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am I losing weight for the wrong reason?

emilywalker298

Basically I'm 4ft 9 ish and weigh 9.4st, but I'm young and have never been in a relationship. I've always been "happy" with myself, but just recently I feel asthough the reason why I'm unhappy in my personal life is because of my weight. I wear size 12 clothing and have never been bothered before!!!
Am I doing this for the wrong reason??
Am I being vain???
Or should I just accept the "person" I am...

P's please don't think I'm being snooty, and that I don't think larger women are not beautiful, I wouldn't like to bash anyone for there appearance, this is all in my own head

Replies

IsaackGMOON

I'm sure a lot of people wanted to lose weight so they felt more comfortable with themselves.

jemhh

I'm not entirely sure I understand your post. When you say "unhappy in my personal life" are you referring to not being in a relationship? So you are asking if it is wrong to lose weight in order to attract a mate?

(FWIW, I don't think that there is anything wrong with a little vanity. But I'm not sure if that is really your question.)

dubird

It's better to lose weight to feel better about yourself than it is to lose it for someone else's opinion. As long as you don't go below a healthy weight for your body, you're fine. However, I wouldn't base my entire self-worth on how my body looks. That's a sure road to low self-esteem right there! Maybe focus on making sure you're healthy, not just a specific weight. That might involve losing weight, yes, but if you're healthy and active, that will feed into feeling better about yourself.

RavenLibra

I think what you are looking for is a healthy active lifestyle... IF you lose a few pounds it's a bonus... with new found strength, flexibility, and improved eating habits comes a higher sense of confidence, a higher level of self control and determination... work towards that...achieve that... and everything else will sort itse self out.

Chezzie84

If you are happy with yourself and not with your personal life, that is what you need to change.
Losing weight will not make you happier with your personal life.
Not being in a relationship is not a crime, I didn't meet my otherhalf until I was 26.

My advise to you is if the reason you are unhappy is that you are lonely (I just reading between the lines, sorry if this is not the case) then get yourself out there, do something that you enjoy and go meet people.

Sandcastles61

I am 4'11 and change so I can only go by my own numbers..... Converting to pounds, 131places me in the overweight category, but I was happily At that weight for a number of years, wore a US size4-6 and attracted a few handsome fellas along the way

Healthwise as you age being in the overweight category may bring problems down the road. You are the only person you need to please and if you are happy with your weight and it isn't causing health concerns dash the diet. But at our heights even 5 pounds can make a huge difference and look like we have lost 10 or more. Good luck on your journey and keep a smile on your face, because THAT is what will attract the handsome fellas

emilywalker298

jemhh wrote: »

I'm not entirely sure I understand your post. When you say "unhappy in my personal life" are you referring to not being in a relationship? So you are asking if it is wrong to lose weight in order to attract a mate?

(FWIW, I don't think that there is anything wrong with a little vanity. But I'm not sure if that is really your question.)

Essentialy yes am asking if it's wrong that I feel I have too pose weight in order to be more liked... I know it seems very sad

emilywalker298

Chezzie84 wrote: »

If you are happy with yourself and not with your personal life, that is what you need to change.
Losing weight will not make you happier with your personal life.
Not being in a relationship is not a crime, I didn't meet my otherhalf until I was 26.

My advise to you is if the reason you are unhappy is that you are lonely (I just reading between the lines, sorry if this is not the case) then get yourself out there, do something that you enjoy and go meet people.

So do you not think that it's all about your outwards appearance? It's hard I just see so many people around me happier, not to mention I've been told before in the past I am Fat, is it just a mental block I have? Thanks for the reply

emilywalker298

dubird wrote: »

It's better to lose weight to feel better about yourself than it is to lose it for someone else's opinion. As long as you don't go below a healthy weight for your body, you're fine. However, I wouldn't base my entire self-worth on how my body looks. That's a sure road to low self-esteem right there! Maybe focus on making sure you're healthy, not just a specific weight. That might involve losing weight, yes, but if you're healthy and active, that will feed into feeling better about yourself.

I have very low self esteem I'm hoping that losing weight will improve it sad isn't it

emilywalker298

RavenLibra wrote: »

I think what you are looking for is a healthy active lifestyle... IF you lose a few pounds it's a bonus... with new found strength, flexibility, and improved eating habits comes a higher sense of confidence, a higher level of self control and determination... work towards that...achieve that... and everything else will sort itse self out.

Fingers crossed ay

callsitlikeiseeit

ive been 100 pounds, and ive been 250 pounds. until you learn to love yourself for YOURSELF.... nothing will make you happy. no matter what weight you are.

lynnech614

Ok my personal input, I understand how you feel about the weight issue. I have been at 120 (I was 16) my best weight was 130-140....I would love now to be at 150-180...I am 200lbs. A couple reasons myself I want to lose if yes to feel good in some cute clothes to have pants that are 14 or even size 12....however, and as far as you saying you are not happy I think part of it is it does feel good to lose weight you can do more things, it doesn't hurt to move, you don't run out of breath as easy, and when that happens I think you will be more happy with YOURSELF and then you will find THAT is what will attract someone to you. When we are not happy with ourselves (weight) then we show that, but when we are nothing matters to us we are positive can do more, and thats honestly really the attraction but no one realizes that, its the inner beauty showing on the outside...:)

I too also hope I have not offended anyone, and was not trying to talk about myself, just showing I too understand where you are coming from and I have been there myself. The highest I have been at is 220, I am at 210 and with my new friends here and this great app, I think I can do it and stay....thank you all..

