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
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    I think the key thing from your quote above was the word 'overeat'. In terms of your question - yes, it's sometimes okay to overeat if you want to.

    But like you originally said in your first post - overeating doesn't feel good. Eating ENOUGH of what you want feels good. Portion size is your friend, so is distraction. You put things on your plate and look like you're enjoying what you're eating and they'll ignore you. We all have our quirks. This one is yours.

    Some great friendly ideas for comebacks though - 'I'm pretty full right now' and "i want to leave room for later' don't leave a lot for argument, especially if you laugh when you say it.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    What you described probably fits just fine in your calories, honestly.

    But just say no if you really don't feel like having something!
  • thaoXLIV
    thaoXLIV Posts: 10 Member
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    I go through the same thing with my family. Just this past weekend, we had a get-together and I ended up eating a lot of junk (I'm talking Belgium waffles, cookies, candy, fried chicken wings, fried rice, crawfish, pizza, chicken nuggets, french fries, and other random desserts and snacks...on Saturday alone). I always gain weight when we get together like this because we just like to lounge around and graze like cows all day long.

    The important thing I've learned this time around is that it's pretty easy to get back on track once you go back to your normal eating pattern and exercise, the sooner the better.

    It's ok to give yourself a break once in a while. My last week included a Tuesday late night post graduation pizza party, a separate graduation buffet the next day, the previously mentioned Saturday graze, and a friend's birthday feast Sunday night. Monday, I went back to my normal routine (paring back my calorie intake somewhat) and by this morning, I had lost the 6 pounds I "gained" from the week previous. Even if I didn't lose it all, I would have kept moving on and make sure I didn't keep gaining.
  • cenandra
    cenandra Posts: 267 Member
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    dpr73 wrote: »
    I lost my weight last year and have maintained at approx 140lbs this entire year (one year in March). However, psychologically sometimes I get really down. This happens mostly when I am with family. I am a person who enjoys a routine so I eat the same kinds of foods (with variation each day tho) and workout 5 days a week. However, when I am home from college I struggle with my family and worry about being able to maintain in that setting. I am about 5'7-5'8 male and 20 years old. My older bro is around 190 with good muscle and works out while my little brother is 170 and 5'9 and works out a ton with a lot of muscle and a super fast metabolism (both athletes). The rest of my immediate family is overweight or obese. In this atmosphere, I struggle to trust myself and find myself giving into the judgments of my family. For example, I am on a small vacation with grandparents (after a big graduation ceremony this weekend). Today, I had some yogurt with cereal and banana and for lunch 2 pizza slices and a beer at around 5. Then I had a cheeseburger for dinner and an ice cream sandwich. I wasn't really craving an ice cream but my family wanted it and people always comment when I'm the only one not eating so I ate it. I don't feel sick or too full but normally I wouldn't even give a thought to having it as I don't exactly crave sweets anymore. Small things like this have been going on all week and though my clothes fit fine and I don't feel too full, these habits are not my usual. Sometimes I feel like my surrounding family wants me to eat like my two brothers who are active and bigger than me, but I feel satisfied the way I eat. Again, I don't feel sick or full from having a little extra this past week but they are still behaviors I wouldn't do. I don't count but I am a good judge of what satisfies me so eating treats which I never really eat makes me nervous that I am doing something wrong... I have also never been lean before (always around a 30 Bmi) so I don't know what it's like to eat enough as a skinnier person. Does anyone have experience with this and are week's like this normal? I know and trust I will be back to what I usually do afterwards but in the moment I still think this kind of eating for a whole week is excessive. Hopefully this post is clear any assistance you could provide is a big help!

    I suppose my main thing is I don't know if it's okay to overeat like this for a week and not slowly put on weight. I almost never overdo it so I don't know how to manage overdoing it

    When I lost my weight back in 2008, my Mom was very concerned about me being "too thin" and in reality I was and am a perfect weight for my height. I don't live with my Mom, I am a married woman close to 50, but it can be hurtful when family doesn't support you at any age.

    You have to dig deep and decide what is BEST for YOU. Once you decide, do not let anyone's comments or feelings derail you because it will only hurt you not them.

    I have kept my weight off a long time and my Mom still says "I need to be careful not to lose anymore", but what she doesn't know won't hurt her AND I know what is best for my health.

    God speed and great job on your weightloss!!!

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