Bshmerlie

If losing weight is going to give you more confidence in yourself and make you feel more attractive then go for it.

PaulaWallaDingDong

There's not really a wrong reason to lose weight, as long as it gets the job done. However, if you're expecting it to influence the world around you, be prepared that you might not have the expected outcome, and don't let that be a reason for you to undo all of your success.

enterdanger

@emilywalker298 you don't need to question yourself or your motives. If you think losing weight will make you happy it probably will. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy.

You don't need strangers to validate your choices. Who knows you better than you know yourself?

999tigger

I'd go with it being fine. I think how you look and how it makes you feel is one of the major reasons many want to lose weight. It might not solve everything for you though, so you may wnat to look at some things that can improve your self confidence.

RuNaRoUnDaFiEld

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10190059/410-looking-for-more-small-friends#latest

You might like to add the ladies on this thread OP for support.

Desert_flower3

RavenLibra wrote: »

I think what you are looking for is a healthy active lifestyle... IF you lose a few pounds it's a bonus... with new found strength, flexibility, and improved eating habits comes a higher sense of confidence, a higher level of self control and determination... work towards that...achieve that... and everything else will sort itse self out.

@RavenLibra your pic creeps me out so much

SLLRunner

callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »

ive been 100 pounds, and ive been 250 pounds. until you learn to love yourself for YOURSELF.... nothing will make you happy. no matter what weight you are.

This.

Love of self comes from within.

jkal1979

I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting to lose to feel more comfortable. That's one of the reasons I want to lose too.

However weight loss is not a magic key to happiness. Along with the weight loss work on your confidence, work on loving yourself, and work on not caring about what others think of you. I think that setting goals that are non weight related but will help you reach your weight loss goal will help you with that. For example set a fitness goal to run a 5K (or whatever it is you want to do). When you reach that goal it will help with your confidence and will help you love and appreciate the body and mind that you have because you will realize all of the awesome things you are capable of doing.

Sued0nim

There's only one person who can answer that

So are you?

daniwilford

No matter what weight I am, exercise and eating healthy make me feel better about myself. You can use MFP as tool to track nutrition and exercise and if you lose weight? Bonus!

barbecuesauce

Realize that losing weight isn't the key to happiness. It's not the key to a successful relationship. But don't let too many body-positive Tumblr posts keep you from losing the weight, either. I think you should maybe address your poor self-image with a therapist (if you can) while exercising and maintaining a modest calorie deficit.

I don't think there's a wrong reason for losing the weight, especially since you're technically at an overweight BMI. But realize that if you want to keep the weight off, you're going to have to care more about internal factors than external opinions.

KateKyi

The question is the answer. If you are happy then you will attract a mate. If you are losing weight to attract a mate then its probably not going to happen. Love will find you whatever size you are if you have found the right mate. What you need is to be in the right place at the right time

azulvioleta6

Are you doing this for a specific person or to be/feel more attractive in general?

Star_Chef55

I understand where you are coming from. I thought and sometimes still think that the reason I've never been in a relationship is due to my weight. But the reality is that my lack of confidence in myself prevents me from putting myself in situations where I might meet someone or be open to any advances made.

That is why one of the things you have to address is learning to love yourself the way that you are, no matter what size. If you think you look attractive, then who cares what anyone else thinks. If you think you would feel better a few pounds less, then you have a whole network of people here willing to support you.

Just know that you are not alone in how you feel.

SergeantSausage

Does the reason really matter?

No.

I think not.

Psychgrrl

Emily,

I would caution you to not necessarily believe what you see regarding the lives of others, especially if it's through the lens of social media. We often show only the "best" of ourselves on FB, Instagram and the like. NO one knows that amazing selfie took 129 takes, 6 hours and several filters and editing.

If you want to be in better physical condition, go for it! But you should do it for you, not for how you want other people to react to you. If that's what you're hanging your hat on, you won't be satisfied. In the end, your opinion about your body and your heart and your soul is the one that matters. You need to give yourself that validation and not look to anyone else to do that for you. In the end, they can't. It's all you.

And us, we're here for you, too.

MamaBirdBoss

I'm IN a relationship, and I want to lose weight A) because I'm too cheap to buy new clothes and

because I miss being hawt. Oh, I also want to be fit, too. But really? Yeah, I want to look awesome naked again.

pollypocket1021

Any person who would not date you based on your size is not worth your time.

But I totally get having more confidence when you look better.